Everybody’s barely here, everybody’s allegedly mad at everybody, Stroke is late, Ian has to leave, and somehow that still counts as a functioning podcast… because standards are dead.

We’ve FINALLY got the June shirt of the month (Everything is Fake and Gay)

Mikey is throwing a party at the Boardwalk Fourth of July weekend, Jenn starts wondering if she’s in menopause.

an trying to start his new apartment life by getting rejected in a model unit like a horny real estate goblin.

Listener comments somehow drag us through Japan school trips, Spanish Spotify ads, unpaid traffic tickets, and the eternal question: is a short guy’s dating problem solved by muscles and a motorcycle?

Then Digital Dick of the Week becomes an actual moral crisis. One guy steals cigarettes from Wawa and leaves his wallet behind. Another guy allegedly pulls a gun on a coworker over microwaved fish. We’re not lawyers, but we are people with noses.

Stroke shows up just in time to bring Florida’s finest: alligator face bites, DoorDash boners, Walmart groin shots, Disney water-glass assaults, and the phrase “molesting wildlife,” which should never exist but absolutely does.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕Wear the shirt before society collapses completely. The store is live, the taste level is questionable, and that’s sort of the point: https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Got a confession that would make your group chat call a meeting? Dump it here anonymously and let us ruin it with confidence: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐ Follow, subscribe, and leave a review so the algorithm stops treating us like a gas station bathroom with Wi-Fi: https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 The uncensored video is on Patreon, because apparently you people need to see the damage in full resolution: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

NOT That Damn Show America’s Loudest Podcast Mikey Stroke Ian Jenn Everything is fake and gay shirt of the month Boardwalk Fourth of July line dancing country music jello shots menopause hot flashes Ian apartment model unit listener comments Japan school trip Spotify Spanish ads Titanic Spanish accent speeding ticket red light ticket Brazil listener map Peru listener Digital Dick of the Week Wawa cigarette thief wallet left behind microwaved fish cop Myrtle Beach dad rock Weezer Offspring Linkin Park Korn Incubus Green Day Foo Fighters Fall Out Boy Creed Blink 182 radio remote hell Florida Man sex offender pool law alligator bite Christmas Florida DoorDash driver Cocoa Beach Walmart groin gunshot Disney World sudden snatching molesting wildlife Niagara Falls video sunflower midgets office talk don’t put bananas in my butt

This episode started with a simple relationship question and somehow ended with cousin confessions and discussions about butthole licking.

The big debate: if someone ghosts you after three months, are they responsible when you completely lose your mind afterward?

The jury was divided.

We also discovered that Florida's most misspelled word is apparently "school," held a spelling bee for grown adults, argued about Michael Jordan vs Wayne Gretzky, and learned that some people are allergic to their own orgasms.

Then Ian delivered what may be one of the greatest stories in show history: a desperate sprint through Best Buy while trying not to become permanently known as "The Best Buy Pooper."

The confessions were somehow even worse with hotel squatters, cousin crushes. porta-potty enthusiasts and paid wedgies.

Humanity remains undefeated.

Welcome to Americas Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕Your wardrobe looks weak and you know it. Fix the problem before strangers assume you're responsible for modern country radio.

https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Got a secret that's keeping your therapist employed? Excellent. Send it to us and let the internet judge you instead.

https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐ Follow the show, subscribe everywhere, leave a review, and help us continue making poor life choices professionally.

https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 The uncensored video version lives on Patreon, where you can actually see the faces attached to these terrible opinions.

https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

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This episode started with Jenn disappearing before showtime and somehow got worse from there.

Stroke introduced a song called Don't Put Bananas In My Butt, which immediately destroyed whatever credibility we had left. Then we stumbled onto a Florida music festival charging $34 for a turkey leg and spent the next twenty minutes trying to figure out whether that counts as theft.

We also uncovered America's forgotten government cheese mountain, discussed New Jersey's weird gas-pumping laws, debated speed cameras, and learned there's apparently a luxury anti-aging cream designed specifically for your penis.

No, that's not a joke.

