No More Dead Dads

Peter Docker, father of 2, is on the show today. He’s served for 25 years in the British Royal Air Force, he has been a Force Commander during combat flying operations and has seen service across the globe. His career has spanned from professional pilot, to leading an aviation training and standards organization, teaching postgraduates at the UK’s Defence College, to flying the British Prime Minister around the world. Peter has also led multibillion-dollar international procurement projects and served as a crisis manager and former international negotiator for the UK Government. He now helps people and organizations accomplish extraordinary things as an international speaker and teacher, having been to 92 countries teaching some of the principles we’re going to talk about today. 

This week's Dad Do or Die (3Ds) from this episode are:

1. Build a network for friends/neighbors who can positively influence your kids. Whether that’s extended family, neighbors, Big Brother/Big Sister, All Pro Dads, church, gym, wherever, having a network of other men can be hugely helpful in your kids life. Peter shares about the network of father figures he had growing up after his biological father abandoned him and his brother. Also, how important the network of close friends that he had helped his family when he was serving in the Royal Air Force away on missions during the Gulf War.
2. If you are away from the family for whatever reason, short interactions can be more memorable and impactful than long scheduled nightly calls with the kids. Peter used to only get 15 minutes a week to talk to his family when he was stationed away, luckily we have more than that these days. A simple phone call between meetings or putting the laptop or phone down and giving your child full attention, can boost their confidence and strengthen your relationship. 
3. If you are facing a challenge as a parent, think about how you can change the context of the situation. Peter shares a fantastic story about how he approached his son who was adamant about getting a large motorbike, which is high risk with the narrow streets in the UK. He and his wife were opposed but how he changed the context was brilliant. And a spoiler alert - he didn’t just say no. 

We cover a lot of other great stories and ideas we can use to be better men, leaders, and fathers. Let’s get to it. 

Show notes:

• whynotunlimited.com
• Peter's LinkedIn 
• Peter's Twitter
• Peter's Instagram
• Parenthood and Happiness: Effects of Work-Family Reconciliation Policies in 22 OECD Countries

Music by DJ Quads

"Throwing out the animal products is the kindest thing that you can do for your family," says Dr. Neal Barnard, MD. 

The leading cause of death for fathers in America is completely avoidable and in most completely reversible - it starts with what you put past your teeth. 

In this episode, Dr. Neal Barnard explains why every dad should try a plant-based diet for 3 weeks. Let the results and how you feel physically and mentally do the convincing. 

Dr. Barnard has seen many patients reverse diabetes, heart disease, infertility, and hair loss (to name just a few conditions we originally thought were one-way streets) by going plant-based. And the best part is you can eat as much as you want. No more counting calories or carbs. Just simply eat plants and many of your ailments will begin to fade, replaced with renewed vitality. It will feel like you are turning back time. 

My family has been on a plant-based diet for about 2 years and feel stronger and more energetic than ever before. It's not a passing diet but a lifestyle that will enable you to live longer and enjoy life.

Show notes:

• Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine
• Your Body in Balance book by Dr. Barnard
• Dr. Barnard on Instagram
• Dr. Barnard on LinkedIn

Music: It’s Near by DJ Quads

You don’t have to look very hard to find examples of men disrespecting women. Just watch the news or listen to the radio or even observe people at the grocery store, unfortunately it’s everywhere! And if we don’t course correct in our homes, our kids will be socialized to believe that disrespecting women is just normal. 

The media helps raise awareness about harassment and violence, which is very important. But the media rarely talks about solutions.

Solutions to prevent the problem from even starting in first place. 

Solutions that anyone can do right at home, every day. Because, the truth is, if you want to change the future, you need to start in your own home with your own family, right now. No one else is going to do it. It’s up to you. It’s your responsibility. And you're going to feel so good once you start intentionally teaching your boys this! 

Listen to learn 4 key strategies you can start doing right away to teach your kids, especially your boys how to respect women. And it can start at any age.

1. Defensive and offensive strategies to protect against harmful media
2. Creating boundaries and respecting your kids' boundaries
3. Talk openly about respect in everyday settings
4. Lead by example

Show notes:

• https://rightawaydad.com/how-to-teach-boys-to-respect-women/

Music: It’s Near by DJ Quads

If you want to get involved and be a guest on the show or sponsor an episode, fill out the form here.

You probably knew that there's a difference managing and leading at work, but what about in fatherhood? We too often just wing it at home as dads, but intentionally applying leadership principles at home can help us level up our relationships and outcomes within our family. 

Today, we've got David Mead on the show. He's an international speaker, author, and an overall student of leadership. He's worked with over 250 organizations around the globe. Companies like Deloitte, Verizon Capitol One. He worked on Simon Sinek's team for over 10 years and helped coauthor the, Find Your Why book about discovering purpose for you and your team. In 2019, he broke out on his own starting Propel, Inc. where he teaches leadership principles.

David shares some simple principles and a leadership model that can help all of us dads level up our leadership skills at home. Things like managing vs. leading, doing vs. being, and 3 H's to live by. 

Lots of takeaways in this episode for everybody.

