If you think hating pickles is grounds for removal from a podcast, congratulations, you're already more reasonable than us.

Stroke somehow turns a haunted hotel story into admitting he can't have sex during Forensic Files, Ian declares war on a Panama City Beach cook named Scott over coleslaw and incorrectly sauced wings, and Florida Man shows up in his underwear hurling beef sticks at a Waffle House.

Then Jen brings us Pornhub comments from people named Cooter Destroyer and Semen Demon, which naturally leads into a much less funny conversation with Rick about Flock cameras, license-plate tracking, Stingrays, and how much of your life can apparently be mapped without you asking for any of it.

We also learn that "cream rinse" sounds filthy, jumping spiders may have souls, and apparently the proper response to modern technology is using AI every day while simultaneously being terrified it's going to destroy civilization.

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There are complaints, and then there’s getting so pissed at a radio host that you handwrite a full-page letter, drive it to the station, and personally deliver the damn thing.

Somehow that isn’t even the weirdest part of this show.

Stroke starts things off by admitting he complained about his apartment maintenance and apparently got a 75-year-old pool guy fired. Ian gets blamed because karaoke customers keep picking old songs.

Then the comments arrive and we’re suddenly debating why women sound like they’re frying chicken when they pee and whether anybody actually farted continuously for two minutes.

From there, Rhode Island gets buried in squid, a Maine Coon shows up with 29 toes, and a former fertility patient’s son discovers he has nine half siblings and is biologically related to her doctor.

Then somebody asks: Do spiders have dicks?

The answer involves pedipalps and “detachable looking face dicks,” because apparently this is educational programming now.

Finally, BuzzFeed tells us we’re old and Jenn responds by calling somebody a “nincom-fucking-poop.”

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🔎NTDS Mikey Stroke Ian Jenn karaoke hate mail radio Karen TitanFest Aftershock Dolly Parton death pool frying chicken pee Piggly Wiggly fart Squidpocalypse Rhode Island Maine Coon ARCO gas pump fertility doctor spider dicks pedipalps Mel Gibson sign language BuzzFeed videotaping pound sign stewardess supper nincompoop

The Gang Goes to Piggly Wiggly | Ep 116

Stroke went to Piggly Wiggly for cheap soda and somehow came home with Mountain Yeller, Mr. Pig, and a story about discussing his dick with a stranger in the meat department, so we’re off to a responsible start.

Then a robot vacuum catches a wife cheating, the husband somehow ends up in jail, and everybody realizes the technology in their house could probably destroy their life at any moment.

Confessions bring us a suspicious two-minute fart, Mikey bathwater, Ian catching strays while he isn’t even there, and a perfectly normal foot fetish discussion that immediately stops being normal.

Florida unloads an entire week’s worth of public penis activity before California’s serial butt sniffer returns and Reddit reminds us why anonymous internet access may have been humanity’s biggest administrative error.

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Mikey leaves one bad pizza review and wakes up to an apology from the woman who cooked 90 pizzas, so naturally he spends the next few minutes feeling like shit.

Ian’s kid nearly passes out from heat exhaustion at school when it feels like 115 degrees outside, and that goes exactly as calmly as you’d expect.

Then a verified sugar daddy profile belonging to a radio host we already hate appears, Jessicles delivers “Emergency Jackoff Mode,” and Darth Vader shows up at a San Diego City Council meeting to go after Flock cameras.

By the end, we’re teaching people how to fart-bomb memory foam, fake a dropped call with airplane mode, bury vodka before a festival, and apparently solve almost anything by whipping it out. If you take any of that advice, Mikey already warned you: that is your fault.

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Not That Damn Show Goodwill bins Whatnot selling Shit Shoes Johnny’s New York Pizzeria pizza review undercooked pizza customer service heat exhaustion Florida school feels like 115 degrees sugar daddy website verified sugar daddy Emergency Jackoff Mode Alaska outhouse Hashimoto’s thyroid disorder WTF News fake 12 year old adoption fraud dodgeball assault Mexican fishermen fishing cooler five days at sea Flock cameras San Diego City Council Darth Vader surveillance cameras Great Advice for Shitty People life hacks terrible people memory foam fart bomb airplane mode call failed bar pays Uber home Jehovah’s Witness visits festival vodka Aftershock homeless people baby pictures tri tip Applebee’s Chili’s Goodwill clothing by pound Whatnot show

Some a**hole stole nearly two grand from Mikey’s bank account, which means he’s now willing to drink his wife’s bathwater for $1,000 and apparently sell the leftovers in tiny mason jars.

