My Spouse Died Too

Welcome to final part 4 of 4, Boldly Into the Darkness, with the widowed author of Boldly Into the Darkness Autumn Toelle-Jackson.

Final episode appetizers...

Might judgy people rule your decisions?

Why one love doesn't and can't replace another.

Autumn's transformative coach. Finding the right therapist. What the coach says about Autumn's fear of forgetting her late spouse. How to accept grief and not be ashamed.

The puzzling marriage proposal (sentence contains clue).

Should we have a kid? Autumn and Kyle decide. Courageous Miracle. The walk of honor (have Kleenex ready). Thirty-six hours to save three lives. You'll learn why the clock ticks.

Autumn reveals her cathartic tattoos and plenty more.

Bulletasos

• Judgment Reflects on The Judge
• The Transformative Coach
• Fear of Forgetting My Late Spouse
• Memories Get Blurry
• How Does That Make You Feel?--Barf Now
• The Widow's Ring
• One Love Doesn't and Can't Replace Another
• The Puzzling Marriage Proposal
• Should We Have a Baby?
• Courageous Miracle
• Code Blue
• The Walk of Honor
• 36 Hours to Save Three Lives
• She Liked Butterflies
• Cathartic Tattoos

Thanks for listening.

Autumn's book is the Winner of the Illumination Book Awards' 2021 Silver Medal.

Autumn's memoir Boldly Into The Darkness: Living with Loss, Growing with Grief & Holding onto Happiness can be purchased at her website https://www.GrowingwithGrief.com (Includes grief resources as well as merchandise and the book.

Ebook: https://books2read.com/BoldlyintotheDarkness

Paperback: Available at your local independent bookstore.

Also available through Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Boldly-into-Darkness-Growing-Happiness/dp/1634893573/

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Welcome to part 3 of 4, Boldly Into the Darkness, with the widowed author of Boldly Into the Darkness Autumn Toelle-Jackson.

You might be perplexed if you haven't listened to parts 1 and 2 first.

In this episode, you'll meet Autumn's "grief person." His name is Kyle. The Japanese art of Kintsugi, and how it reflects your true beauty. Admitting you need help.

Does grief ambush you?

When you least expect it, in the worst places--smack! It hits you. Autumn's fear of falling apart in business meetings drove her to a simple counterintuitive solution--it works.

Small town judgment. What will they think of me?--How Autumn derails the shame train.

Dead husband baggage.

Judging the Hell out of yourself. Autumn wonders if she's just damaged goods.

Not being able to make decisions: Going from fiercely decisive to an indecisive wreck--and how Autumn changed it.

Plus a boatload more. See clues in bullets below.

Bullets

• My Grief Person
• His Name Is Kyle
• Who Was I Now?
• I Couldn't Make Decisions
• Becoming Decisive Again
• Kintsugi
• You're So Strong. Oops.
• Grief at Work--Yikes!
• I'm Having a Bad Day
• How Are You? Really?
• Admitting You Need Help
• The Food Trains--Chew-Chew
• Petty Complaints
• Mickey and The Motor Cars
• Kyle and The Concert
• Find Me Attractive?
• Small Town Judgment
• He Stayed in The Friend Zone
• Am I Damaged Goods?
• Dead Husband Baggage
• Judging The Hell Out of Yourself

Gracias for listening. Join Autumn Toelle-Jackson and me for the final part 4.

Winner of the Illumination Book Awards' 2021 Silver Medal.

Autumn's memoir Boldly Into The Darkness: Living with Loss, Growing with Grief & Holding onto Happiness can be purchased at her website https://www.GrowingwithGrief.com (Includes grief resources as well as merchandise and the book.

Ebook: https://books2read.com/BoldlyintotheDarkness

Paperback: Available at your local independent bookstore.

Also available through Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Boldly-into-Darkness-Growing-Happiness/dp/1634893573/

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Welcome to part 2 of Boldly Into the Darkness, with the widowed author of Boldly Into the Darkness Autumn Toelle-Jackson.

