My Notebook of Symbols

It cleans, it makes it pure, it brings life, it washes away the dirt, dust, all negative… There comes rain to make us alive again… Dark skies won’t clear without rain falling down. It’s the release, it’s the joy, For him the rains brought some divine energy.

Perhaps because of his earthy astrological sign – his virgo self – rain’s been just as welcomed as air… Perhaps that’s why he wished for rains so many times. For him it’s the biggest equalizer. Rains take us home. Rains make it to our sanctuaries. Rains keep us together. When it rains we no longer stroll outside, but hurry to shelter… His homey self!

Being inside, being with loved ones under the roof, listening to the raindrops outside, being calm they were safe, close, loving, all home… Rains made him feel whole again, as if indeed the earth, the ground cracks, and the cracks in the ego are filled, fed, healed by the rain…

It’s his favorite of all natural events… He wishes for the rain – he wishes to make it clean, purify, make life whole again… He’s not asking for New Age to come, for floods to happen, – but, honestly, he wouldn’t mind, he thinks… Let it rain… Let it clear… And let there be clear sky and the big bright yellow sun after the rain…

Those who are happy with what’s inside their heart and minds are the happiest in the rain; those who stroll, wander, seek something out there, they are the least happy… For him it’s all about inner… I wish it rains, he thinks…

And it doesn’t matter which winds have brought the clouds above… The clouds will be there and he’ll look up and smile and say: let it rain, we’re home, we are together, we are in the sanctuary, we love rain – let it come – for us it’s what will clear the skies…

— Hey, winds of change – you brought the clouds, with so many stories, so different emotions, you go around and make us believe that it’s all about those clouds, those stories you brought… You know that all those clouds are just illusory, we know they will clear – we wait for the sun. We welcome the rain, we listen to the clouds, we listen to your stories, but we are never afraid – let it rain, it will clear!..

You, winds, are the times that change, and you are just moments… We, down here, we are stronger, we learned that the moments are to pass, the rhythm will remain, the sun will shine, – so let it rain… Tell more stories, bring more clouds, whirl and go around – let it rain – let it clear, let it be!…

We smile, we make our notes, we learn from the stories…

Thank you for joining me in this journey towards emotional healing, finding oneself and remembering what makes us happy. The topics covered in these podcast episodes are: #Emotional Healing #Finding Yourself #Follow Your Wings #Happiness is a Choicr #Meditating Meditating #Peace of Mind #Psychological Journey #Reminiscences Reminiscences #Thinking Aloud #Thoughts Thoughts #Leap of Faith #Short Stories #Short Story Series #Blogging Everyday #Thinking Along Writing #Finding Inner Self #Therapy Therapy #Art Therapy #Psycho Flow #Read at Night #What to Believe In #Why to Live #What Makes Life Beautiful #Imagination Imagination #Creativity Creativity #Inspiration Inspiration #Life is a Story #Faith Faith #Uncensored Uncensored #Symbols Symbols

Navajos had four wooden sticks – snakes – with feathers on them. The black one – black wind of the east… The blue wind – of the south… The yellow wind of the west… The white wind of the north…

They sat together – black, blue, yellow and white – next to him. Breath in, breath out. There, they came, all four of them to enter him. Breath in.

— I’ve blown the hair of the emperor as he stood rising above his fifty thousand soldiers, all hailing him, their weapons up in the air, their eyes up to glance their supreme leader. Their gaze, all into the direction of the small black figure they could hardly see on the hill to the east of the army. The emperor stood still, they couldn’t really hear or see any details of him. Too far away.

— I flew from the east… I was behind the emperor. Then, I flew over him. His black hair that was neatly tied into the bun was set free by my strength… I smiled at him, thinking he was the supreme, above all… His hair smell of perfume – mixture of some wild roses. His scent… I took it… I brought it to the first men standing at the center of the army line-up, and then on to the deeper rows… More and more rows…I don’t think they understood. Perhaps, they thought the air all around them got the scent with such a significance of an event unfolding in front of them.

