Episode Summary

In this episode, podcast producer Steve Cary joins host KL Wells for an honest and reflective conversation about what it means to thrive while loving someone in active addiction. KL shares lessons from her 20-year journey with her son Sam, including his nearly three years of sustained recovery. Together, they explore the perspective that shaped KL’s healing path: the belief that life is happening for you, not to you.

KL discusses how loving with boundaries helped her reclaim her own agency and emotional stability. She reflects on why feeling like nothing is working often signals that families are trying to manage addiction itself rather than focusing on outcomes that support their own well-being. This conversation offers grounded insight into fear, uncertainty, relapse, and the personal growth that can happen alongside a loved one’s recovery journey.

Key Discussion Points

1. Reframing hardship through the perspective that life is happening for you, not to you
2. The difference between loving with boundaries and rescuing or enabling
3. Brain science and addiction survival wiring and how it shapes behavior
4. Why feeling like nothing is working may signal you are trying to control addiction rather than your own healing
5. Setting clear personal boundaries, including removing financial or rescue-based support
6. Self-care as a survival skill, including emotional processing, tapping, movement, and time in nature
7. Managing fear and internal stories during periods of silence in recovery
8. Viewing relapse as part of a longer learning process rather than a single failure
9. Shifting from focusing on a loved one’s outcomes to identifying your own

Some Questions I Ask

1. Where were you in your journey when you were able to respond with boundaries instead of rescuing?
2. For listeners who feel nothing is working, how can they begin to see a path forward?
3. Was there something different about your son’s most recent turn toward recovery?
4. What are a few early steps for someone who feels overwhelmed, stuck, or afraid?

In This Episode, You Will Learn

1. Why the feeling that nothing is working can signal you are focused on the wrong battle
2. How loving boundaries can support both compassion and self-protection
3. How shifting focus toward your own outcomes can create emotional stability
4. Early support steps that many families find helpful, including peer support and learning from others’ experiences
5. Why addiction can disrupt survival priorities in the brain and create unpredictable behavior
6. Ways to navigate uncertainty during recovery periods
7. How routine, joy, and connection can help rebuild emotional capacity

Resources

Find support through Al-Anon Family Groups

https://al-anon.org

Learn about the Be A Loving Mirror (BALM) family recovery framework

https://balmfamilyrecovery.com

Connect with Thrive While Loving an Addict

https://voicesincourage.com