Mormon Transitions

Lisa Patterson Butterworth is the founder of Mormon Feminist Housewives, a writer (her work is included in Oxford Press Mormon Feminism: Essential Writings Anthology), and counselor.  She graduated this year with her masters in counseling from Idaho State University and led an excellent therapy group for Mormon Women on Growth and Healing, in addition to her individual clients.   She and Kristy discuss the nuts-and-bolts of a faith transition, particularly black and white thinking and confronting her conceptualization of the "shame monster," in order to be gentler with ourselves.   Lisa also shares her personal story including her own faith crisis/awakening.  I hope to have Lisa back to share more of her insights into emotional health during and after a faith transition--she was, in fact, instrumental in my own healing almost a decade ago.

For many, deciding what to do about garments can be one of the most challenging parts of a Mormon Transition into unorthodoxy, especially in the early stages.  Body image issues can be common, as well as keeping them in the closet, under the bed, or wear clothes that are garment-ready when in public.  You're not alone, and if you're experiencing issues with garments, have a listen while Kate Kelly and Kristy talk about this phenomenon.  Kate also details very personal experiences about her garment shift vis-a-vis her excommunication, and, as you always can expect, her unfiltered opinions. Content warning:  If you're happy with your garment wearing, this probably isn't the episode for you.  Also, language warning (Kate dropped the F-bomb once, I know better than to tell my friend what to say/do).  And finally, this list might help in terms of links and more practical tools for underwear shopping post-orthodoxy.

In Part II of the interview, John reads 3 letters he wrote at key moments in gay Mormon history: Nov 5, the date of the exclusion policy, when Russell M. Nelson declared the policy a revelation, and when David Bednar declared “there are no homosexuals in the church.” These letters are soul-stirring and a must-listen for every Mormon, my friend John is a beacon of hope. For part I, listen here.

John Bonner, a counselor in SLC, tells his story of realizing he is gay, his struggle to change himself on his mission, and his self-acceptance and celebration as he undergoes his own faith transition.  We talk about messy faith crises, boundaries with family, and in part 2 John reads 3 letters he wrote at key moments in gay Mormon history:  Nov 5, the date of the exclusion policy, when Russell M. Nelson declared the policy a revelation, and when David Bednar declared "there are no homosexuals in the church."  These letters are soul-stirring and a must-listen for every Mormon, my friend John is a beacon of hope.

This episode is practically geared towards LDS church school (BYU, BYU-I, BYU-Hawaii, LDS Business College, etc) students, prospective students, and their loved ones. In this, we include parents of students admitted to church schools or those who anticipate their children will likely go to church schools.  In light of recent news regarding rape on BYU campus, many Mormons transitioning into unorthodoxy are asking what they can do to help. Kristy and her husband Rolf (researcher who specializes in Educational Policy) combine their experiences at BYU and relative expertises in psychology and education to offer stories, advice, and hope. Kristy candidly shares her experience with Title IX as a naive BYU freshman experiencing sexual harassment, and she also reads from and analyzes another woman's honor code letter (with permission). They discuss the implications of the "just world" hypothesis to which human cognition naturally gravitates, and what we can do about it once we notice it's happening: responding either rationally (acceptance that bad thing happen to good people, doing what you can to alleviate others' suffering) or irrationally (denial, justification). Links mentioned in episode: President Worthen's video interview Bednar's "Quick to Observe" Talk on Women's Earrings and Obedience Lynn Robbin's moist cookie devotional Blaire's story on Feminist Mormon Housewives End A Rape On Campus   Kristy with her BYU ID taken in 2002 when she entered BYU as a freshman, and the year she was first sexually harassed by another student:

Kristy interviews Marie and Kyle Elser  about their marriage (they've been married 20 years and are a mixed-fiath couple), their faith journeys, and the facebook groups they founded and are administrators for to help mixed-faith couples. Another Testament of Marriage is for believing spouses, and Former Mormons with Believing Spouses is the other group.  Fascinating couple! Together the three of us also answer a question for an anonymous listener who is concerned about his marriage, and asked Kristy about how to handle a particular situation in which his wife (believing spouse) is concerned about him coming out as a non-believer for their children's sake, specifically expressing to him that if they didn't have children she would feel more comfortable with however he decided to live his new belief system (in terms of church attendnace, word of wisdom, etc). Their group for believing spouses is an excellent, confidential place to air such concerns and receive feedback from others who have been through similar emotions.

Kristy and Rolf discuss some practical measures you can take for your mental health over this most special (pronouned: "spai-shul") weekend now in April and in October (spoiler: start a tradition to get out of Dodge, preferably somewhere with no wifi).

Katie Langston discusses her discovery of the mainline Protestant Christian perspective on Grace and the healing and growth it has brought into her life.  She concludes with a reading of her beautiful essay The Perfect Space: Exploring the Promise of God's Expansive Redemption.

Lydia and Kris Wente discuss with Kristy their transition stories and model exercises with another to strengthen relationships by connecting spiritually. Kris transitioned out of orthodoxy first, and Lydia remained active for a few years before experiencing her own transition. A particular highlight was hearing how the couple navigated Lydia's faith crisis after Kris had already come to terms with and completely accepted her in her faith just the way she was (and vice versa). "Where did my Mormon wife go?" he said. Good stuff--amazing couple.

In this second of two parts, Sean Lindsay continues his discussion of the benefits of meditation and gives listeners a guided meditation exercise.