My Spouse Died Too

I read essays from Jenny's book The Good Widow - A Memoir of Living with Loss.

In one essay, titled Bone Cold, Jenny musters the courage to expose her innermost thoughts—pure raw vulnerability. When I ask Jenny, you'll hear her explain what was really going on when she wrote the piece. You might wonder if Jenny's a masochist.

Jenny the psychologist sees a psychic— are psychic mediums helpful or are you playing with fire?

Brutal self-punishment. How we conflate health and weight.

Why angry Jenny exercised like a meth head. Jenny's crazy weight loss.

Daughter Maddy's first violin recital without Daddy.

I read the essay A Letter to Grief (you need to sit for this).

Feeling permanently incomplete.

Why and how Jenny now expresses her feelings, compliments, and appreciation with conviction.

Valentine's Day regrets. The hugest betrayal. And lots more.

The link to order Jenny's book The Good Widow - A Memoir of Living with Loss and the blog website is below. If you are a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, you'll get the links in your Behind-The-Scenes email.

Jennifer Katz's website, blog, and book discussion questions:

https://www.thegoodwidow.com.

Bullets

• Bone Cold
• Conflation: Weight Loss=Good Health?
• How To Exercise Like Meth Heads
• Fear and Loathing in Rochester
• Angry and Self-Punishing
• First Recital Without Daddy
• M.C Escher
• A Letter To Grief
• Reconfigured and Reshaped: Death FX
• Permanently Incomplete
• No More Slack!
• How The World Is Now
• Super Clarity
• Hold Nothing Back
• The Time Is Now, Express With Intent
• The Tricky Grief Group
• Judgy Jenny. LOL
• The Hugest Betrayal

Thanks for listening. Join us for part 3 of 4.

If you haven't listened to part 1 here's the link.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Widowed guest co-host Dr. Jennifer Katz joins us. Dr. Katz is a tenured Professor of Clinical Psychology at the State University of New York at Geneseo.

Dr. Katz just published her book: The Good Widow - A Memoir of Living with Loss. Dr. Katz goes by Jenny.

It's August 2018, Jenny and her husband Tris have a fifteen-year-old daughter, Maddy, and a twenty-seven-year-old son, Jonah.

Two relaxed weeks before Jenny's university work starts full-force for fall, Jenny and daughter Maddy go out for an early-morning breakfast. Life is good.

After breakfast, they meet one of Jenny's former students for coffee. While enjoying coffee, Jenny sees a text from her husband and the text says "May be having heart attack. Called 911. Ambulance on the way."

Jenny and Maddy dash from coffee to car, to hospital, expecting to see Tris alive in the ICU.

Instead, Jenny and Maddy are placed in a tiny dull private waiting room— where doctors deliver a diagnosis, prognosis, or finality.

Eventually, a medical resident and social worker enter to deliver the news. "I'm sorry, your husband died. He seemed to have had a heart attack. We were unable to revive him although we tried everything we could."

Jenny is catapulted into the eye of a widow's hurricane.

You know I don't bring authors onto the podcast unless I've read their book, and feel their words can bring value and healing to you, my dear listener.

The Good Widow delivers exponentially!

Jenny's crystal clear prose is gorgeous and gut-wrenching. From death to dating, Jenny bares her heart—the vulnerable, the private, and the raw.

And there are blessings in her book.

Just one example, for me it's laced with kindly convicting lessons on how to treat your spouse so you both enjoy a love-filled and intimate relationship 'til death do you part.

Jenny details how Tris treated her and communicated with her. I took too much for granted when my spouse was alive. I can't change my past. I can't control the future. But I can still learn from others and live a more fulfilled life.

Thank you Tris for being a role model.

I had such an exhilarating time, Jenny and I talked for hours and there's so much we didn't cover.

The links to order Jenny's book and blog website are below. If you are a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, you'll get the links in your Behind-The-Scenes email.

Jennifer Katz's website, blog, and book discussion questions:

https://www.thegoodwidow.com.