— I didn’t like the emperor and his fanatic army and I only looked back once before I flew forward, behind the mountains… Last thing I saw was the huge shadow of the emperor that lay on the army as the sun appeared behind the emperor, getting brighter, and the shadow started to get smaller and smaller…

— I headed forward… I played with the two eagles circling together the canyon below. Their feathers so tender, who could think of something so light, tender, beautiful, airy, – think of those feathers belonging to the true king and the queen of the valley, circling high there, near the clouds, proud of themselves, confident to cut the air, to play with me, to circle the valley as if performing an ancient ritual, – the true owners of their fate, – the true king and the true queen…

— I flew forward to cross the cotton plains, lakes full of fish, roads with caravans on them, seas with boats and ship, even a small desert with grains of sand sticking to me and begging me to take them for travel to lands far away… I took them to see the parts of the world they couldn’t ever imagine. I saw people horrified as they saw me with the sand… I came to you to tell these stories of the east…

Another one. Breath in…

Thank you for joining me in this journey towards emotional healing, finding oneself and remembering what makes us happy. The topics covered in these podcast episodes are: #Emotional Healing #Finding Yourself #Follow Your Wings #Happiness is a Choicr #Meditating Meditating #Peace of Mind #Psychological Journey #Reminiscences Reminiscences #Thinking Aloud #Thoughts Thoughts #Leap of Faith #Short Stories #Short Story Series #Blogging Everyday #Thinking Along Writing #Finding Inner Self #Therapy Therapy #Art Therapy #Psycho Flow #Read at Night #What to Believe In #Why to Live #What Makes Life Beautiful #Imagination Imagination #Creativity Creativity #Inspiration Inspiration #Life is a Story #Faith Faith #Uncensored Uncensored #Symbols Symbols

He believes in things he can touch or see… And for many years he ignored some very real world around him as illusory or immaterial… Inner is not only projecting into the world, but the inner has been affecting everything around him… He missed so much in life perhaps, ignoring that ability, that function of brain – that junction of inner and outer world – something that he was taught to be absolutely separate… In fact all of that is just the same… Once again, that new religion in his head – thoughts are material, thoughts are the worlds that we experience.

Clouds… They change. Different forms, we see them. We see how they resemble horses, dragons, houses, flowers, dogs, trees, gods, signs, – all the things they can become… It’s really not seeing what you want to see, but what’s the influence?…

He wishes he understands that mechanism… It’s already very obvious and it is no longer a matter of belief. It’s a matter of understanding… Just like, say, radio, waves, frequencies that can travel thousands of kilometers, and through everything, so do emotions, feelings, thoughts… We just really can’t understand how and we can’t really control much of it perhaps…

— Too much thoughts of the inner world… So where is the world that you love? – He asks himself.

And up he flies, above the clouds… They are so big… So thick. So milky… His clouds are kind… No lightnings, no rain… White, milky clouds…

He sees city below. The only city he remembers from above, from the heights of the clouds – that’s London… He sees Big Ben, and the London Eye… And the Thames… From above there it’s not cold, it’s big, but it seems welcoming. He never thought of London as cold, actually… There are some small clouds that cover parts of the city and the plane is slowly going down, – now below the clouds, already very close to the runway…

He sees other clouds from below the ground. His bike is on the ground next to him. His love is next to him. Their bikes next to them. They sit on the concrete that’s left on the hill from some construction many years ago. They look up the sky – mostly clear, but there, the clouds, as angels… And they look at planes approaching the airport runway, flying from the seas-side… That’s back home, that’s Tbilisi Sea (Reservoir)… That’s from the mornings of the bike rides that make both of them happiest.