We pick up right where we left off from part 1. If you haven't listened to part 1, please do that first otherwise you'll miss a critical part of Autumn's story.

In this episode, we examine self-imposed grief starvation and Autumn's shocking weight loss.

Intimate suicide discussion. Do you have permission to live a life well-lived?

Why killing Grandma is funny.

The crazy giant hole in Autumn's memory.

Autumn discovers a fountain of hope and healing from an often misinterpreted ancient wisdom.

Functioning with chaos: The most important thing you can control even if you can't control anything else.

Stupid shyt people say to you.

Why do funeral homes dim the lights?

Why it's okay to be mad at God (only works if you believe in God).

Is there an easy way to get out of love where everybody ends up being happy with it? And so much more.

Bulletinis-Too Many!

• Crazy Giant Memory Hole
• The Stoics (not a punk band)
• Can You Control You?
• Small Town Quirks
• Stupid Shyt People Say
• Closure? LOL
• Molded by Tragedy
• Why Funeral Homes Dim the Lights
• God's Plan Wasn't Mine
• Be Mad at God
• Killing Grandma Ruth
• Not the Same as Suicide
• My Recognizable Car
• Nowhere to Hide
• Escape to The Coast
• The Pleasing Room
• Nature Claims
• How to Stall Your Grief
• Age of Indestructibility
• Choosing Happiness
• Fear of Pain
• No Easy Way Out of Love

Thank you for listening. Join us for part 2 of 4 with Autumn Toelle-Jackson.

Winner of the Illumination Book Awards' 2021 Silver Medal.

Autumn's memoir Boldly Into The Darkness: Living with Loss, Growing with Grief & Holding onto Happiness can be purchased at her website https://www.GrowingwithGrief.com (Includes grief resources as well as merchandise and the book.

Ebook: https://books2read.com/BoldlyintotheDarkness

Paperback: Available at your local independent bookstore.

Also available through Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Boldly-into-Darkness-Growing-Happiness/dp/1634893573/

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Proof there can be hope, healing, and love after loss.

Widowed author Autumn Toelle-Jackson joins Emeric for part one of an epic four-part series. We savor her memoir Boldly Into The Darkness: Living with Loss, Growing with Grief & Holding onto Happiness--a treasure trove of wisdom, observations, and actionable lessons you might expect from an ancient Tibetan guru widow. Autumn is barely in her thirties.

A taste of part 1: Love. Loss. Hope. Repeat

Autumn is a fierce self-professed planner (aka control freak?). Joe is a handsome cattle rancher and engineer. They marry in their mid-twenties and plan out their life.

But does Life obey plans?

Not all of Autumn's. Autumn perfectly plans her pregnancies and over and over...she miscarries.

Time marches on. Plans get back on track. Autumn and Joe are blessed with kids. They have a three-year-old son and a two-week-old baby boy.

Joe, he's thirty years old, has a disciplined exercise schedule because he's getting into extreme physical shape for an Alaskan backpack hunting safari. The kind of shape where you have to be good enough to outrun the next guy.

Because where Joe is going...Brown bears hunt humans.

Late one normal night, while Autumn preps the kids for bed, Joe leaves the house for a routine run. Except for this time, it's not routine because Death doesn't discriminate by age.

Joe never returns.

Autumn, now thirty-one with their three-year-old son and two-week-old baby boy, is suddenly widowed.

Bullets

• Boldly into the Darkness
• Once Upon a Time
• Autumn the Planner
• Getting Pregnant at Will
• Control Freak Timing
• I'm Sad. I'm Okay. Go to Work.
• Depressed--I Didn't Know
• Crying by Myself
• You're a Really Good Cow
• Nothing Else Can Happen
• What's on the Roadside?
• The Worst Joke Ever
• Screaming 911
• Was it a Hit and Run
• He Was Only Thirty
• Why the Why Doesn't Matter
• How Much Life Insurance?

Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2 of 4 with Autumn Toelle-Jackson.

Winner of the Illumination Book Awards' 2021 Silver Medal.

