No, You're Not Dying

*TW: This episode discusses infertility, pregnancy loss, and grief.*

A lot of us have grown up watching movies and shows that told us that creating a family would be easy, magical, and wonderful. And we believe it, because we like to think that things are going to go the way we hope (and think) they will. But when they don't, it's devastating, and can leave you feeling like, "where do we even go from here?"

In today's final episode of our parenthood series, we're talking about what to do when your journey to being a parent becomes more unconventional than you thought it would be. We discuss the importance of communication with your partner and why people seek out alternative support, feeling let down by your body, what it's like to grieve potential, and how to be there for someone when you don't have any answers.

We also talk about needing to find camaraderie, how gratitude and disappointment can coexist, why "different" doesn't mean "second-best", and why you sometimes just have to put your phone away. 

(00:47) Complaints of the Week

(07:15) Trigger Warning

(08:00) Highs & Lows

(20:40) Paths to Parenthood

About Your Hosts: 

Beth is a licensed, Ph.D. clinical psychologist with 40+ years of experience treating patients of all ages. 

Joyce is a millennial just trying to figure it all out.

Note:

Advice and opinions on this show should not be considered as treatment. Please contact your healthcare provider if you are in need of individualized help.

Other Stuff:

Follow us on Instagram: @noyourenotdyingpodcast

Submit your topic ideas and questions here.

Today we're picking up where we left off last week, with Part 2 of our parenthood series!

Our inner voice can have a lot to say when it comes to the pressures around having kids. But so can the voices of our parents/in-laws, friends, and society at large - and it can be a lot harder to quiet them.

This week, we're diving into how to do just that, and navigate the external noise that can make this big decision feel even heavier. We chat about how the fight against time can lead people to settle, the "pregnancy club" and why it's not just about having kids the same age, and how to set boundaries with parents & in-laws when their first question to you is, "so when are you having kids?" (even if their intentions are good).

We also talk about the misplaced judgement that people who are child-free face, the importance of discussing your parental goals with your partner, what it's like to see people with kids when you're struggling to have them, and why being a good parent means controlling your narcissism.

(01:44) Episode Format and Follow-Up from Last Week

(02:24) Highs & Lows

(23:34) External Pressures

About Your Hosts: 

Beth is a licensed, Ph.D. clinical psychologist with 40+ years of experience treating patients of all ages. 

Joyce is a millennial just trying to figure it all out.

Note:

Advice and opinions on this show should not be considered as treatment. Please contact your healthcare provider if you are in need of individualized help.

Other Stuff:

Follow us on Instagram: @noyourenotdyingpodcast

Submit your topic ideas and questions here.

There are moments in life when you may hear the chatter around having kids get louder: if you're recently married, if you see your friends or peers starting families, if you're single in your thirties, etc.

They make you realize that the decision to have kids is not like what you thought it would be: it's far more complicated, with a lot more noise.

Today, we're talking about how to handle the internal pressure around having kids when you know it's something you want to do, but just not right now. We talk about coming to terms with the realization that your timeline might not be what you had envisioned for yourself, what being a young parent really means, and why you might never feel 100% "ready".

We also discuss why women can't really have it all (despite what we're told), wanting to wait but not feeling like you have the luxury to do so, how to reframe pressures as questions, and why being an adult isn't about what you have, but who you are.

About Your Hosts: 

Beth is a licensed, Ph.D. clinical psychologist with 40+ years of experience treating patients of all ages. 

Joyce is a millennial just trying to figure it all out.

Note:

Advice and opinions on this show should not be considered as treatment. Please contact your healthcare provider if you are in need of individualized help.

Other Stuff:

Follow us on Instagram: @noyourenotdyingpodcast

Submit your topic ideas and questions here.

Do you ever look at something and think to yourself, "what the heck is happening here?"

Turns out we feel that way...about a lot. And we're not ashamed to admit it. 

Today, we're back with a Part 2 to an episode we did last year sharing the many things that simply just do not make sense to us. In talking about everything from DVDs and the internet, to family ancestry, underwater tunnels, and black holes, we realize that we have way more questions than we do answers.

About Your Hosts: 

Beth is a licensed, Ph.D. clinical psychologist with 40+ years of experience treating patients of all ages. 

Joyce is a millennial just trying to figure it all out.

Note:

Advice and opinions on this show should not be considered as treatment. Please contact your healthcare provider if you are in need of individualized help.

Other Stuff:

Follow us on Instagram: @noyourenotdyingpodcast

Submit your topic ideas and questions here.

Sometimes around birthdays people do lists like "20 lessons I learned at 20" and things of that nature. But that felt like a lot and also we didn't want to, so this episode isn't that.

Instead, this week we're sharing lessons we wish we learned earlier in life. Some are about our own psychology, some are about the world in general, but all of them could have saved us some trouble (and stress, heartache, regret, etc., etc.)

We talk about the importance of speaking kindly to yourself, why you can be bad at something and still enjoy it, how having a laugh can change your mindset, and why you can't avoid the hard stuff forever.

We also chat about abandoning perfection, why spontaneity is good for the soul, the insignificance of (almost) everything, and how there's more to the world than your nearest big city.

Plus, a series of unfortunate events with construction, a bog hike, rancid butter, and an exploding water heater (truly a story for the ages).

About Your Hosts: 

Beth is a licensed, Ph.D. clinical psychologist with 40+ years of experience treating patients of all ages. 

Joyce is a millennial just trying to figure it all out.

Note:

Advice and opinions on this show should not be considered as treatment. Please contact your healthcare provider if you are in need of individualized help.

Other Stuff:

Follow us on Instagram: @noyourenotdyingpodcast

Submit your topic ideas and questions here.

