My Spouse Died Too

Why do professionals, surrounded by death, loss, and grief, think they must hold their shyt together for their patients, family, and themselves?

For years, these professionals have been expected to bury their emotions, suck it up, and move on. Present stoically. No one must know if you seek therapy. Any sign of grief is weakness. A liability. A career impediment.

What will my colleagues think of me? What will my patients think of me? What will my family think of me?

I'm a pro. I can't lose my shyt.

But no one, no one is spared the pain of loss, the grief, that yearning for what you can no longer have.

Loss and Grief Personal Stories of Doctors and other healthcare Professionals launches the mission to normalize loss and grief, for the very same professionals who work smack dab everyday chin deep in the loss and grief swamp.

The book has 17 stories of loss and grief, each story from a different writer.

As the book title suggests, the writers are all involved with death and dying: oncologists, psychologists, therapists, and other professionals who work with loss and grief daily.

5 writers, write about losing their spouse. The other 12 stories concern losses, for example—parent, sibling, friend, and loss of identity.

At first, I was distressed about recommending a book that includes losses other than spousal, but each of the five widowed writers could be on the podcast telling their once-upon-a-time story. And in these episodes, I read to you, two heartfelt poignant stories.

It takes tremendous courage to be vulnerable, to spill your guts.

If you know someone who works in this environment, consider gifting them this book! I hope this request becomes obvious after you listen.

Thanks for listening.

Buy the book at Amazon. Here's the link: https://a.co/d/a15mjX2

Our House Grief Support Center link: https://ourhouse-grief.org

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.

• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2023 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Do men only care about this one thing?

Putting up with abuse for too long? The Devil you know vs. The Devil you don't.

Is online dating a parade of emotionally bankrupt individuals?

Reality check: Recovery from losing your spouse… is bloody and painful.

Debbie's next devastating loss—her girlfriend group abandons her. Hear why.

Beware, the astonishing power of loneliness.

Waiting too long to move out of the home where you lived with your spouse?

The length of time to find joy after loss.

Chivalry is not dead—but, on life support?

Looking for a long-term forever commitment—does Debbie discover it?

And scores more!

Please embrace this final powerful poignant episode with my widowed guest co-host Debbie Weiss.

If you haven't listened to parts 1 or 2, please do. Links: Part 1 Part 2

The link to order Debbie's book Available As Is - A Midlife Widow's Search for Love and the blog website is below.

If you are a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, you'll get the link in your Behind-The-Scenes email. If you aren't a member, take 32 seconds and sign up at MySpouseDiedToo.com.

The link to Debbie Weiss's website, blog, and to buy her book:

https://www.thehungoverwidow.com

Thanks for listening.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.

• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

After George's death, Debbie feels she doesn't deserve a future. Here's how she conquers that poisonous head trash.

How colossal loneliness leads to a first intimate encounter.

What really helps Debbie. How Debbie gains feedback to repair her life.

Life when you are used to being half of a couple.

Debbie Joins a Car Club. Why?

Why Debbie named her web and blog site: TheHungoverWidow.com.

How to meet Mr. Oedipus complex. Why do mothers damage so many sons?

The patriarchal dating game.

Why Debbie must call for police protection.

And plenty more.

Please enjoy part 2 of this wide-ranging conversation with my widowed guest co-host Debbie Weiss.

In case you haven't listened, here is the link for Part 1.

Debbie Weiss's website, blog, and link to buy her book: Available As Is--A Midlife Widow's Search for Love

If you are a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, you'll get the link in your Behind-The-Scenes email.

https://www.thehungoverwidow.com

Thanks for listening. Join us for part 3 of 3.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Widowed guest co-host Debbie Weiss joins us. Debbie is an author and blogger from the San Francisco Bay area.

Debbie just published her memoir: Available As Is - A Midlife Widow's Search For Love

Since Debbie's high school prom, George is her man.

For over 30 years, Debbie and George dine together almost every night—then curl up in bed to wake up each morning beside each other.

After meeting a mission-critical deadline, George, a silicon valley workaholic engineer, finally seeks medical attention for a strange lesion on his chest.

Results?

A rare cancer diagnosis.