The clouds are seen from the window of his home, as he often stands at the window, alone, waiting for Mum to come back soon…

Clouds are like angels to form some cushion between him and the world… They are to help mostly, but could scare too sometimes… Clouds he likes and imagines are white and milky… Clouds he fears, remembering from Jules Verne stories, those are dangerous, bringing storms…

Clouds are thoughts perhaps… The wind can shape them… As our minds can try to shape thoughts, but they come and pass and never repeat… Those are the clouds…

Thank you for joining me in this journey towards emotional healing, finding oneself and remembering what makes us happy. The topics covered in these podcast episodes are: #Emotional Healing #Finding Yourself #Follow Your Wings #Happiness is a Choicr #Meditating Meditating #Peace of Mind #Psychological Journey #Reminiscences Reminiscences #Thinking Aloud #Thoughts Thoughts #Leap of Faith #Short Stories #Short Story Series #Blogging Everyday #Thinking Along Writing #Finding Inner Self #Therapy Therapy #Art Therapy #Psycho Flow #Read at Night #What to Believe In #Why to Live #What Makes Life Beautiful #Imagination Imagination #Creativity Creativity #Inspiration Inspiration #Life is a Story #Faith Faith #Uncensored Uncensored #Symbols Symbols

Above us, all the might, all the clarity, all the vastness. He hasn’t looked up at the sky for quite a long time he realized.

Why? It’s not only the clouds or dust or moon or sun, somehow we do not pay attention to any details up there, do not think of sky anymore. Strange… Is it not perhaps the only indication of some order… Some cosmic order… Some rhythm… And as the rhythm is the life itself for us, perhaps it is really the reminder that there is order, there is rule, there is cycle, there is sun, then moon, then day, again, then, night, then spring, then summer, then fall, and so on, and it’s repeating with the order of its own, that we try to record, explain, interpret, use – all to have our hopes and beliefs in order, be fed, be supported…

How can I live, he thinks, if I don’t believe in justice, which, essentially is some sort of a balance, – something that offsets the bad when due… Something that restores justice some day… When? Ever? We hope… And the rhythm of seasons of day and night, of life and death of happiness and sorrow somehow gives us that “proof”… Do they really, though?

Injustice is what we see, what we feel, what we fight, what we protect, and yet… In vein, most of the time in life, he thinks… In life… And hence the belief of afterlife, or hence the belief of reincarnation, hence the rhythm reigning – again and again and again…

Energy can not be lost. And it cannot appear from nothing… It all transforms, again, again, and again…

He misses the sky. The sky full of stars that he’s been wishing upon… He needs that rhythm… Up and down and day and night and winter and summer, cycle after cycle…

Are we getting any better or any different with those cycles? What’s the meaning of us being present in this huge cycle, this roller coaster, this big attraction, – why are we to experience all these?

He wants to believe there’s a meaning to it. He wants to think, it’s a process – some sort of purification, but then – how, when, where is the place for our current, present self to be happy?

If it’s all about the rhythm, can he, as he is now, as he sees himself now, can he be any better? – can he experience, feel and enjoy the things that he misses now? Can he feel the happiness that he fights for in this world? Not as an ash, not as some rotten meat, not as a bunch of atoms, but he, as he thinks of himself now. Is HE to be happy?

Thank you for joining me in this journey towards emotional healing, finding oneself and remembering what makes us happy. The topics covered in these podcast episodes are: #Emotional Healing #Finding Yourself #Follow Your Wings #Happiness is a Choicr #Meditating Meditating #Peace of Mind #Psychological Journey #Reminiscences Reminiscences #Thinking Aloud #Thoughts Thoughts #Leap of Faith #Short Stories #Short Story Series #Blogging Everyday #Thinking Along Writing #Finding Inner Self #Therapy Therapy #Art Therapy #Psycho Flow #Read at Night #What to Believe In #Why to Live #What Makes Life Beautiful #Imagination Imagination #Creativity Creativity #Inspiration Inspiration #Life is a Story #Faith Faith #Uncensored Uncensored #Symbols Symbols

He is so happy. Warmer. He doesn’t realize it yet. Then and there is seems natural…

— Let’s make the bed warm…

— Making it warmer…

— Warmer…

His father made the bed warmer. And it’s not just some extra, unnecessary luxury, back then, those times, it was amazing to have the bed warm… It could take hours to get warm otherwise… Freezing cold…

Head under the cover. Breathing under the cover… Let the breath make it warmer…

He hated cold. He wanted warmer air, warmer bed, warmer feet, he was happy to have the bed make worm!.. Or he could put his cold feet between warmer legs of his dad… Warmer… Dad was always making the bed warmer for his and for Mum too.

