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On the podcast this time, Steven and Sean are making our way back to an alien infested planet for some damn reason even though there’s not really any sensible reason to when you get right down to it in the 1986 film from James Cameron, Aliens.

Full disclosure, I’m not someone who has seen all of the Alien films. Notably, I’m missing out on the third and fourth ones in the long-running series. That being said, when the hell are people going to start listening to Sigourney Weaver?

As far as I can tell, she’s there to be ridiculed and brushed off. “Look at that dopey science nerd telling us not to go investigate the killing ground of a possible murderous alien! Who cares if she might have tussled with one of those things? First, she’s a woman, and second, doesn’t she see how big our guns are?”

I’m assuming that’s how the conversation would have gone. It seems that sexism is alive and well in the Alien universe, despite space travel being a normal and boring thing.

On the other hand, this is a pretty dang good action film that stays true to the spirit of the first film. That James Cameron sure knows how to make a thrilling piece of entertainment. I think he’ll be going places.

(Recorded on April 8, 2022)

Links to Stuff We Mentioned:

Aliens - IMDb

Aliens trailer - YouTube

James Cameron - IMDb

Sigourney Weaver - IMDb

Michael Biehn - IMDb

Carrie Henn - IMDb

Paul Reiser - IMDb

Lance Henriksen - IMDb

Bill Paxton - IMDb

William Hope - IMDb

Jenette Goldstein - IMDb

Al Matthews - IMDb

Mark Rolston - IMDb

Ricco Ross - IMDb

Contact (1997) - IMDb

Alien (1979) - IMDb

Ridley Scott - IMDb

Star Wars (1977) - IMDb

The Making of Aliens | J. W. Rinzler - Bookshop.org

Halo (franchise) - Wikipedia

Carl Weathers - IMDb

Predator (1987) - IMDb

Chekhov’s gun - Wikipedia

Lethal Weapon (1987) - IMDb

Prometheus (2012) - IMDb

Alien: Covenant (2017) - IMDb

Alien vs. Predator (2004) - IMDb

Titanic (1997) - IMDb

Zack Snyder’s Justice League (2021) - IM

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On the podcast this time, Steven and Sean are chewing gum and kicking bad guy asses… and we’re all out of gum in the 2015 film from Paul Feig, Spy.

This film is a breath of fresh air. It’s a healing tonic when the world gets to be just too dang much. It’s a thrilling adventure story with amazing action, heartwarming friendship, and creepy Italian men. What more could a person want?

I’ll tell you what I want: a sequel to this wonderful film!

What the hell is happening out in Hollywood that a new adventure featuring the surprisingly badass Susan Cooper isn’t already a reality? It’s been years since this film came out. Give us a Spy 2, you cowards!

I’d be willing to put some money down that everyone involved with this first film would love to do a second. Where are the speed bumps? What could possibly be slowing things down? Readers/listeners, rest assured that if I had movie producer levels of money, then I would make the sequel happen in a heartbeat.

I don’t, unfortunately, but the spirit is there. Regardless, give us all more of this goodness. We deserve it after the last few years, wouldn’t you say?

(Recorded on April 1, 2022)

Links to Stuff We Mentioned:

Spy - IMDb

Spy trailer - YouTube

Paul Feig - IMDb

Melissa McCarthy - IMDb

Miranda Hart - IMDb

Rose Byrne - IMDb

Jude Law - IMDb

Jason Statham - IMDb

Bobby Cannavale - IMDb

Morena Baccarin - IMDb

Gilmore Girls (TV Series 2000–2007) - IMDb

Tammy (2014) - IMDb

The Transporter (2002) - IMDb

The Transporter | More Movies Please! - Libsyn

Peter Serafinowicz - IMDb

The Tick (TV Series 2016–2019) - IMDb

John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017) - IMDb

The Peter Serafinowicz Show (TV Series 2007–2008) - IMDb

Bridesmaids (2011) - IMDb

Freaks and Geeks (TV Series 1999–2000) - IMDb

The Expendables (2010) - IMDb

The Meg (2018) - IMDb

BROFORCE

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On the podcast this time, Steven and Sean are on a relentless mission to avenge the lives of our loved ones in the 2020 film from Anders Thomas Jensen, Riders of Justice.

