Myopia Movies

This week we get alllllll creepy crawly. We watched Arachnophobia, another movie, like almost all movies, that doesn't have nearly enough John Goodman! 

“Before Eight-Legged Freaks made spiders scream-worthy and before Jeff Daniels became America’s favorite newsroom anchor, there was Arachnophobia—the movie that turned every shoe, vacuum, and rolled-up newspaper into a weapon of survival.

This week on Myopia Movies, we crawl back to 1990 to face our fears—literally—with a horror-comedy that dares to ask: what if your quaint small town was overrun by an army of venomous spiders with a taste for blood… and interior design?

Is it scary? Is it silly? Is it the Jaws of the jungle gym set? Let’s put it to the test as we examine toxic masculinity, arachnid-based paranoia, and John Goodman as a pest control cowboy who deserves his own franchise.

So shake out your shoes, check the corners of your room, and join us for Arachnophobia—a movie that proves once and for all: nature is coming for us… one creepy leg at a time.”

Host: Nic

Panel: Charlie, Keiko, Matt, Alex

Directed by Frank Marshall

This week on Myopia Movie, we complete our worst of the previous year month with a movie that no one wanted, and no one liked, we saw Borderlands, a movie that not only lost $114 million of a $145 million budget (excluding advertising), it was delayed for three years and this was still the best they could come up with. 

Host: Nic

Panel: Keiko, Matthew, Alex

Directed by Eli Roth

This week we continue the Worst of the Previous Year for Oscars Month and are baffled by a stupid movie, whose book is somehow worse. We watched Argylle, the worse the script, the dumber the lie. 

Host: Nic

Panel: Matt, Zack

Directed by Matthew Vaughn

Welcome to Myopia Movies, where this week, we watched Madame Web, Sony’s latest attempt to prove you can make a Spider-Man movie without Spider-Man—or a plot, or logic, or an audience.

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Host: Nic

Panel: Nur, Keiko, Matthew

Directed by S.J. Clarkson

Starring: Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O'Connor, Tahar Rahim, Mike Epps, Emma Roberts,  Adam Scott

This week on Myopia Movies, in honor of the Academy Awards this week, we are covering some of the worst, weirdest, and biggest disasters of the previous year. This week we start with Francis Ford Coppola's vivid, but baffling 'Fable' Megalopolis. We're all going to the cluuuuuubbbbbb!

Host: Nic

Panel: Daniel, Alex, Matthew, Keiko

Directed by: Francis Ford Coppola

Starring: Adam Driver, Giancarlo Esposito, Nathalie Emmanuel, Aubrey Plaza, Shia LaBeouf, Jon Voight, Laurence Fishburne, Talia Shire, Jason Schwartzman, Kathryn Hunter, Grace VanderWaal, Chloe Fineman, James Remar, D.B. Sweeney, Balthazar Getty

Welcome to Myopia Movies, after that brief diversion to celebrate 500 episodes, we turned to Robin Hood: Men in Tights, I mean, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. I guess American Robin Hoods don't even need to try accents...you know what? It is for the best. 

Make sure to like and subscribe where ever you are getting this! Please leave us a review and follow us  everywhere!

Host: Nic

Panel: Alex, Keiko, Nur, Matt

Directed by Kevin Reynolds

This week on Myopia Movies, we’re celebrating a milestone—500 episodes! To honor the journey, we’re going back to a movie that came out just as we were starting and talking about the Turtles. This time, though, we are covering the 2014 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, produced by Michael Bay, which came out while we were starting. It’s awful, it’s outrageous, and surprisingly adult for what was a kids’ movie. So, for this special episode, we’re doing something different: a syncable commentary, just like on the old CineProv Patreon. We will count off the film and tell you when to hit play. Whether you’re watching along (it was on Amazon Prime when we recorded) or just listening, we’re here to have fun, make jokes, and share in the absurdity. Thank you for supporting us through 500 episodes—we appreciate you!

Host: Nic

Panel: Alex, Daniel, Matthew, and Keiko

Directed by Jonathan Liebesman

Happy Valentines Day! That means cheesy rom-coms! This week on Myopia Movies, we learn the danger of print media! We watched How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, or How to Troll Your Partner. We will talk horrible SOs, ruining basketball, and naming your penis! 

Make sure to like and subscribe where ever you are getting this! Please leave us a review and follow us on Bluesky, Reddit, and Facebook!

Host: Nic

Panel: Nur, Matthew, and Keiko

Directed by Donald Petrie

Starring: Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey, Adam Goldberg, Kathryn Hahn, Annie Parisse, Thomas Lennon

Welcome to Myopia Movies, where we rewatch the films of our youth to see if they stand the test of time—or if nostalgia was lying to us! This week, we’re diving into 1989’s Look Who’s Talking, the baby-powered comedy that made us all wonder what our infants were really thinking. With John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, and Bruce Willis as the voice of a wisecracking newborn, this movie was a box office hit—but does it still charm in 2024, or is it just baby babble? Strap in your car seats, folks—we’re about to find out!

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Host: Nic

Panel: Keiko, Alex, Nur

Welcome to Myopia Movies, the podcast where we revisit the films of our youth to see if they hold up under the lens of nostalgia—or crumble under the weight of time! This week, we’re plunging headfirst into the campy chaos of 1984’s Ice Pirates. With space herpes, robot pirates, and a desert-dry water crisis, this sci-fi comedy is equal parts swashbuckling adventure and ‘80s absurdity. But does it still have treasure hidden beneath its dated special effects, or has it been lost in the black hole of bad cinema? Strap in, mateys, and let’s find out!

Make sure to like and subscribe where ever you are getting this! Please leave us a review and follow us on Bluesky, Reddit, and Facebook!

Host: Nic

Panel: Nur, Alex, Keiko, and Matt

Directed by Stewart Raffill