Rick Carlson is the founder of Comeback Coaching.

He is also a Pastor, a Husband Material coach and Life coach.

In this episode he shares about the struggles he has had with trauma from even before he was born.

Throughout his life he struggled with being different and feeling unloved.

This lead to drug and alcohol addictions and isolation.

Until God changed his life.

Now he has found his purpose and is helping others to overcome their struggles with addictions.

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Sharing your story is so important for your healing, keeping it a secret can hold you back from getting the help you need.

But is there a right time and a wrong time to share?

It can be inappropriate and distressful to others if you "trauma dump" on them just for attention.

It's not healthy to use your trauma to cause others who are innocent distress.

That is why it is so important to find the safe people to share with and the appropriate time and setting.

You have to "read the room" to recognize when to share.

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What are the dangers of repressed memories?

Unresolved trauma can affect us without our awareness and cause us to act unreasonably. 

This can be difficult for our family and relations especially if we don't take the time to understand where our feelings are coming from.

It is possible to address our issues and emotions even if we can't remember everything that happened to us.

As long as we are willing to examine where they are coming from and learn from it.

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In this panel we are discussing grooming with our friends Mike Chapman and Daniel Eichelberger.

Grooming is frequently used by abusers to gain the trust of prospective victim and manipulate them. 

It's not always the victim that is being groomed but often the family members or caregivers are groomed in order to gain access to the victim.

This behavior is becoming more common online where strangers could access your children without your knowledge.

It is important to realize that these perpetrators are very skilled in this behavior,  they have to be in order to avoid being caught, and they know how to seem innocent and charming.

If you were a victim of grooming it is important to realize that it was not your fault even if at first you were attracted to this person because they filled a need in your life.

You did not deserve what they did to you and they knew what they were doing was wrong.

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Julie was sex trafficked, she was not kidnapped, she was living in  her own apartment and working as a preschool teacher in a nice  neighborhood.  She shares her story in a module of the ImOnWatch.org  training.  She shares with us that she was set up for this abuse and  violence because of her childhood sexual abuse.  Like many she didn't  tell anyone.  She shares her story in hopes you will share your story  and get the help you need.  She says there is freedom on the other side  of the fear of sharing your story, but it isn't instant healing, it is a  process. A process that is so worth it.

https://www.iamonwatch.org/training

How I Became the Sex Trafficked Mom Next Door

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Why is personal growth so important to survivors?

Many of us were taught to have low self esteem by our perpetrators, blamed for what they did to us. 

and told that we could never do anything right that we were the problem.

It is through personal growth that we can prove to ourselves that we can do things well, that we can have a purpose.

It takes small steps but those lead to bigger things that give us the confidence to do more.

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The Language we use when we describe what happened to us and when we talk about ourselves, is very important.

We can be using language that is destructive to our healing without being aware of it.

That is why it is so important to pay attention to what we are saying to ourselves and to others and learn from that on how we want to change our voice.

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Daniel Eichelberger is the author of the blog "These Ashes, Reflections of hope in the aftermath of male childhood sexual abuse"

He tells of his remarkable journey to healing from years of being abused as a child and the reason he is sharing his stories now on his blog.

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In this episode we discus toxic masculinity with Mike Chapman and Nathan Spiteri

How it affects us and why as survivors are we susceptible to its affects

We are inundated with displays of toxic masculinity in all of the media, TV, Movies, video games all display unhealthy masculinity.

What are the affects of this on our lives and the ones that we care about and how do we counter this?

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The pain from being abused doesn't just go away, but what happens to it?

It evolves to become more manageable as you explore your pain.

We go through the stages of pain as you uncover the feelings that the pain brings up.

This takes being vulnerable to expressing the hurt from the pain.

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