So many names were butchered in the making of this review. Let's just say it: this movie needed 10 times more Cage. He was barely in this movie and it was a mistake. If you love deafening jazz notes, this is your film.

Watch this movie knowing that the first 20 minutes is possibly the worst bit of cinema released in quite a while. Then the rape. All the rape. But then after that it becomes a decent movie. Also included is a short documentary: Vengeance: A Love Story: Shadows & Reflections.

The ping pong balls chose Joe and for once didn't fuck me. Then I forgot I watched it and went to review Mandy. Thus was born the first versus of the NCC series. Which will win? Does it even matter?

Go to YouTube to see the video version. Link below.

This chapter covers a whopping 36 seconds of Face/Off between a secretly recorded therapy session between Phoenix and his psychiatrist, Dr. Libari. Let's get this conspiracy train on the tracks. #faceofftruth #archerdidit

The FBI needs some serious organizational help. This chapter also covers the Kennedy magic bullet that managed to hit Sean Archer and his son both in their chests despite anything logic and physics tell us. Welcome back to the movie: the so-not-hot Sinclaire.

Despite the pleas to stop doing this show... this chapter covers Travolta going home to argue with his terrible family, Travolta going to work to be terrible to his coworkers and that's about it.

This chapter covers the mysterious backstory of the Troy brothers, the hangar shootout and the death of Castor Troy which makes Travolta cry? It looks like he's sad as hell over it.

We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of the greatest tongue-sucker in a generation. She is gone but not really because Travolta's partner is keeping her around in a classic Weekend At Bernie's scenario. Or not. It's not clear yet. Do we finally meet the famed Sean Archer in the episode???

This episode covers a whopping 1 minute and 22 seconds of the movie Face/Off in which we cover a jeep playing chicken with a jet. The movie also attempts to give a real name to Tongue-Sucker Jones as if we would accept that. LONG LIVE TONGUE-SUCKER JONES!

This chapter covers the confusing FBI labeling of their phones, the run-down Southern California International Airport, Castor and Pollux Troy's outfits and the best character so far: Tongue-Sucker Jones. Butt.