Need Not Apply

🎙️ We’re back for another week of workplace chaos, post-holiday exhaustion, and the kind of unhinged tangents only we could deliver.
It’s Monday night, Gary’s eyes are burning from a full-blown, traffic-fueled meltdown, we may need a medic, Gina barely survived Black Friday retail warfare, and both of us have officially entered that end-of-year delirium where time isn’t real and everything is annoying.

Between Cyber Monday deals that aren’t deals, customers who somehow know more about your job than you do (according to them), and Gary noticing half the highway chewing their nails like they’re waiting for a court verdict… we had plenty to decompress before even touching a single story.

We also spiral into:
🎈 A totally unnecessary deep dive into the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
🎅 The chaos of mall Santa season
🐾 And Santa Paws, Gina’s absolute favorite day of the year (tiny dogs in sweaters, enough said)

Once we get all that out of our system?

Oh, we SERVE.

🍷 A server’s nightmare four-top with a garlic “allergy,” a baked potato war, and an aggressively unwell Sheila who argues about wine like she’s auditioning for Real Housewives: Early Bird Special Edition.

🍺 A bartender who walks into absolute mayhem — a coworker mid-seizure, customers dipping without paying, and the kind of small-town bar drama that feels like a Netflix miniseries waiting to happen.

😵‍💫 A meltdown at a toxic pizza shop where one loud wrong-wine accusation, one milestone cancer celebration, and one exhausted server collide into an emotional shift-ender.

💋 The Rehab Rom-Com Gone Wrong at the Daytime Bar
A couple fresh out of rehab, a wife on the way, a disappearing boyfriend, and a bartender stuck in the middle of a very messy affair.

☢️ The Chernobyl fungus that might actually eat radiation
📱 “Brain rot” confirmed by the APA thanks to endless TikTok scrolling
✨ Gen Z trusting astrology over science when choosing partners
🧀 Cheese potentially lowering dementia risk
🦈 Sharks hiding in your skincare
🤖 People spiraling into AI-fueled delusions

💩 The Fossilized Viking Poop Worth More Than the Crown Jewels🐦 And Wisdom the 75-year-old albatross, the only dependable elder in our lives

💬 Miss last week’s episode? Catch up before diving into this server-and-bartender saga of the century.
Your commute, your chores, your walk around Target all better with us in your ear.

Gina’s sick, Gary’s exhausted, and Samson the Cat has officially stepped into his role as Head Nurse and is supervising, sunbathing, and offering moral support on his own terms. Between sinus tea, cozy chaos, and even a scam call during recording, we still manage to kick things off with nostalgia, random wildlife facts, and some of the funniest retail scams we’ve covered yet.

Then it’s straight into Scam Season™, because nothing brings out the tricksters like holiday shopping energy.

🔥 This Week’s Stories1) Warranty Magnet Guy  “Corporate Policy? Never Heard of Her.”

A man discovers that with a backup drive, a firm grip, and a dangerously strong magnet, you can turn an extended warranty into an endless upgrade pipeline. A masterclass in chaotic evil.

2) The Fireworks Scam Trio  “We Paid Less Yesterday!”

Three guys walk into a fireworks tent claiming yesterday’s prices were half the cost. One phone call later? Retail justice. Peak petty satisfaction.

3) Boot Return Lady  “The Accent Said Paris, The Stickers Said Loss Prevention.”

A mysteriously sourced pair of boots, an inconsistent French accent, and some very creative sticker removal. Retail theater at its absolute finest.

4) iTunes Gift Card Scammer Girl  “If I Don’t Take the Card Out, It Doesn’t Count.”

A chaotic finale featuring $800 in gift cards, wallet acrobatics, and Olympic-level hesitation. The perfect modern scammer story.

📰 Weird News Break

1. The White Stripes Sibling Lie Resurfaces

Jack & Meg weren’t siblings…. they were married. One of music’s biggest PR myths revisited.

