Since COVID, there has been a 40% increase in multi-generational housing: either senior parent or parents have moved in with their children, or kids who can’t afford to live on their own have moved back home again. For an aging parent, they wonder: should I sell my house? Should I invest money in my son or daughter's home? Should I move in with them? What does that mean for my overall estate plan, my assets? How does that affect the other heirs if I have other children? Elder law attorney Andrea Lee from Legacy Estate Planning joins Suzanne Newman on the Answers for Elders podcast to talk about this complex issue.

Andrea says, "I'm a huge proponent of multi-generational housing. If you want your kids to help you, it shouldn't be a burden to them. My own mom and dad bought a house half a mile from me, and that's what allowed us to keep my mom home for ten years after her dementia diagnosis, because we were able to support my dad and provide that care. And it's even easier if you can live within the same house, because that even decreases that burden of having to go somewhere else to help with that day to day care that people frequently need as they age.

"Now in some instances, maybe a multi-generational house itself is not the best option, or it's not feasible. But at minimum, you need to live within a mile of your kids... I was part of that sandwich generation, where I had young children at home and I had a mom and dad who needed help. And I'm an attorney, and I work full time. And it was overwhelming at times for me to try and balance my kids, their sports, their school, dinner, homework, work, and also care for my parents. And so for any parent who's out there, moving near your child so that they don't have to drive 30 minutes — that's an hour out of your day, that's valuable time that really causes a lot of stress for your children.

"One of the challenges I have found as an elder law attorney with multi-generational housing is combining two households. That's so hard to do, it can actually increase stress a lot. So if you want to live together, the goal is that it is beneficial for everyone, and not just you as a parent. First, take a step back and say, 'I want to make sure I'm not overly burdening my child,' and setting up that expectation of what your child is going to do for you, listening to them in their circumstances...

"Mom and dad are thinking, I'm going to make a very large investment. I'm going to remodel my son or my daughter's home so that I can have a downstairs living area that is wheelchair accessible, and that I can age in for the rest of my life. Well, then you have to have that conversation, if mom and dad died a few years later, that money has been invested into that child's house and the other children aren't going to get the benefit of that. So those parents need to make sure they've updated their estate plan. They've created a deed that allows that resource to then pass to the child with whom they're living. Or if that's not what they want, they have to have that clear conversation and expectation with that child. But also with other members of the family, they don't want to be in a circumstance where mom and dad die. Something happens. They can no longer remain in that home, and people are fighting over the investment mom and dad made into living there. And what's going to happen to that? There's so many ways it can go wrong, that's extremely important for clients who are considering doing this, sit down with an expert who has a lot of knowledge of multi-generational housing and issues that need to be addressed when making that decision."

Learn more:

• About Andrea Lee
• Legacy Estate Planning website
• Legacy Estate Planning podcasts

Check out our affiliate podcast Alzheimer’s Speaks.