Bullets

• Happy Birthday Jenny
• Deathiversary Toasts
• The Weird Man--He Became My Husband
• The Cannolis
• I'm Infertile...Go Home
• He Died. How Am I Suppose To Be A Parent?
• Courting Lessons
• He's Trauma Man--What I Was Wrong About
• I Have A Short Life Expectancy
• Celebrate Hard
• Post Traumatic Growth
• The Breakfast Text
• Grief Is Unforgiving
• Feeling Seen
• Back To Work In Two Weeks
• Feeling Like A Liar--An Imposter
• The Empathy Meter
• No Sleep For Nine Months
• You Can't Handle The Truth!
• The Saddest Thing
• The Practical Fantasy
• Hokey Woo-Woo
• Bone Cold

Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2 of 4.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Didn't the world stop when your spouse died?

Letting go of friends and family--even if only temporarily.

Since your spouse's death, are you more empathic or less or both?

Glimpses of how Julie and I parent our respective kids without their respective Dad or Mom. Hint: It's not easy. There's no do-over. And sometimes, you have to keep your mouth shut.

Julie's engaged without a wedding date. Why? Julie reveals the real reason. Can this be worked out? Is sabotage on the horizon?

Okay, so Julie's engaged, but has she and John had the critically important conversation about finances?

Julie talks about giving grace. A great lesson for me. After we recorded, I researched the concept of giving grace. It's hard for me. But it's meaningful and beautiful.

Finding beauty in life's messiness--if you are open to it.

What is Julie's worst-case scenario?

Marriage is hard, Do you give up one person's dreams over another? I the journey of finding a new love worth it?

And so much more!

Julie's prior show and God winks serendipity interview links are below the Bullets.

Bulletz

• How Is The World Not Stopping?
• Empathy, More or Less
• Magic Words--They Don't Work Anymore
• Not Sweating The Small Stuff Anymore
• Your Kids Have To Experience Tough Things
• Why Don't My Kids Call More?
• Engaged, But No Wedding Date?
• Give Grace--Here's Why
• Trust Issues
• Trying-Working-Staying In Love Isn't Easy
• It's So Messy--Life.
• Worst Case Scenario
• Is Finding New Love Worth It?

Thanks for listening.

Julie's God winks interview link here.

Julie's Once-Upon-A-Time story past episodes and blog links:

Episode 8: Out, Damned Spot!

Episode 9: Too Soon?

Julie's Blog

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Julie and the supernatural hummingbirds--can you find comfort in supernatural signs. Are they God sent, serendipity, or something else?

Julie and her fiancé John courageously move into a new house together. Fearing adult kid mutinous protest, can Julie and John figure out how to celebrate their first Thanksgiving and Christmas like one big happy family? Or does it turn into a cluster-f?

Julie reveals her biggest hang-up.

Julie is the outsider in fiancé John's decades-old social circle. Will John's friends accept Julie? Does Julie compete with John's late spouse? John's late spouse was also named Julie.

Your late spouse's family drifts away. Now what? Feeling abandoned? Orphaned?

Got Resilience? How widowhood refines you.

And you'll hear about Julie's peculiar PTSD. Freaky.

And lots more!

Julie's prior show and God winks serendipity interview links are below The Bullets.

The Bullets

• Supernatural Hummingbirds
• Packing Two Houses
• Thanksgiving Christmas Challenge
• Signs, Coincidences, And Comfort
• The Late Spouse Rooms
• Julie's PTSD
• Finding Common Ground With His Adult Kids
• Shifting Friends
• I'm The Outsider
• Late Spouse Competition
• Abandoned and Orphaned?
• Resiliency--How Hard Times Refine
• Kids Mortality Worries

Thanks for listening.

Julie's God winks interview link here.

Julie's Once-Upon-A-Time story past episodes and blog links:

Episode 8: Out, Damned Spot!

Episode 9: Too Soon?

Julie's Blog

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Julie Metzger returns and pulls back the curtains for you to see the messiness and beauty in life.

Exhausted from years of holding and lifting everybody else up, who's holding Julie up? Who holds you up?

Vibes about people—how Julie trusts her gut.

Julie's zero-calorie vampire tendencies. Julie the Olympic Hugger.

Are adult kids sabotaging your new life?

Netflix and Chillin'—Hmmm?

Wait, is Julie getting married?

