My Spouse Died Too

Widowed guest co-host Molly Murphy joins us.

But there's a catch. Molly Murphy isn't her real name.

Molly tells her story with an alias, a fake name because she must protect the truly innocent and the potentially guilty.

Every widow or widower's story and grief is custom-made. And yes, all our stories share similarities, including Molly's, but in the end, Molly's story has a twist, and it's is an absolute jaw-dropper.

But Molly is not our average guest—because of the eye-popping discoveries Molly makes AFTER her husband passes. Discoveries ABOUT her husband.

Molly and her husband Dick's story starts like many of our widowed guests— a young, hope, dream, and promise-filled newlywed couple journeys through the ups and downs of life.

On the surface, Molly's life looks enviable—children arrive, business booms, big money flows.

But life is not what it appears to be. Under the surface, building ever since Molly met Dick, a complex puzzle, a puzzle about her husband, with many missing or blurry pieces.

Did Molly's gut sense something off-putting?

Years march on. There's a diagnosis. Unsuccessful Treatment. Dick dies.

After Dick's death, Molly mourns. Molly grieves. Molly is bereft.

Then, an inconceivable twist.

Because short weeks after the funeral, one by one, elusive puzzle pieces and climactic revelations clearly appear. Molly discovers her husband is not the man everyone saw on the surface.

The discoveries will shock and appall you to your core. Especially because you might be or might have been subjected to this type of evil.

These unveilings go way beyond my comprehension. Needless to say, it appears miraculous Molly and her kids survived the mental and emotional turmoil, a forever profound scar-filled impact.

Molly exudes resilience, and to tell her story, Molly conjures colossal courage, to bare, to bare her soul— her most raw vulnerable self.

You'll hear how Molly chooses, and what it takes, professional and spiritual, in the face of insurmountable odds, to forge ahead, to hope, to heal, day by day, to rise from the ashes, like a Phoenix.

Please enjoy part 1 of our chardonnay relaxed evening with my widowed guest co-host, also known as Molly Murphy.

Bullets

• I'm Not Your Average Podcast Guest
• Like In The Shining
• Misdiagnosed!
• His Worst Fear: Prostate Removal
• Researching Doctors Across America
• The Rhetorical Question
• Don't Doctors Read The Same Book?
• Walking Dirty Bomb

Thanks for listening.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Stumbling and bumbling, Barb Flynn and I finish my Match online dating application. This is part two. If you missed part one, you can click and listen to it here.

Barb and I read and comment on actual women's profiles matched to mine.

If someday you might consider dating, or if you're already active with a dating app, listen carefully because Barb gives loads more insight, tips, and warnings.

Please enjoy our random raw banter in this last episode of I'm Dating—Hear Me Sign-Up Live for Match.com

Bullets

• No Turning Back
• Fake Dating Profiles
• How To View Your Competition
• More Profile Pic Tips
• Why You Shouldn't Use Filters
• How to Avoid The Dating App Time Suck
• Tighten Your Profile
• Tips On Detecting Scammers

Thanks for listening. If you aren't a My Spouse Died Too community member, please read the following...

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Past Episode Links Mentioned:

Dear Donna, I'm Finally Dating Part 1 Part 2

Barb Flynn: I Love You Too, Babe Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Dr. Jennifer Katz: The Good Widow Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Dr. Katz link to her website and to buy her book: https://www.thegoodwidow.com

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

WARNING. This two-part series is R-rated. If curse words and sexual innuendo don't send you running, then stick around.

Guest co-host Barb Flynn kindly walks me through the actual live sign-up and setup of the Match.com online dating profile.

We set my profile up because after four dates with the first woman I dated (since my late spouse)—things ended—she rekindled a past romance. Great experience. I have zero regrets and no resentment. You can hear all about that in the two episodes of Dear Donna, I'm Finally Dating. Here are those links: Part 1 Part 2

So…my dating quest continues...and I add being alert to the unexpected beauty in life. Ponder that.

Now, if you think you'd like to, or you already date online, Barb's insights and my bumbling live sign-up give you examples of…what not to do so you save time and make the process less painful and hopefully fruitful.

In this episode, as we walk or crawl live through the Match.com sign-up, you'll discover tips and challenges on how to set up a dating subscription, what to avoid, and how to answer the app's confusing questions.

But there's a lot more…for example, we expose women's effective flirting secrets. (Dear listener, you'll want to be alert to this so you don't waste your time with indifferent prospects). You'll also hear dating tips and harsh realities of online dating.

Please enjoy our chit-chat while Barb coaches me, Emeric McCleary, through the Match.com sign-up process:

Thanks for listening.