2. Chocolate-Flavored Honey Is Here

Created from cocoa bean shells, the natural evolution of Clinique Black Honey.

3. Denmark Proposes Social Media Ban for Kids Under 15

One of Europe’s strictest youth-tech proposals, aimed at cutting algorithm exposure.

4. IQ May Affect How Well You Hear Speech in Noisy Rooms

New research shows speech perception is tied to cognitive load, not just hearing.

5. Scientists Identify the Most Likely Meteor Impact Zone

Equator-heavy risk patterns suggest certain regions should keep an eye on the sky.

6. Experts Warn the Internet Will Go Down And We’re Not Prepared

Cloudflare outages highlight how fragile our infrastructure really is.

7. Meta Wins Monopoly Trial by Arguing Social Networking Is “Dead”

Courts sided with Meta’s claim that they’re competing with TikTok and YouTube, not dominating traditional social media.

8. Turning Off AI’s Ability to Lie Makes It Claim Consciousness

Totally normal. Definitely nothing to worry about.

This week’s episode has Sunday scaries, random ‘80s TV references, Twitch chaos, and Juniper making her grand entrance by stomping across a Fallout energy drink box mid-recording.

Gina navigates Twitch raids and Discord gremlin energy, Gary wonders when we officially became “old people TV” age (hello, Murder, She Wrote), and we spiral from American Idol fever dreams to Thanksgiving plans, career anxiety, and asking for help without wanting to shrivel up and die from secondhand awkward.

Then we clock in for some truly unhinged workplace tales:

A happy hour hug, the phrase “work husband,” a very real spouse at home, and an HR-adjacent boundary explosion.Is it harmless? Is it creepy? Is it both? 👀

One tiny mirror to stop jump scares…Coworkers suddenly acting like they’re in a haunted house.Why is everyone so pressed over a $12 piece of plastic?!

She builds a professional, cute wardrobe around a 38G chest.Someone reports her outfit.HR can’t (or won’t) say who complained… or what was “wrong.”Now every lunch and bend forward feels like a trap.

Love triangle.Office gossip.Pregnancy.People disappearing like they got written off a soap opera.This saga goes full Lifetime movie and then just… cuts to black.

We also hit a stack of wild headlines, including:

• 🦷 A new gel that might one day help regrow tooth enamel instead of drilling and filling

• 💊 Viagra doing double duty by helping a certain kind of hearing loss

• 🌿 Rosemary extract speeding up wound healing (yes, this started with a TikTok hair trend)

• 🐝 Bumblebees basically learning Morse code with flashing lights

• 🐱 A huge review asking whether growing up with cats is linked to higher schizophrenia risk

• 🤖 OpenAI testing group chats where ChatGPT joins like an over-eager coworker

• ✅ Linguistic clues on how to tell if AI wrote something (spoiler: that little green checkmark shows up a lot)

• 🐺 The “dogxim” — a wild dog–pampas fox hybrid that has scientists very stressed about ecosystems

  
  

💍 Work Husband Meltdown🪞 The Case of the “Cursed” Desk Mirror👗 Big Boob Problems vs. Anonymous HR Complaint🎭 The Girl Who Eats Drama (Part 2)🧪 Mid-Episode News Break: Science, Chaos & Mild Panic

Corporate chaos is in full bloom this week as Gina & Gary return to the office trenches for stories of micromanagers, mystery plants, and moral decay. 🪴 From cubicle décor violations to “creative” bosses who make HR look like a myth, it’s proof that some workplaces are less team-building and more trauma-bonding.

Then the duo dives into the week’s wildest headlines: caffeine-crazed collectors fighting over bear-shaped cups, AI animals rewriting the food chain, spider societies thriving in toxic caves, and Meta quietly monetizing mayhem. Because apparently even the bugs have better management than we do. 🕷️☕💸

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🗂️ In This Episode

Story 1 – “ The Immortal Office Plant and Lorraine the Tattletale ”

When a harmless vine becomes a workplace legend and one employee takes “safety” way too personally, chaos climbs the cubicle wall.