Autumn's memoir Boldly Into The Darkness: Living with Loss, Growing with Grief & Holding onto Happiness can be purchased at her website https://www.GrowingwithGrief.com (Includes grief resources as well as merchandise and the book.

Ebook: https://books2read.com/BoldlyintotheDarkness

Paperback: Available at your local independent bookstore.

Also available through Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Boldly-into-Darkness-Growing-Happiness/dp/1634893573/

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

Until next time. Bye!

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

The last Valentine's Day together. Elida shares intimate heartfelt details. Rick's doctor makes a gut-punch prediction.

We smash the toxic head trash myth of becoming a good person--you'll want to become this instead.

Also, does a fantastic sex-life have the staying power to keep your relationship going? How to avoid a dreadful unfulfilled life--what you must do or else.

Elida reveals the deathbed promise she made to Rick, but can't keep. And there's plenty more.

Please relish this final episode with my friend and guest co-host Elida Myers.

• The Last Valentine's Day
• P.S. I Love You (Palm Springs)
• We Weren't Married, But…
• The One Percent Chance
• Can You Define a Good Person?
• Don't Sweat the Big Stuff
• The Little General
• Not So Feisty?
• Let It Go
• Grouchy Mommy—Happy Mommy
• The Crushing Guilt
• The Promise I Couldn't Keep
• What Hope Looks Like
• Do You Choose Unhappiness Over Uncertainty?
• Amazing Sex Life—Is It Enough?
• How to Find Beauty and Love
• Why Christians Disappoint Me
• I'm So Proud of You Baby
• Adios

Thanks for listening to the final part of my conversation with Elida Myers.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, you're invited to join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

Until we meet again. Adios!

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Elida Myers and I continue where we left off from part 1.

Elida lays bare the consequences of living together. What legal rights does Elida have?

Family turmoil--judgment, shame, and legal. Elida's extraordinary relationship with Rick's young adult sons. Rick's executor--wicked sister?

Leaving California, leapfrogging America for a fresh start. Four years after Rick's death, how it feels to get noticed again by a handsome man. And lots more.

Curious? Read the episode bulletissimos below for more clues.

• Why Do We Say--Still Living?
• My Family Refused My Partner
• Mexican Christian Judgment Shame
• My Partner's Sister Turned On Me
• Was I The Devil's Spawn?
• I Treated His Boys Like My Own
• The Knock on The Door
• They Changed the House Locks
• California Here I...Leave
• I Couldn't Function
• Arizona, Put on Your Rainbow Shades
• Momma, You Lost Your Sparkle
• Fresh Start in Georgia
• Flea Market Ring
• The Taller The Hair, The Closer to Heaven
• Got Noticed? Feels Good Doesn't It?
• Spontaneous Announcement
• The Whole Soulmate Thing
• Fear of Life's Beauty
• Mutual Respect
• Trap a Lobster

Thanks for listening.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, you're invited to join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to email me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Elida Myers found another soulmate. Then he died.

Elida shares vulnerable details how, after previous marriages and splits, she conjures the courage to take a reluctant risk and allow herself to see the beauty in life with another man--a man with an unquenchable zest for life--another soulmate. His name is Rick.

Elida and Rick are inseparable--madly in love. Elida moves-in. Life is a sunny beach until Rick gets sick.

Shacking-up has complexities and consequences, before and especially after Rick dies from the insidious disease he always had but didn't fully disclose to Elida.

If your spouse died too (or your partner) and you're thinking you might marry or partner-up again--listen to this entire eye-opening series for emotional yet practical lessons about attorneys, sinister siblings, dysfunctional families, and the quest for life's beauty.

Bulletos

• My Long Lost Friend
• Once Upon a Time
• Was That a Whoopie Cushion?
• I Made the First Move
• Another Soulmate
• I Moved In
• Life is a Beach When You Live on a Bay
• The 20-Month Mistake
• That Girl-Marlo Thomas
• God's Involvement?
• Partner, Boyfriend, BF?
• People Assumed We Were Married
• He Was a Widower
• He Didn't Come Clean
• The Tequila was Tainted
• ICU--The Horror
• Scribbled Love Note
• Police Oh Boy

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, you're invited to join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to email me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Important personal announcement you must know.