He remembered those times, after some 35 years maybe… Lying in the bed of his own, apartment of his own, big, fluffy, heavy cover… Yet he felt cold. For few hours he couldn’t get warm.

Cold. As if the house got colder.

— Why you left me alone?

— Where do you sleep now?

— Do you prefer that ugly, hard, small bed?

— Do you prefer that small, cramped place that you call your room there?

— Do you feel happy there?

No… No… No… – He answers No, to every question.

He doesn’t like there, at another house, alone, uncomfortable bed, no one making the bed warmer. No one, there, to make bed warmer.

— No!

He hates there.

— No!

He loves home.

It takes hours to bring the energy back, to make the home warmer, to make the bed warmer. But why? For whom? Only to go and leave and spent night away?.. Why?..

— Our home… It’s warm when it’s not only you… It’s warm when you have someone making the bed warmer for you, or you making it warm for someone…

Shu… The word is so close… He thought lying in bed… Already warm, He remembered the blue culinary, hard-cover book that contained Mum’s recipes… And the dark brown notebook, – even more recipes… He once took a pen and played with some words there… Making it some sort of fun… He remembered thinking about Shu, and writing “U” in the front, making the heading “Ushu”. He laughed. He wanted Mum to laugh too.

— Ushu, – life the fight school… Not the tender cake with the cream he loves… Mmm…

— Shus, – his love, many years later, brought him shus, so tender, so sweet, amazing cream with sugar powder on top… Shus… In the box…

Thank you for joining me in this journey towards emotional healing, finding oneself and remembering what makes us happy. The topics covered in these podcast episodes are: #Emotional Healing #Finding Yourself #Follow Your Wings #Happiness is a Choicr #Meditating Meditating #Peace of Mind #Psychological Journey #Reminiscences Reminiscences #Thinking Aloud #Thoughts Thoughts #Leap of Faith #Short Stories #Short Story Series #Blogging Everyday #Thinking Along Writing #Finding Inner Self #Therapy Therapy #Art Therapy #Psycho Flow #Read at Night #What to Believe In #Why to Live #What Makes Life Beautiful #Imagination Imagination #Creativity Creativity #Inspiration Inspiration #Life is a Story #Faith Faith #Uncensored Uncensored #Symbols Symbols

Live far away and you die of thirst; live too close and beware of floods… and so is the rule in life where one is bored as emotions flee and shocked as they flood. Somehow, he always thought of Noah’s arch as soon as he heard any mention of a flood. For him it really always seemed quite an artificial drama – how can all be covered by water?.. And is that really something experienced or imagined by those who wrote for us the stories of t floods?..

He thought the bible was the book that started all stories. He thought: there, that’s the collection of what people believed and what now is the foundation of Christianity. He never read and imagined the stories there literally – no, he thought of those stories as metaphors…

Je was later astounded by how much of the biblical stuff could be attributed to ancient Greeks, and their world of myths, gods, cruelty, lust, sex, violence… And there also, Babylonian Epic of Gilgamesh, Utnapishtim riding out of a cosmic flood… Weird… How the people where afraid, how the stories of floods were and are still perceived as stories of global floods, rather than local ones… All those, all floods, all covered all earth, – that’s how he also understood the stories…

Well, honestly, the story of Noah he did know, th Gilgamesh, he just heard of… Anyways, are those things of the past? Are they, people, afraid of a global flood these days?

Drowning. Fear of being drowned. Air!.. Need Air! He remembered he was still afraid of depth… Floods… All too much… He always thought it was so stupid, terrible, unreasonable, unfair, dumb, catastrophic, indeed, to have somebody dead because of a flood… These days when humans reach skies, stars, with the speed, strength, technologies… and still, there… News… Floods, disasters, people suffering, – how? why?..

