Now That I'm Back

In this episode of 'Now That I'm Back,' host BJ shares her personal journey of taking a break for self-rejuvenation, exploring the significance of friendships post-divorce. BJ discusses her recent experiences at the Essence Festival, the importance of friendship post-marriage, and debunking the societal hierarchy of romantic versus platonic love. She delves into non-binary awareness, highlighting the distinctions between sexual orientation and gender identity, and celebrates Non-Binary Awareness Week. BJ also introduces the concept of a 'friendship audit' to evaluate and rebuild one's social circle, followed by dissecting the iconic friendship fallout between Molly and Issa from HBO's 'Insecure,' uncovering key lessons on communication and friendship maintenance. The episode concludes with personal anecdotes emphasizing growth and the evolving needs in friendships after a breakup.

Summary

In this episode, BJ and Dr. Umieca Hankton discuss the friend zone and breadcrumbing. They explore the definition of the friend zone and its impact on individuals. They also delve into the concept of breadcrumbing, which involves manipulating and controlling someone by giving them just enough attention to keep them hooked. The conversation highlights the importance of recognizing when a situation is not serving you and taking steps to move forward. They emphasize the need for self-reflection, therapy, and supportive friendships to navigate these challenging experiences.

Takeaways

The friend zone is a place or position where one develops romantic or sexual feelings for someone who does not reciprocate those feelings.

Breadcrumbing is a manipulative tactic where someone keeps another person hooked by giving them just enough attention or benefits without fully committing to a relationship.

If you find yourself in the friend zone or being bread crumbed, it's important to recognize that you are not stuck and have the power to make a change.

Seek therapy to navigate your emotions and gain support from a confidant who can provide honest feedback.

Focus on self-reflection, forgiveness, and moving forward in a way that aligns with your own desires and values.

Recognize that you deserve love and that someone's inability to see your worth does not diminish your value.

Guest Details

Dr. Umieca Hankton is a brilliant Clinical Psychologist and founder of UNH Counseling Services. She is also an author of three self-help workbooks. THRIVING ON PURPOSE: Reflect. Meditate. Plan. Implement.: 26-Week Commitment to Self, B.R.A.V.I.N.G. the Grief Journal and her latest “heart’s work”, The Courage to Trust Love Again: Journal. Dr. Hankton's social media handles are: Instagram - @unh_phd , Facebook - Dr Umieca Hankton and TikTok - @drumiecahankton.  You can also visit her website at unhcounselingservices.com.  In the words of Dr. Hankton, “be well.”

Summary

In this episode, BJ explores the concept of closure in relationships and the power of healing independently. They share personal experiences and insights from therapy sessions, emphasizing the uselessness of waiting for closure from others. BJ discusses the importance of acceptance, letting go, and moving forward without relying on apologies. They analyze a breakup scene from the movie 'Why Did I Get Married?' and highlight the journey of the character Sheila as an example of finding strength and happiness after betrayal. The episode concludes with a reminder to prioritize self-care and embrace the journey back to oneself.

Sound Bites

"Your healing doesn't need for you to wait on anybody else's green light."

"You must move forward with or without that apology because in the end, it probably won't make as much difference as you're telling yourself it would."

"Sheila's journey is a powerful reminder that even in the face of betrayal and heartbreak, we have the power to heal, to grow, and even to find love again if we choose."

Takeaways

Closure is a made-up concept that often leads to disappointment and more heartbreak.

Healing and moving forward do not depend on receiving apologies from others.

Acceptance and letting go are essential for personal growth and finding happiness.

Prioritize self-care and surround yourself with a supportive network during tough breakups.

Keywords

closure, healing, relationships, acceptance, moving forward, betrayal, self-care

Summary

In this episode, BJ explores her dating experiences after her marriage ended. She discusses the struggle of balancing honesty and authenticity with respect for the people she has been involved with. BJ shares her post-divorce flings and the lessons she learned from each of them. She also analyzes the tangled love affair between Issa and Nathan from HBO's Insecure as a master class in miscommunication and the pressure to move on after a long-term relationship. BJ emphasizes the importance of taking time to heal, being honest about one's intentions, and prioritizing self-discovery before diving back into the dating world.

Takeaways

Take time to heal and prioritize self-discovery before diving back into the dating world.

Be honest about your intentions and what you want out of dating.

Reflect on your own contributions to the breakdown of your past relationship.

Don't rush into a new relationship to avoid feeling lonely or to prove that you're okay.

Communication is key in navigating relationships and setting boundaries.

Sound Bites

"Diving into the sometimes messy, beautiful, and even hilarious world of dating post divorce."

"Trying to get under someone new to get over someone else. That is trash ass advice."

"Butterflies ain't nothing but anxiety with pretty wings."

Keywords

dating, post-divorce, flings, honesty, authenticity, respect, lessons, love affair, miscommunication, pressure, healing, self-discovery

Summary

The episode explores the significance of text messages in relationships, highlighting the evolution of communication and its impact on the dynamics of a relationship. It emphasizes the importance of understanding the subtle shifts in communication and the role of text messages as a digital diary of a relationship.

Takeaways

Text messages hold the key to understanding the evolution of a relationship.

The frequency, tone, and content of text messages can reveal the health of a relationship.

Small gestures in text messages can bridge gaps in communication and nurture the connection.

The power of communication lies not just in the words we say, but in how we say them and how often we choose to share.

Text messages serve as a digital footprint of a relationship, reflecting the romance and deep care that brought the partners together.

Keywords

text messages, relationship dynamics, communication, digital diary, evolution of communication, understanding shifts, significance of communication

Summary

In this episode, BJ explores the iconic breakup in the movie 'Waiting to Exhale' and draws parallels to her own divorce. She delves into the emotional impact of the breakup, the journey of healing, and the importance of sisterhood and support. The episode provides a raw and relatable perspective on the aftermath of a breakup and the process of reclaiming one's life.

Key Takeaways

The emotional impact of a breakup can be deep and long-lasting, affecting various aspects of life.

The journey of healing after a breakup involves reclaiming one's life and finding support from friends and loved ones.

Sisterhood and support play a crucial role in navigating the aftermath of a breakup and rebuilding a fulfilling life.

Sound Bites

"11 years of marriage down the drain. It hit different now."

"Get your shit, get your shit and get out. Y 'all, I later found out that she actually ad-libbed this whole scene, which is crazy."

"I lost something that once meant everything and I'm hurt. And right now I'm just really pissed about it."

Summary

In this conversation, BJ and Dr. Umieca Hankton discuss the grieving process after the end of a relationship. They cover the emotional response to loss, coping strategies, and the challenges of rediscovering oneself. Dr. Hankton provides valuable insights and advice for those navigating the complex journey of grief.

Key Takeaways

Grief is an umbrella term that covers a range of human emotions in response to loss, including sadness, anger, confusion, and relief.

Coping with the loss of a relationship requires patience, self-compassion, and maintaining healthy routines and connections with the community.

Rediscovering oneself after the end of a relationship involves acknowledging the evolving identity and giving oneself grace during the healing process.

Support systems should provide space for open conversation, avoid unhelpful cliches, and encourage the individual to do the hard work of healing and self-discovery.

Grieving the end of a relationship is a unique and individual experience, and it's important to acknowledge and honor the emotions that arise during this process.

Keywords

grief, relationship, coping strategies, emotional response, support system, healing, rediscovery, isolation, community, journaling, trauma, self-compassion

Guest Details

Dr. Umieca Hankton is a brilliant Clinical Psychologist and founder of UNH Counseling Services. She is also an author of two self-help workbooks. THRIVING ON PURPOSE: Reflect. Meditate. Plan. Implement.: 26-Week Commitment to Self and B.R.A.V.I.N.G. the Grief Journal. Dr. Hankton's social media handles are: Instagram - @unh_phd , Facebook - Dr Umieca Hankton and TikTok - @drumiecahankton.

Summary

BJ shares her personal journey of divorce and the transformative experience it has been for her. She draws parallels between hurricanes and divorce, highlighting the emotional turbulence and aftermath. BJ also introduces the concept of 'healing out loud' and the segments of her podcast, emphasizing the importance of uncomfortable conversations and finding comfort in 'maybe'.

Key Takeaways

The journey of divorce can be turbulent but transformative, leading to personal growth and self-discovery.

Finding community and sharing experiences through 'healing out loud' can be a powerful way to navigate the emotional aftermath of divorce.

Uncomfortable conversations and exploring the concept of 'maybe' can provide comfort and perspective in the journey of healing and self-discovery.

Keywords

divorce, hurricane season, LGBTQ+, emotional turbulence, healing out loud, uncomfortable conversations, parallel experiences, transformative journey