To get the most out of therapy it is important to avoid the ways that we self sabatoge.

Just like our episode about what to expect when you start therapy (134|What About Therapy), it can be helpful to be aware of the ways that we self sabatoge our therapy so that we can avoid those behaviors and learn how to really use our therapy to grow healthy.

The great thing about it is that these behaviors are easy to avoid when we pay attention to what we want from therapy and if we are accomplishing the goals that we have.

This is an important topic for anyone who is going to therapy whether they are a survivor of abuse or not.

Too many survivors of abuse don't seek help because they feel what happened to them wasn't that bad compared to what someone else had happen to them.

They are comparing their abuse to what happened to someone else and dismissing it.

Also they might be too embarassed or ashamed to admit what happened.

Instead they just tough it out, putting up walls and masks to hide their pain and suffering.

Too many survivors of abuse wait until a crisis breaks them down to finally seek help for what happened to them.

Or they never seek help because they are afraid of appearing weak by admitting that they need it.

If this is you don't wait until your life comes crashing down to seek help. The sooner that you start to tear down your walls and masks you can start healing from your trauma.

Chris Carazas has written a beautiful memoir of his experiences, of trauma, abuse and his late-in-life diagnosis of autism.

This is an amazing feat considering the experiences that he has survived and overcome,and the way he writes about them.

This memoir started as a letter to the person who was there for him when he needed it the most and it became a tribute to his journey of surviving being pushed to the edge and making it back.

This is a message of staying alive.

Please be informed that in this episode we discuss the topic of suicide which can be triggering, if you or someone you know are experiencing thoughts of suicide please contact the suicide hotline #988 by phone or text for help.

https://chriscarazas.com/

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What are the habits we have that are self-destructive?

How do we recognize them and why are they so hard to change?

We formed these habits for a reason so in order to change them we have to recognize them and recognize where they came from.

Then we can understand how to find ways to turn away from the destructive behavior and turn to constructive ways of dealing with our issues.

Laurie talks about hearing the news about a relative who has passed.

Even though this news comes after 30 years with no contact will it change anything?

Open new doors?

Many of you fellow survivors have probably had to deal with people who have made a conscious choice to "not believe" you.

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What do you do when the chatter threatens to overwhelm everything else in your mind?

Especially for survivors of abuse the chatter in our heads can take us over and seem inescapable.

For Kevin he has found that using the music that he loves can be a way to distance from the chatter and have a reset.

It also is a way that he finds connection to the times and people from his past that is comforting.

This is a simple way that he uses to help him when the chatter is taking over but it's not the only way that there is.

One of the things that we have discovered is that the times that we experience awe and wonder, the other things that are so distracting to us seem less important.

For survivors of abuse trust can be so hard.

Our trust has been broken by what has happened to us.

But trust is so important all of our connections, it is the foundation of having healthy relationships.

This can be one of the main reasons that survivors of abuse have such a hard time in relationships.

We are all meant to be in relationships with others but if we can't trust anyone else because of what happened to us how can we find it in ourselves to become vulnerable enough to trust?

What we say to our children can be so important.

It is important to be aware of the effect of the language that we use when we talk to children, especially when we are discussing difficult issues like abuse.

It can make all the difference in their life when they know that they can discuss anything with us.

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Why do we slow down to pass accidents?

Why are we drawn to scary movies?

Are we sick and disturbed if we watch those awful flicks that have graphic violence and gore?

Is there something else that drives us to be fascinated by shocking stories?

Should we be ashamed to admit that we get a thrill from scary movies and true crime stories?

I know that I have often been drawn to the morbid and disturbing but now that I know that there are reasons that they are fascinating to me for reasons that I didn't understand before, i don't feel ashamed to admit that I get a kick out watching .

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This time of year it is easy to get too busy to slow down and appreciate the moments that bring us awe and wonder.

That is why it can be so important to take the time to relish that sense of awe that can fill us up and give us something to hold on to when we get overwhelmed

As survivors of abuse the holidays can be a really difficult time to get through and that sense of wonder can bring that feeling of innocence.

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