Drowning in news and unable to breathe, we tried to follow “The Bachelor,” only to find out that the new bachelor smashed his face open on multiple cocktail glasses this week while playing golf. Meanwhile, the woman who claimed that meth found inside her vagina belonged to someone else finally admitted that the meth was, as everyone suspected, hers. Speaking of meth, Trump’s appearance and behavior–specifically, dilated pupils and paranoid psychosis–indicate that he may be addicted to Sudafed, a diagnosis supported by a photograph he posted on Twitter a few years ago. In India, a woman found two separate pythons in her toilet, on two consecutive days, and in Oklahoma, a dog shot a woman in the thigh with a .22 pistol. AOC became the latest politician to be shamed for her haircut. Alec Baldwin’s family got scammed by a phony Statue of Liberty tour operator. And Brian shares a personal story about his obsession with the Untitled Goose Game. 

HEAR US ON ITUNES

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/

OVERCAST

https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope 

SPOTIFY

https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ
STITCHER

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope

SOUNDCLOUD

https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks
POCKET CASTS

https://pca.st/SrJY 

RADIO PUBLIC

https://radiopublic.com/this-week-in-nope-GAOx3N 

In this week’s episode: 

Here’s the Twitter thread by @jrehling detailing evidence of Donald Trump’s Sudafed addiction. 

Big #YUPs to…

Sexy Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey, who refused to engage with Donald Trump on Twitter. 

Gerri! Gerri! Gerri! That is J. Smith Cameron, the fabulously talented actress who plays the general counsel of Waystar-Royco on HBO’s “Succession,” and is living her best life on Twitter. 

Read Rachel’s story about the women of “Succession” in Vanity Fair. 

And watch this perfect remix of the Succession theme song by comedian Demi Adejuyigbe. 

We are so overwhelmed by the news that we’ve decided to take a step back and produce “Impeachment: the Movie,” featuring a phalanx of Republican insaniacs and the most eclectic ensemble cast of all time. While the Republicans spew conspiracy theories, the Democrats are looking to the future with real policy proposals. For example, Joe Biden is pitching a tax credit that will benefit 750 million American women. Elsewhere, a fitness instructor was sentenced to five years in prison for harassing bodybuilders on Instagram. An unsuspecting couple in Indiana adopted a six-year-old who was really an adult psychopath. Columbia University is disbanding its marching band because of the musicians’ tendency to march in lewd formations. The guy who invented the labradoodle says that the breed is a Pandora’s box, and his life’s regret. Japan Airlines is updating it’s website so you can track where babies are sitting. Finally, we have updates on Irish Rail and WeWork! 

HEAR US ON ITUNES

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/

OVERCAST

https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope 

SPOTIFY

https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ
STITCHER

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope

SOUNDCLOUD

https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks
POCKET CASTS

https://pca.st/SrJY 

RADIO PUBLIC

https://radiopublic.com/this-week-in-nope-GAOx3N 

In this week’s episode: 

We cast Mitch McConnell as the monster from Pan’s Labyrinth in “Impeachment: the Movie.” 

Everyone is freaking out about jockstraps. 

Learn more about the man who created the labradoodle, which he now calls a Frankenstein monster. 

Big #YUPs to…

Robert De Niro, for giving a big NOPE to his critics, while appearing on Brian Stelter’s “Reliable Sources.” 

Ryan Murphy’s “The Politician” on Netflix, starring Ben Platt, Jessica Lange and Gwyneth Paltrow. 

The creaky gears of justice finally appear to be turning, yet everything is still terrible. We delve into the Trump-Zalensky phone call, troubles at the We Company and the fraud that is ComScore. Also on the docket: a New Jersey couple goes under the knife to correct their RBF; Mark Ronson reveals his sexual orientation (spoiler: he’s attracted to beautiful, smart women); Gucci predicts people will be wearing straitjackets next summer; and Irish Rail has an unusual explanation for their train delays involving a bird. Finally, we have a boots-on-the-ground update from the Isle of Rockall, Britain’s final act of imperial expansion.  