Story 2 – “ My First Nightmare Job ”

A “creative” gig spirals into power trips, stolen credit, and boundary-blurring bosses. Spoiler: therapy was the best career move.

Story 3 – “White Supremacist Saves the Day”

Proof that sometimes the office hero isn’t who you want — just who’s left standing when HR fails upward.

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☕ Newsbreak Highlights

– Starbucks Bearista Cup Frenzy – Limited edition glass bear = unlimited drama.

– AI Wildlife Videos – Raccoons riding crocodiles? Nature says “no.”

– Sulfur Cave Spiders – Arachnid megacity proves teamwork survives toxicity.

– Meta & the $16 Billion Scam Problem – Fake ads, real profits, same old Facebook.

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💌 Got a workplace confession? Send it to [email protected] and you might be our next “employee of the week.”

This week on Need Not Apply, we’re saying “I do”… to workplace drama. 💍 When does a “work spouse” cross the line from friendly coworker to full-blown homewrecker? Gina and Gary dive into a three-part Reddit saga featuring a mug in the trash, a promotion sabotaged, and a birthday cake that literally says “My Work Hubby.” (Yikes.)

Meanwhile, Samson’s post-surgery chaos continues, Juniper’s losing her mind, and somehow a fox, a fish, and a fluorescent shark all make it into the news. 🦊🐟🦈

In this episode:
💼 The Stories

Part 1 – “My Husband Doesn’t See How His Work Wife Is Trying to Destroy Our Marriage”
The opening confession that starts it all — a Reddit wife realizes her husband’s “work wife” isn’t just being friendly. A trashed wedding mug, shady hashtags, and denial so deep you’d think it came with scuba gear.
👉 [Reddit Link – Part 1]

Part 2 – Update: He Still Doesn’t See It (But Everyone Else Does)
OP goes full detective mode — texts, lunches, and lines crossed — before laying down a final ultimatum. Emotional affairs, excuses, and one major meltdown.
👉 [Reddit Link – Part 2]

Part 3 – Final Update: The Work Wife Falls From Grace
A confrontation, an apology, and maybe a redemption arc? OP’s husband finally wakes up to the chaos he caused — but can the marriage survive the mess?
👉 [Reddit Link – Part 3]

Story 4 – “I (22F) Was Dating My 55-Year-Old Boss — and He Ruined My Life”
Love-bombing, manipulation, and HR gaslighting: a chilling reminder of what happens when power meets obsession. Gina and Gary unpack the red flags waving across an industry that protects predators.
👉 [Reddit Link – Story 4]

• Newsbreak:
 – A fish in Japan buys Nintendo credits (and gets a refund).
 – Runaway monkeys cause chaos on the highway.
 – Costa Rica’s glowing orange shark is serving traffic cone realness.
 – Humans used to sleep twice a night — so your 3 A.M. wake-up might be ancient behavior.
 – The Great Vowel Shift (and why English sounds so weird).
 – AI layoffs, OpenAI’s pivot, and corporate chaos.

💌 Got a wild workplace confession? Send it to [email protected] — your story might just make the next episode.

Happy Halloween from Need Not Apply` the only workplace podcast where HR would definitely call an exorcist. This week, Gina shows up as your favorite corporate trope the Energy Vampire and Gary clocks in as your Boss from Hell. Together, we’re serving chaotic Halloween energy, questionable fangs, and some truly cursed work stories.

Between recording after an emergency vet run (send love to our boy Samson 🐾❤️), last-minute costumes, and a whole lot of weird energy, this episode has everything: spooky stories, strange science, and the reminder that the scariest place of all might still be… your job.

🕯️ Inside the episode:

• 👻 Creepy coworkers & haunted workplaces — eerie sightings, weird night-shift encounters, and those stories that make you keep the lights on while closing.

• 🧟 When customers cross the line — a retail shift turns spine-tingling when “Can you help me?” becomes “Are you alone?”