By the end of the episode we’ve talked about ringworm throats, pledge allegiance controversies, and whether Thomas Jefferson would've simply canceled America if he saw what the internet has become.

If you've ever wondered what happens when three dudes start with a simple conversation and end up discussing anti-aging dick lotion, this one's for you.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕Life is expensive enough. At least spend your money on something stupid you actually wanted. Grab your NTDS merch: https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Done something questionable? Illegal? Weirdly impressive? Dump it in the confessional and let us judge you from a safe distance. https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐Help us confuse even more people across America and apparently Brazil. Follow, subscribe, and leave a review: https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 Want the uncensored video version with all the facial expressions that make these conversations even worse? Get Patreon access here: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

This episode is sponsored by More Labs. Morning Recovery helps you bounce back after a night out, and Liquid Focus helps you get stuff done without the crash. Head to MoreLabs.com and use promo code NTDS to save 20% off.

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Where’s Stroke? We don’t know so naturally we got into an unnecessarily long discussion about AI gender swaps, lesbian filters, whale sperm perfume, and whether a grown man deserves five million dollars because a cruise ship deck was hot in Florida.

We listen to voicemails, read your comments and check Craigslist where we find twinks and pregnant pillow princesses.

There’s also a guy using AI to fake Uber damage photos, another guy smearing s*it all over someone’s house, and a woman beating a cheating man with an entire tree branch while we cheer like it’s WrestleMania.

Somehow we invented a new game based on horrible real-life FML stories and prove once again that humanity was probably a mistake.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕 Wear something from the store so strangers immediately know not to ask you for directions or emotional support. https://www.nottds.com/store

📩 Your secrets are already ruining your life anyway. Might as well let us read them out loud for content. https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐ Follow the show, leave a review, and help confuse the algorithm into thinking this is educational content. https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 The uncensored video version is somehow even worse. Full episodes on Patreon now. https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

NOT That Damn Show AI Lyft scam Florida man Carnival Cruise lawsuit hot deck lawsuit AI fake damage photos Craigslist Lust Dallas Fort Worth femme boy twink BBW milky whale ambergris perfume Four Corners challenge Mortal Kombat arcade machine Bucky’s chili lime peanuts pepper spray ingredient Wheel of Fortune puzzle sperm whale facts steroid Olympics tug of war Olympics softball face injury cheating girlfriend branch attack AI gender swap photos lesbian filter ant infestation colonoscopy prep participation trophies Aftershock ticket prices Rockville festival Georgia country Kazakhstan fake countries Borat references Big Mouth Billy Bass party poppers prank DUI checkpoint joke FML game Craigslist twink Florida poop burglar Gemini watermark AI detection Dallas airport stripper joke Patreon uncensored video

After taking a week off, the gang comes back like four exhausted mall cops trying to process a world where people are emotionally cheating with AI girlfriends.

In this episode of Not That Damn Show a lawyer got caught doing deeply illegal things with the family dog, and somebody in Florida almost burned down an apartment over missing apple slices.

Ian launches into a full boomer meltdown over paper McFlurry cups and disappearing ketchup dispensers while Mikey casually explains there are apparently alien races living underground.

Jenn warns us about Ebola patients running loose in the Congo and everybody accidentally creates the world’s worst conversation about train sex.

Also, somebody genuinely asked us to bring beat “Brat Strokes C*ock” … which is 100% NOT the name of the game.

Humanity may actually be cooked. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

This episode of NOT That Damn Show is sponsored by MoreLabs.com

Whether you survived Memorial Day weekend or just your coworkers, grab Morning Recovery and Focus shots at MoreLabs.com and use promo code NTDS for 25% off. Because functioning like a normal adult is apparently impossible now.

