Never Perfect

Today Dr. Beth attempts to get some free counseling from her listeners as she processes some recent parenting mistakes in her own family. She discussed some of the components of executive functioning which she, and most parents with ADHD) are lacking in. these include skills, such as decision-making, prioritizing, planning ahead, and organizing. Beth shares a few examples how poor planning can cause a lot of unnecessary distress and disappointment. She urges other parents to learn from her mistakes and to be a better captain of their families ship, so to speak.

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Years ago, Beth came up with the term “Overfunctioner” and frequently talks about this with clients and friends who tend to overwork, overperform, do more than their share, and frequently have trouble being on the receiving end of things. There are a variety of potential reasons that people overfunction, including perfectionism, childhood trauma, feelings of insecurity or inadequacy, feeling that love and approval is conditional, etc. Beth is passionate about helping people like this and today she shares a couple examples of people who worked through these issues and learned to love, value and protect themselves more and to exercise greater self compassion. 

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Today Beth records a spontaneous podcast on parenting, and shares her own personal struggles with it, as well a couple of client examples. She summarizes the parenting research on authoritative parenting and illustrates the principles using a fish tank/aquarium. In essence, parenting that is too strict and too much like a dictatorship doesn’t lead to optimal outcomes for children, but permissive and overly lenient parenting doesn’t either. The ideal is in the middle, but Beth admits that she’s too democratic in her parenting style, and talks a little bit about how that backfires. The ideal is a balance. Beth also talks about how her own ADHD relates to having traits of a “passive parenting”, or being too permissive at times, and how this relates to deficits and executive functioning (making decisions, planning ahead, being organized, etc.). Although it’s not always a parent, kids really want parents to be the captain of the ship, as long as there’s not too much rigidity and excessive control.

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In this 10 minute episode, Beth shares a few examples of how perfectionism or overestimating a task/situation can lead to procrastination and all our nothing thinking. A common behavior and anxious, depressed or ADHD individuals is overestimating the difficulty of something and underestimating yourself. Analysis paralysis is similar. Beth shares three examples of this behavior in today’s episode.

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In his mid 40s, Jeff Barry, an “oops” baby, became passionate about his life story, the heroes and the villains he’d encountered, and the life lessons along the way. His book “Go to Hell Ole Miss” is clearly a passion project, and one that he couldn’t sit down until he got it almost perfect. An editor told him it was ready to publish about a year into the process, but he spent another seven years developing the characters in a “pitch perfect “ way, according to a fellow author. Somehow, Jeff manages to tackle big picture issues such as racism, misogyny, southern culture, religion, and family dysfunction in an entertaining way. Jeff poured himself into this project, even talking to the characters out loud while he was writing the story. He even shares his struggle with depression when the project was over.

Check out his website HERE

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Today, Beth asks dietitian Ellie, Paulauskaite for her top 10 pieces of nutrition advice. Ellie provides some amazing and simple guidelines to help with a big picture approach to giving our bodies what they need. Her advice includes:

1) eating whole grains instead of refined grains

2) making sure that half of your plate includes veggies and fruits, especially veggies

3) having small amounts of protein at every meal

4) mindful, eating, slowing down and being aware of and grateful for what you’re eating

5) having fermented foods daily in order to improve gut health

6) The three pillars of a healthy lifestyle include nutrition (eg, a Mediterranean diet), movement, and community/connection

7) limiting overprocessed food (and explaining what that means)

8) meal prepping and having quick/realistic “go to” recipes

9) eat the colors of the rainbow for more variety and diversity

10) keep an eye on your bowel movements because they can tell you a lot about your health and nutrition. (number 10 gave Beth an opportunity to show her immature side with a little giggle, partly because Ellie added this 10th one unexpectedly.) 

If you would like to set up a consultation with Ellie, you can check out her website sceniccitynutrition.com or email her at [email protected] or call/text her at 423-708-2322

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Chad talks about his journey as an Enneagram Four and coming into his own as an adult, recognizing his tendencies and passions, and how they affected his relationships. As a teenager and young adult, he was reluctant to pursue some of his passions, like poetry, that didn’t seem very welcomed in masculine culture. He also talks about his Enneagram subtype as a Sexual (One to One) type, and the way it shapes his Four-ness. After a "wake up call” with a near death experience while paddle boarding the Ocoee River last summer, Chad has a renewed sense of self, including integrating his shadow, and other challenging soul work. He recites two poems for memory during the interview, and talks about how the ego rather than the soul wants to do everything at once. Beth talks about how she “can’t “seem to make herself do what she knows she is supposed to do or what is good for her consistently, but she should have said “I don’t “instead of “I can’t “or that it’s difficult…"

Check out Big Self School and Dr. Chad Prevost's website

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Today Matt Monahan returns for another interview with Dr. Beth, following a great conversation on the Never Perfect Faith podcast on 6/20/24 entitled “Allowing hard questions and honest answers.” So many men find it difficult to face their pain and be vulnerable, and Matt is willing to share his story of growing up with childhood abandonment and emotional neglect. He barely knew his father, and has spent most of his life, wondering if he is good enough. He realized that his feelings about his father translated into his assumptions about God, which unconsciously happens for many. He felt that “if God existed, he would be a capricious and attentive military “type of person. Matt discusses how his insecurity and self loathing translated into his 25 year marriage. He discusses various triggers, including his wife, rejecting, sexual intimacy, and the despair that followed. He talked about the relationship challenges that presented during Covid, and the unexpected healing that came as a result of having more time for introspection. Tune in to hear how Matt pursued healing through self help and faith. And if you want to check out his artwork, go to his website at themightybluegill.com

Follow Matt on instagram @themightybluegill

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On today’s episode, Beth, interviews 2 brave and insightful teenagers (clients who are friends with eachother) who are willing to share their battles with mental health issues, body positivity struggles, etc. Charlie and Emie share their process of learning to value their package deal of strengths and weaknesses, managing social stressors and FOMO, discussing the impact of social media with these issues, and a few other topics. Also, both Charlie and Emie highly recommend the Finch app as a way to improve healthy habits and mental health. On this app is a daily quote, and Emie shared a recent one by Socrates which related to today’s discussion, “He who is not contented with what he has, would not be contented with what he would like to have.”

Check out FINCH

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Scottie Bowman is an entrepreneur and restaurant owner today, but 22 years ago, after beginning her recovery from alcohol and drug addiction, she developed a passion for starting a rehabilitation center of some kind so that she could help women like herself. In 2019, her dream finally came true when she and her dream team of friends and colleagues, developed a 12-step based sober living home for women recovering from alcohol and drug addiction. In today’s episode, Scottie shares her addiction story and the ongoing mission of the Launch pad. 

“The Launch Pad is a non-profit organization dedicated to launching women out of addiction and into the healing power of a 12-step sober living program. 

We provide housing, mentorship, and workforce development that is nurtured with love, support, and structure. Success in our program fosters a strong belief in oneself, allowing our residents to become more productive members of the community while igniting a sense of purpose, sustainability, and empowerment.”

Learn more about the Launch Pad at www.lpchatt.org

Also if you live in Chattanooga or you want to make a road trip, please join us at their annual charity auction and concert on August 10 called “The Teal”!

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