• 🪦 The ghost who didn’t clock out — a workplace visit from someone who shouldn’t still be on payroll.

• 🕳️ Graveyard security gone wrong — late-night laughter, empty roads, and one sound that should not exist.

• 💼 Maniac at the Gate — they're coming...

  
  

Then it’s our spooky-news lightning round:

• 🌕 NASA says Earth now has two moons — but only until 2083.

• 🧀 The U.S. is secretly hoarding millions of pounds of cheese underground (yes, really).

• 💻 Microsoft Teams turns tattletale with a Wi-Fi location tracker.

• ⚡ New Jersey wants data centers to finally pay their share of the power bill.

• 💎 The Louvre jewel heist suspects are caught, but the gems are still missing…

And of course, we couldn’t end Halloween without some delightfully unhinged detours:

• 🚽 The science of a perfect poop — why it feels better than it should.

• 🍑 Breathing through your buns?! — the legit medical study that proves you can (sort of).

• 🧠 AI brain rot — what happens when artificial intelligence gets fed junk content all day.

It’s creepy, clever, and completely chaotic... just the way we like it. If you’ve ever had a haunted office printer, an over-sharing coworker, or a manager who might actually be immortal, this episode’s for you. 🎃💼🔥

💌 Send your stories: [email protected]
📲 Follow: @NeedNotApplyPod on Instagram & TikTok
🎧 Watch: Need Not Apply Podcast on YouTube
⏰ New episodes every Wednesday @ 5 a.m. ET
⭐ Rate & review if you survive the work week we’ll save you a seat in hell. Need Not Apply podcast, Halloween podcast, spooky episode, workplace horror stories, office horror, energy vampire, boss from hell, workplace comedy podcast, funny work stories, haunted workplace, corporate Halloween, ghost stories, creepy work stories, true ghost stories, HR horror stories, toxic workplace, office nightmares, retail life, funny coworkers, bad bosses, work comedy, spooky stories podcast, dark humor podcast, couple podcast, comedy podcast

Grab your coffee and put on your cape—this week we’re clocking in behind the salon chair for a little shear madness. Gina & Gary dive into the wild world of hairstylists, client chaos, and salon horror stories that prove customer service can be its own form of endurance training. Between blow-dry breakdowns, ego trips, and workday weirdness, it’s all part of the beauty-industry circus—and we’ve got front-row seats.

If you’ve ever survived a shift where small talk turned existential, or wondered how many times a person can say “just a trim” and mean a full-blown life change, this episode’s for you.✂️ Stories — Salon Chaos & Client Confessions

• A “high-end” salon that’s hiding more than bad bleach jobs.
  

• A client who redefines oversharing mid-appointment.
  

• When kindness meets chaos—and the stylist holds the shears.
  

• The fine art of cutting someone loose (professionally, of course).

📰 Articles — Weird Science & Workplace Wonders

• 🏠 A robot that can print a house faster than your stylist can finish a blowout.
  

• 💰 The gas-station Bitcoin scam making “crypto” everyone’s new bad word.
  

• ☢️ A math equation that casually predicts humanity’s expiration date.
  

• 🐚 Scallops that can’t resist disco lights—and might save the ocean floor.
  

• 🌙 The science proving your 2 a.m. ideas are scientifically awful.
  
  

👵 A discovery that could reverse gray hair—because of course it could.

🎮 Plus, a sneak peek at the upcoming Fallout Museum exhibit in Las Vegas—where post-apocalyptic fashion meets atomic history. Vault suits, Cold War lore, and just enough radiation to keep things glowing.💬 Also Featuring

• Real talk on salon boundaries, burnout, and when “I’m fine” stops cutting it.
  

• Cozy gaming detours, weird science tangents, and cathartic workplace rants.
  