But George keeps Debbie in the dark. George never truly divulges his condition, progress, or lack thereof. George even legally forbids his medical teams from disclosing information to Debbie!

Why did George do this? Was he protecting Debbie? His elderly parents? Something else?

George passes. Debbie's world stops. She's barely fifty years old. What now?

Where to start?

Deb's unvarnished dark-humored once-upon-a-time story reveals her loss of identity, disabling grief, shame, naiveté, discovery, perseverance, forgiveness, grace, and hope.

Debbie Weiss's website, blog, and link to buy her book.

https://www.thehungoverwidow.com

Thanks for listening. Join us for part 2 of 3.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

In this final episode,

Derek goes back to work and details his challenges as a single dad.

Then Derek describes how his impulsive Facebook birthday wishes to a former high school classmate four months after Emily passed, turn into a coffee date…and more.

Now, Derek contemplates dating, the timing since Emily's death, and the confusion he feels, mixed with grief.

Derek tells us how he meets one-on-one with his extended family to announce he's dating.

Derek gingerly admits and explains family "mixed reviews" and "a little backlash."

Next— I know this is a tease, but in this final episode, Derek makes a bold announcement—listen to find out.

And there's more:

Why grief ambushes Derek when he folds freshly laundered clothes.

Twirl and Dip. You'll hear Derek reminisce how one song, no matter if home or in public, spurs Derek and Emily to lovingly slow dance. Of course, romantic Derek twirls and dips Emily.

Derek shares his one-word aspirational message, it speaks volumes. I encourage you to write the word and review it each day.

And tons more.

Please enjoy this final heartfelt chat with my widowed guest co-host Derek Dibbens.

Thanks for listening. If you haven't heard part 1 or 2, the links are here: Part 1 Part 2

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again. Give Grief The Middle Finger.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Deep into treatment, Derek's young wife Emily seeks a second opinion with the world-renowned cancer specialists at MD Anderson in Houston Texas. You'll hear what the doctors say, their plan.

How Derek compartmentalizes: One moment he's a husband, the next, he's a caregiver, and at the same time, father to their baby boy. Wearing three hats, how does he do this?

You'll hear why Derek had to smuggle his baby boy INTO the hospital.

And with conflicted heavy hearts, we contemplate how, with cancer treatment, it feels as if we choose to slowly kill our loved one, because, if left untreated, cancer might kill faster.

Right after Emily's funeral, Derek chooses to take a road trip with his baby son. Derek explains why.

And plenty more!

Bulletoes

• She Wanted A Second Opinion
• Scan-xiety
• Cancer is fu#&ed up
• Valentine's Weekend
• The New Nightmare
• Please Just Go Blank
• Smuggling Our Baby INTO The Hospital
• Compartmentalizing: Caregiver, Husband, and Father
• Killing Her Slower
• Fiesta Night
• Angelic Hospice Nurses
• Father and Baby Son Road Trip

If you haven't listened to part 1, here's the link.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Newlyweds in their twenties, Derek and Emily dreamt of parenthood with a kid-filled home.

For six years, pregnancy eluded Derek and Emily.

One afternoon, during the summer of 2019, Emily gives Derek miraculous news "You're going to be a Dad." Infinite joy unleashes.

Six months later, it's January 2020, right before the Covid-19 pandemic erupts.

Emily's textbook perfect pregnancy progresses.

Just three months until the due date, but something isn't right.

Emily has breast pain. Prescribed antibiotics can't fix it. Emily is biopsied.

Derek and Emily fear the worst because Emily's OB/GYN insists on delivering biopsy results in person.

They receive a heartbreaking diagnosis.

Courageous Emily starts the biggest fight of her life, for their unborn son, and herself.

This challenging three-part story tests faith, shouts courage and resilience, and how Derek picks up the pieces and forges his new life as a widowed young Dad with a two-year-old son.

Bullets

• Once Upon A Time
• Five Minutes On The Phone
• We Tried For Six Years
• Dude, You're Gonna Be A Dad
• The Biopsy
• Nine Centimeters, Failed Anesthesia
• Surgery Tomorrow To Save Your Life!
• Surgery During Covid: Kiss Her Goodbye and Drive Off
• Two Weeks After Double Mastectomy: Déjà Vu
• She Wanted A Second Opinion

Thanks for listening.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than thirty-two seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

"How does one recover from narcissistic abuse?" Molly explores the question.