With elements of a funnier Taken, the series proving that knowing Liam Neeson means you will one day be kidnapped, this Danish film transforms a tragedy of immense proportions into a thriller that may only work from a Scandinavian country.

It’s been proven time and again that those countries understand how to produce snowy mystery films and tv shows that are a step above the rest of the world. Heck, there’s a whole genre of books written by Scandinavian authors that feature the sort of tone that infuses this film.

It’s one of the reasons why I would love to go to Denmark or Sweden or Norway. Not necessarily because I want to risk my life (note: I’m sure those countries are remarkably safe places, especially compared to my home country), but because I wouldn’t mind them making a gripping film series about me.

I know I’d want to see it: A well-meaning podcast host suddenly finds himself hot on the trail of a creepy serial killer who only works when the Northern Lights shine over the world. The story just writes itself at that point!

Oh, and the film we’re talking about this episode is amazing. Make sure you watch it.

(Recorded on April 1, 2022)

Links to Stuff We Mentioned:

Riders of Justice - IMDb

Riders of Justice trailer - YouTube

Anders Thomas Jensen - IMDb

Mads Mikkelsen - IMDb

Nikolaj Lie Kaas - IMDb

Lars Brygmann - IMDb

Nicolas Bro - IMDb

Andrea Heick Gadeberg - IMDb

Gustav Lindh - IMDb

Taken (2008) - IMDb

John Wick (2014) - IMDb

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On the podcast this time, Steven and Sean are incapable of dying but are shooting everyone in every room we enter with the 2007 film from Michael Davis, Shoot ‘Em Up.

Have you ever found yourself wondering how many ways a person can be killed by a partially munched-on carrot? Do we have a film for you! But the fun and games don’t stop there, folks!

How many people can one unstoppable killing machine wipe off the face of this earth?

Is it actually possible to shoot people dead while skydiving?

What are the mechanics of murder while you’re having knock-down, bang-around sex?

All these questions and more will be answered with this month’s B-movie bonus episode! Listen on to find out if we declare this film a blunder, a flunder, or the mythical BRILLIANT.

(Recorded on March 18, 2022)

Links to Stuff We Mentioned:

Shoot ‘Em Up - IMDb

Shoot ‘Em Up trailer - YouTube

Clive Owen - IMDb

Monica Bellucci - IMDb

Paul Giamatti - IMDb

Daniel Pilon - IMDb

Stephen McHattie - IMDb

Bugs Bunny - Wikipedia

Hardcore Henry (2015) - IMDb

Crank (2006) - IMDb

Keanu Reeves - IMDb

John Wick (2014) - IMDb

The Matrix (1999) - IMDb

Arnold Schwarzenegger - IMDb

Quentin Tarantino - IMDb

Quentin Tarantino Tells Bill Maher He is Not Budging on Retirement - Variety

Death Proof (2007) - IMDb

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003) - IMDb

Batman Begins (2005) - IMDb

Deadpool (2016) - IMDb

Prince Albert Piercing: 3 Types, Sexual Benefits, Risks, Care, More - Healthline

(Sean called this a “Prince Edward piercing” and he could not have been more wrong. Who know what Prince Edward is rocking down those pants of his, but it may not be one of these.)

Mandy Patinkin - IMDb

The Equalizer (2014) - IMDb

Liam Neeson - IMDb

Taken (2008) - IMDb

Psycho Goreman (2020) - IMDb

Big Game (2014) - IMDb

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On the podcast this time, Steven and Sean are committing more health code violations than a person could possibly keep track of with the 2005 film from Rob McKittrick, Waiting…

If this film isn’t enough to make you swear off ever eating food at a restaurant again, then I don’t know what will. It definitely made my feel extra queasy, enough to take that vow.

Yes, I’m saying a vow of starvation is miles better than eating food with pubic hair in it. There are just some things that should never be done to another human being and that’s one of them.