Hope you enjoy. 

Show notes:

• https://www.davidjmead.com/
• David's LinkedIn
• Gallup study about driving engagement 

Music: It’s Near by DJ Quads

If you want to get involved and be a guest on the show or sponsor an episode, fill out the form here.

Did you know that 55% of working Americans do not use all of their paid vacation time? That's more than half and that's crazy. Those that did take vacation time, even fewer of them went on a trip with their family.  
 
So today we're going to talk about money management so that you can plan more opportunities to travel with you and your family, because it's incredibly important. And I want you to be on the side that actually does prioritize family vacations, does take paid time off to travel with your family.  
 
We have Kevin Payne on the show today. He is a personal and family finance and travel writer. His work has appeared on websites like Forbes, Investopedia, Credit Karma, FinanceBuzz, MarriageKidsandMoney, and many other sites. That he's contributed to, he writes specifically about how to have freedom to live and freedom to explore by better money management and better money habits. He actually quit his day job about a year ago to write full-time to build up his business and opportunities for more frequent travel with his family. He's the founder of familymoneyadventure.com. He lives in Cleveland , Ohio with his wife and four kids. 
 
And in today's episode, Kevin shares a lot of his advice and tips for traveling with a large family, the best places to get started and family travel using credit card points and hacks. We also address the relationship between suicide and money, which is a topic that Kevin has written about that I think needs more awareness.  
 
Overall today's episode has a ton of great tips for family travel, family finances from years of Kevin's experience writing about it and living it. All right. Let's get to it. Hope you enjoy.  
 
Show notes:

• https://www.familymoneyadventure.com/
• Kevin's LinkedIn
• Instagram
• A Record 768 Million U.S. Vacation Days Went Unused in 2018

 
Music: It’s Near by DJ Quads

Have you ever gone on a trip without the kids? Usually the first time you go without kids you ask a lot of “What if” questions. What if something happens to me? Who will raise them? What if this plane goes down, who will take care of our home and other assets?

Today’s episode helps answer all those “what if” questions. Cody Barbo, a newly minted father and the CEO and co-founder of Trust & Will goes into why you need an estate plan. Trust & Will makes estate planning simple to do and easy online.

Cody shares what it’s like to be a dad and entrepreneur, the personal journey that led to starting his FinTech company, as well as the importance of estate planning for all families today.

Before talking to him, I was pretty ignorant when it came to estate planning. Like I thought you had to be old, super wealthy, and have a lawyer to get it done. So I never really looked into it. But from talking to Cody and reading a lot on trustandwill.com, I’ve found out that estate planning actually applies to me right now, especially since I have kids.

I actually went through the whole process myself on trustandwill.com. It took about 45-ish minutes to do online, spread over a couple days because I read slowly. You can save and come back to it. Then I got my whole Estate Plan in the mail so I could sign, notarize, and make the whole thing legit and legally binding. 

Like most things in life, having a plan gives me confidence and I feel less anxious about my family’s future if the worst should happen. There’s a phrase I was taught early in life which was adapted from an old British army adage and it’s Prior Proper Planning Prevents Pathetically Poor Performance. 

If you have kids or a home you should really check out what Cody has to say about estate planning. It will prevent pathetically poor performance when you are gone. 

Enjoy!

Show notes:

• https://trustandwill.com/
• Cody Barbo on LinkedIn
• RUFADAA law info (Revised Uniform Fiduciary Access to Digital Assets Act)
• Legacy setting on Facebook
• The Snoo

Music: It’s Near by DJ Quads

We make 35,000 conscious decisions each day on average. That's about 1 decision every 2.5 seconds. 

That means we have tens of thousands of opportunities each day to practice good decision making. Marco Lopez, a dear friend of mine and international high performance coach and founder of the World Customer Economic Science, shares his insights about the mechanics of how decision-making applies to fatherhood and in our lives generally. 

Months ago I actually went through Marco's online course, MindTuneNow, and loved the principles. Practicing them has made me a more intentional dad. In this episode he shares simple techniques we can use each day in life and fatherhood. 

Some techniques he shares are:

• surrounding yourself with good information in order to make good decisions
• choosing to observe our kids rather than reacting and responding immediately
• writing down current thoughts and then analyzing them and replacing them with more useful thoughts. 

And he argues that the biggest decision we can make is to listen to our conscience, or inner guidance system as he calls it, so we can calm down our mind and get beyond current limiting beliefs and start living on a higher level.

It really takes a decision to just do it and everything else follows the momentum that comes from making that decision to change.

I think you'll really find useful what Marco has to say.

Get involved with No More Dead Dads by filling out this form here.

Show Notes:

• mindtunenow.com
• Marco's LinkedIn

Music credits:

• It’s Near by DJ Quads

Money often is the #1 source of stress for dads. Well, actually "money" isn't the source of stress, your mindset about money is. 

Dave Lowell, CFP® started Up Your Money Game to help families reshape their wealth mindset and adjust their money habits to align with their life's priorities. 

As a young father of 2 graduating from college, Dave realized he needed to learn how to "manage money" and what resulted was his journey into financial coaching. 