Plus my heart is laid bare in this solo episode. Deeply vulnerable insight into my past. I talk about how my Macho upbringing fights with crying. My personal head trash shows itself.

You'll learn why science says crying and orgasms produce similar healthful results. Makes perfect sense. And there's more.

Not So Many Bullets

• Aristotle on Crying
• Why I'm Not Supposed to Cry
• What Crying and Orgasms Have in Common
• Macho Macho Man
• I Made Myself Lie to Her
• Tears of Joy
• Exponential Emotional Growth
• Washington Irving on the Power of Tears
• Personal Announcement

Thanks for listening and understanding.

If you'd like to know more about my personal announcement, email me at [email protected]

May Your Heart Be Filled with Peace. Let's talk soon.

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2020 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2020 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Vulnerable ruminations. In this solo episode, I come up for air, pull my personal curtains open, and expose my latest vulnerable ruminations. Is there hope on today's horizon? Find out.

Bulletations

• Ruminate Like a Boss
• Socially Distant Hugs
• Withholding Affection—Ouch
• Life is Obstacles
• Mentally Exhausted Man
• Champion Enabler
• How To Black Out Like a Pro
• Tattoo Yourself Like a Jailhouse Artist
• Do You Ever Get to Fall Apart?
• Hot Donuts at Night
• Exercising My Heart
• Carbohydrate Palooza
• Tons O' Hope
• Beauty in Life

Thanks for indulging me.

Are you ruminating? You can tell me at [email protected]

If you like the podcast, please tell someone you feel might like it too.

Would you take 2 minutes to help the widowed?

You can help the widowed decide if the podcast makes sense for them. Because it's raw and real and, This Ain't Your Grandma's Grief Group.

Here's how. Please consider leaving a short review on Apple Podcasts/iTunes. Merely tap the highlighted link to get to the review part.

Hug a Loved One. Let's talk soon. ~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2020 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2020 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Heart-bared grand finale of The Phoenix is a Poet with my widowed guest co-host, poet, and Renaissance Man, Barry Johnson. If you haven't listened to parts 1 and 2, please do that first because you don't want to be lost.

In this episode,

Barry and I rock-on with our late-night chat.

We hit heaps of heavy head trash hindrances.

You'll hear: Are you enough? Enough to date. Good enough. Attractive enough. Manly enough. Enough.

What a Praying Mantis taught Barry about Life. Can you ever be comfortable in your own skin?

We discuss parting with your late spouse's belongings. Clothes. Intimate belongings. The Harley Davidson motorcycle. Why Barry can't part with his late spouse Beverly's perfumes.

Late 2019, early 2020— Barry is dying. You'll hear Barry read the Good-Bye poem he wrote to his daughter Megan. Barry wrote the poem just hours before he answers the phone call that forever changes his life.

And there's more…

Bullets

• What I Learned from a Praying Mantis
• Don't Use This Reason to Date
• Write Poems to Help Others
• Do Men Want to Be Desired?
• The First Touch from a Woman
• Giving Her Clothes Away…Quickly
• Why I Kept Her Perfumes
• My Wife's Harley Davidson
• Leather Chaps, Britches Optional
• Comfortable with My Own Death
• Good-Bye Poem to My Daughter
• Poem Reading: Soldier's Lament
• I Got the Call
• F#&k It—I'm Going to Live!
• Living for Two—New Liver Delivered
• The Serenity Prayer
• Sometimes Life Kicks You in the Nuts
• Barry the Renaissance Man
• There's Hope
• You're Not Alone

This is Emeric and thanks for listening. You know the My Spouse Died Too podcast is raw and real and This Ain't Your Grandma's Grief Group.

So, if you get value listening to the My Spouse Died Too podcast, please tell someone you feel might get value too.

I love your emails. I read them. Email me at [email protected]

Now, be grateful, even for the smallest thing. Peace. Love. Hope.

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2020 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2020 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary