No Rangers Allowed

The gang's MIT degree really pays for itself. With the fish and shark people being drawn slowly into revolutionary fervor (and elf porn), our heroes uncover more sinister features of the Vittorik hemomancy facility, as well as an experimental hazardous environment armor. But they also find something more important than magical baubles: friendship.

Pies, prog, and Peruvian panpipes.

A horse accidentally named Horse bromances BJ and reveals new secrets of Gorm's past. His dick is an open question. But nevermind: into the depths of Vittorik the party must descend. Mab still must be saved and the encroaching Nothing dispelled. And one halfling has the power to open the hearts of man and fish alike.

Mostly, we fight snakes. Envenomed and close to death, BJ becomes a rage monster. Honeydew, 4 levels and 14 episodes in, finally gets to Thunderwave. And our DM learns a little something about inspiration. Also, it turns out we're on the hematothurgical research island of a mad king but we already knew this place sucked so what else is new. WARNING: this episode features an attempt to represent the subjective experience of BJ not-tolerating a Gorm monologue

In between theoretical discussions of binary planet cosmogeny, the party further learns that corrupted Elf Isle is really a pretty shit place. Despite some halfhearted efforts to keep watch, Mab, all innocence and light, is stolen away in the night. Now there is one question urgent above all others: Where's the Girl?

Though the importance of new revelations about the true nature of the Spooky Spike can't be overstated, the adventure takes another great leap forward as the gang, for the first time, venture as a unit beyond the warm comfort of Tumford. They find themselves in a mysterious and hostile alien land. Druids are revealed as undercover cyberpunk transhumanists. We witness the birth of Tiger Schulmann's Holy Katana of Vengeance. Battered and bloodied, can our heroes find their way home?

Do you think there is life on the moon - and if there is life, is there love?

After a truly stupendous amount of buildup, the gang hoots n hollers its way through shoving noble Bartholomew out of obscurity and into Tumford legend. No interference is brooked; no nos are taken for answers. Featuring a small struggle sesh with Tulpa's minor DMing insecurities. (Tell Tulpa how great they are at DMing, guys.)

"We're all going to die one day. May as well die a weird death."

Our heroes spread out through the Market Festival and seriously get some shit done. Areas north, east, south and west are discussed, and a plan for striking out into the wider world is fully developed. We learn of the Old King, suspended in mortal superposition, and guess at ye olde Creepy Spike's contribution to resolving his Heisenbergian dilemma. And many other feats besides! Featuring roboTulpa, Samson ASMR, and a really unfortunate fake Hatsune Miku Stones cover.

We have a Patreon now! Please consider contributing: https://www.patreon.com/norangersallowed

~~smoke weed everyday~~

The party learns the unnecessarily real rules to the revenants' ancient dice game, but Fatgris' plans for mathematical domination of the table are interrupted early by the characteristically loud arrival of our favorite conman. Tempers flare, and what begins as a noble attempt to defend Fatgris' honor escalates almost out of control. One last javelin could have ended it forever - but murder isn't in our heroes' blood, and now a nemesis lurks, seeking revenge...

Meet Fatgris. He controls lightning, he's depressed, and he loves to party. He's also something of a straightedge, which is a recipe for unpopularity in Gabbalusian Tumford, home of leaf merchants, spider juices and facial spores alike. With an elven Narnia portal lurking, God knows what remaining in the market, and the mysteries of the South beckoning, can our heroes resolve these 8000 quest hooks before they break out to the wider world?

Ven having been rescued from the grim clutches of death, our heroes return to the light and experience the cosmopolitan delights of the Tumford Millennial Faire. Leaf merchants are interrogated; sheriffs are elected; charlatans are karmically counter-swindled; hogs are beautified. Perhaps most importantly, our heroes smell adventure on the horizon, and begin to make overtures of leaving sleepy (though no longer so somnolent, perhaps) Tumford for points south.