I’ve said it never, but I’ll say it again, never trust a man. Especially one whose SWORN that you stole their dreams, plotted against them, and that they would ruin your ruin forevermore. But Darren’s not me and he’s not using his vampire instincts to notice when luck isn’t luck anymore when someone’s been plotting against you for the last sixteen years. Hopefully we got out of this unscathed, but this is Darren. And he’s not the luckiest person in the world. Please tune in to this deceptive episode of our death-defying saga.

I haven’t been on many treks around the world, but if I’m relying on Darren’s experience, I never want to head out into the world and find myself; Darren can only seem to find more obstacles. Threatening enemy forces, unhelpful guides, AND no A/C?! I would say send me home, but Mr. Tiny probably wouldn’t allow that. Who knows? The future’s funny that way. Tune in for another episode of this deathless saga.

If I thought I wanted to be a vampire prince before, I must’ve been an idiot thinking it would be fun. It’s bad enough Darren’s lost his family, some friends, and his hair. Now he has to save an entire race from a powerful traitor hunting after him? Maybe I should rethink blooding with a vampire for an extraordinarily long life. Too much work in my future. I’ll stick with foreboding prophecies foretelling my doom. Hopefully there’s caramel popcorn. Tune in for another deliciously divine episode of our undying series.

What’s that in the air? I can’t tell if it’s Christmas or my impending doom at the hands of some ritualistic tradition. Thank God, Darren’s taking my place this time, otherwise we’d both be on the chopping block. There’s nothing like a friend and nepotism to save you when you need them most. Maybe it is Christmas! Please tune in for another nail-biting continuation of our everlasting saga.

Do you know what we all need after murdering someone and fleeing the scene? A nice scenic trip to Key West. Unfortunately for Darren, luck has him exploring a snowy tundra up a rough mountain, and he can’t even bring snow shoes. Like all of us needing to prove ourselves at some point, we must push ourselves to the brink and befriend some wolves in order to survive. You’ve seen Mean Girls. Please enjoy another episode of our persisting saga.

Like the famous movie says, “there’s no place like home”, especially after wearing one outfit for months and running away from your problems. Darren’s trying to find himself after suffering some losses trying to connect to a world that isn’t his anymore; getting a girlfriend must solve those issues. Heavy on the sarcasm. And the blood. And some murder. Tune in for another thrilling episode underground in this immortal saga. 

Can I just say I never want to become a vampire if it doesn’t even guarantee an immortal life or earth shattering abilities that would make me invulnerable. Who wants to be a half-vampire, much less doing chores? Darren’s not feeling the best about life, and who could blame him? He did get himself into this predicament. But with new adventure and a change in scenery, comes greater chance of messing things up all over again. Please tune in to another episode of this eternal saga.

It’s truly a world of freaks and geeks. Darren Shan, with his very angry friend, Steve Leopard, luck upon a flyer heading the “Cirque du Freak”. If only I could’ve warned Darren that his best friend would soon become his closest enemy. Tune in for the first episode to the long-standing series of vampires, setups, and frights galore!

It only felt right to introduce October and Halloween Month with one of my favorite stories showcasing how wonderful moms can be, and why names are so important in our development. Don't be afraid if I ask to sew buttons in your eyes in order to enjoy tonight's episode.

I wanted this to be a special treat; me yelling into a microphone about why bad horror movies suck. It's full of spoilers, terrible mothers-in-law, and me waiting to run out of the movie theater.

Trigger warnings for religious abuse and mention of dead children.