His work has been featured in Forbes, US News, Yahoo Finance, SmartAsset, and many other financial news outlets. 

What I really like about Dave is that while a lot of financial coaches talk about increasing income, he also talks about the other side of it, which is the core values around money, the mindset around money .

He asks clients about their first memory about money and how these early memories and experiences can put us into a particular mindset well into adulthood. 

We go through prioritizing your monthly income, saving for the future, getting out of high interest debt and then also we spend a majority of the time talking about the mindset around money, how to teach your kids about money, and honestly, how to share the burden of providing for your family. 

And how it needs to be a family affair, not just the father (or mother) shouldering that responsibility alone.

Enjoy!

Get involved with No More Dead Dads by filling out this form here.

Show Notes:

• Dave's LinkedIn
• Regret Minimization Framework
• www.upyourmoneygame.net/moneychallenge

Music credits:

• It’s Near by DJ Quads

1 in 4 adults in the US suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder according to John Hopkins research, and many adults have more than one mental disorder at a given time. This is why developing mental fitness is vital today. It's a skill that can be practiced and developed at a young age. 

Johnny Hanna, serial entrepreneur and father of 8, shares how can you develop strong mental fitness yourself and in your kids. It’s actually simpler than you think and can start at any age. 
He gives some easy mental fitness practices that have been working for his family and you can implement them in your family too. 

Johnny talks about his journey as a family man while also scaling billion dollar businesses. And he admittedly didn’t always prioritize well. But I love how open and vulnerable he is about challenges and insecurities faced both as a CEO and a young father and how those have led him develop the skills of mental fitness. 

You’ll learn how to start developing these skills of honoring boundaries, debunking storytelling, living in truth and how to teach you kids to do the same. He shares some fantastic stories from his family about the benefits of strong mental fitness. 

If you want to develop mental fitness in yourself and in your family, check out what Johnny has to say. I think you’ll find it useful. 

Enjoy!

Get involved with No More Dead Dads by filling out this form here.

Show Notes:

• Johnny's LinkedIn
• Homie
• Connexions Classroom parenting class

Music credits:

• It’s Near by DJ Quads

Saying sorry is more than just a handful of words, it’s a life skill. Yet so few of us master it. 

Why? 

Because saying sorry is hard! It goes against our natural instinct. 

Think about where you learned to say sorry… chances are you learned in your home from your parents. How good were they at saying sorry? How often did you hear them say sorry to others? Or to you? 

When we fail to teach our kids how to say sorry, we do them a terrible disservice. 

It’s true that saying sorry doesn’t come naturally or easily. Rather than treat it like a skill that requires practice and focus, we either awkwardly fumble through it or avoid it altogether. 

Then we turn around and try to teach our kids how to do it. We say ridiculous things like, “Go say sorry now! Give each other a hug! There, that’s better.”  

Problem solved? Not really… 

Here’s how to say sorry the right way:

Step 1. I’m sorry for _______.

What you are sorry for? Just saying, “I’m sorry” isn’t good enough. This is especially important for kids. Admitting what you did is powerful because you have to acknowledge your mistake in your own words. It teaches accountability and ownership. 

Also, it’s funny how sometimes we say sorry for something we thought we did wrong, but the person we’re saying sorry to is actually hurt for an entirely different reason. 

Kids also learn more quickly not to do it again, because they described exactly what they’re sorry for. 

Step 2. Do you want to talk about your feelings? 

This gives the other person space to share how they were affected. It also helps us learn to listen. 

I can’t tell you how touching it is to hear your kids share their feelings with each other. This helps them learn empathy and that their choices affect other people. 

As a dad, it’s your job to model how to do this. That means you need to share your feelings too. This will help your kids practice sharing their feelings with you when they struggle later in life. 

Step 3. Do you forgive me? 

When you ask for forgiveness, you give the other person a chance to react and respond. Asking for forgiveness has a way of releasing the tension and bringing people together. 

Be prepared for a “no” answer too. Sometimes the other person needs some time and that’s ok. 

Step 4. What can I do to help? 

This puts action into the apology. This is really important for kids to learn so they can practice fixing their mistakes, and not doing them again (hopefully). However, “fixing it” has to be related to the apology. Our kids have tried to use this step to push their chores to someone else. That doesn’t work. 

So there you go. 4 easy steps to saying sorry the right way. Again, the steps are:

1. I’m sorry for ______. 
2. Do you want to talk about your feelings? 
3. Do you forgive me? 
4. What can I do to help? 

This has worked really well at our house and the steps are simple enough that even our 3 year old can say sorry this way. 

It’s important for us dads to say sorry this way too. I have struggled with raising my voice at my kids when they are disrespectful and/or disobedient. Now, if I do that I say sorry this exact same way. It models the behavior we are wanting and they see that even dad does it. 

So next time you make a mistake, accidentally hurt someone, or feel regret about something you did to someone, give these 4 easy steps a go. You’ll be amazed and how it can relieve tension in any relationship …right away.

Enjoy!

Get involved with No More Dead Dads by filling out this form here.

Show Note