You'll hear how, despite the years of psychological abuse, Molly conjures the courage, embodies resilience, and chooses to face her new life to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix.

When I shared with Molly the words "…to rise from the ashes like a Phoenix," she laughed nervously because this is unbearable. A Sisyphean task. You don't "fix" yourself overnight with a couple of Brené Brown books and ten insurance-approved therapy sessions. (I own and recommend Brené's books.)

The trust issues. Will Molly ever trust anyone again—especially a man? How might that impact the rest of her life?

Molly can't operate in a vacuum. She's not the only one requiring repair, but the damage to her kids and their psychologically fractured relationship with Molly.

What about Molly's befuddled siblings? Molly's father was ultimately duped. The in-laws. The disbelievers. The piles of shame because Dick deceived all.

Yet resilient Molly—against all odds—exclaims triumphantly, "My personality is coming back!" To me, that's cause for a ticker-tape parade! As I type this, my eyes well up with tears of joy.

Molly refers to a Garth Brooks song—Unanswered Prayers. Molly talks about how unanswered prayers turned out to be blessings. Hard to disagree with Molly.

So much more in this final episode.

If you haven't listened to parts 1, 2, or 3 do that first or you won't be thrilled. Here are the links to Part 1 and Part 2 Part 3.

Thanks for listening.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

Warning: Crash helmet is required for this mind-bending episode because Molly blows the roof off!

If you haven't listened to parts 1 and 2, do that first or you'll be lost. Here are the links to Part 1 and Part 2.

Elusive puzzle pieces and climactic revelations clearly appear. The breadcrumbs, all the clues MolIy drops, lead to what I call the inconceivable twist.

Molly grieves Dick's death.

But, barely a week after the funeral, Molly is summoned to an emergency meeting with her husband's business department heads, accountant, and attorney.

One long-time loyal employee starts the meeting by declaring to Molly, "I don't know what you've been told."

Questionable business dealings are disclosed. Molly's world turns upside down.

Molly soon discovers her late husband Dick is not the man everyone saw on the surface.

Molly labels the real diagnosis behind Dick's behavior. And it's the essence of evil.

Remember the title of this series, My Grief Was Gaslighted? Molly defines gaslighting. But worse, she identifies and labels exactly who might employ this mind-melting tactic.

Molly reveals Dick's befitting mental condition—with its own special name.

A person with this disorder is a stealthy perpetrator—the pure essence of evil.

And Molly describes exactly how the perpetrator chooses his target.

Revelations vindicate and crush Molly—because she realizes, for decades, she was the target. Right in Dick's cross-hairs, Molly was the bullseye.

And there's more…

Dick had a secret addiction. And secret money accounts. Secrets kept from Molly. Did others know?

Molly details the corrosive mind games plied against her — and her kids.

And I point-blank ask, How did you not see this? And what is grief like now? And now, what loss do you grieve?

Please listen diligently to part three of my late evening conversation with widowed guest co-host Molly Murphy.

If you haven't listened to parts 1 and 2, do that first or you'll be lost. Here are the links to Part 1 Part 2.

Link to my sister's podcast episode Three Weddings.

Thanks for listening.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary.

In this episode (2 of 4),

Molly's husband Dick makes one last-ditch effort to counter his failed treatments and inescapable prognosis.

Dick receives a fortuitous referral to visit an eminent cancer doctor specializing in Dick's exact diagnosis. This doctor is at a top research facility globally—Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in Manhattan, New York City.

You'll hear what the doctor says about Dick's prognosis—and where Dick ends up.

Put on your seatbelt as Molly details relationship strains from the past, to present odd behaviors. Molly drops more breadcrumbs, more clues.

If you haven't listened to part one, here's the link.

Bullets

• Last Ditch Effort
• THE Eminent Doctor Says…
• Inexplicable Odd Moments
• Everything Caves In
• That Song
• Becoming Unhinged
• Mosh Pit Hospice
• Like a Loopy Five Year Old
• Taken Away: Food, Drinking, and Sex
• Ensure: The Quintessential Cancer Drink

Thanks for listening.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary