Listen, we see you there. We know the only real pleasure you feel in life comes in those three minutes a day where you're able to stand in front of the mirror, upper arm parallel to the floor, forearm swinging back and forth in time to the late 20th century synthesizer you picked up at the flea market a few years ago. We want you to know that you are not alone, and if you really want, we can provide steel colored body paint at no extra charge. For more information, email us at [email protected].

This topic is robots.

Is the rent too damn high? Are you tired of existing at sea-level? Are you with Sartre on this one? Staring menacingly at the roving glances of the other two who somehow ended up in the same circle. Listen, all you could ever want is cast aside by those around you. Also, it takes a long time to travel from Vancouver to Portland, even when the Cherries are in bloom. Intrigued? Send a message in morse code to [email protected]

Are you currently stuck in traffic and participating in the filming of b-roll? Do you want that man to be wearing business casual? How about upscale business? We got that b-roll. Ever felt like you're stuck going down a particular path in life with no way to jump the shark? Reach out to [email protected] today to know exactly as much as you know now in three weeks.

Ever wondered why groundhogs keep eating your onions dispite the fence you put up? Have you considered increasing your empathy to become one with the groundhogs? The next time you find yourself turning red with outrage as your crops are nibbled, reach out to us instead for the false promise of an informational pamphlet. Send an email to [email protected] and we'll collect your information for a phishing attempt we're planning for 2024.

Have you ever felt like this rat race of a world is sapping your emotional energy? Ever wished you could return to a simpler time where your biggest concern was how to get the knots out of your hair? What if we told you there was a way to spend your days thinking about Dunbar and your nights shivering in an old barn? For less than you paid for this podcast, all of this could be yours! Email me now at [email protected] to not receive your informational pamphlet. You know, cause there are none and we haven't quite figured out how to work the weird contraption Gutenberg left when he sold out and got a job as an insurance agent.

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