No-Budget Nightmares

Grab your laser gun and surprisingly large communicator pack, this week NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARE is featuring the 2005 Troma-distributed sci-fi comedy ROCK N ROLL SPACE PATROL ACTION IS GO! Featuring one of the most BIZARRE endings in low-budget cinema history, and plenty of goofball antics, your intrepid (and SEXY) hosts do battle with the villainous DR. SPIDER JONES while tackling the mysteries of temporal ninjas, RED ARROWS and much, much more. It’s as much fun as can possibly be squeezed into 90 minutes. JOIN – US.

Antfarms! Dickholes! They go together like peanut butter and chocolate, and are FINALLY brought together in Bill Zebub’s WTF bizarro no-budget opus ANTFARM DICKHOLE. Featuring: Wedgies! Ants! Dickholes! Bikinis! Rampant nudity! Wang bananas! And ANT-EATER ACTION. Moe Porne and Doug Tilley WATCHED the damn thing, and now you’re going to listen to them stumble and sigh their way through talking about it. LISTEN TWICE! IT COSTS THE SAME!

Zombies. Zombies? ZOMBIES! Yes, the immortal TODD SHEETS is back on NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES, and this time our intrepid hosts are dumpster diving into his 1989 debut ZOMBIE RAMPAGE. It’s his goopiest, craziest and – oddly – most impressive feature, even if much of it MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL. You’ll never wash the stink off yourself, so you might as well get down with the hosts with the most(s). ENJOY.

Grab your cross, garlic, machetes, throwing stars, and AIR BRUSHED TITTIES as this week on the NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES podcast we’re covering Sean Gallimore’s ridiculous action/horror film VAMPIRE HUNTER. Packed to the gills with martial arts action and incomprehensible dialogue, Moe and I get DOWN AND DIRTY with the Hunter, and its bizarre, ultra-90s theme song. The power of Christ COMPELS YOU to listen!

I’ve seen fire, and I’ve seen rain, and I’ve seen a Sasquatch with drawn-on abs and big ol’ boobs! That’s right, this week on NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES is the modern low-budget classic SUBURBAN SASQUATCH from director Dave Wascavage! COWER in terror as Bigfoot severs limbs, drinks blood and growls confusingly. We love it, and you’ll love it too!

HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE! This week NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES brings you a tender aw-shucks meeting between a demented HOLLYWOOD STRANGLER and the murderous SKID-ROW SLASHER as directed (sorta) by the legendary Ray Dennis Steckler. Who likes bums? We got ‘em! Both literally and figuratively! It’s tons ‘o fun and chock full ‘o nuts, so grab your switchblade and start rambling on and on and on.. because we’re about to get sleazy.

He’s a NINJA! But.. also a ROBOT. Actually, ROBOT NINJA doesn’t really feature a robot or a ninja, but it *does* contain a sociopath comic book writer inadvertently causing the death of many innocent people. It also has face stabbings, head stabbing, stomach stabbings and BODY MODS. But that’s not all! How about a little BURT WARD? How does that sound? J.R. Bookwalter followed his classic THE DEAD NEXT DOOR with this nuttiness, and MOE PORNE and DOUG “SWEETBACK” TILLEY are here to reap the rewards.

OW. MY NUTS.

Yes, after a brief, dramatic interlude your hosts Doug “Sweetback” Tilley and Moe Porne have returned to explore the depths and heights of ultra-low-low-low budget cinema. This week we cleanse our palate with Todd Jason Cook’s 1995 zombie opus DEATH METAL ZOMBIES, featuring choreographed head-banging, gut-munching, UNFORTUNATE UNDERWEAR and lots and lots of DEATH METAL. Shengar commands you to listen!!

HIP HOP LOCOS. BARELY LEGAL LESBIAN VAMPIRES. THE SUMMER OF THE MASSACRE. We’ve talked about plenty of terrible, no-good, very bad films here on NO-BUDGET NIGHTMARES, but GORNO: AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY might very well trump them all. A sickeningly pretentious attempt at aping the “teenage debauchery” sub-genre dominated by Larry Clark and Harmony Korine, it uses film as a blunt object in which to hammer its audience into submission. And it sucks. Terribly. This is a very special ANGRY episode, where Moe Porne and Doug “Sweetback” Tilley let loose with both barrels on a very deserving target. One way or another, you’re going to get covered in spittle. Enjoy.

Ah, Todd Sheets. So we meet again.

NIGHTMARE ASYLUM pushed us to our limits, but that was a cake-walk compared to the BLOOD-CURDLING TERROR present in SORORITY BABES IN THE DANCE-A-THON OF DEATH. Who likes incomprehensible dialogue? How about acting that would be booed off the stage at a kindergarten play? We’ve got crotchety old men and a bevy of ladies in mom jean-shorts and bulky, early 90s sweaters! We’ve got eyeball tricks, wooden stake-fu and a plot that only runs 69 minutes and *still* feels overlong. There’s much madness here, so join Sweetback and Moe as they celebrate Todd Sheets’ birthday in fine style – you’ll be glad you did.