Monster Crush

Welcome back! Derek and Heaven-Leigh return from their wintery hiatus and journey into some of the wettest, peatiest bogs searching for love. Bring a crusty loaf of bread and some ripe fruit; there is jerky and butter in these bogs.

CW: cannibalism, sexual assault, racism, religious sacrifice, death, train disaster, violence. Featuring: Human Jerky; Armie Hammer; Spooky News!; Bog Bodies and Bog Butter!; Bad Catholics; Gator Wife; Cornstew.

Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (Instagram: @churboje)

Fear not: nothing bad this way comes! Derek and Heaven-Leigh give a brief life update and the plans to continue the show in the new year, hotter and heavier than ever! This time, the hiatus is actually planned, which shows we are growing. And maybe we'll get a Nectar sponsorship out of this. Nectar, get at us! CW: night terrors

Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (Instagram: @churboje)

In our very first from the vault release, we give you: the unaired Ohio episode! We recorded this way back when Derek first joined the show and then just never posted it. But we blew off the dust and gave it a good ol' spit shine, and present it to you in all its retro glory.

CW: Slurping noises, Child Endangerment, Mentions of Violence. Featuring: Christian Werewolf Sex Positions; Dog Show News; Reaper of Death vs. Little Poopy Butt; Ohio Facts; Alien Pancakes and Whore Apples; Post Malone and Scientific Integrity; Lots of Monster Smooches.

Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (Instagram: @churboje)

Happy Halloween! Whether you’re staying in or going out, we have an intoxicating selection of horrors to help keep you company!

Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? These boys are! This week, a pack of dogs from around the world battle for Derek's love, as well as vie for the Good Boy crown. Only one of them can win the heart of Derek, but luckily, they can all share the title of Good Boy.

Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (Instagram: @churboje)

It's the end of the world, and these monsters are FINE. Derek doesn't want Heaven-Leigh to face the great unknown all alone, so he presents a bevy of dates that are sure to protect her - because they are helping to end the world! Like, wouldn't a benefit of dating the destroyer of all worlds be that you aren't destroyed? RIGHT?! 

CW: body horror; eschatology; real-world religions; ableism; white supremacy; slavery; war; death. Featuring: Snake Math; Spooky News!; A Lecture on Eschatology; Hercules is a Coward; Let's Play Throw Stuff at Baldr; Burdened by Bird Spit and Roast Beef Knowledge; The Return of Ol' Spider Legs; Dad of Boy; and Lots of Myths!

Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (Instagram: @churboje)

Name a more iconic throuple than Scully, Mulder, and the thousands of viewers who desperately wanted them to smooch. But what if the X-Files had taken a different turn? While there is definitely an X-Rated title covering the, ahem, human relations, Heaven-Leigh brings some of the most delicious X-Files monsters to the table. Jimmy Stewart's ghost makes a repeat appearance for like a solid 37 minutes.

CW: sleep paralysis; theft of body parts; cancer; mentions of bullying; cannibalism; mentions of violence; parasites. Featuring: Dolittle Deep Dive; Sasquatch Lifetime Movie; Spooky News!; Cryptid Corrections; Derek's Dogs; Scully's Hot Girl Weekend.  

This week's episode was done by Alexander Geiszler, who also made our music! (Instagram: @churboje)

Name a more iconic throuple than Scully, Mulder, and the thousands of viewers who desperately wanted them to smooch. But what if the X-Files had taken a different turn? While there is definitely an X-Rated title covering the, ahem, human relations, Heaven-Leigh brings some of the most delicious X-Files monsters to the table. Jimmy Stewart's ghost makes a repeat appearance for like a solid 37 minutes.

CW: sleep paralysis; theft of body parts; cancer; mentions of bullying; cannibalism; mentions of violence; parasites. Featuring: Dolittle Deep Dive; Sasquatch Lifetime Movie; Spooky News!; Cryptid Corrections; Derek's Dogs; Scully's Hot Girl Weekend.  This week's episode was done by Alexander Geiszler, who also made our music! (Instagram: @churboje)

This week, Heaven-Leigh is joined by two superduper special guests - Jake and Wyatt from the podcast Superduperstitious! While they are used to uncovering the science behind the supernatural and paranormal, they suspend their disbelief to go on a series of hot double dates. Each singleton has more than one head, and a lot of love to go around.

CW: Bodily fluids. Featuring: Free Geico Ad; Murder You Road; Our First Monster Crushes; Spooky AND Weird News!; Poetry; Sweet Beans: A Hallmark Original Movie.

Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (Instagram: @churboje). Check out Superduperstitious wherever you find podcasts, or at superduperstitious.com 

As if figuring out where to take a monster on your first date wasn’t hard enough, how do you even find one? Thankfully, there’s an organization dedicated to securing, containing, and protecting humans from monstrous threats. But for those of us who are brave, an SCP facility is like a singles mingle.

CW: genitals; animal mutilation. Featuring: Monster Preventives; Turkey Burger; Spooky News!; Death by Catfish; No Hair, No Go; The Inherent Sex Appeal of a Plague Doctor; Where the Butt Grows; Drug Blob.

Special thanks to our super producer, Richard, and Alexander Geiszler, who wrote our theme (Instagram: @churboje)