Add to the list: intentionally dropping food on the floor, sprinkling crunchy dandruff on it, and rubbing it all on your junk. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with these people? Restaurant waitstaff may not be the most glamorous occupation and the customers can be the scum of the earth, but some things go too far.

What doesn’t go far enough, apparently? Showing your bits to the other guys at the restaurant and kicking them in the butt for unintentionally looking. These people are true degenerates.

(Recorded on March 18, 2022)

Links to Stuff We Mentioned:

Waiting… - IMDb

Waiting… trailer - YouTube

Rob McKittrick - IMDb

Ryan Reynolds - IMDb

Anna Faris - IMDb

John Francis Daley - IMDb

Justin Long - IMDb

David Koechner - IMDb

Luis Guzmán - IMDb

Chi McBride - IMDb

Alanna Ubach - IMDb

Vanessa Lengies - IMDb

Rob Benedict - IMDb

American Pie (1999) - IMDb

Doritos Cheesy Gordita Crunch Nacho Cheese - Taco Bell

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004) - IMDb

Sharknado (TV Movie 2013) - IMDb

The VelociPastor (2018) - IMDb

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On the podcast this time, Steven and Sean are slapping old, white racists in the face because they deserve nothing less with the 1967 film from Norman Jewison, In the Heat of the Night.

Let’s get this out of the way first. Racism is bad and racists are terribly under-educated, fearful people who could use a good dose of empathy and love in their lives. Sure, there’s nothing groundbreaking there, but it needs to be said, sadly. Many things have gotten better since the ‘60s, but there’s still a lot to be done.

This is a cracking good mystery, with a wrinkle for the ages. The small town of Sparta, Mississippi just lost one of its greatest future benefactors: the wealthy and industrious Philip Colbert. In an act of senseless violence, he’s left dead in the middle of an alleyway, stripped of all his money.

Detective Virgil Tibbs, who happens to be passing through at the time of the murder, is found in the train station and picked up for the crime of being black in the wrong place and at the wrong time. Good thing he’s an educated police officer. I shudder to think what would have happened to him were he anyone else.

His expertise helps bring new and powerful information about this murder to light. The local police chief, Bill Gillespie, in an unusually progressive fashion, comes to respect Tibbs. The pair work the case, which has more twists and turns than anyone could have guessed.

Maybe the institutional racism of the town isn’t broken down, but I’d bet you that Gillespie becomes a marginally better person. Small victories are still victories, right?

(Recorded on March 11, 2022)

Links to Stuff We Mentioned:

In the Heat of the Night - IMDb

In the Heat of the Night trailer - YouTube

Norman Jewison - IMDb

Sidney Poitier - IMDb

Rod Steiger - IMDb

Warren Oates - IMDb

Lee Grant - IMDb

Larry Gates - IMDb

The Matrix Reloaded (2003) - IMDb

Castle (TV Series 2009–2016) - IMDb

Dexter (TV Series 2006–2013) - IMDb

Crash (2004) - IMDb

Sidney Poitier Dead: ‘In the Heat of the Night’ Star Dies at 94 - The Hollywood Reporter

They Call Me Mister Tibbs! (1970) - IMDb

The Organization (1971) - IMDb

Jaws 2 (1978) - IMDb

Roy Scheider - IMDb

Angela Lansbury - IMDb

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On the podcast this time, Steven and Sean are on the hunt for a mysterious hidden treasure and shooting at loads of people along the way with the 2008 film from Kim Jee-woon, The Good, the Bad, the Weird.

Perhaps this film won’t be anything that breaks any new storytelling ground—it is a new version of the classic The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly by Sergio Leone. Given the history of spaghetti westerns liberally borrowing from other films, that one was also probably a retread of other things, too.

There’s nothing original anymore; all the stories have been told. What matters now is telling familiar stories in fresh ways.

Friend, this one tells a familiar story in the freshest way imaginable. It’s a rollicking buddy-chase-shootout-caper western and that’s a fantastic combination of genres. Stick all those ingredients together and you’ve got a hell of a crazy stew going.

