Nitzotzos: Inspiration to Keep Your Spark Alive with Rav Mordechai Burg

Question: Rav burg recently discussed The idea that one should not be a mashgiach for their husband. I struggle to find the balance because I married someone that holds himself to a specific standard in yiddishkeit and hashkafa and it’s something that’s top priority to me. I struggle when people say that I shouldn’t be involved or checking in, because if he were to become more lax in certain areas, I believe that it affects us as a family and impacts our future. I also understand that it’s not healthy to keep tabs because it won’t be good for our relationship so I struggle to find the balance. Thank you!

This week's Question - Most of the times I find myself struggling with Shalom Bayis it is with the "little things", when I become frustrated with my husband about disagreement of timing or general miscommunications. I find it hard to remain calm and speak nicely and kindly when I find the miscommunications very upsetting. What is your advice to help this?

This weeks question- 

Before I got married I would listen to shiurim online and hear Rabbeim tell their talmidim that if their wife wants something then that's it! He should do it for shalom bayis! While I appreciate the strong emphasis that is being placed on shalom bayis, I was wondering what my role is as "the wife". When do I tell my husband he needs to go to a different minyan? He can't go to seder? I once heard a Rav say that he had a long beard and it was a big part of his avodas Hashem and his wife didn't like it so he cut it. I don't want to abuse my power as "the wife" but I just don't know where the line is and what my mindset should be towards it all. Thank you

Yat Kislev is the yahrtzeit of the Maggid of Mezritch and the day that the Alter Rebbe was freed from jail after he was imprisoned by the Czar. It is considered to be the Rosh Hashana of Chassidus. Come celebrate Yat Kislev with Rav Burg who Fabrenged in Mevaseret deep into the night.

Rav Burg speaks at the 17 minute mark. Rav Yaakov Klein speaks at the 48 minute mark. Rav Daniel Glanz speaks at the one hour and eleven minute mark.

Yat Kislev is the yahrtzeit of the Maggid of Mezritch and the day that the Alter Rebbe was freed from jail after he was imprisoned by the Czar. It is considered to be the Rosh Hashana of Chassidus. Come celebrate Yat Kislev with Rav Burg who Fabrenged in Shaalvim deep into the night.

Rav Burg speaks at the outset of the recording, at the 26 minute mark and then finally at the 54 minute mark. 

Immediately before Yaakov Avinu's confrontation with Eisav he returns across the river for pachim ketanim, small jugs. Why in this critical moment does Yaakov go back for something of such little value? And why now does he do battle with the Malach of Eisav?

In this shiur, Rav Burg explains how Jews are designed to confront the world around us. Should we disengage and close ourselves off from the spiritually dangerous world? Should we embrace the outside world and risk being spiritually diminished? What does the Torah demand from us?

Question: How does one work on finding Halacha to be less of a burden? For example, I have a hard time with not singing in front of men, especially when it comes to the Shabbos table and we may have male guests or relatives and I want to join in on Zemiros? I get frustrated and feel limited by this and want to make peace with it.

Question - I am really struggling with division of responsibility in the house. It feels like I am always doing everything. I've spoken to my husband about it before and he has improved but only for a short period after our conversations. What does Rav Burg recommend?

Question: Sometimes I feel embarrassed to ask for things when I’m davening because I feel like I dont have the right to ask anything of HaShem because of my sins. How can I approach tefilah in a way where I feel “worthy” to ask things of Hashem?

This week Question and Answer is anonymously sponsored in zchus of healthy children for Klal Yisrael

Question - My husband doesn’t really express his love and feelings for me as much as he feels them, it bothers me because I’m someone that needs to hear it more. I have spoken to him about this and he was completely mekabel but everything kind of went back to how it was before.