You ever find yourself inventing vagina breath strips and betting on poultry to shit on a number while judging prison inmates for murder and theft? No? Then you’re not living right. In this episode, we do all of that and way too much more. By the time the felon dating game hits, it’s already too late to back out. One woman’s in for burglary. Another for homicide. And we all still picked her.

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This episode is like an emotional handjob that ends with someone shoving a shampoo bottle up their ass. We start with everybody feeling feelings — like real, ugly cry-type shit — and just when you think we might be growing as people, we immediately go full brain rot.

Grave-robbing psychopaths? Check. Cops turning into frogs? Yep. Federal butthole report? Hell yes. Then it’s open season on hate comments, the bitter trolls finally get their time to shine while we drag their sad little Reddit fingers through the dirt. And we wrap it up with “Who Had the Worst Week” – Dammit Edition, where one listener spirals so hard we almost call a hotline. It’s sincere. It’s disturbing. It’s aggressively dumb.

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The confessions came in hot — one about Christmas car sex with an ex, one about getting “moist” from our lawyer's voice, and a truly tragic Bingo-related grievance. That set the tone. Then it spiraled into Yelp vengeance, a full Chicken Shit Bingo tangent, and one of the dumbest games we’ve ever played: AI Fart or Real Fart?. Things were said. Lives were changed. Farrell’s Ice Cream may never recover.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.

• Listener says Lawyer Rick’s voice made them “moist.” No one recovers.

• Farrell’s Ice Cream is possibly dead because of a Yelp review from one of us. No regrets.

• Bingo comes up. Not normal bingo. Chicken shit bingo.

• Confession of ex-wife car sex on Christmas Day — bonus: she’s remarried.

• Another listener blew out two women in one night at Ms. Newby’s and wanted us to know.

• Grandma’s still fucking the man who brings her dinner. This is fine.

• Random Facts involve LSD films, the name Alf, and other signs of societal collapse.

• Game of “AI Fart or Real Fart” gets wildly competitive — and weirdly wet.

• By the end, everyone admits: we suck. But we’re not stopping.

• Closing message? “Don’t kill strippers.” Because we care.

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The show’s back and somehow dumber than ever. 

Stroke got engaged, then immediately waxed his asshole. The Celebrity Death Pool is back with wild card picks and 10 times more disrespect. From California gun rulings and Bangkok coffin resurrections to shamans stating the obvious, prison drone surf-and-turf and STD-sounding dinosaurs — nothing in this episode lands clean, and that’s exactly how we like it. Add voicemails, Reddit hate, dog-related bedroom trauma, and the quiet realization that everyone on this show is probably already flagged by multiple federal agencies. 

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.

🧠 Episode Breakdown

• Season Two officially launches with the Dirt Squirrel mascot discussion and a debate about never changing the intro song

• Stroke announces his engagement while also explaining a same-week butthole wax, manicure, and Santa costume logistics

• The return of Celebrity Death Picks includes point scoring rules, wild cards, and immediate arguments about who is “allowed” to die

• Extended argument over spoiler etiquette using Stranger Things and Star Wars as examples

• WTF News covers a woman found alive in her coffin before cremation in Thailand and spirals into cremation machine shopping

• California’s open carry ruling sparks a heated, extremely unscientific gun debate involving Gavin Newsom’s hair

• A drone drops steak, crab legs, weed, and Old Bay seasoning into a prison yard and everyone agrees the guard kept it

• Dinosaur fossils in Nevada introduce the word “ichthyosaur,” which immediately becomes a venereal disease joke

• Damn Problems segment splits the room over a husband disappearing to a neighbor’s couch on New Year’s Eve

• Voicemails and comments include listener callouts, engagement congratulations, and an extremely uncomfortable dog-in-the-bedroom confession

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It’s the final episode of the year and the show immediately spirals into Christmas outfits, Black Santa politics, Florida crimes, expired eggnog confessions, and a shocking amount of vagina-based drug transport. The gang reflects on 59 episodes of accidental success, revisits the dumbest and best moments of the year, and somehow ends up defending a man who eats raw hog meat on a sidewalk. There’s gratitude, there’s filth, there’s Florida, and there’s absolutely no plan.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