👕 Your closet looks soft. Fix it immediately with NTDS merch before society fully collapses into AI relationships and paper McFlurry cups. https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Got secrets, horrible decisions, or emotional damage caused by robot girlfriends? Good. Feed the machine. https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐ Follow the show, leave a review, and help us confuse future historians trying to understand what happened to civilization. https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 The uncensored video version is somehow even worse. Full episodes, bonus content, Patreon exclusives, and Spotify video waiting for you right now. https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

NOT That Damn Show Memorial Day McFlurry paper cups McDonalds rant Pizza Hut buffet red cups alien races reptilians Ebola Congo Ebola outbreak AI girlfriend cheating AI sexting emotional cheating Florida man apple slices apartment fire dog lawyer Houston attorney bestiality train sex caboose club participation trophies school promotion Mario Kart tournament toxic relationship relationship advice More Labs Morning Recovery giant TV Memorial Day sales Sullys wings Britney Spears meth conspiracy UFO files underground aliens manhole accident New York train stories Ms Guthrie Grok AI robot girlfriend Dick Chop vasectomy Wendy's Baconator Patreon Spotify video Beat The Cock Florida Fruit Dispute

We’re off this week, so we dug through the NTDS vault and pulled out one of the most catastrophically stupid games we’ve ever played.

Jen brought in inmate dating profiles and forced us to blindly pick our ideal prison soulmate without seeing pictures first. Which somehow turned into four grown adults profiling criminals based on hobbies, grammar, HVAC certifications, and whether somebody watches SpongeBob.

At one point Ian confidently explains why “Nikita” can’t possibly be a real woman’s name. Meanwhile Stroke spends the entire game desperately trying not to accidentally pick another transgender inmate…

…and immediately picks another transgender inmate. Again.

Honestly the reveal at the end might be one of the hardest laughs we’ve had on this show in months.

If you missed this segment the first time around, congratulations. You now get to experience the full secondhand embarrassment fresh.

👕 Your current wardrobe says “I probably lose prison dating games.” Fix your life immediately: https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Got a confession that would get you denied parole instantly? Perfect. Dump it here: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐Follow the show. Leave a review. Help fund whatever psychological damage this podcast is causing. Everything lives here: https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 The uncensored video somehow makes this segment even worse once the photos get revealed. Watch the full disaster on Patreon + Spotify video: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

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Since we’re off this week, we figured it was the perfect time to revisit one of the dumbest things this show has ever done: reading viral BookTok smut novels out loud like emotionally damaged audiobook actors.

What started as “this should be funny” immediately turned into phrases like “wet slabs,” “intimate muscles,” and multiple conversations nobody wanted to have about fingers in asses.

Also, somebody needs to explain why these books all have cute Disney Channel covers while hiding absolute psychological warfare inside.

If you missed this disaster the first time, congratulations. Your suffering starts now. Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.

Listen here or Check out the FREE video on Youtube

Probably don’t play it near children. Or church people.

👕 Your wardrobe looks weak and emotionally unsupported. Fix it. Grab the gear before Ian spends the merch budget on another pointless hobby: https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Got a confession that would ruin Thanksgiving dinner instantly? Perfect.

Dump your chaos here: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐Follow, subscribe, leave a review, tell your weird coworker, do SOMETHING useful. Links for everything live here: https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 The uncensored video version somehow makes this episode even more uncomfortable. Full Patreon + Spotify video chaos here: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

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This episode of Not That Damn Show somehow starts with dead bodies getting goosebumps and ends with a grown man explaining why he refuses to eat “BBL ass” like he’s delivering a TED Talk from a gas station parking lot.

The gang falls down rabbit holes involving church fights, giraffes tasting piss, Pornhub page 448, HOA snitches losing their minds over Govee lights, and a law student secretly filming people in a bathroom because apparently society is hanging together with duct tape and and toothpicks from Dollar Tree.

Then things completely collapse during Digital Dump with a dude yelling “hemo-sacial,” a fake vodka prank involving a dildo, and one of the creepiest cat-feeding videos ever uploaded to the internet. The making of a serial killer.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, Stroke prepares for graduation while everyone else questions whether humanity should even continue unsupervised.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕 Your friends are annoying. Your coworkers are worse. Buy a “Fuck You” shirt and finally communicate like an adult: https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Your secrets are safe with us. Mostly because we’re too distracted by whale farts and HOA arguments to remember them. https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐Follow the show, subscribe everywhere, leave a review, and help keep this dumb operation alive another week. https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 The uncensored video version is on Patreon because somehow this gets even worse when you can actually SEE everyone. https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

This episode is brought to you by Morning Recovery and Liquid Focus from MoreLabs.

