As monks, we would have all meals in silence, but at lunch and dinner, one of the monks would be assigned to read a book. Part of being a monk is about constantly bettering yourself, learning, and being more cultured. It was always emphasized in the monastery to learn constantly. You would think that all the books that monks read were always spiritual but that was not always the case. We would certainly read books about monastic life and spirituality but we would also read books with inspiring true stories as well. We would never read fiction books at meals. For your future meals you should turn on an audiobook, it's amazing how much you can learn in 15 minutes a day. https://MonkMindset.com

I never imagined myself being a monk and I never imagined loving a quiet space either. Before I joined the monastery I could describe myself as an extravert. As time went on and I as practiced being in silence, my ability to recharge in silence became stronger. Now when I'm feeling overwhelmed I just need to take about 20 minutes in silence to process parts of my day. Most people can't stand being left with their own thoughts in silence and are actually afraid of being alone. Silence in solitude is a practice just like anything else. Start slowly by being in silence for 10 minutes a day and work your way up. You'll find that your head is more clear and you will be more in the present moment.  https://MonkMindset.com

Every time summer would come around and our school would be off for vacation I would become homesick. As a monk, I would be experiencing a classic case of fear of missing out. When the students got to go home and visit family, I felt like I was stuck at the monastery only to be doing hard manual labor. I always wondered what it would be like to go home, relax, and visit family. I wondered how awesome it would be to be out in the world again and go out on the weekends. As the classic saying goes, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. The grass is always green where you water it. https://MonkMindset.com

Being in the monastery, was many of the greatest years of my life. For many years I would think and pray about if this was the life for me. This along with school was very stressful because forever is a long time. If I were to be a monk the rest of my life I would never be able to get married or have a companion. When you enter a monastery, your natural desire to have a family doesn't go away, at least for me. I remember when my friends would come with their spouses and their kids and I would be so jealous. But my friend once told me that he was jealous that I got to live in a monastery. No matter what life situation we are in, we wonder what life would be like if we had a spouse or if we were in a monastery. In life, doors will open and when they do we need to walk through. They also close, and then we need to search for another door. https://MonkMindset.com

When I first came to the monastery one of the old wise monks told me that if I had any wounds from childhood that they would be healed. I didn't know what he was talking about at first, but he was talking about how many men come to the monastery from single-parent homes or broken families. Everyone comes to the monastery with baggage, just like the real world. Everyone comes to jobs, relationships, or friend groups with their own past baggage. The way you heal from past wounds of childhood is to surround yourself with a community of people who lift you up. We all have needs growing up but when you find a community as an adult that is positive, uplifting, and stable, you can begin to heal from the instability of growing up. The key phrase today is stable uplifting relationships. https://MonkMindset.com

I remember when I was beginning my journey as a monk and I would receive compliments all the time. I thought it was so weird and it made me feel uncomfortable. I was not confident in my abilities, especially when it came to public speaking. When I would read at one of our prayers, my brother monks would always compliment me. I would never say thank you and just accept it, I would just say stuff like, oh yeah I really enjoyed that reading I was really into it. Or I'd say, yeah must have been a fluke I'm not really good at public speaking. I started to realize over time how negative I was and what I truly thought of myself. I was told by an old wise monk that I needed to start accepting compliments and move on. Say thank you when someone says something nice to you and don't say anything else and truly receive a compliment.  https://MonkMindset.com

I noticed when I was in graduate school I had lots of insecurities surrounding presenting in classes. When talking with an old wise monk about why I was feeling this way, he asked if I had any childhood trauma. I thought childhood trauma meant that something horrific had happened to me and that's not the case. But he explained to me that we can have trauma from little events in our life that don't necessarily have to be big but can have a great impact on us. I was insecure about presenting in front of teachers even as an adult and as a monk. A few teachers told me growing up that I was a horrible presenter, I would never go to college, and that I was a bad student. In the back of my mind, I believed them and never even thought I would graduate college in the first place. I proved them wrong by doing what they said I couldn't and those old wounds started to heal after I understood that those insecurities were negative voices of others. https://MonkMindset.com

I knew a monk that was extremely negative and I noticed when I would join in at first I'd feel good but after a long conversation, I'd just feel gross. Negativity can be cancerous and bring you down, especially with those closest to us and that we have the most interaction. Negativity within a community is the worst thing that could happen, it can cause division and make people have to choose sides. One toxic person can ruin a lot of joy and happiness for everyone. If you're living life to do good by others and you're a negative person you are doing it wrong. For me, it takes a lot more energy to be rude and negative. Let's be more positive and uplifting to those in our close circles. Let us be a light to the world because it's already full of division and darkness. https://MonkMindset.com

We always get asked what the greatest sins are or the greatest faults that we have to work on. I believe we focus on too many controversial topics and don't focus on what's important. I believe the first thing we need to focus on is love. Loving ourselves and loving others is one of the most important things we can focus on. When we talk about church and spirituality we can focus on certain aspects that aren't as important. If you are perfect in taming a certain fault or sin but you have no love you're doing it wrong. If you think you are the most perfect human alive but can't love others then you are doing it wrong. We had an old wise monk once tell us that we are called to the monastery to be joyful and not sad and depressed. If you go around hating life as a monk you're in the wrong place. The misconceptions are that monks are sad, lonely, and depressed because they are away from the world but that's not my experience. We are meant to love others and be joyful people that's the first fault we should work on. https://MonkMindset.com

The misconception of monks in a monastery is that there is no social interaction, I can say that's 100% false. I was never more social than I was until I joined the monastery. I would do more public speaking as a monk than I did in the real world. The support system of having 50 other monks always around was very comforting. We had one particular monk that fell into a depression and within the walls of the monastery had isolated himself from everyone. Isolation can be a very dangerous thing especially if you are not asking for help. You need to surround yourself with good people around you that will always check up on you when you're going through adversity. Asking for help from a healthcare professional is always good. I've been seeing therapists since my early 20s and I don't see any stigma in it, it has helped form me into the person I am today.  https://MonkMindset.com