What’s great about this one is its ability to surprise. You may be familiar with this story, but it’s still not going to be what you expect. There’s plenty of heavy emotion and blistering action. It’s a truly stellar film from South Korea.

(Recorded on March 11, 2022)

Links to Stuff We Mentioned:

The Good, the Bad, the Weird - IMDb

The Good, the Bad, the Weird trailer - YouTube

Jee-woon Kim - IMDb

Kang-ho Song - IMDb

Lee Byung-hun - IMDb

Jung Woo-sung - IMDb

Seung-su Ryu - IMDb

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966) - IMDb

Sergio Leone - IMDb

Eli Wallach - IMDb

Chris O’Donnell - IMDb

The Bachelor (1999) - IMDb

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (2007) - IMDb

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) - IMDb

Javier Bardem - IMDb

Mad Love (1995) - IMDb

Batman & Robin (1997) - IMDb

Oldboy (2003) - IMDb

Parasite (2019) - IMDb

Jackie Chan - IMDb

Incendies (2010) - IMDb

The Matrix (1999) - IMDb

How Stunt Horses are Trained to Fall in the Movies - Horse Illustrated

(Of course there’s a Horse Illustrated. I both do and don’t (but mostly don’t) want to see that swimsuit issue.)

The Princess Bride (1987) - IMDb

The Magnificent Seven (2016) - IMDb

The Magnificent Seven (1960) - IMDb

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On the podcast this time, Steven and Sean are just blowing crap up in the 1995 film from Michael Bay, Bad Boys.

I’m curious, is this another one of those mix-‘em-ups that could be solved by sitting down and having a clear and calm conversation with all parties involved? Not with the vaguely European bad guys. Those punks aren’t going to listen to anybody. They’re all about the drug money.

But the situation with Mike, Marcus, and Julie—couldn’t everything be cleared up by brewing some coffee, taking it easy for a bit, and explaining that Mike and Marcus are the opposite of who she thinks they are? Easy peasy, lemon squeezy, right?

Or is that just me being a grump? Maybe I’ve seen too many films that are full of dumb people who need to learn how to communicate a heck of a lot better?

Whatever the case may be, none of it actually matters. This is a Michael Bay film, dear friends. The only thing that does matter is his pathological, fetishistic need to see shit blow up! BANG! POW! BLAM! Michael Bay needs those KABOOMS! and he needs them now!

(Recorded on March 04, 2022)

Links to Stuff We Mentioned:

Bad Boys - IMDb

Bad Boys trailer - YouTube

Michael Bay - IMDb

Will Smith - IMDb

Martin Lawrence - IMDb

Téa Leoni - IMDb

Tchéky Karyo - IMDb

Joe Pantoliano - IMDb

Bad Boys II (2003) - IMDb

Bad Boys for Life (2020) - IMDb

Meet Joe Black (1998) - IMDb

Brad Pitt - IMDb

6 Underground (2019) - IMDb

Transformers (2007) - IMDb

Sharknado (TV Movie 2013) - IMDb

Beast Wars: Transformers (TV Series 1996–1999) - IMDb

Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (TV Series 1995–1999) - IMDb

Xena: Warrior Princess (TV Series 1995–2001) - IMDb

Kevin Sorbo - IMDb

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (TV Series 1993–1996) - IMDb

Bumblebee (2018) - IMDb

Hailee Steinfeld - IMDb

True Grit (2010) - IMDb

Pitch Perfect 3 (2017) - IMDb

Hawkeye (TV Mini Series 2021) - IMDb

Seinfeld (TV Series 1989–1998) - IMDb

Herbie Fully Loaded (2005) - IMDb

Megan Fox - IMDb

Heat (1995) - IMDb

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On the podcast this time, Steven and Sean are doing everything we can to not become hanging sacks of cotton candy goo in the Stephen Chiodo film from 1988, Killer Klowns from Outer Space.

If you can give us any illuminating information about why the heck these clowns, sorry, klowns landed on Earth, systematically hunted down humans, and were a general nuisance, I would be grateful. The film sure as hell didn’t answer those questions!

