For this episode we interview Kevins' wife Charnell about what it has been like to be the wife of a sexual abuse survivor.

It's not always easy to be in a relationship with a survivor, but as we learned from Charnell that becoming informed about what a survivor is going through helps to understand and sympathize with their issues.

This also makes it easier to understand that the survivors issues are not always about you their partner, but sometimes it's just them and what they are dealing with.

What are the best resources for survivors of abuse and how to find them.

The good news is that there are so many resources available now for survivors of abuse.

The question is which are the best for you?

That of course depends on your current situation and what you need right now.

In this episode we talk about some of the resources that we have used and what has worked well for us.

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https://www.nsvrc.org/survivors/

https://survivors.org/national-resources/

https://rainn.org/

https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/

https://www.domesticshelters.org/

https://survivingabuse.org/resources/

https://childhelp.org/

https://survivorspace.org/forum/survivorforum/

https://malesurvivor.org/

What are the red flags of Coercive Control?

How do you get free from it safely?

Coercive Control is an insidious abuse since it can appear like it is not abuse at all.

Until it is.

Than it becomes a matter of how do you escape from it.

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How we handle our defeat will determine how we are able to grow from it.

Defeat can be overwhelming and ifwill allow it defeat can consume us.

We can learn from our defeats and move beyond them rather than let them define us.

As survivors we can be prone to carry resentment.

It can feel as if we didn't get a fair deal and everyone else has it easier than us.

Holding on to resentment can be so damaging to our health, both phsically and mentally.

It can prevent us from realizing the blessings that we have and celebrating them.

Resentment is the opposite of gratitude and also has the opposite effect on our lives.

It is important to examine the resentment that we carry and understand where it comes from so we can learn how to let go of its hold on our lives.

Grief is something that we all end up having a some point in our lives. Most of us get through it as best as we can but we try not to dwell on it.

For survivors of abuse we are challenged by sometimes having considerably more loss in our lives than most other people, but that doesn't mean that we are better at handling it.

For some of us grief can be overwhelming and make us lose focus on what really matters in our lives.

How do we honor our grief and still function and thrive. That is the challenge that we have especially if we try not to face it because we are afraid of it taking over our lives.

We all go through grief so we might as well learn how to handle it.

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What does it take to rebuild trust once it has been broken?

Trust is hard for survivors of abuse.

Trusting others and even trusting ourselves.

Trusting that we will honor our selves and our boundaries.

It is possible to rebuild that trust but it can take time and effort to be true to ourselves

It seems obvious what a survivor of abuse needs and what they should do.

They need counseling, they should address what happened to them, they should confront the perpetrator.

It's easy for us to want them to do this because we believe that it will help them.

But what if they aren't ready?

Can we still support them if they think that they don't need to do that?

Is what they really need just understanding and compassion?

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Why does judgement come so easy to us as survivors of abuse?

Why is it so difficult to give ourselves compassion?

The answers often come when we examine the way that we talk about and think about ourselves and where those thoughts originated from.

We were likely taught to be very judgemental about ourselves and perpetuate those lessons without even thinking about it.

It can change when we look at the way we think about and speak about ourselves and take the effort to change those narratives.

Self compassion can be the gift that we give ourselves that will also change the way that we treat others.

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It is reported that over half of abuse survivors feel guilty about something that they did when they were abused.

Over half!

These feelings of guilt can make it hard to want to tell anyone about what happened to them.

We know how hard it can be to talk about what happened to you when you are a survivor of abuse, but we also know how important it is to be able to talk about it.

If you are also feeling guilty about something that you did when you were abused that can make it even harder to want to start the journey of healing from the abuse.

Everyone who is a survivor of abuse deserves to get healing and for survivors that are feeling guilty about what they did when they were abused the healing can start by forgiving yourself.

You did not deserve what happened to you - It was not your fault!

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