God-winks, serendipity, reincarnation, and more!

Bullets

• Vibes--A Woman's Intuition
• Vampire Diaries
• Best Hugger Gold Medal
• Maya Angelou
• Was I Running Away?
• What The Therapist Said
• Engaged?
• Fake Julie--Hurtful Words
• Netflix And Chillin'

Thanks for listening.

Julie's God winks interview link here.

Julie's Once-Upon-A-Time story past episodes and blog links:

Episode 8: Out, Damned Spot!

Episode 9: Too Soon?

Julie's Blog

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Does widowhood define you? A therapist told me that's not so healthy.

But when you first meet someone new, how do you introduce yourself?

What are your biggest widow fears? Here's ours.

Quirky sleeping habits (when no one else shares your bed).

What kind of pity might you have for couples with problems? Especially when they choose not to seek professional help? I reconcile with past issues I didn't resolve with my spouse. Now, because I'm widowed, the best I can do is forgive, release and move on. But my friends still have a chance to fix their marital problems—why won't they?

The widow card—have you played it to your advantage?

Hope-filled words from Sherri.

Your spouse is dead, and sometimes you might feel…liberated because now you do things your way. Feeling guilty? Sherri did. But she tells us how things are today.

And there's much more…

Bulletz

• Quirky Bedroom Habits
• Seven Years In--Daily Routine
• A Simple Hope-filled Message
• Life Just Gets Easier--Define Easier
• Grief In A Jar
• Glad to Meet You--I'm Widowed!
• Shared Fear--Not Anymore
• Fear Of Getting Old Alone
• Guilty Liberation
• Playing The Widow Card

Thanks for listening.

Sherri's past episodes:

1 Just Yank The Weeds

6 Mr. Mom and the Prom Dresses

26 Pain Lessens Over Time (1 of 2)

27 Pain Lessens Over Time (2 of 2)

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Seven years ago, while on a phone call with his boss, Sherri's husband Greg suddenly died. Sherri wants to call the boss and ask about that call. Can I convince Sherri to call Greg's boss while we record?

Sherri reveals why you won't find a framed picture of her boyfriend in her new house.

Facebook problems for the widowed—heed this warning before your pic is plastered or tagged on Facebook.

Does Sherri have spies surveilling her boyfriend?

Angry make-up sex. Have you ever had any? Definition and example.

Is there a way out of love where both people are okay with it?

And more…

Bulletos

• No Boyfriend Pictures In My House
• Facebook--Tag, You're It!
• Sherri's Spies--The Grapevine
• My Parents Love My Boyfriend--What They Don't Know
• Angry Make-Up Sex
• Does Uncertainty Make Us Settle for a Mediocre Mate?
• Our Last Bear Hug Before He Died
• Do You Have The Courage To Reach Out?
• Telling Your Kids About Dates
• Is There An Easy Way Out Of Love For Both?
• How Do You Treat Dishonesty?
• He Ordered Me Another Glass Of Wine

Thanks for listening. Join us for the final part 3.

Sherri's past episodes:

1 Just Yank The Weeds

6 Mr. Mom and the Prom Dresses

26 Pain Lessens Over Time (1 of 2)

27 Pain Lessens Over Time (2 of 2)

Jill Johnson-Young's Book The Rebellious Widow.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Seven years ago Sherri's husband Greg suddenly died.

Today, Sherri lives alone. Can you be single, widowed, and happy?

Consequences if you remarry before age 60 (if you are eligible for American social security retirement benefits).

Is Sherri's current relationship like high school—on-again-off-again-on-again-off-again? We unravel some complexities of Sherri's current romantic life.

Can you enjoy the moment, or do you dwell on the future?

How do you measure love?

Setting boundaries so no one gets pissy—at least not too pissy.

And a whole lot more.

Bulletsssss

• 3-2-1 Margarita
• Widowed, Single, and Happy?
• If You Re-Marry Before Sixty (U. S. Social Security Reality)
• Dating Like a High Schooler--On Again, Off Again.
• Enjoy The Moment. Can You?
• How Do You Measure His Love?
• Boyfriend Boundaries With Daughters
• When You Shouldn't Sit On His Lap
• Sexy Cat Costume--Choker Included

Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2.

