Mormon Transitions

In part 2, Kristy explores the research on: how/if religion choice affects kids?, how much our parenting (like staying or leaving activity for example) truly has a long-term effect on how our kids turn out morally?, and simple measures parents can take to build a strong relationship with their children.  Basically, I urge parents to focus on their relationship: being good to their kids and connecting with them rather than focusing on how to influence their later moral life choices, because the research seems to indicate parenting decisions (barring abuse and neglect, *important distinction* those have serious effects) seem to not translate to particular behavior outcomes for their kids when they grow up. Genetics and peer groups tend to instead. But as parents, emotionally connecting with your children absolutely does matter, kids need to hear and see they are loved unconditionally, and one way you can do that by repeating to them from the time they're little  how they can come to you about anything, you wont get mad, that it's important that they're honest and there's nothing they can do to change how you feel about them.  That way, if your kids do get into trouble someday, they are less likely to hide it from you out of shame. And of course, you'll want to be vigilant to ensure they are raised in a safe emotional environment, just in terms of quality of life.  I end with some examples of what you can say in response to the question, "how are you going to raise moral kids without the church?," acknowledging the limitations of actually changing anyone's mind about a deeply held belief (i.e. that you need orthodoxy to raise moral children), especially a belief they  based their own major life decisions on. links mentioned in this episode: drinking and religious beliefs study smoking/drugs and religiosity study (aka "Not Even Once" pressure) The Nurture Assumption altruism study synopsis

If my beliefs become unorthodox, or if I begin to change my behavior at all to not fit the ideal I am taught at church, what will happen to my kids? Can I still raise my kids to have a strong moral foundation if I don't raise them in Mormon orthodoxy? If I decide to step away, will I screw up my kids?   These are questions I hear over and over again by those beginning to undergo a faith transition, moving either out of orthodoxy or out of the church. This is understandable, given how often within the church we hear of examples of parents who have "gone astray" and whose children wind up with substance abuse problems, dropping out of school, or exhibiting other negative behaviors.   Along with my dear friend Emily Ellsworth, who left the church around a year ago and still lives with her husband and daughter in Utah County, I begin to unpack and problematize these assumptions. This is the first part of a two-part series.

Gina Colvin sits down with Kristy to expound on this two-part question a young woman asked toward the end of her Mormon Stories Live interview  in SLC: After Gina's statement that she's done asking for permission, "What can one practically do to advance women's equality without asking permission?", and "what did Gina mean by “claiming our sexual power” as one of those solutions she mentioned?" We also talk about what's going on with Gina professionally at the moment and current writing projects. Links mentioned in this episode: Heart of Flesh: Feminist Spirituality for Women and Men Staying Active as an Unorthodox Mormon podcast, Mormon Stories Live!

Disturbed by polygamy?   You're not alone. Kristy and Carol Lynn Pearson take a practical approach to talking and reading about Mormon polygamy, especially in light of her new book hitting the shelves this week. Carol Lynn and Kristy discuss self-care, an important component when reading or listening to Mormonism's pretty disturbing history of polygamy, as well as when thinking through the repercussions of that history and doctrine for present-day Mormon women and men. They also discuss how to have productive conversations with loved ones when you have come to believe that polygamy was a mistake. Links mentioned in this podcast: Carolyn's book, The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy Kristy's controversial Op-Ed A Walk in Pink Moccasins

If you've done things in the past you regret (whether it's self-destructive behavior or even how you acted before your faith journey began and you were more black/white with family and friends)--how do you move forward healthfully?  What does self-acceptance look like and why is it important to find that out for your own life?  Join Kristy and Dan for their conversation including personal stories and their thoughts on this journey.   Thank you to Dan for being so vulnerable about his past and details/insights that he hasn't shared before.

Kristy interviews Bryndis about her reaction to reading the new Seminary Doctrinal Mastery Curriculum which attempts to explain the priesthood and temple ban for black men, women, and children in a new way that has many understandably uncomfortable.  We talk about a common issue many unorthodox Mormons have as they try to navigate through painful experiences: telling the difference between "growing pain" discomfort and what Bryndis describes as "mean pain" or unnecessary pain inflicted though abuse/neglect and the effects knowing the difference has on our faith journeys.     What do parents who have kids attending Seminary next year (perhaps their kids are more orthodox than they are) tell their kids about this new Doctrinal Mastery approach, and particularly the explanation the church gives?  What can we do when reading something like that hurts our very soul? We discuss all that and more here. Links mentioned in podcast: Doctrinal Mastery Manual (with Quiz)

We are happy to announce the podcast is back to full functionality with the rest of the OS Foundation podcasts and appreciate all those who reached out in concern about where the site had gone.   We apologize for the delay in releasing this episode produced last week but we needed to wait for the site to reboot. Mitzi (of Mitzi and Scott interviewed in Episode 25) was gracious to return to the podcast for an interview alone as she and Kristy discuss her sexual history, how her sexuality was immature growing up in the Church and the importance of exploring and focusing on her own needs, as often in our culture men's sexuality takes center stage in relationships

Mitzi and Scott share their fascinating journey together with Kristy--while both have experienced faith crises and have transitioned out of orthodoxy, Mitzi continues to attend while Scott has taken a step back from activity.  They discuss the difficult topic of porn and its effects on Mormon marriages, particularly their own, how orthodox messaging about it can hurt, and how they have strengthened their relationship through openness, vulnerability, and radical empathy for each other's journeys.  Suicidal ideation is discussed sensitively and powerfully--the love they share as they support each other through rough territory is palpable. They that telling their story will help other individuals and couples who are trying to navigate the porn issue and a healthy marriage.

Transitioning Mormon parents everywhere have kids who may be more orthodox than they are, or are living in LDS-heavy areas where there is some pressure to attend Seminary.  Kristy and her husband Rolf (Ph.D. in education) swap seminary stories from their own past and discuss what may go into making this decision, and hopefully allay some fears and concerns parents may have, no matter what they choose.  We talk about biblical knowledge, prooftexting, peer pressure, sleep deprivation, temporary developmental arrests, and critical thinking, as well as some solutions for those whose kids really want to attend (or who want to attend a church school).

Kristy sits down with Mette Ivie Harrison, author of National Bestseller "The Bishop's Wife" (Linda Wollheim Mystery Novel series) and its sequel, "His Right Hand," on her self-described journey out of Mormon orthodoxy, which she wrote about in the Huffington Post recently.  Mette vulnerably talks about the loss of her baby daughter and the subsequent paradigm shift on her faith.  She also discusses the importance of doing Mormonism on her own terms to maintain her mental health, particularly how when nobody really knew her she felt pent-up anger/rage that lessened once she revealed her true self to her friends, family, and neighbors.  We announce the Rainbow Mormon Initiative--wearing a rainbow ribbon Sundays starting June 5th or knitting/crocheting items for LGBT+ youth--and more specifics on what you can do to be part of this new development.  Read more here on Huffpo.