Because some of you treat weekends like a federally funded liver destruction program.

Use promo code NTDS at morelabs.com and save 25% before you wake up Sunday feeling like a baked potato.

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This week starts with Mikey accidentally turning NOT TDS into Pornhub Lite after trying to monetize the website and immediately getting greeted by a giant vagina and a “girl 3 miles away wants to fuck” popup.

Stroke’s getting his master’s degree while simultaneously questioning whether touring Thomas Jefferson’s slave mansion makes him racist by association.

Jenn gets “higher than giraffe pussy” off a Mother’s Day gummy while watching Sally Field movies, and Ian nearly declares war on a couple camping in his restaurant booth for four hours over a few PBRs and six-dollar tip money.

Then somehow the show spirals into awkward human interactions, slime-covered birthday disasters, getting hit by cars, and a full James Brown-style diss track called “Punk Ass Bitch” aimed directly at Ian’s couch mic and personality.

Humanity may be cooked, but at least you’re not the guy accidentally running porn ads on a comedy podcast website.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

This episode is brought to you by Morning Recovery. Because some of you drink like your decisions don’t have consequences.

Use code NTDS for 25% off at More Labs. Your future self is begging you.

👕 Your closet looks weak and emotionally unsupported. Fix it with something offensive from the NTDS store before another boring person buys a “LIVE LAUGH LOVE” blanket. https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Got a secret that would ruin Thanksgiving dinner forever? Perfect. Send it to us anonymously so we can publicly judge you like decent human beings. https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐ Follow the show, leave a review, tell your friends, tell your enemies, tell the weird guy camping at a restaurant booth for four hours. https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 Want the uncensored video episodes, bonus content, and the stuff Spotify probably wishes we’d edit out? Patreon has you covered. https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

NOT That Damn Show Mikey Stroke Ian Jenn Morning Recovery MoreLabs porn website Chatturbait giant vagina website ads restaurant campers PBR waitress tips awkward moments elevators awkward drive thru awkward goodbye couch slime birthday party poor kid birthday invite Sally Field gummy edible higher than giraffe pussy Kevin Hart roast Shane Gillis Tony Hinchcliffe Chelsea Handler Thomas Jefferson ancestry kit black percentage body broker military explosives TSA Miralax airport awkward social interactions couch mic Punk Ass Bitch song James Brown style McGangBang Facebook Marketplace karaoke bar church parking lot body shots fencing awkward elevator airplane clapping Patreon Spotify video NOTTDS merch

Look, if you came here for a healthy, emotionally mature show, you absolutely clicked the wrong thing. We start with breaking “news” about Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide note like Mikey is CNN, then immediately derail into roasting Ian’s $20 couch mic until he straight-up disappears from the show like a pissed-off lesbian Bigfoot.

From there it somehow turns into dragonflies jetting water out of their asses, and a very real discussion on how your partner’s nut allergy can actually kill them via, uh… extracurricular activities.

We get voicemails about poop semantics, hair-based crime strategies, and confessions about whether body shots count as cheating if your junk is “in the zip code,” and then wrap it all in Florida stories featuring church bathroom creepers, coked-up fire chiefs, and a guy stealing a car just to drive it to the cops.

Also, someone confesses they have a huge crush on Jenn while she murders a spider live on camera, because of course she does.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

👕 If you like this kind of emotional damage, go wear it on your body. Drag your broke ass over to the store and buy something: https://www.nottds.com/store/

📩 Got a secret, a crime plan, or a horny poem for Jenn? Vomit it into our inbox anonymously and let us judge you instead of a therapist: https://ngl.link/notthatdamnshow2

⭐If you laughed, choked, or got mildly offended, hit follow, subscribe, and drop a review so the algorithm knows we’re a problem: https://linktr.ee/nottds

🎥 You want the uncensored video, Ian’s rage face, Jenn killing spiders, and all the dumb visuals we can’t explain in audio? That’s on Patreon and Spotify video: https://www.patreon.com/NOTThatDamnShow

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