• A friendly reminder to tip your stylist and rate your podcasters preferably both 20 percent
  

🎧 New episodes every Wednesday @ 5 AM 📱 Follow @NeedNotApplyPod on TikTok, Instagram & YouTube 💌 Send your own story to [email protected] for a chance to be featured

✂️ Come for the stories, stay for the sarcasm—and remember: sometimes the real split ends are emotional.

Six followers and a dream 😂 This week we dive head-first into the corporate funhouse: performance reviews that make no sense, HR math that… isn’t math, and a two-parter rebellion that turns wage-secrecy on its head. Grab your coffee and your PTO.

• HR Lied, Twice: Market-rate “adjustments,” 33% ≠ “half,” and a robotics specialist haggling over $1.75.Six followers and a dream 😂 This week we dive head-first into the corporate funhouse: performance reviews that make no sense, HR math that… isn’t math, and a two-parter rebellion that turns wage-secrecy on its head. Grab your coffee and your PTO.

  
  

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  HR Lied, Twice: Market-rate “adjustments,” 33% ≠ “half,” and a robotics specialist haggling over $1.75.

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  Two-Parter: The Most Rebellious HR Moment Ever: A respected employee quits, asks everyone to share wages, and chaos ensues—walkouts, “company needs vs. selfish desires,” and… the cops?! [Part 1] and [Part 2]

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  Tales from HR: From “we’ll help you improve” to a PIP with no plan and a surprise firing. Red flags everywhere.

  
  

  Breakroom Banter (articles & rabbit holes)

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    Tariffs & a Flash Crash: One announcement, markets tumble, crypto face-plants, someone makes $$$ shorting. Love that for us 🙃

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    Tron: Ares? Mixed reviews = we’ll stream it when it’s free.

  • Pokémon “Tamagotchi” Poké-Ball: 157 pals, color touch screen—unclear if Pikachu poops. Critical info pending.

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    Tariffs & a Flash Crash: One announcement, markets tumble, crypto face-plants, someone makes $$$ shorting. Love that for us 🙃

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    Tron: Ares? Mixed reviews = we’ll stream it when it’s free.

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    Pokémon “Tamagotchi” Poké-Ball: 157 pals, color touch screen—unclear if Pikachu poops. Critical info pending.

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    AI Ads That Actually Work: A 10-minute tamale spot triples business; chaos > overproduced.

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    Ancient Microbes Revived: Permafrost says “surprise!”—life wakes up after ~40,000 years.

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    How Often Should You Shower? Dr. James Hamblin’s five-year no-soap experiment (shower when you need to, not when vibes say you must).

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    Hiring Reality Check: Referrals rule; “be social” beats “spray & pray” resumes.

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    Remote ≠ Lazy: 4-year study: happier, less burned out, more productive. Autonomy > fake team-building.

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    AI at Work: Master it, then get replaced by it? Companies chasing savings without SMEs—what could go wrong.

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    Butterfly Wing Transplant: A monarch gets a second chance. 🦋 (Plant milkweed, save the goth fairies.)

    
    

    Distractions

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      Finished Alice in Borderland (short season...we’re hopeful for a part two).

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      Didn’t see Tron: Ares (yet).
    • Gina’s car button lives!

    • Gary streamed Palia twice; DoorDash provided side-quests.

      
      

    We want to hear from you:

    👉 What’s your distraction this week? Tell us in the Q&A/poll!

    Send us your work stories (retail, HR, malicious compliance, all of it):

    📧 [email protected]

    
    

    Follow & watch our clips:

    IG/TikTok @NeedNotApplyPod | YouTube Need Not Apply Podcast

    Listen & subscribe. New Episodes every Wednesday 5:00 AM ET.

    If HR asks… you didn’t hear it from us. 😉 Punch out, pals.

