Monster Crush

Monster Crush

By Monster CrushComedy
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Monster Crush episodes

  • Date 36 - What's That Sound?

    It's Pride Month, the Continuation! This episode was filmed in June, so whenever you listen to it, it's Pride Month again, baby! Heaven-Leigh and Derek pay homage to the queer icon, The Babadook, before moving on to the week's singletons. Knock knock, who's there? It's a poltergeist! Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. They are really annoying.

    CW: SA; menstruation; animal mutilation; sharks.

    Featuring: A Sneak-Peak Into the Spaghetti of Heaven-Leigh's Mind; Weird News!; A VERY Detailed Breakdown of Ghosts; Bard Crimes;  Plastic Swans but Make Them Loud; 

    Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (Instagram: @churboje)

    1 hr 20 min
  • Date 35 - Gettin' Handsy (pt. 3!!!)

    This episode begins with a personal address of support from Heaven-Leigh and Derek about the protests and demands for justice in the US. And finally, the greatest trilogy in human history comes to a close. You may not have asked for it, but it’s here anyway. Derek presents Heaven-Leigh with another bevy of monsters grasping for love in Gettin’ Handsy Part 3: The Fingering!

    CW: discussions of race/protest; mentions of genitalia and male circumcision; theft of religious iconography; suicide; child abductions; violence; cannibalism; body horror.

    Featuring: X-rated Intros; Spooky News!; Jimmy Stewart Commits Crimes Against Yetis; Bone-Suckers; More Disembodied Hairy Hands; Never Trust A Titmouse; We Will Tattoo Our Bodies With Your Art (maybe).

    Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (Instagram: @churboje)

    1 hr 13 min
  • Date 34 - Part Man, Part Beast, All Lover
    Why have one when you can have it all? This week's singletons are a grab bag of delights. He's part man, part snake dick, part butterfly, part dog? Say no more. Seriously, please, say no more, that sounds horrifying. CW: rape. Featuring: Ghost Shark; WEIRD NEWS!; Demon Facts; Erect Snakes; Are Predators Pro-Life?; Direct to Kindle; Bird Don't Have Boobs. Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (@churboje)
    57 min
  • Date 33 - Gettin' Handsy (pt. 2!!)
    Did you love those handsy boys featured last time? Well, Derek is back with more! The projected hugs are off the charts. We get carried away at the start of this episode and talk a lot about the theater and having sex with ghosts. Good points were made. Heaven-Leigh then shares her most recent experience with maybe an alien abduction? CW: cults, colonialism, body horror, mention of genitalia. Featuring: Ben Franklin’s Tentacle Porn Collection; We do not smooch serial killers; WEIRD NEWS; Consensual Ghost Encounters of the XXX kind; We gotta get to the bottom of this hole!; There is no I in ghost-team, only horrifying implications; Angelina Jolie and Grendlebob.Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (@churboje)
    1 hr 17 min
  • Date 32 - Gettin' Handsy (pt. 1!)
    Who has a variety of hands, at least one thumb, and is ready for love? This week's singletons! Featuring our first monster with daddy issues. CW: Sexual assault in Greek mythology. Featuring: Pool Playing Pandas; Otter Crimes!; Camping Horror Story; Ghostly Hand Massage; Jesus v Devil: Dartmoor Drift; Zeus is at it... A G A I N. Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (@churboje)
    1 hr 2 min
  • Date 31 - Old Souls
    Monsters these days only know eat brains, lie, tweet, and straight-to-DVD-sequels. If you want a monster who knows how to treat you right and has the chivalrous charm of a knight they probably killed at some point, look no further than the Middle Ages! Heaven-Leigh has a selection of three singletons that will show you how to party like it's 799. CW: body horror. Featuring: Power Dynamics and Time Travel Romances; Guess These REAL ANIMALS; Horse/Man Quandaries; Animal Symbols. Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (@churboje)
    56 min
  • Date 30 - A Fool for Love
    April Fool's Day can be yours all year round in this special all hoax edition! In honor of pranks, mischief, and tomfoolery, Derek presents Heaven-Leigh with some options that may just be too good to be true. CW: mention of animal death. Featuring: Violence Against Aquatic Apes; Mermaid Theories; ARE-Kansas; Where Did the Germans Go?; Mass Effect; Kaiju Highway.Special thanks to our super-producer Richard; music by Alexander Geiszler, @churboje (insta)
    53 min
  • Date 29 - Luck of the Irish
    Since we're all stuck inside and time means nothing, we can all pretend this came out before St. Patrick's Day, right? Either way, grab a Guinness, pucker up, and get ready to kiss some Irish monsters!  CW: Alcohol Consumption, SA, Death, Supernatural Mischief, DV, and Blood. Featuring: Derek absolutely DID NOT go out for St. Patrick’s Day (Social Distancing y’all); Heaven-Leigh will commit crimes with her dagger-nails; a Saint Patrick history lesson; cube-snake; otters are sociopaths; piggy-back rides from hell; the ‘Mean Girls’ of monsters; the Tale of Bluebeard; Giveaway Update.Special thanks to our super-producer Richard; music by Alexander Geiszler, @churboje
    52 min
  • Date 28 - Over Seven Foot and Totally Proportional
    New decade, new standards. We are shooting for the stars in this episode, and on the way up, we may give a smooch to these ultra tall dates! Derek is going to need a step ladder. CW: Suicide, shark attack. Featuring: Godzilla predictions; (it was San Diego); Derek has a mountain?; Don't throw dogs!; A beautiful collection of ladies; SHARK ATTACK!Special thanks to Richard, our super producer; music by Alexander Geiszler, @churboje
    1 hr
  • Date 27 - Are You Gonna Eat That?

    A bit of a palate cleanser… or not - we’re talking about monsters that eat people! These creepy cuddlers think you “look good enough to eat” and “can’t wait to have you for dinner.” Those are threats! Heaven-Leigh and Elly wade through some nastiness to find the inner beauty of creatures who hunger for humans. CW: Cannialbilsim, necrophilia, war, demonology, body horror, gore, starvation. Featuring: A NEW THEME SONG!; Movie Rec; Maynard the Cat; Pigs Riding Deer; Succubi Sex Positions; Tall Man; Hot Meat and Cold Salami. 


    1 hr 8 min

About Monster Crush

From the publisher's feed

Dating can be hard - especially when your date is the legendary Bigfoot! Where do you take a guy like that? More importantly, where do you find a guy like that? You're in luck because our crypto-woo-ologists have a binder full of suitable candidates ready for one hell of a good time. Whether or not our bait survives is up to them. Who says love isn't without a few risks?