Episode Links Mentioned:

Dear Donna, I'm Finally Dating Part 1 Part 2

Episode Bullets

• Flirting Secrets Exposed
• DO NOT Use This Profile Pic
• Entering the Shyt Show (On-Line Dating)
• Should Fido Be In Your Picture?
• Why You Might Not Say You're Widowed
• Pulling The Trigger

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Beer-infused evening ramble continues!

Barb Flynn and I recorded just twenty-four hours before my upcoming third date with Miss Kayak.

In this episode, I share what I believe is the most important part of an online dating profile— the written summary—this is where you say something about yourself. My list exhausts. I'm told by "dating experts" it's too long. You might be amused or alarmed by what I say.

What my nurse practitioner sister warns me about sexually transmitted diseases—my naiveté is exposed.

Why Barb dresses differently to shop this unique grocery store. Is she trolling the fresh meat section?

Resilience.

Courage to date, and plenty more!

Please enjoy this meandering final part of Should I Make My Online Dating Profile?

Thanks for listening.

Past Episode Links Mentioned:

Dreams About My Spouse Single Episode

Dear Donna, I'm Finally Dating Part 1 Part 2

Barb Flynn: I Love You Too, Babe Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Dr. Jennifer Katz: The Good Widow Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Dr. Katz link to her website and to buy her book: https://www.thegoodwidow.com

This Episode's Short Bullet List

• Emeric's Dating Profile Notes
• How To Levitate
• Trolling Trader Joe's
• Have You Dreamed About Your Spouse?
• Why Voldemort Made Me Cry
• Be Vulnerable -- What's The Trade-Off?
• How Resilient Is Barb?

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than fifty-seven seconds. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Should I Make My Online Dating Profile Now? Returning guest co-host Barb Flynn helps set up my online dating profile. Barb's deadpan sense of humor plays well with mine—naturally, we go off into the weeds (figuratively). We discuss gobs!

Warning: Barb and I drank beer before and during recording, but I sound like I beer-bonged espresso—maybe because I was both anxious and delighted to record.

Also, to add context, we recorded after I had gone out twice with Miss Kayak. Some discourse is similar to what you hear in the two episodes of "Dear Donna, I'm Finally Dating" --episode links to Part 1 and Part 2.

Now…Usually, when I record in-person with a guest co-host, we are more than six feet apart, not because of Covid, but because I need distance between microphones to reduce audio problems.

But this time, we share my laptop to set up a Match.com dating profile—so we have to sit next to each other, almost uncomfortably close—and this tension adds to the evening fun, especially because Barb's dead pan sense of humor plays wells with mine. (Please note, Barb and I have not dated each other, and you'll hear why.)

This is a two-part series. And in this first part, vulnerable chit chat encompasses insights into— relationships, dating, grit, optimism, actionable advice, and being alert for life's unexpected beauty.

And there's more!

Barb and I babble about, for example:

Am I too short and old to be a hot date?

How to make out in a restaurant like a rock star.

The stupid breakup line you might expect from the narcissistic Taliban.

Here's why she won't spoon you.

And for my woo-woo sensibilities, is the universe female?

Please enjoy our wide-ranging, beer-battered banter in this first part of Should I Make My Online Dating Profile Now?

Bulletinis

• Learning To Date: Like A Virgin
• How To Make Out In A Restaurant Like A Rock Star
• Stupid Male Break-Up Line
• Who Is The Narcissistic Taliban?
• Always Say Yes To A Fix-Up, Or Else
• Crickets—Ghosted On My First Try?
• Why Mornings Are Less Risky
• Barb's Hammered Bartender
• Why Some Cuddle, Then Move On
• My Quandary
• Here's Why She Won't Spoon You
• The Universe Is Female

Thanks for listening.

Past Episode Links Mentioned:

Barb Flynn: I Love You Too, Babe Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Dr. Jennifer Katz: The Good Widow Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Dr. Katz link to her website and to buy her book: https://www.thegoodwidow.com

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than a minute. Here's the link: https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

In this final episode of Dear Donna, I'm Finally Dating, we pick up where we left off from part one.

More Miss Kayak dates! Alcohol dissolves conversation filters. Head trash ups and downs.

When should I kiss my date? Head vs. heart—which wins? Are my wardrobe issues irrational? Why you CAN'T arrive early to pick up your date.

Downward dog yoga incident rears its head. Peculiar feeling—what does the gut say?

Dating makes me soul-search my principles and core personality—here's my concrete discovery.

Where do things go with Miss Kayak? And much more!

I mentioned David Leon Designs. My son David's fashion design Instagram site: https://www.instagram.com/davidleondesigns/

Episode Bullets!