Is it water though? He now thinks with fear about one’s own thoughts, wishes, information, all arriving at speeds unseen, quantity unimaginable, variety immense.. Flood…

He is flooded with choices, options, questions, issues, problems, thoughts of worry, anxiety, – all flooding – the psyche and its flood – much more dangerous then the nature.

— He’s unsure… How shall one survive?

— Absorb? Impossible…

— Divert? Impossible…

— Isolate? Impossible…

Where to escape to?.. Do we have those high-rises, mountains, strong enough, high enough, to climb up there and keep calm and be above the flood… Or to have the vessel… Like Noah?.. The boat? The ark? We are perhaps all destined to face floods… Sooner or later they come, they are to cover everything around us. We will be unable to understand, handle, choose, differentiate, decide, – we will be helpless… Unless we’ve managed to have our ark, before the flood hits… How do we know when?.. We can’t know…

It’s about having that ark ready, built, floating – to save us when we see water rising… Find the materials. Build your ark… Have people, things, concepts, points, ideas, – all that are most important – with you – take those to ark…

Thank you for joining me in this journey towards emotional healing, finding oneself and remembering what makes us happy. The topics covered in these podcast episodes are: #Emotional Healing #Finding Yourself #Following your wings #Happiness is a Choice #Meditating #Peace of Mind #Psychological Journey #Reminiscences #Thinking Aloud #Thoughts #Leap of Faith #Short Stories #Short Story Series #Blogging Everyday #Thinking Along Writing #Finding inner self #Therapy #Art Therapy #Psycho flow #Read at night #What to believe in #Why to live #What makes life beautiful #Imagination #Creativity #Inspiration #Life is a story #Faith #Uncensored #Symbols #Short stories

Maelstroms… Dangerous?.. He remembers how he felt nothing below his feet and almost drowned… That’s many years ago at the sea… He seemed so close to the shore… he thought he could stand. Then a wave, another, some stream underneath sacking him down and away. Frightened… How could they be of any good, he thought… Those spirals… They swallow everything… He thinks again… What are they though… Aren’t they just signs that there’s something beneath, something yet to be discovered, something deeper, something stronger, something that’s the reason why the whirlpools appear in the first place…

It’s the discovery, it’s the revolution, it’s the portal… Sucking one in… And we then appear on the other side, in different world… While on earth it may be life and death and afterlife, in the life around us it can be the fear and despair and rise and hope and salvation, again and again… The whirlpools are portals, he thought.

He was in the whirlpool… Big, powerful, deep, it swallowed everything, like a black hole… All in, until even the last thing that he had… His love and feeling of security that made him stand on his feet… That’s gone too… But then, the very moment that the maelstrom took everything, there, he saw another side… He felt he moved throw that portal… And he looked up.

Another world, from the portal – he saw it now opened in front of him and he know he’s somewhere else but somehow he feels that’s how it should have been – the best now, all new ahead…

Since he met his love, he wanted them to go to Opera… How and why that simple thing they couldn’t realized?.. Have been to tens of thousands of kilometers away, but couldn’t plan the Opera… There, he books the tickets.

Something new. Something all new. Yet all good ahead… Who would have thought… Being sucked into the whirlpool… For years, everything sucked into, swallowed, gone, and at the last point, all gone… And it is not the whirlpool anymore, it’s the other side…

Another side… Hallo!..