HEAR US ON ITUNES

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/

OVERCAST

https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope 

SPOTIFY

https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ
STITCHER

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope

SOUNDCLOUD

https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks
POCKET CASTS

https://pca.st/SrJY 

RADIO PUBLIC

https://radiopublic.com/this-week-in-nope-GAOx3N 

In this week’s episode: 

Read the transcript. Just do it. 

WeWork, once the hottest company in tech, is having some issues. 

Read the NY Times review of the Gucci fashion show, featuring 20 variations of straightjackets. 

Big #YUPs to…

The seven freshman Democrats who wrote this Washington Post op-ed calling for impeachment. 

The Vox-New York Magazine merger. 

This week, we learned that Joe Biden’s idea of a sick burn is to call someone “Esther,” as in Esther Williams, the late swimming star of the silver screen, whose heyday was in the 1950s. In Australia, a fire at a farm caused a massive bull semen explosion. The New York Times broke a bombshell story about Brett Kavanaugh, but completely botched the rollout, yet again. Disgraced White House press secretary Sean Spicer made his debut on “Dancing With the Stars” in a pirate shirt on the same day that Netflix announced a deal to stream the “Seinfeld” library. Coincidence? We think not. A New Zealand man brought an emotional support clown to his layoff meeting. And a new Natalie Portman film about the astronaut who drove 900 miles wearing adult diapers so she wouldn’t have to stop to pee premiered at the Toronto Film Festival, and it was sadly missing the diapers. Thanks for all the feedback. We here for you. 

HEAR US ON ITUNES

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/

OVERCAST

https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope 

SPOTIFY

https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ
STITCHER

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope

SOUNDCLOUD

https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks
POCKET CASTS

https://pca.st/SrJY 

RADIO PUBLIC

https://radiopublic.com/this-week-in-nope-GAOx3N 

In this week’s episode: 

Watch Joe Biden tell the harrowing story of Corn Pop, the gang leader who Biden called Esther Williams before they got into a parking-lot scuffle. 

Here’s what happened with the New York Times story about Brett Kavanaugh’s third credible allegation of sexual assault. 

Here’s an interview with director Noah Hawley, explaining to the LA Times’s Amy Kaufman why the adult diapers were omitted from his new film, “Lucy In the Sky.” 

Big #YUPs to…

April Balascio, daughter of serial killer Edward Wayne Edwards and subject of the podcast “The Clearing.” 

Listen to “The Clearing” here. 

Read Rachel’s story about April in the Wall Street Journal. 

Cokie Roberts, the well-known television journalist, who died this week at the age of 75.

National Security Adviser John Bolton became the latest Trump Administration official to be fired via Twitter–or did he resign? We may never know. The new iPhone is finally here and it’s wreaking havoc on those struggling with a rare condition called trypophobia. Fox Searchlight, known for Oscar-bait dramas such as “12 Years a Slave” and “The Descendants,” is now bringing to the silver screen a biopic about Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. A high-school swimmer won the 100-meter race, only to be disqualified because she had a wedgie. A distinguished judge died, and her obituary headline focused on a special moment in her life–that time she pooped in a courtroom trash can. Forbes launched a task force to investigate how its “100 Most Innovative Leaders” list contained 99 men, and why nobody identified that was a problem. On the plus side, women can finally earn more money than men...in a new version of Monopoly. Everything’s terrible.

HEAR US ON ITUNES
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/

OVERCAST
https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope 

SPOTIFY

https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ
STITCHER
https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope

POCKET CASTS

https://pca.st/SrJY 

RADIO PUBLIC

https://radiopublic.com/this-week-in-nope-GAOx3N 

In this week’s episode: 

Check out CNN’s report on  trypophobia, an intense, irrational fear of small holes and clusters of circles and bumps, which is being triggered by the new iPhone 11. 

Read about the Westchester judge Elizabeth Shollenberger, who will forever be remembered by her worst moment, thanks to the New York Post.  

Learn more about who Forbes thinks is innovative and why. 

Big #YUPs to…

The Apple Watch - Series 5 just debuted! 

Matthew Macfadyen, the actor who plays Tom Wamsgans on HBO’s “Succession.”  

As hurricane Dorian heads to the Carolinas–not Alabama–the idea of storm size has become the new crowd size, which was once the new hand size. Meanwhile, the British government is spiraling out of control and a 73-year-old Irish folk singer is poised to invade a remote British island which is actually a rock. Dairy Queen denied that its hamburgers contain human meat, raising questions about what other types of meat are not in the burgers. Researchers at the Smithsonian identified a new species of leech outside of Washington, DC, and a snake terrorizing people in the Outer Banks is actually a lizard with a detachable tail. We’re going to be OK. 

HEAR US ON ITUNES
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/

OVERCAST
https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope 

SPOTIFY

https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ
STITCHER
https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope

POCKET CASTS

https://pca.st/SrJY 

RADIO PUBLIC

https://radiopublic.com/this-week-in-nope-GAOx3N 

In this week’s episode: 

Check out Trump’s doctored map of hurricane Dorian. 

Learn more fun facts about Boris Johnson, in this fabulous episode of the New York Times’s “The Daily” podcast. 

In leech news, scientists have discovered a new species with three jaws! 

Big #YUPs to…

Anthony Lupi, the UPS delivery guy making people horny in Soho. 

The tomato plant growing in the East River.

We returned from our summer vacations to find a nation crawling with bedbugs and lusting over a chicken sandwich. Some people were losing their minds over a recipe for a chicken quesadilla fried deep dish pizza. Others stopped bathing for health or productivity reasons (and they promise they don’t smell.) An Australian chef shared a confusing recipe for a fish turducken. Rachel went to a restaurant in Germany featuring hand soap that was inspired by a sausage. Brian went to a restaurant in New York that didn’t serve soup or liver, owing to construction. Hawks were brought in to scare away the seagulls on the Jersey Shore. Rihanna is surreptitiously charging people $50 per month for the option to buy curated underwear. And professional baseball players are being laid low by gas-station Viagra. 

HEAR US ON ITUNES
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/

OVERCAST
https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope 

SPOTIFY

https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ
STITCHER
https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope

SOUNDCLOUD
https://soundcloud.com/user-518735966/tracks
POCKET CASTS

https://pca.st/SrJY 

RADIO PUBLIC

https://radiopublic.com/this-week-in-nope-GAOx3N 

In this week’s episode: 

Read about why #bedbugs and Bret Stephens were trending on Twitter.

Watch the recipe tutorial for a deep-dish pizza quesadilla that sent the world into a tizzy. 

Here’s a Vox story explaining how people are inadvertently paying Rihanna $50/month for the option to buy underwear. 

Big #YUPs to…

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg: may she live forever and enjoy all Broadway has to offer. 

David Ledbetter, a high school student in Charlotte, NC, who registered people to vote as they waited in line for the opportunity to have a Popeye’s chicken sandwich.

It’s the dog days of summer, but for Rachel and Brian, it’s just silly season. In this politics-free episode, a woman hid meth in her vagina and a man hid cocaine in his toupee. Another woman got an octopus stuck on her face and then waited two days before going to the hospital. Men in England are paying big bucks to get wedgies in public and to clean the home of a 68-year-old dominatrix. People in Hollywood are taking out Disgrace Insurance to protect themselves from public shaming, which is measured by the Moral Outcry Index. And just when you thought we had hit bottom with Operation Varsity Blues, some wealthy parents are putting their college-age kids up for adoption so that they can be eligible for need-based financial aid packages. (Warning: This episode may be even more bananas than usual, as it was recorded before Rachel left for vacation last week.)

HEAR US ON ITUNES
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/

OVERCAST
https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope 

SPOTIFY

https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ
STITCHER
https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope

POCKET CASTS

https://pca.st/SrJY 

RADIO PUBLIC

https://radiopublic.com/this-week-in-nope-GAOx3N 

In this week’s episode: 

Read the Wall Street Journal’s explosive story about financial aid grifters. 

See the woman who got an octopus stuck on her face and the other woman who had meth in her vagina. Oh and here’s the man who had $34K of cocaine in his toupee. 

Big #YUPs to…

“Once Upon a Time in America,” now in theaters, and “The Great Hack” on Netflix.

It’s the dog days of summer, and we’ve had enough of everything: the “hard seltzer,” paid internships that require abstaining from “frosé,” tasting bacon all day and watching all 20 Marvel movies consecutively, these motherf—-ing snakes on this motherf—-ing plane. Nope to all of it. Also on the docket: we explain why everyone is talking about “30-50 feral hogs” as if they are the new generously buttered noodles. Equinox and SoulCycle are cancelled. We interview friend of the pod Ellen Gamerman about her late pet rats. We also try to understand why Mike Pence is advocating that everybody stay on their knees instead of on the Inernet, and explain a new theory advanced by a Greek Orthodox priest regarding the origins of homosexuality. Finally, we dissect a video showing a piece of raw meat autonomously jumping off of a plate. What a week.  

HEAR US ON ITUNES
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/

OVERCAST
https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope 

SPOTIFY

https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ
STITCHER
https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope

POCKET CASTS

https://pca.st/SrJY 

RADIO PUBLIC

https://radiopublic.com/this-week-in-nope-GAOx3N 

In this week’s episode: 

If there’s one thing you need to read this week, it is this explainer on the 30-50 feral hogs meme. 

See a slideshow of Ellen Gamerman’s late pet rat. 

Check out a piece of raw meat autonomously jumping off a plate. 

Big #YUPs to…

Summer thunderstorms, which can always be counted on to bring disparate people together in the office. 

“My Year of Rest and Relaxation,” a fabulous novel by Ottessa Moshfegh.  

After seeing the trailer for “Top Gun: Maverick” last week, we were compelled to watch the original “Top Gun” for the very first time, and we needed some time to process what we saw. Now we’re back, amid one of the worst weeks on record, and ready to do a deep dive into the goings-on of Goose, Maverick, Iceman and, last but not least, Wolfman. Also on the docket: Marianne Williamson stole the show at the Democratic Debates; the New York Times revealed that Jeffrey Epstein planned to freeze his penis and repopulate the earth in his own image (not necessarily in that order); a rogue clown may or may not have terrorized a cruise ship; Grifter-turned-Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross reared his head at a performance art gala in the Hamptons; following a puppy-bite incident, Google Maps failed Rachel on the way to the E.R. Finally, grasshoppers are swarming Las Vegas and ladybugs are swarming San Diego, confusing everyone from meteorologists to Nostradamus. 

HEAR US ON ITUNES
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/this-week-in-nope/

OVERCAST
https://overcast.fm/itunes1312654524/this-week-in-nope 

SPOTIFY

https://open.spotify.com/show/07WFZhd5bgY1l1BspArfRJ
STITCHER
https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/this-week-in-nope

POCKET CASTS

https://pca.st/SrJY 

RADIO PUBLIC

https://radiopublic.com/this-week-in-nope-GAOx3N 

In this week’s episode: 

Marianne Williamson: A Star Is Born at the Democratic Debates 

Pedophile Jeffrey Epstein wanted to freeze his penis and seed the world with his DNA. 

Grasshoppers are invading Las Vegas.  

Ladybugs are invading San Diego. 

See Wilbur Ross partying in the Hamptons with a giant fly. 

Big #YUPs to…

Dolly Parton, who has a new podcast coming out this fall called “Dolly Parton’s America” with WNYC

New York City buses, which are so much more pleasant than the subway at this time of year.