    Need Not Apply Podcast, work comedy podcast, workplace stories, HR horror stories, antiwork, wage transparency, salary secrecy, pay equity, performance reviews, performance improvement plan, corporate BS, market rate, salary negotiation, crypto crash, tariffs on China, stock market tumble, retail stories, TalesFromRetail, r/antiwork, HR Karen, toxic workplace, quitting stories, walkouts, pay discrimination, paternal leave disparity, share your wages, remote work, work-life balance, burnout, referral hiring, job referrals, Scott Galloway, Mark Andreessen, AI at work, AI layoffs, ChatGPT productivity, AI marketing, viral ad, Original Tamale Company, Pokémon Tamagotchi, digital pet, nostalgia, Tron Ares, Alice in Borderland, permafrost microbes, ancient microbes, monarch butterfly rescue, butterfly wing transplant, milkweed, weekly distractions, comedy banter, Gina Cavallo, Gary cohost, NeedNotApplyPod,

🛍️ Step right up to the checkout counter for another round of workplace comedy and retail realness! In this episode of Need Not Apply, Gina and Gary unpack the wild world of customer service — from Karen-adjacent meltdowns to the random acts of kindness that remind you humanity’s not a total loss.

💬 Featuring four Reddit-inspired stories every retail worker (and every shopper) will relate to:
• 😤 A “Would you like a bag?” question sparks full-blown drama — and one glorious receipt revenge moment.
• 🧍‍♀️ A customer who insists retail employees aren’t “real people.”
• 😡 A mom who bullies a store associate until they cry (we said what we said).
• 💖 And a feel-good checkout story that proves kindness still exists.

🗞️ Mid-Shift News Break:
💻 AOL finally pulls the plug on dial-up (press F to pay respects)
🚗 Goodbye to the Kia Soul hamsters 🐹
🎵 The science of frisson — why music gives you goosebumps
🐻 Fat Bear Week crowns a new champ named Chunk
🍄 Mushrooms that play keyboards (yes, really)

✨ Plus: Monday blues, loaner-car chaos (a .k.a. the “Two-Button Situation”), Gary’s team-building marshmallow tower triumph (?), and spooky-season movie prep from your favorite work rant duo.

🎧 Listen now for a dose of retail therapy, sarcastic banter, and midweek laughs.
Follow 👉 @NeedNotApplyPod | YouTube: Need Not Apply Podcast
💌 Submit your own story: [email protected]
🕔 New episodes every Wednesday at 5 A.M.

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What do limp-mode cars, candy lawsuits, and rage-squirrels have in common? Nothing at all , except they all landed in this week’s chaos-packed episode. We kick things off with an unhinged cowboy saloon intro before Gina’s car decides to crawl through the Parkway in “limp mode.” From there it’s moaning whales, glowing humans, Muppets on the auction block, and Karens draining patience faster than any warning light. Add in retail meltdowns, bizarre headlines, and our usual sarcastic detours, and you’ve got a full plate of work stories and absurdity. Buckle up, buttercup , it’s a ride. 🚗⚡

📰 News & Oddities

• 👔 Gen Z’s hiring nightmare (Jerome Powell + economists weigh in)

• 🍫 Reese’s Halloween lawsuit: spooky wrapper, plain candy

• 🧊 ICE x Pokémon theme song kerfuffle

• 🐿️ Attack squirrel in California (five people sent to the ER 😳)

• 🐋 A brand-new whale species with haunting moans

• • ✨ Biophotons: the glow that vanishes when we die

  
  

  📖 Reddit Work Stories (aka the good stuff)

  • 🍟 Fast-food counter meltdown: “Laugh. Spit in my food. Take a huge—” (sir, please)

• 🥃 Male Karen Falls for His Own Lie

• 🚗 “Make it fit!” Walmart pickup vs. trunk Tetris

• • 📚 Barnes & Noble travel guide Karen: “You said Vermont!”

  
  

  👀 What else

Life updates, limp-mode car drama, spooky season candy talk, Jim Henson auction dreams, and the usual detours into chaos.

Follow the pod:
IG/TikTok → @NeedNotApplyPod
YouTube → Need Not Apply Podcast
Email → [email protected] (your work story could be next!)

New episodes every Wednesday @ 5am ⏰

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