Sherri's past episodes:

1 Just Yank The Weeds

6 Mr. Mom and the Prom Dresses

26 Pain Lessens Over Time (1 of 2)

27 Pain Lessens Over Time (2 of 2)

Jill Johnson-Young's Book The Rebellious Widow.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Barry bares his heart and shares his biggest fear. Might this be your fear too?

How Barry thinks he comes across on first dates. In other words—why Barry really thinks his first dates don't usually lead to second dates.

The sting of rejection. This has nothing to do with transplants. But finding love again requires taking risks—and that means facing uncertainty—the fear of rejection. We talk about this in terms of unhappy vs. uncertain.

Because according to my unreferenced research, most people choose unhappiness versus uncertainty.

Do you choose certain muted contentment and suffering versus uncertain potential joy and beauty?

Knowing what you have might seem manageable—even if you're miserable vs. the unknown—you know the unknown is risky and scary, but that's where you have the hope and chance to discover the beauty, meaning, and love.

Barry Reads two poems. I'll attach those in the members-only email. Sign-up at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com

The deep memory power of scent—the smell of your spouse's shampoo, cologne, and my Mexican Mom's flour tortillas.

And so much more.

Bulletos

• Barry's Biggest Fear
• Coming Across Desperate
• 12 Rules of Life--Jordan B. Peterson
• Finding the Beauty in Life
• Test vs. Failure--Do Semantics Ease Pain?
• Poem Reading: Strawberries
• More Rejection Soon
• Unhappy vs. Uncertain
• Perfect Moments
• Poem Reading: Daydreamin' (Warm Red Wine)
• You're Worthy Because You're Alive
• Organ Donor Card
• Wisdom From Thailand

Thanks for listening.

Links for Part 1 and Part 2 of this series.

Barry's past episodes with his Once-Upon-A-Time story:

The Phoenix is a Poet - Parts 1,2, and 3.

https://myspousediedtoo.libsyn.com/episode-35-the-phoenix-is-a-poet

https://myspousediedtoo.libsyn.com/episode-36-the-phoenix-is-a-poet-2-of-3

https://myspousediedtoo.libsyn.com/episode-37-the-phoenix-is-a-poet-3-of-3

Episode 7, Scent of a Woman: https://myspousediedtoo.libsyn.com/episode-7-scent-of-a-woman

Listen to the first 90 seconds. Ted Talk: What a sex worker can teach us about human connection--Nicole Emma.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7xLfeTytns

Jordan B. Peterson book 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Barry's face glows with promise and hope when he explains what one thing he's working on—building the rest of his life around—where he finds meaning and beauty.

You'll also hear about Barry's ninety-day date-cycle.

How Barry landed on the roof of a barn.

The frustration of six first dates (and no 2nd dates), and what Barry thinks it reveals.

How much should you share on a first date—like a liver transplant?

Dark humor for coping. When to go dutch--this might surprise you.

How Barry manages deep dark depression with this life or death trade-off.

And plenty more.

Bulletasos

• How Much Do I Share?
• Six First Dates
• The Biggest Nut
• Got Nothing In Common?
• I Landed On The Roof Of A Barn!
• The "Still" Word--Why I Don't Like It
• Celibate By Choice
• Dark Humor Helps Again
• Who Pays?
• Liver And Onions
• You're Alive Again
• A F&%$ing Ray Of Sunshine
• What I'm Building My Life Around
• Absence Of Love--What I Feel
• Hope--There's Love Out There Again
• Missing Emotional Intimacy

Barry's past episodes with his Once-Upon-A-Time story:

The Phoenix is a Poet - Parts 1,2, and 3.

https://myspousediedtoo.libsyn.com/episode-35-the-phoenix-is-a-poet

https://myspousediedtoo.libsyn.com/episode-36-the-phoenix-is-a-poet-2-of-3

https://myspousediedtoo.libsyn.com/episode-37-the-phoenix-is-a-poet-3-of-3

Listen to the first 90 seconds. Ted Talk: What a sex worker can teach us about human connection--Nicole Emma.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7xLfeTytns

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary