Murder-Suicide Matinee

Big Audio tried to shut us down, but you can't kill what already wants to die...

That's right, Murder-Suicide Matinee is BACK for an absolutely arbitrary Season 2. After moving to opposite time zones and losing a full episode and a half of recordings, regular brained podcast hosts might give up. But not us, baby. We're bigger and better and gayer than ever, and we're ready to talk at great length about the mixed CGI template for a screenplay that is 2018's Peter Rabbit.

Featuring: Inexplicably dreadful audio, Name That White Guy, a straight up goddamn murder in the first ten minutes of this children's movie, and a whole lot of questionable use of mental health terminology that will probably get us cancelled!

note: There was something badly wrong with Lee's mic in the first half of this episode, so the audio quality is something akin to a 1910s preacher yelling into a tin can on a wire. It does get a little better later on. And trust us, we paid the price.

Movie: Peter Rabbit (2018) Director: Will Gluck Rating: So STUPID why doid they do that cringe stupid go get a sandwich!

intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

we have a brand new Patreon!

guilt us into producing regular episodes (or just, like, help us keep the old ones online) by donating a buck or two in return for bonus content. You want it, we got it. But more importantly, you WANT it.

This episode gestated almost as long as a real baby! Join us for timely and topical new year humour, and sizzling hot takes on that one weird pro-life zootopia comic everyone's already forgotten about!

Oh, we also talk about 2017's The Boss Baby - the movie with a definite article in the title that nobody acknowledges, made by adults who have a lot to say about corporate culture and have evidently never met a real human child.

Featured highlights: Wizzy is my father, schroedinger's pregnancy, a check-in with the Elvis industry, and children are sociopaths

note: we had some technical issues with Cami's audio on this episode - it's totally listenable but you might hear a couple of glitches where the ends of her words clip out. it's okay, she wasn't saying anything important anyway.

Movie: The Boss Baby (2017) Directors: Tom McGrath Rating: unattended child crying in an airport for 8 hours

intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

rate us on iTunes, and check out our tumblr for displays of sheer antipathy towards our wonderful tortured fans!

Not a whole lot of jokes in this one folks; we fucking hated it. We watched Sausage Party and regretted every moment we were alive.

WARNING: If you're sensitive to discussion of virulent racism, misogyny, homophobia, sexual assault, or pretty much any other form of casual bigotry that middle aged white comedians find hilarious and think they're experts on, skip this tire fire.

Movie: Sausage Party (2016) Directors: Greg Tiernan & Conrad Vernon Rating: unskippable hulu ads playing in an adjacent room

intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

Follow us at http://murdersuicidematinee.tumblr.com and restore a shred of hope and dignity to our withered husks.

For our holiday episode this year we're wishing you all a late happy Hanukkah! And by 'happy' we mean we really hope you didn't watch Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights! We had a miserable time! When will comedians just stop?

Featuring: early shrimp, Salad Blandman, Cami should never do voices, and a perfect twelve year old boy

PLUS: Our embarrassingly short 2017 retrospective, and a very special letter from our favourite writer/director team! Movie: 8 Crazy Nights (2002) Director: Seth Kearsley Rating: a Swedish masterpiece intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

Follow us at http://murdersuicidematinee.tumblr.com for all the latest in unwarranted poop jokes!

It's the episode absolutely nobody asked for -- we discuss The Smurfs 2 having never seen or even read a synopsis of the first one. Have you ever watched a kids' movie and thought 'man this would be way better if the child did nothing at all and the adults had the whole adventure'? Neither have we! Because it's actually worse!

Featuring: more celebrity deaths, natal smurf hair, a completely nonsensical duck pun, and an uncomfortable glimpse at Papa's true social agenda Movie: The Smurfs 2 (2013) Director: Raja Gosnell Rating: maybe, once, in the right context intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie Follow our tumblr (murdersuicidematinee.tumblr.com) for more smurf dick discourse