We also learned that somebody protects their couch with a handmade sex blanket from Mom, a Florida woman can fit 28 bags of fentanyl inside herself, and Stroke may be one bad paycheck away from FeetFinder.

Then Craigslust introduced us to a man searching for a fishing buddy who may occasionally need to fuck his wife, because adult friendships apparently require very specific benefits now.

Clearance Carter watched all of this silently and judged us…which, honestly, somebody needed to.

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Stroke got fired from radio, and because this show handles serious personal hardship with maturity, we immediately started planning his new career on the internet.

Apparently his choices are… selling thrift-store clothes while telling dick jokes, hosting story time from a bidet or showing his asshole until the bills are paid. You can prevent at least one of those things by supporting the show. Choose wisely.

We also tracked down our 21 listeners in Fairbanks, Alaska, where every 1,500 people apparently share one Dammit, one Thai restaurant and possibly a communal family shit bucket.

Florida contributed a machete-versus-hatchet parking-lot fight, an accused catnapping mail carrier and a lobster diver nearly losing his air supply over somebody’s preferred fishing spot.

Then came Smut Book Theater: HR Mandy makes us read filthy romance novels until “emergency jack off mode” somehow becomes the least disturbing thing said.

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Lawyer Rick joins Mikey and Ian, which immediately turns into a debate over $17 cigarettes, selling out, and why radio keeps replacing actual personalities with bland garbage between tampon commercials.

Florida contributes a machete duel over an ex, listeners drag us back through foot Parmesan and Stroke’s first bidet blast, and some guy named Chatty bravely discovers that the joke podcast is, in fact, a joke.

Then everybody compares the first major news story burned into their brain, from Challenger and Oklahoma City to O.J., Princess Diana, and Boston.

Ian ranks songs that were better than the movies written for them before Rick explains why cropped texts, accidental Venmo payments, unpaid boss messages, and a neighbor’s camera can all become expensive lessons in acting like an adult.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

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Stroke christens his new Florida place by testing a bidet live on camera…because apparently unpacking boxes was too normal.

Then a sold-out, 105-degree Boardwalk show turns into a debate over what could make you walk out of an event.

WTF News brings us an Utah bride who tried to torch her Mormon wedding venue with a stolen BIC lighter and a tampon, New Jersey cops dressing like clearance-bin shrubs, and Katy Perry getting rolled around inside a giant inflatable water bottle like a panicked gerbil.

The confessions somehow make all of that feel classy with accidental sibling nudes, AI romance, ChapStick in an ass, adult onesie poop chutes, and a shower-head enema that went exactly as badly as it sounds.

Also, Stroke bought a $2.40 doll named Clearance, so naturally we may have a new mascot.

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On todays episode of Not That Damn Show we started with Dammits asking the important questions: who should pay for the condoms, whether Matt’s karaoke date is about to become a terrible decision, and why we call an animal a pet when “pet” is also what you do to it.

Then your comments dragged us back into last week’s horrifying racist and sexist commercials and one of our favorite radio pranks, when a fake cat meow had people pulling over their cars and trucks looking for an animal that wasn’t there.

After that we tried to figure out what actually counts as flirting.

Hearting stories?

Touching somebody’s arm?

DMs?

A “work wife”?

Then we got to the fact that 26% of people think flirting with AI is cheating, which somehow turned into OnlyFans, live cam models, strip clubs, and why paying for one specific person changes the whole argument.

Also video of a woman on a cruise ship scraping foot fungus off with a communal fork 🤮

Reno Craigslist closed things out with hour-long bl*wjob requests, a debate over bisexual versus pansexual, and a guy trying to film POV oral with Meta glasses.

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Let’s say you’re a virgin in your mid-20s and decide the best solution is spending $1,500 at a legal brothel.

Bold strategy.

Now imagine getting home afterward and thinking, “You know what? I need to leave a Yelp review.”

That’s where we begin.

We also found a married couple who went to the same brothel FOR DINNER and were significantly more upset about missing ranch than the fact that they were eating chicken strips surrounded by prostitutes.

Then Florida brought us a fake dick abandoned in a police car, Nana Squeeze Ass, two school principals getting separate DUIs in the same vehicle, and a 75-year-old man pepper-spraying children who wouldn’t pet his dog.

Stroke also tells the story of getting attacked by a herd of lesbians.

And then we watched old commercials about racist toothpaste, sexist coffee, Bill Cosby warning people about drugs and AYDS helping people lose weight. The past was weird.

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