New Rankings with Teddy!

Suh, fam! #thatawkwardmoment when a couple of ignorant bihs try to interpret Millennial culture and it's high-key sus AF but also low-key lit... In this episode, Teddy is joined by Emma in order to translate the previous sentence and also to rank the top ten rules for being cool in high school in the year 2017. Topics include Promposals, purple hug squads, the shocking rise of communism, and the even more shocking rise of... cool parents?!

***P.S. Don't forget -- it's Two Roads Month, a month-long on-air celebration of Teddy’s new YA novel, Two Roads From Here, out from Simon & Schuster this June 20th. Order your copy now!

Fidelio, Suppressive Persons! While a few good men may argue that Tom Cruise has lost that lovin' feelin', Teddy and Jake feel he's made all the right moves, and that to call him anything but a master of the muffin would be galactically stupid. So to honor the release of his upcoming film The Mummy, they're ranking the top eight Tom Cruise performances ever. Discussion topics include Tom's magic divorce number, his best beach-sex scenes, and whether it would be more enjoyable to live in the Cruiseverse or the Keith Urbanverse.

***P.S. Don't forget -- it's Two Roads Month, a month-long on-air celebration of Teddy’s new YA novel, Two Roads From Here, out from Simon & Schuster this June 20th. Order your copy now!

Congrats, grads! Four crazy years -- you made it! But... you're still woefully ignorant when it comes to real life, which can mean only one thing... twenty minutes of clichéd advice from a sweaty celebrity! In this episode, Teddy and his mother Cheri put their mortarboards together and rank the top seven commencement speeches ever delivered -- profound remarks from such intellectual giants as Kurt Vonnegut, David Foster Wallace, J.K. Rowling, and also most members of Teddy and Cheri's extended family.

***P.S. Don't forget -- it's Two Roads Month, a month-long on-air celebration of Teddy’s new YA novel, Two Roads From Here, out from Simon & Schuster this June 20th. Order your copy now!

Teddy and Kit kick off Two Roads Month* by ranking the top 7 coming-of-age novels ever written. Topics include the adult/teen relationship genre, the twincest genre, and the origin of Kit and Teddy’s favorite angsty/inspirational teenage catchphrase, “You hear that world? We’re bigger than you!!!”

*Two Roads Month = a month-long on-air celebration of Teddy’s new YA novel, Two Roads From Here, out from Simon & Schuster this June 20th. Order your copy now!

The CosmoBros are back! Teddy welcomes love doctor and chief vulnerability officer Andrew Molina back to the podcast to rank their top seven badass vulnerability moves. Discussion topics include unleashing your inner melodrama, actually appreciating your partner's exes, and the art of giving the perfect "wug." NOTE: there are some mild static noises from about the 40 to the 60 minute mark of the podcast. (Wow, it took a lot of vulnerability to admit that to you.)

Let's belatedly celebrate Mother's Day by talking about... murder! Teddy and Courtney capitalize on society's current obsession with violent death by ranking the top 6 murderers they wouldn't take home to Mommy. Topics include murder hotels, killers who are ladieeeez, and for some reason, the Country Bears (you know, those robot bears at Disneyland, the ones that everyone hated).

Future Week concludes with this dystopic and delightful glimpse seventy years hence, as Teddy and his good friend Jordan attempt to predict which currently-normal facets of society our great-grandchildren will find baffling. Exciting debates include: Why would any child ever watch baseball? How close are we to a super-creepy resurgence of Eugenics? And, nerds: are they the trailblazers of tomorrow, or a big ol' waste of space?

It's *spooky alien noise* Future Week! In this ranking, Teddy speculates on the very near future with USA Today tech columnist Jefferson Graham, host of the acclaimed podcast Talking Tech. Teddy and Jeff look ahead to this September's likely launch of the new iPhone 8, and suggest some useful and absurd features they'd like to see on the device, including unbreakable glass, Minority Report-like hand motion sensors, and a multiracial pope emoji.

Somebody’s poisoned the watering hole! In recent years, Disney has been on a mi$$ion to remake seemingly all of their animated classics, and yet if Beauty and the Beast was any indication, most of these films are destined to be, well, poor and unfortunate. Luckily, Teddy and Emma have taken it upon themselves to bring back the magic by pitching and ranking the top five Disney live-action remakes they’d *rather* see. Films include the Oscar-bait tearjerker “Dopey,” a rockin’ new reboot of “Captain Eo,” and the Nancy Meyers love-triangle romcom, “… What About Kocoum?!"

What is a creative mindhack? Renowned mindhackologist -- and Teddy's brother-in-law -- Brian describes them as ways of expanding your consciousness (without the use of drugs). Join Teddy and Brian, a.k.a. "Count Curioso", as they rank their top eight cathartic and kooky mind-expanding techniques. Topics include Tarot divination, Al Roker, and imagining yourself as a clone of yourself.