It's been a while, but the masochists are back -- and this episode we're going nutty over 2014's cranky animal heist movie The Nut Job. Sure, some people might have been over the fuzzy-animal-with-a-bad-attitude thing by the early 00s, and everyone was certainly over gangnam style by the end of 2012, but here's a movie bold enough to say nuts to that! We really get down to nuts and bolts in this one, I promise you, it's nut to be missed! Nuts! Special guest topics: skwurls, nuts, raccoon stalin, nuts, the grinch who stole christmas, nuts, our pitch for a special extended edition of the lord of the rings, and also nuts Movie: The Nut Job (2014) Director: Peter Lepeniotis Rating: nuts to it intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie Follow our tumblr (murdersuicidematinee.tumblr.com) for the latest in peanut industry insider tips. We're on iTunes! Rate and subscribe or Rosa will appear on your ceiling at midnight and curse you for a thousand years! (https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/murder-suicide-matinee/id1111796206?mt=2)

Top of the season to you! Hot on the heels of halloween, it's the all singing no dancing Murder-Suicide Matinee christmas special! We're joined by Kelly Rockwell of Secret Story for a surprisingly erotic screening of the 1993 animated classic David Copperfield. It's just as Dickens envisioned it -- cheese monster, calypso beats and fantasy wild boar chase intact. Oh, and take note of that Explicit tag this episode. Things get pretty real around the time Kelly and Cami dig out their erotic fanfiction for an on-air reading.

Movie: David Copperfield (1993) Director: Don Arioli Rating: yes. Follow our tumblr (murdersuicidematinee.tumblr.com) for more furry misandry. We're on iTunes! Rate and subscribe for no chance to win fabulous prizes. (https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/murder-suicide-matinee/id1111796206?mt=2) intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

Cosy on down under the blankets, throw another log on the fire, and prepare for some long winter night spookin's as we bring you the fabled...lost halloween episode. That's right, just in time for the holiday season we've managed to recover this special episode originally intended to air on October 31st -- before Rosa left her laptop on a train, and it took a tour of the south of england for a month or so. It's back and so are we, with this arguably less than timely breakdown of Dracula's Angel (2014). It's our first foray into (extremely) indie animation, and good sweet god did we have ourselves a time. Bloodshed! Wolves! Questionable Irish accents! Anecdotes about Cami's real life suffering! A minimum of one Dracula! This episode really has it all.

Movie: Dracula's Angel (2014) Director: Bryan Beasley Rating: if you only watch one movie about single mindedly pursuing a romance with literal dracula this year, well, that's still a pretty good average

Follow our tumblr (murdersuicidematinee.tumblr.com) for more extremely up-to-date and seasonal content. We're on iTunes! All those who listened must rate and subscribe for eternity to continue! (https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/murder-suicide-matinee/id1111796206?mt=2) intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

Hey, you see that explicit tag? Yeah, we're making full use of that this week. You probably don't want to listen to this episode at work or with the family, unless you are heir apparent to the bad dragon / deviantart empires. And if you are, please get in touch re: some kind of sponsorship deal.

That's beause we watched Alpha and Omega 4: Legend of the Call to the Lost Witch's Curse of My Ass Reloaded - a very short movie with a very hmmmm let's say passionate fanbase. Tune in for a lot of audio description of pornography, updates on how Balto's doing (not well), and both of us failing to notice that Cami thinks Iago the parrot appeared in the movie Jurassic Park. Movie: Alpha and Omega 4: The Legend of the Saw Tooth Cave (2014) Director: Richard Rich Rating: a bunch of deer dong

Follow our tumblr (murdersuicidematinee.tumblr.com) and I swear I won't post TOO many wolf dick pics.

We're on iTunes! Rate and subscribe for no chance to win fabulous prizes. (https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/murder-suicide-matinee/id1111796206?mt=2)

intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie

It's back to the tender embrace of inept 2D this episode, with Aladdin and the Adventure of All Time. No I did not leave out a word, that is the title of this movie that was inexplicably released in the year 2000 despite looking and sounding like an early 90s bargain bin. Today's lesson is all about learning to accept yourself by existentially rewriting everyone around you. Also Rosa was sick when we recorded this, so bonus content includes coughing, time travel multiverse conspiracy theories, and vore. Movie: Aladdin and the Adventure of All Time (2000) Director: Cirio H. Santiago Rating: please help us we're trapped in an infinite loop of shitty movies hungry for vore? follow us on tumblr: murdersuicidematinee.tumblr.com intro and outro music: "Everyone in Town Wants You Dead" by Singing Sadie