Movie Improvie: The Film Repair Podcast

Sure, prisons are an inhuman and reprehensible blight on society that should be abolished; but that's only because we lock living human beings inside of them. What if instead they were just full of dead corpses? I'll tell you what then: They'd make the perfect setting for a You've Got Mail style rom-com about two guards who overcome their differences to find love, and that's what why we've transformed the John Travolta mafia garbage fire Gotti into You've Got Jail (For Dead People) staring James Marsden, Luke Evans, JB Smoove, Jackie Earle Haley, and Cobie Smulders.

We also fixed the trailers for Alita: Battle Angel and Trading Paint

Yikes! We maybe picked the wrong week to post a Liam Neeson vehicle, huh? Unfortunately we had already recorded this one weeks ago, so now we're stuck with it. We turned the movie Venom into a Bring Me Back My Creature; I Wanna Smooch Me Goomonster romance about an old timey sea captain who just loves to Smooch His Goo (symbiote). It also stars Tom Hardy, Kristin Wiig, and Will Smith. Sorry!

In the long ago year of 1991, a very silly man named Robert Matthew Van Winkle, known professionally as Vanilla Ice, stared in a very silly movie called Cool As Ice, which was, to the surprise of no one, utterly terrible. And so it remained for almost thirty years, until your humble Movie Improvers came along and woke this Van Winkle up to  transform his hip-hop cinema mistake into Horse Drive, a movie that is a lot like Drive except that it stars a horse that is also a motorcycle, and is also the real Hidalgo. Also starring Emily Blunt, Emily Blunt (again), and Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson. We also repaired the trailers for White Space and Tall Tales.

Hi teammates and comrades, this week the bad movie we watched was Jupiter Ascending, which we'd been led to believe was crazy-bad, and was instead just mostly boring-bad. But one thing we did like was Channing Tatum as a shirtless dog boy, so we made a whole bunch of other colorful Tatums, like otter boy Tatum, and cow boy (not cowboy) Tatum, and assembled them into the SuperSpaceTeam movie, Tatum Team Manimal Spectrum 7, starring 8 Channing Tatums.

Also we fix the trailers for Detective Pikachu and Replicas

We're back at our oldest watering hole, team. We're back at the Star War Place. After spending one whole podcast series whining about how the Star War is Bad, Actually, we decided to put our lightsabers where our Sarlaacs are and actually fix one to make the rare, unseen, Good Star War. And to get there, we started with one of the worst: Solo: A Star Wars Story. And y'know we'd had sort of enough of Han LonelyGirl15, so we instead wrote A Star War Story about a stormtrooper detective investigating a bunch of creepy teddy bears in The Wicket Man: A Star Wars Story Is Born.

Also we fixed the trailers for Between Worlds and Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Gribblegob

You guys know how when you watch a cartoon, you get this nagging voice in your head that says "But it should look more real!" Well our buddy Robbie Zemeckis has a solution for you, and he made a whole bunch of motion-capture animated movies for you to enjoy, you psychopath! Unfortunately, at least one of those movies was bad, 2011's Mars Needs Moms. So we fixed it up this week and finally granted Phil's wish for a Stardew Valley movie by smashing it up into Marsdew Valley: Mars Needs Farmers about a grampa leaving their grandkid his Mars farm, and that grandkid going there to smooch everyone around and also murder some Space CHUDs.

Also, we fix the trailers for Speed Kills and The Quake.

HELL-oooooooo, boys and SPOOPS! Welcome to Devil's Night's Eve and the end to the Month of Spoops! We spooped ourselves again this week. With the amount of nonsense in our movie, Leprechaun 4: In Space, you'd think we would've come up with a whole bunch of wacky ideas, but nope! So we let a neural network make a title for us and came out with Boobley of the Dead: The Crooping Tomb! Because we're really trying to push our SEO to it's limits

Also, we fix the trailers for Haunting of Fraternity Row and The Other Side of Heaven 2

oooOOOooOOooOOooh! Hey, did you guys know it was the Spoop Month? We did by this week so we fixed a real spooky-dookie fest -- on Phil's birthday, even! We watched Wes Craven's My Soul To Take, a not-so-terrifying tale of some stuff that happened, and we took out all the nonsensical plot twists and bashed it up into a good picture about a spooky haunted knife who possesses folks called Take My Knife, Please! Did I mention it was Phil's birthday?!

Also we fixed the trailers for Escape Room and The Possession of Hannah Grace

Hello, Movie Improvers! We're back after a break while James tried to save our last recording from the dumpster fire and failed and had to go to the trash hospital to recover from his trash burns. But we came screeching back into familiar territory this week with the Nic Cage superhero flick Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. This movie, while a delight for the comedy stylings of Mr. Cage's very sincere performance, was pretty bad. So we gave the lonely Ghost Rider some friends to hang with and made a movie about them called A Ghost Rider Elements Story: Hog Fighter (Origins), starring Kelly McDonald, Sterling K. Brown, and Nick Nolte

Also we fix the trailers for Holmes & Watson and High Voltage

This week we're here to party like its 1499, cause we are repairing the criminally boring conspiracy thriller and Tom Hanks wig mistake known as The Da Vinici Code. Through the mysterious power of Cryptogeology, we transformed this airport bookstore potboiler into the erotic western masterpiece Lil' Jon's Big Rock-Hard Cowboy Adventure, staring Jamie Foxx, Ronke Adekoluejo, and T.I. We also repaired the trailers for Alright Now and Another Time.