🧠 Episode Breakdown

• Ian unveils a full “Top 10 Best Things NTDS Did This Year” list, including Black Santa Month, Dirt Squirrel, Stroke’s songs, and the NTDS party
• A Florida woman hides anti-anxiety pills in her vagina during a DUI arrest, launching the “pussy pills” and “pussy smuggler” discussion
• Confessions include role-playing as someone’s mother during sex, a mysterious 20-inch “weiner,” and someone shitting their pants from expired eggnog
• Rick and the Law tells a courtroom story about exposing a cop’s lie using foggy body cam footage and tag lights
• A group of adults use children to pass counterfeit $20 bills and retrieve real change from stores
• The gang debates cheating, why people downgrade when they cheat, and forces Jen to explain human behavior on behalf of all women
• The show ends with thank-yous, Christmas wishes, Spotify download numbers, and a very strange stripper-themed goodbye

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It’s the second-to-last episode of the year and nothing is festive except the murder songs. The gang spirals from Christmas movie arguments into porn logic, listener comments, cousin ethics, and a fan-submitted song literally titled “Cousin Fucker.” A Christmas rewrite of Goodbye Earl turns into a full slasher musical, WTF News delivers dead celebrities, sex offenders, and international orgy arrests, and Mikey explains why the holidays are the greatest excuse to not give a shit. Somewhere in the middle, people fight at Walmart, someone refuses a liver transplant, and everyone agrees Andy Dick should’ve stayed dead.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast 🇺🇸

🧠 Episode Breakdown

• Ian gets called out for leaving A Christmas Story off his Christmas movie list, triggering a full argument about what even qualifies as a Christmas movie

• Listener comments derail into discussions about sex ed childbirth videos shown to middle schoolers

• A deep dive into whether porn automatically becomes a Christmas movie if Santa is involved

• Stroke debuts “Goodbye Pearl,” a Christmas murder parody inspired by Goodbye Earl

• WTF News covers Andy Dick’s overdose, Bonnie Blue’s Bali arrest, and a South Korean divorce over a liver transplant refusal

• Digital Dump includes holiday slip-and-falls, Walmart fights, ungrateful adults screaming about calendars, and Santa fighting people in public

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Confessions hit a new low. Or high. Depends how you feel about cousin-throatf*cking, blowjob-based food psychics, and judging your self-worth by your dog’s penis. Ian drops a top 10 Christmas movie list that isn’t as terrible as every other list he’s given us. Mikey shares a full Trans-Siberian Orchestra-style Strokeified Christmas song called “Christmas With The Dammits”. Jenn makes us guess if elves are getting boned. And somewhere in the background, Stroke’s kid falls down the stairs mid-show. Happy Holidays, degenerates.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.

🧠 Episode Breakdown

• Stuffed Peas and Pizza Piss Rants 

• Rear Naked Choke at Home Depot 

• Confessions Include: Doggy dick envy, mailbox robbery, cousin rimjobs, and a literal blowjob food psychic.

• Ding-Dong Ditch Assault 

• Jen’s “Smut or What” goes full Christmas porn 

• Ian’s Christmas Movie List starts chill... and then he puts Batman Returns on it.

• Someone tries to murder their grandma, the gun jams, and now they live together. That's the confession.

• Jenn admits to elbowing Kyle in his sleep. Stroke admits to pissing in a bottle mid-podcast.

• Black Santa Promo reaches “going out of business” levels of urgency.

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Christmas with the Dammits
Not That Damn Show
Strokeified Christmas song
Christmas confessions
top 10 Christmas movies
Black Santa promo
Blowjob psychic
dog dick confession
Smut or What segment
Florida Man umbrella choke
rear naked choke Home Depot
confession cousin sex
elf porn
milk and cookies Santa porn
dog penis confession
Dutch Brothers coupons theft
Black Santa Patreon
Ian top 10 list
Die Hard Christmas movie
Christmas Vacation top movie
ASMR gift wrapping
Stroke Santa suit
cousin rimjob
Stevie Wonder fake blind
elves on a shelf porn
piss bottle podcast
mailbox coupon theft
grandma shotgun jam
Placerville cousin dreams
Black Santa merch
puss in a box
Mikey podcast daughter fall
paid firefighter assault
cops fucking prostitutes
fire hazard cookies
Home Alone movie
Bad Santa movie
Stroke humps elf
confessions about Ian
weird listener confessions
Christmas-themed Smutter What
Patreon Black Santa promo
NTDS merch hat
AI Santa porn
board games confessions
milk and nog jokes
Mikey podcast confessions
weirdest podcast episode ever
Not That Damn Show Episode 57

A professional phone sex operator joins the show and immediately traumatizes everyone with stories of locked dicks, cum bottles, humiliation kinks, and clients who pay extra just to cry. Stroke’s daughter questions the Black Santa takeover, Ian gets hustled with counterfeit silver, and everyone tests out the phrase "ovary walls" on their partners with disturbingly horny results.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.

🧠 Episode Breakdown

• Stroke brings a new Black Santa to the collection and gets culturally reclassified.
• Mikey retells a school nativity play gone full James Earl Jones.
• Ian accepts a karaoke bribe in the form of fake silver and exacts brutal revenge.
• The gang texts their partners “ovary walls” and chaos (and back blowouts) ensue.
• Listener voicemails include math pickup lines and a kid yelling “African American!” at the Boardwalk
• A listener's girlfriend wants to swing, and nobody wants to be the ugly half.
• “Misheard Lyrics” becomes the dumbest game ever invented (and Mikey regrets it instantly).
• A man swallows a Fabergé egg pendant and becomes New Zealand’s most glamorous turd watch.
• The NTDS crew meets Danni D, a former phone sex operator with stories that will destroy your faith in humanity and maybe your gag reflex.

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Black Santa has officially taken over the show, Stroke has turned his ancestry results into a full-blown lifestyle. The the crew calls 1-900 sex hotlines on-air, and Craigslist brings us Fairbanks, Alaska’s horniest citizens alive. 

Florida Man destroys a Cybertruck, someone’s pussy weaponizes itself at a concert, a trio gets busted mid-noon delight at Winn-Dixie, and confessions escalate from “Ian isn’t cute” to “I nut on faces for emotional regulation.” 

Lawyer Rick shows up immediately after placenta talk because this show has no god.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.

🧠 Episode Breakdown

• Mikey melts down because he cannot physically begin the show without saying “Episode 55.”
• Stroke unveils a full catalog of Black Santas from CVS and his house now looks like Beyoncé's multiverse.
• Ian gets double-charged at a restaurant by what Stroke calls “that damn cracker,” prompting late-night drunken bank-checking.
• Jen mourns the loss of her stripper lights, which apparently requires Patreon support to resurrect.
• Random Facts derails into a 10-minute debate on whether there's any non-rapey way to say “ovary walls.” (There isn’t.)
• The gang discovers that 1-800-BLOW-JOB, 1-800-SEXYASS, and 1-800-BIG-TITS are all VERY real… and very eager for their credit cards.
• Confessions include eating yourself out, tasting semen, Thanksgiving family abandonment, and an Amazon driver pissing on lawns.

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Episode 54 kicks off with the gang arguing about whether a naked Jimmy John’s founder sexually assaulted a shark, swings immediately into dolphin rape, and somehow ends up debating if humans should breathe through their assholes. Jen gets verbally waterboarded with a listener’s “moist pussy” R&B track, a 12-year-old’s titty wizard gets an art critique, and Campbell’s Soup catches shit after their executive calls all their customers poor.

It’s deranged, it’s beautiful, and it’s exactly what you sick Dammits signed up for.

Welcome to America’s Loudest Podcast.

🧠 EPISODE BREAKDOWN

• The crew debates Black Santa, Big Nick Energy, and Stroke’s new pimp-Santa cane.
• A listener’s song reveals the philosophical horror that “every hand has held a dick.”
• A debate erupts on whether feeding scrambled eggs back to chickens is “period cannibalism.”
• The gang discusses “dirt squirrels” evolving into potential new mascots like sand walruses and sand otters.
• Stroke celebrates being “1% Black,” validated by listener Keisha
• A kid’s drawing of a “titty wizard” (with MILF Slayer wand and tassel tits) devastates the room.
• Ian unveils his Top 10 Things He Misses From the 2000s, including MySpace, Hot Topic goths, and elder-emo culture.

• Ass Backwards: the crew demolishes 2000s reverse-song trivia in seconds.

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