• I'm Not An Axe Killer
• But Can She Outrun Me?
• Does My Wardrobe Need Updating?
• Dinner Involves Alcohol
• What's It Like To Kiss Again?
• Female Wardrobe Prep Times
• We are NOT Eloping
• Triggered!
• Would You Like To Come In?
• What's The Peculiar Feeling?
• And That's When She Said…
• Who Am I? Let's See

Thanks for listening.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up takes less than 57 seconds at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

"Dear Donna, I'm Finally Dating"

Eight years after my spouse Donna died, I wrote this heartfelt letter to her.

In the first of this two-part series, I read the letter—it's about our first date (and how it almost ended in blows), dying, my improbable number one bucket list item, and what Donna wanted for me after her death.

Along with my vulnerable random ramblings, I share intimacies—never revealed—even to those closest to me.

And to top it off, you'll hear anxious awkward details about my first dating experience since Donna died.

Yes, eight years passed before I finally dated. Listen carefully lest you make these mistakes!

And there's a whole lot more.

Show Bullets

• Dear Donna Letter
• The Ex-Boyfriend Blonde Viking
• I'm Finally Dating
• Dog, Cat, Or Spider Monkey
• Did She Say It's Okay to Remarry?
• Number One Bucket List Item
• Will You Ever Fall In Love Again?
• Desiring Intimacy: At What Uncertain Exhaustive Effort?
• How Does Monkhood Make Sense?
• I Love You Forever
• Potential Mulligan
• Is She A Dominatrix?
• Ignore The Red Flags
• Awkward, Weird, and Uncertain
• My Heart Doesn't Wear A Watch
• First Date: Shake Hands or Hug?
• Turkey Buzzards
• What To Wear On My First Date?
• Breakfast Downward Dog
• Should I Kiss Her?

Thanks for listening. Join me for part 2 of 2.

Past Episode Links Mentioned:

Paige Wilson: Pretending To Be Happy Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Dr. Jennifer Katz: The Good Widow Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2022 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Four book recommendations for the widowed.

Three authors have been on the podcast as widowed guest co-hosts. The fourth author is not widowed. Her book was recommended to me by one of the widowed guest co-hosts.

Now, I'm not going to have an author on the show if I won't recommend their book. That would be awkward.

And I only recommend books I have read.

When I read, I underline. Write notes and questions in the margins. If I feel the book gives enough value (sorry I can't define enough), I'll book a recording appointment with the author.

Before I have the author on the podcast, I reread the book and make 8 to 12 pages of handwritten notes for a podcast recording session.

I'll never recommend something to you if I don't feel it delivers value. Value is subjective, and your definition of value is probably different than mine.

To me, a non-fiction book delivers value if I get something out of it. For instance, an actionable tactic, or a different way of looking at a problem. Or something exhilarates me. Helps me heal. For me, the list goes on.

I'll never make a recommendation if I don't feel it delivers value.

Okay—Back to the books, the authors are from different walks of life and a wide age range—30's and up. Big city to a small rural town. All in the United States.

All the authors are female. Refreshing for me as a male—these books come with an added bonus. Because you get insight into women. Their perspective, thoughts, challenges, fears, emotional needs, and wants. What's important in their relationships and more.

In other words, how to treat women. I wholeheartedly believe understanding and acting on it will make you a better listener, friend, lover, partner, or spouse.

The overall theme with all the widowed authors' books is with their story, their experience, and in some cases, their professional expertise--they want to help others. That's you and me.

Like you (I know that's an assumption), the widowed authors didn't want to be part of the widowed community, but what I see is they choose to find meaning in their suffering—beauty in their odyssey.

And they summon the courage to write and share intimate details with you—in the hope of helping you, to feel seen—to feel heard.

To give you hope so you can heal, find love again, and give grief the middle finger.

Links for the authors' books, websites, and podcast episodes are below. Most of the authors have more resources on their websites. Resources you might find valuable.

If you are a member of the MSDToo community email list, that's where you get Behind-The-Scenes details and Show Alerts, I'll email you details and all the links so you can click to your heart's content.

And … if you're not a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, consider joining. Takes less than 32 seconds. Join at myspousediedtoo.com.

I recommend you read the books, then listen to the respective episodes to get a powerful feel for the widowed author. For me, that's a selfish pleasure I get from reading the book, then hearing and seeing the author live!

Thanks for listening. Links are below.

Book 1

Boldly Into The Darkness: Living with Loss, Growing with Grief & Holding onto Happiness by Autumn Toelle-Jackson

This link above is to Autumn Toelle-Jackson's website with resources and her book.