Thank you for joining me in this journey towards emotional healing, finding oneself and remembering what makes us happy. The topics covered in these podcast episodes are: #Emotional Healing #Finding Yourself #Following your wings #Happiness is a Choice #Meditating #Peace of Mind #Psychological Journey #Reminiscences #Thinking Aloud #Thoughts #Leap of Faith #Short Stories #Short Story Series #Blogging Everyday #Thinking Along Writing #Finding inner self #Therapy #Art Therapy #Psycho flow #Read at night #What to believe in #Why to live #What makes life beautiful #Imagination #Creativity #Inspiration #Life is a story #Faith #Uncensored #Symbols #Short stories

Maelstroms… Dangerous?.. He remembers how he felt nothing below his feet and almost drowned… That’s many years ago at the sea… He seemed so close to the shore… he thought he could stand. Then a wave, another, some stream underneath sacking him down and away. Frightened… How could they be of any good, he thought… Those spirals… They swallow everything… He thinks again… What are they though… Aren’t they just signs that there’s something beneath, something yet to be discovered, something deeper, something stronger, something that’s the reason why the whirlpools appear in the first place…

It’s the discovery, it’s the revolution, it’s the portal… Sucking one in… And we then appear on the other side, in different world… While on earth it may be life and death and afterlife, in the life around us it can be the fear and despair and rise and hope and salvation, again and again… The whirlpools are portals, he thought.

He was in the whirlpool… Big, powerful, deep, it swallowed everything, like a black hole… All in, until even the last thing that he had… His love and feeling of security that made him stand on his feet… That’s gone too… But then, the very moment that the maelstrom took everything, there, he saw another side… He felt he moved throw that portal… And he looked up.

Another world, from the portal – he saw it now opened in front of him and he know he’s somewhere else but somehow he feels that’s how it should have been – the best now, all new ahead…

Since he met his love, he wanted them to go to Opera… How and why that simple thing they couldn’t realized?.. Have been to tens of thousands of kilometers away, but couldn’t plan the Opera… There, he books the tickets.

Something new. Something all new. Yet all good ahead… Who would have thought… Being sucked into the whirlpool… For years, everything sucked into, swallowed, gone, and at the last point, all gone… And it is not the whirlpool anymore, it’s the other side…

Another side… Hallo!..

Thank you for joining me in this journey towards emotional healing, finding oneself and remembering what makes us happy. The topics covered in these podcast episodes are: #Emotional Healing #Finding Yourself #Following your wings #Happiness is a Choice #Meditating #Peace of Mind #Psychological Journey #Reminiscences #Thinking Aloud #Thoughts #Leap of Faith #Short Stories #Short Story Series #Blogging Everyday #Thinking Along Writing #Finding inner self #Therapy #Art Therapy #Psycho flow #Read at night #What to believe in #Why to live #What makes life beautiful #Imagination #Creativity #Inspiration #Life is a story #Faith #Uncensored #Symbols #Short stories

Here comes the sign again, as he is turning the page to read about the comet. The very stars he wished upon, the very religion that made him strong, the very belief that his wishes were heard, acknowledges, – and he – blessed… The comet, the stars, the very stars he waited and waited and waited and the sky signs that he missed over the past years, so many years…

And there… Unexpected, they appear, during sunny afternoon, when its light, when you least expect. How to reach those? One is the blessing from the dragons that you need, and the second thing is your belief, there came the comet, the star, the hope, the blessing – he felt reaching the top of Lempuyang… Ad always, what has seemed impossible, appeared so close, next to him – just a leap away.

There it comes – leap of faith… There it comes – emotions flooding… There it comes the star – the comet – the wish – the sign…

Praise the comets, ladies and gentlemen, as they, yes, they are the most probable couriers that brought life to earth perhaps, the amino acids, the blocks of DNA… Strange contents they are?.. Indeed… We feel them… Good or bad? You feel it… It’s between you and them.

Thank you for joining me in this journey towards emotional healing, finding oneself amd remembering what makes us happy. The topics covered in these podcast episodes are: #Emotional Healing #Finding Yourself #Following your wings #Happiness is a Choice #Meditating #Peace of Mind #Psychological Journey #Reminiscences #Thinking Aloud #Thoughts #Leap of Faith #Short Stories #Short Story Series #Blogging Everyday #Thinking Along Writing #Finding inner self #Therapy #Art Therapy #Psycho flow #Read at night #What to believe in #Why to live #What makes life beautiful #Imagination #Creativity #Inspiration #Life is a story #Faith #Uncensored #Symbols #Short stories