Neosomaliana

After a long hiatus, I return to share thoughts and reflections around the nature of what I share on social media, why I share it and what my sole intention and desire is in sharing it. I hope it finds those who have the ears to listen and receive this

I reflect on the months since summer and what a reality not in communication with the body looks like. How not everything good is compatible. And how an incompatible life puts one in constant conflict between the safety of the body (the whole) and the security of the mind (the part).

When your inner resources and abilities mature, you arrive at a crossroads: to either sell your energy to the highest bidder and have the meaning of your life depend on how well you can market it, or to follow what fills your heart and which your whole being responds to in resonance. A path of creating something entirely new.

No is my energy redirecting me to where it's unfolding. I'm unlearning the fear in diverting from routines and established norms when it doesn't inspire, and the societal lie that routines give us stability and predictability. Adapting my life to the natural patterns of my energy creates a life of harmony as opposed to one of conflict, compulsion and control.

As I face new levels of relational threats bc I'm sharing more with society and in real time, I'm reflecting on how that's affecting me. That as I share what's emergent it disrupts and triggers the status quo, it sometimes backfire where I receive projections which force me into resistance. This resistance doesn't actually help me as it shuts down my heart and disconnects me from Allaah and what I receive from Him

I explore how breakdowns can also mean the end of the past and the beginning of the multiple choice point that is the future. It is a dreadful place at first, and our response to the fear creates our new direction: going deeper into the unknown or circling back to what we've already built.

I explore a meaningful insight I received about isti'aana and seeking to be regulated by Allaah that made me understand how I could match my inner resources/urges to my window of tolerance without having to rely on my mind or fall into shame for there not being enough external resources or support.

You may fight and wrestle however you can,but it's not until you release what's been digesting in you that things can land to take root, to sprout more of you. I explore the connection between rest-trust-flow and how we may release what we hold without losing what we are.

I realized that my constant search for context was my mind still hungover from trauma survival, and an implicit understanding that if I centre something other than myself, I can adapt & not disrupt. Learning to centre nothing but my engagement, experience & experiment with the present moment is so alien. I'm realizing that I can't live to predict. I have to drop that in favour of a broader understanding of safety. One that encompasses each & every moment, regardless of what is occurring.

I'm yearning to find the direction to what magnetizes my spirit. I want the world that makes it possible & safe to show up & share. I'm not settling for what version of the world is being presented for me. I need a life-affirming horizon to guide my sail. I want the horizon that's being weaved by this newfound inner sun.