Never Perfect

So many people are losing loved ones to suicide these days. The rates of suicide are staggering and still on the rise. In this episode, Beth shares some thoughts which might be helpful for those who find themselves grieving loved ones who took their own lives. Key points: 

1) Most people who contemplate suicide or complete suicide are depressed, in agonizing pain, and hopeless. 

2) Those who want to take their lives rarely warn people because they do not want to be stopped. 

3) They are tired of life being so painful and they believe that there has to be less pain in death

4) Those who are left behind almost always feel guilty, but it is not your fault. You would have stopped them if you could, but you weren’t given the chance. 

5) You can offer help to those who are severely depressed or battling severe addiction, but you can’t force them to continue treatment or monitor them 24/7

6) Parallel: sometimes we have to let people go when they are sick and ready to stop treatment, and telling them it’s OK to go is the greatest gift we can give them. Maybe we can gain peace by applying this principle retroactively to those who have taken their life. 

7) Things you can do as you begin to heal: 

-Don’t internalize your pain, talk about it with loved ones, counselors, or in your journal. 

-Write your loved one a letter or a series of letters. Tell them what you wish you could have said. 

-Find a grief support group or a suicide survivors support group.

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Dr. Tricia McLelland is a well respected and much loved obstetrician/gynecologist who (clearly) specializes in woman’s health. In this episode, she explains how hormonal health relates to basic health and wellness. She uses an integrative approach with her patients, and covers subjects related to hormones, stress, inflammation, insulin resistance etc. She encourages her patients to set realistic goals and expectations rather than being perfectionistic and driven by guilt and shame. She explains how diet and exercise affect our hormonal balance and hence, our mental health. 

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In this episode, Beth interviews Dr. Jeff Eckert, a psychologist who specializes in mens issues and sex addiction. Topics included the following: 

Paralleling sex addictions with other addictions, whether used to numb or activate, like a drug or other substance.

The neuroscience of sex addiction and the void in relational intimacy. 

Many sex addicts report feeling shocked and ashamed of what they’ve looked at or done. 

Dr. Eckert says many sex addicts have experienced a Relational void in their past. They yearn for connection, yet don’t know how to get it healthily, so they seek a fix through pornography or other unhealthy sexual behaviors because they want to avoid vulnerability. They seek control, they want to be the director and play it safe and avoid complexities. He shares John Mayer’s story with Sex addiction. Often the goal is to feel powerful and in control, reducing the threat of rejection and abandonment. 

Dr. Eckert also shares a bit about his own approach to discussing sexuality with children and adolescents. He recommends starting early and having multiple ongoing conversations. 

Resources: 

Wired for Intimacy by William Struthers

False Intimacy by Dr. Harry Schaumberg  

To learn more about Dr. Jeff Eckert, go to Roots Counseling Center

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In this episode, Beth interviews Dr. Jeff Eckert, a psychologist who specializes in parenting teenagers, specifically challenging ones. Dr. Eckert describes his approach to uncovering the root of the issues between teenagers and their parents. Many teenagers act out when they feel disliked, constantly criticized and misunderstood. Beth talks about the importance of feeling valued and liked by your parents, and not simply loved. Dr. Eckert shares his own story with teens and he encourages teens to share theirs, while advising parents to provide more compliments and positive affirmation rather than constant criticism. To learn more about Dr. Eckert and Roots Counseling Center, go to: rootscounselingcenter.com

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Dr. Carol Stoney is a couples therapist and relationship expert who emphasizes the importance of how our loved ones feel physiologically when they are with us, and vice versa. she reminds us that we are “partnering with a neural system.” Our nervous system has a constant “radar”or “antenna” up, collecting date about whether we are safe or if we need to be on guard with others. In this episode, she shares some of the research on polyvagal theory and co-regulation and how these apply to relationships. She also shares some of her favorite advice for helping couples stay connected and healthy. Being clear with your loved ones is kind, providing a trail map rather than leaving them guessing what you want and need from them. The research shows that less than 25% are equipped with healthy relationship skills. To learn more about Dr. Stoney, check out her website at healingforcouples.com

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Sean Owen, the CEO and founder of the Iris Wellness Group, shares his powerful story of childhood trauma, addiction and recovery, and the inspiring career path that emerged from this. Sean grew up with a childhood characterized by abuse, neglect, and poverty. He was introduced to drugs at age 11 by his older brother. This led to over a decade of drug and alcohol addiction, legal problems, and near death experiences. After spending time in jail, Sean shares his powerful story of recovery and how it inspired him to help people by establishing his own treatment center in Chattanooga. 

To learn more about Iris wellness group, go to www.Iriswellnessgroup.com

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In this episode, Beth and couples therapist/relationship expert Dr. Carol Stoney discuss factors to consider when deciding between individual therapy and couples therapy for relationship issues. Their discussion addresses questions such as : Is it best to discuss my relationship problems alone with a therapist first or to bring my partner or family member with me? Is my therapist going to be able to help me if they only hear one side of the story? Carol discusses potential pitfalls for well meaning Therapists, who sometimes forget that they are not able to get the full picture from one person. This is a very complex topic and the healthiest choice depends on a variety of factors, so I‘s the goal of this conversation is primarily to raise awareness for clients and therapists on how to navigate these issues. 

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Countless individuals experience trauma in childhood. In this episode, Rylee, an inspiring teenager, shares her experience of childhood trauma, including parental alcoholism and having to function like an adult, which resulted in depression and self harm. She explains what helped her rebuild from trauma, specifically learning how to take action and cope in a healthy way.  

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Countless individuals experience trauma in childhood. In this episode, Rylee, an inspiring teenager, shares her experience of childhood trauma, including parental alcoholism and having to function like an adult, which resulted in depression and self harm. She explains what helped her rebuild from trauma, specifically learning how to take action and cope in a healthy way.  

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In this episode, Beth interviews middle school teacher/athletic director/etc Lisa Shaffer, whose passion in life is to inspire kids to make the world a better and happier place by giving in small ways. Lisa talks about her classroom experiment with the “Twos Fairy” concept, which resulted in unexpected media attention around the country this spring, and Lisa was even invited to share the story at the Kelly Clarkson show. Beth and Lisa discuss how teaching kids to exercise small acts of kindness can have astonishing ripple effects for our struggling world’s morale and also for an adolescent’s development, encouraging empathy, sparking leadership, boosting confidence, and helping kids realize what a huge difference they can make with small gifts. 

Lisa's website: http://mslisashaffer.weebly.com/twos-fairy-project.html

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