Was it just for the sweet, sweet human goo that we become when we’re trapped in one of their sick human farming pods? Is their motivation just to get out their craziest of crazy straws and slurp us on down? Are we nothing but food to them? Is this film actually a commentary on the exploitation of factory farming here in real life?

These answers may forever elude us. I like to think these sick bastards did all those heinous acts because the screenwriters had no idea what they were doing. Tell me I’m wrong—they came up with a catchy title and then had to try stuffing a feature-length production into an idea the size of what should have been an extended short film.

Whatever the case may be, we watched this B-movie, so that means we also need to rate it. Will this one earn itself a blunder, a flunder, or the increasingly rare brilliant?

(Recorded on February 11, 2022)

Links to Stuff We Mentioned:

Killer Klowns from Outer Space - IMDb

Killer Klowns from Outer Space trailer - YouTube

Stephen Chiodo - IMDb

Grant Cramer - IMDb

Suzanne Snyder - IMDb

John Allen Nelson - IMDb

John Vernon - IMDb

Michael S. Siegel - IMDb

Peter Licassi - IMDb

Jurassic World Dominion (2022) - IMDb

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997) - IMDb

Ghostface (identity) - Wikipedia

Freddy Krueger - Wikipedia

Untraceable (2008) - IMDb

Colin Hanks - IMDb

Breaking Bad (TV Series 2008–2013) - IMDb

Volcano (1997) - IMDb

Tommy Lee Jones - IMDb

Dante’s Peak (1997) - IMDb

Final Destination (2000) - IMDb

Final Destination 2 (2003) - IMDb

Drew Barrymore - IMDb

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) - IMDb

Sean Bean - IMDb

The Wizard of Oz (1939) - IMDb

Ghostbusters II (1989) - IMDb

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On the podcast this time, Steven and Sean are running for our freaking lives in the 1979 film from Ridley Scott, Alien.

Can we all assume that the evil corporation that dooms these poor cargo transporters is clearly Amazon or Facebook (sorry, Meta)? At least in this film, the corporation isn’t explicitly revealed, just that the crew communicates with a computer called “Mother.” So what else could it be?

What other company devalues human life to this extent? Also, there are robots all over the place, and you can’t convince me that Zuckerberg isn’t one.

It’s a shame that the poor crew of the Nostromo is being used as fodder to get this murderous creature back to the corporation. They’re merely sacrifices for weapon advancement. Human beings seen as nothing but cattle!

And to what end? There’s no controlling this titular creature. Does the corporation think they’re going to give it some small treats and train it into submission like a little puppy? Nah, man, everyone’s going to die! To borrow a phrase from the sequel, “Game over, man!”

That’s a lot, I know. I’m still just bummed about John Hurt. He didn’t have to go out that way.

(Recorded on March 04, 2022)

Links to Stuff We Mentioned:

Alien - IMDb

Alien trailer - YouTube

Ridley Scott - IMDb

Sigourney Weaver - IMDb

Tom Skerritt - IMDb

John Hurt - IMDb

Veronica Cartwright - IMDb

Harry Dean Stanton - IMDb

Ian Holm - IMDb

Yaphet Kotto - IMDb

Life (2017) - IMDb

Prometheus (2012) - IMDb

Halo (franchise) - Wikipedia

Alien: Resurrection (1997) - IMDb

Amélie (2001) - IMDb

Jean-Pierre Jeunet - IMDb

Alien 3 (1992) - IMDb

David Fincher - IMDb

Sharknado (TV Movie 2013) - IMDb

Sharknado | More Movies Please! - libsyn

Alien vs. Predator (2004) - IMDb

Fear the Walking Dead (TV Series 2015– ) - IMDb

Paranormal Activity (2007) - IMDb

The Blair Witch Project (1999) - IMDb

Scream (1996) - IMDb

The Exorcist (1973) - IMDb

Oculus (2013) - IMDb

Karen Gillan - IMDb

A Serbian Film (2010) - IMDb

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