Autumn's Podcast Episodes: 43 44 45 46

Book 2

the rebellious WIDOW: A Practical Guide to Love and Life After Loss by Jill Johnson-Young, LCSW

Jill Johnson-Young's website

Jill's website has tons of resources.

Jill's Podcast Episodes: 51 52 53

Book 3

The Good Widow: A Memoir of Living with Loss by Jennifer Katz, PhD

Jenny Katz's link takes you to her website where you'll find her book, blog, and discussion guide.

Jenny's Podcast Episodes: 65 66 67 68

Book 4

Getting Naked Again—Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You've Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted by Judith Sills. PhD

Getting Naked Again link goes to Amazon.

Happy reading and listening!

And if you haven't already...

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

The psychic prediction that came true—Is this mere coincidence? Listen and decide for yourself.

After the death of her husband Tris, Jenny describes her first romantic kiss—what she didn't feel, but what she felt.

All of a sudden, he got possessive. A switch flips and jerk behavior ensues.

The ethical slut: defense of a slutty widow. This references the poly community (polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved). Jenny brings this up because if you were in love with your spouse when he or she died, in a sense, you carry that relationship with you. Like a polyamorous relationship. Profound heartfelt discussion.

Coffee with Bruce: first date number thirty-six. Is he the last first date?

And there's plenty more!

The link to order Jenny's book The Good Widow - A Memoir of Living with Loss and the blog website is below. If you are a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, you'll get the links in your Behind-The-Scenes email.

Jennifer Katz's website, blog, and book discussion questions:

https://www.thegoodwidow.com.

Bullets

• The First Kiss--Not With Tris
• Couch Talk (Like Pillow Talk)
• He Got Possessive
• The Ethical Slut
• Poly Community
• Date Number Thirty-Six
• Coffee With Bruce
• He Brought Flowers, Then He Moved In
• The 100% Accurate Psychic Prediction
• Wholehearted Living
• Openness To The Unexpected

Thanks for listening.

In case you haven't listened to other parts, here are links for Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary

Why Jenny feels guilty and embarrassed (about most of her book).

Jenny goes on thirty-six first dates.

More thoughts on psychic healing.

Widowed with stepkids. Your spouse is gone, will your stepkids drift away?

The problem with perfectionism.

Critical emoji texting etiquette: This emoji will get you into trouble or into fun.

I read Jenny's essay How To Date A Widow. It's a true tutorial I believe anyone considering dating a widow should read, and there are lessons here for all of us (male or female).

The shame-filled fairytale we are raised to believe.

You know how people say "things always work out?" But what do they mean by work out? Jenny brilliantly reframes what it means.

And there are tons more.

The link to order Jenny's book The Good Widow - A Memoir of Living with Loss and the blog website is below. If you are a member of the My Spouse Died Too community email list, you'll get the links in your Behind-The-Scenes email.

Jennifer Katz's website, blog, and book discussion questions:

https://www.thegoodwidow.com.

Bullets

• Guilty And Embarrassed
• Psychic Healing
• Camp Widow
• He Should Be Here!
• Sunny The Psychic (Sister Vickey's Medium)
• Counter Factual Thinking
• Will Your Step Kids Disappear?
• Biological Link Fallacy
• Perfectionism Problem
• Asking My Daughter For Permission
• First Date: Crying There And Back
• DWTFYWTD (F-Bomb In There)
• Reconstructing My Narrative
• Thirty-Six First Dates
• Do Men Only Look At Pictures?
• Shame Filled Fairytale
• Emoji Etiquette--Got Eggplant?
• How Things Workout--Please Define Workout

Thanks for listening. Join us for final part 4 of 4.

In case you haven't listened, here are links for Part 1 and Part 2.

Other links mentioned in this current episode:

Episode 11 Three Weddings (My sister Vickey is guest co-host)

Episode 40: I Found Another Soulmate. Then He Died.

Camp Widow

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone, join me in the My Spouse Died Too community email list for members-only benefits:

• Behind-the-scenes commentary gives you deeper insight--helps you heal.
• Episode alerts so you'll know when a new episode is ready.
• Updates on past podcast guests because their journeys continue too.
• Plus more thoughts, resources, and random widowed journey stuff I discover.
• And it's the best way to contact me.

Because you shouldn't have to journey alone.

Sign-up now at https://www.myspousediedtoo.com.

Hope. Heal. Find love again.

~ Emeric

My Spouse Died Too podcast, images, logos, artwork copyright © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary. Music and lyrics © 2019-2021 by Emeric McCleary and Elena McCleary