Does anyone else feel like the back-to-school season is more like the beginning of the year than January 1st is? 

Today, we're chatting about the anticipation of heading back to the classroom - whether you're a student, a parent, or even a teacher - and why you never really outgrow that feeling (no matter how old you are). We talk about the pressure of starting a routine & and the importance of practicing it, how "new-ness" effects everyone differently, and why you're not a bad parent if you forget a permission slip. 

We also discuss why back-to-school shopping is about more than just folders and notebooks, how to manage separation anxiety, the benefits of encouraging kids to step out of their comfort zones, and how joyful memories can be made even in a time of stress.

About Your Hosts: 

Beth is a licensed, Ph.D. clinical psychologist with 40+ years of experience treating patients of all ages. 

Joyce is a millennial just trying to figure it all out.

Note:

Advice and opinions on this show should not be considered as treatment. Please contact your healthcare provider if you are in need of individualized help.

Other Stuff:

Follow us on Instagram: @noyourenotdyingpodcast

Submit your topic ideas and questions here.

*This week we're throwing it back to an episode from a year ago! We'll be back next week with a new episode.*

We've all had moments where we want to tell people in our life to stop doing something - being friends with someone we think is toxic, dating someone that we think is undeserving of their love, engaging in bad behaviors that we ourselves have done that ended badly, and, and, and. So what do you do about it? Well...

Today we're talking about why you shouldn't give unsolicited advice and why people need to make their own mistakes (easier said than done, we know). We get into how to decide if a 'bad behavior' warrants sharing your input, why you might have your own personal needs for giving your opinion, the importance of learning from the consequences of our behavior, and why overprotecting people weakens them.

We also discuss why therapists shouldn't treat their patients like their kids, the difficulty in giving up the urge to parent your adult children, validation and resistance in therapy, and why we need to engage our frontal lobes.

About Your Hosts: 

Beth is a licensed, Ph.D. clinical psychologist with 40+ years of experience treating patients of all ages. 

Joyce is a millennial just trying to figure it all out.

Note:

Advice and opinions on this show should not be considered as treatment. Please contact your healthcare provider if you are in need of individualized help.

Other Stuff:

Follow us on Instagram: @noyourenotdyingpodcast

Submit your topic ideas and questions here.

Walk into any room where an icebreaker game is being played, and you'll see almost everyone cringe. Mostly because nobody wants to participate, but also because they raise the question: how exactly are you supposed to describe yourself in just 3 words?

Today we're talking about how we really develop our personalities and why our need to simplify things can actually create more problems. We chat about why we latch onto labels, why giving something "a name" can make it a bigger deal than it needs to be, and how we've confused trying out different versions of ourselves with being lost or not serious.

We also discuss the irony behind searching for things to be defined by, why we can feel judgmental of and superior to others, what happens when the boxes you put yourself into no longer fit, and how to reframe your language to reflect the whole person that you are.

About Your Hosts: 

Beth is a licensed, Ph.D. clinical psychologist with 40+ years of experience treating patients of all ages. 

Joyce is a millennial just trying to figure it all out.

Note:

Advice and opinions on this show should not be considered as treatment. Please contact your healthcare provider if you are in need of individualized help.

Other Stuff:

Follow us on Instagram: @noyourenotdyingpodcast

Submit your topic ideas and questions here.

Do you know that person whose middle name might be "chaos" and saves everything until the last minute? Or maybe you're familiar with the person who is more cautious than frenzied and likes to get ahead of a problem before it becomes a disaster. 

Regardless of which problem-solving style rings more true to you, it turns out that they have far-reaching impacts in your life.

Today, we're talking about the rescue vs. prevention styles of life and how your style not only affects how you respond, but what you take away from a situation. We chat through how to figure out what style you are (and how they relate to personality types), their consequences, how context and maturation may force you to change your approach, and the effects your approach can have on the people around you.

We also discuss why the majority of people who come to therapy are in rescue-mode, how two people can experience the same thing and take two VERY different things away from it, and what your reactions to a situation can teach you about yourself. 

Plus: Joyce is mad about a bear, we're having a TSITP renaissance, & a spider haunts us in the night.

About Your Hosts: 

Beth is a licensed, Ph.D. clinical psychologist with 40+ years of experience treating patients of all ages. 

Joyce is a millennial just trying to figure it all out.

Note:

Advice and opinions on this show should not be considered as treatment. Please contact your healthcare provider if you are in need of individualized help.

Other Stuff:

Follow us on Instagram: @noyourenotdyingpodcast

Submit your topic ideas and questions here.

This episode is brought to you by yet another major thunderstorm that you'll hear in the background.

Today we're celebrating Ted Lasso's return, recapping our experience seeing Cats: The Jellicle Ball, and once again letting our health anxiety take the wheel while being offered only dirty dimes in return (trust us, it will make sense).

Then, we dive into an often overlooked type of grief: mourning the loss of a pet. On paper, it seems like it might be easier to handle, but if you've ever experienced it, you know that it can rival a human loss in a very real way. 

We chat about what animals can do for people that other people can't, why our pets can't simply be replaced by another, and how the responsibilities of pet care can help us be less self-centered.

We also discuss finding balance between wanting what's best for them versus wanting them to live forever, why the loss of a pet can make us feel that we've lost our purpose, the best way to keep your pets' memory alive, and why you can't delay the grieving process forever.

About Your Hosts: 

Beth is a licensed, Ph.D. clinical psychologist with 40+ years of experience treating patients of all ages. 

Joyce is a millennial just trying to figure it all out.

Note:

Advice and opinions on this show should not be considered as treatment. Please contact your healthcare provider if you are in need of individualized help.

Other Stuff:

Follow us on Instagram: @noyourenotdyingpodcast

Submit your topic ideas and questions here.