Number Two Podcast

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* Tello starts the show off by burping into the microphone again, and Number Two Cuz is disgusted again. Tello asks the audience if they get disgusted by this behavior, and he invites people to contact him to let him know. [email protected] or @numtwopod on twitter and instagram.

* Number Two Cuz is thinking of getting rid of her social media accounts, but Tello reminds her that @numtwopod needs social media attention.

* Lourdes was in charge of writing last episode’s show notes, and she delivered them late.

* Tello visited his mom a couple of weeks ago, and he was able to fix her ipad that she was having trouble with on episode 50.

* Tello was surprised that his mom didn’t do any cartwheels when he fixed her ipad.

* Tello ate too much food when he visited his mom, and watching the Netflix series “Ugly Delicious” with his mom made him eat more.

* Lourdes shares a detox recipe with Tello to help clear out some of the garbage he ate on his visit…it’s called “suck the fat.”

* Number Two Cuz saw The Equalizer Two. She liked it better than Sicario 2, but her husband and son disagree. Tello thinks this disagreement could tear the family apart.

* Lourdes registered for her classes, and Tello feels like it’s going to be a boring story.

* Lourdes will be taking Anatomy and Physiology, and Tello is glad that Number Two Cuz will finally learn what the vulva is.

* Tello wants lourdes to film herself asking the professor what the vulva is. Tello decides to act out that scenario, and Number Two Cuz begins to question her pronunciation of the vulva.

* Tello replaces some of the lyrics to the song “Volver, volver” with the word ‘vulva’.

* Lourdes remembers when their aunt Gloria read a fake death announcement for Vicente Fernandez and misinformed the entire family.

* Number Two Cuz hates when names are mispronounced.

* Tello tries to play a theme song to introduce Lourdes’ sad story, but his iPad battery is dead.

* Lourdes lost a friend and coworker to cancer, and she can’t believe how strong her friend was in the face of death.

* Lourdes had a Future Dr. T moment, and shared some advice with the audience, “Don’t worry, be happy.”

* Tello pointed out that her advice was also a popular song.

* Tello had an extended weekend stay in downtown Austin.

* For the first time in his life, Tello took a tour of the Texas State Capitol building.

* Lourdes needs a new purse because her favorite one is falling apart.

* Tello recalls a family legend that their grandfather one a bet by defecating on the steps of the Texas State Capitol.

* Tello had a poop scare walking around downtown Austin.

* Tello fell in love with his hotel bathrobe. He looked into buying one, but it was out of his price range. 

* Tello tweeted out how much he enjoyed the bathrobes, and the hotel responded to Tello’s tweet about the bathrobe. Unfortunately they were trying to sell him an even more expensive version of the robe.

* Tello has been off keto for a while, but he’s trying to be disciplined.

* Tello has been listening to motivational speeches on leadership.

* Lourdes is reminded of a commencement speech by Admiral McRaven that was very inspiring to her and Tello. His point was to make your bed to start accomplishing things early in the morning.

* Tello hates his mattress, and Lourdes thinks he should get a new one.

* Tello admits that he likes some country music.

* Lourdes interrupts the show because she had her headphones on correctly.

* Tello thinks a woman was hitting on him at a store he frequents quite often.

* Tello is hesitant to ask the woman on a date because he’s not sure how old he is,

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* Tello and Lourdes get super pumped about N2P 50th episode. Celebration and what nots, not happening

* Tello thinks snowcones of horchata could be life changing

* Tech talk with Mom Tello and the partial success of her iPad repair

* Family history talk time with Tello’s mom. Tello asks his mom about the mood of conception of him and his brother.  

* Mom Tello turns the show dark by trying to talk about the good deed La Marta did with an ex’s broken lawnmower.

* Tello performs a brief snippet if Space Cowboy

* Lourdes talks goals vs. fantasies and how quickly someone’s dreams or goals turn into fantasies by comparison.

* Lourdes talks butt surgery…AGAIN. Basically her butt goal has turned into a fantasies that will never happen.

* Tello uses reverse psychology on Lourdes and her mother-in-law stories. Lourdes thinks that her mother-in law is afraid of her. 

* Tello inquires on the lotto winnings and basically wants to know if Lourdes and her husband blew through the money or if they were responsible.

* Lourdes admits she is bad with finances and Tello gives some good sound financial advice.

* Tello is in a signing mood and gives another snippet performance of mmmbop, by Hanson. 

* Lourdes attempts to perform Chun Le by Nicki Minaj. Tello coaches her in a producer/director way.

* Tello talks about his obsession with Goodbye Horse by Q Lazzarus and how he realized the song was “tarnished” because of the movie Silence of the Lambs. Tello also gives some background information on Q Lazzarus’ being in it to win it.

* Lourdes drinks black coffee now and somehow ends up sharing her Tequila and Squirt mouth watering recipe.

* Lourdes talks about a new podcast, BTR.org and how this podcast may help her pursue her goal of being a psychologist.  

* Lourdes slips into Dr. T mode and Tello talks about how he can basically talk himself out of anything. Tello shares some of his personal concerns of being antisocial. Lourdes gives advice to Tello on ways that he may improve his social skills. Lourdes suggest Tello take her advice and experiment with women to overcome his fear. 

* Lourdes (not Dr. T) gives terrible advice to Tello on how to meet women. Tello expresses his concern about getting to know women of his age preference. 

* Tello apologizes for sharing his personal fears and invites women listeners to send in any requests for him through social media or email

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* Tello announces that this is episode 49, so the next one is the big five-oh!

* Lourdes would like to do a fireworks show for episode 50.

* Tello reminds Lourdes that they should have hit episode 50 in their first year, but they actually took 16 weeks off from the show.

* Lourdes thinks the time off from the show should be covered by FMLA.

* Tello hates when Number Two Cuz messes with her microphone during the show.

* Lourdes is podcasting from her daughters bedroom, and Tello notices some funny things in the background.

* Tello is annoyed that Number Two Cuz is steering the show off their agreed topics.

* Lourdes and Luis went to see Sicario 2, and Lourdes liked that the movie theater sells alcohol now.

* Lourdes complains about the amount of trailers before a movie, but Tello thinks that is part of the theatrical experience.

* Number Two Cuz liked the movie, but she’s afraid to recommend anyone to see it.

* Lourdes thinks her daughter Isabel could be a movie reviewer for the show because she sees so many movies.

* Number Two Cuz hates her time of the month, and this time it’s coinciding with her Mother-in-law’s visit.

* Lourdes’ husband Luis wore his Number Two Podcast shirt again, and Lourdes finally feels accepted.

* Luis won a lot of money playing scratch off lottery tickets, and Lourdes thinks it’s because he was wearing his lucky Number Two Podcast shirt.

* A week later, Luis won big again on some scratch offs (but he wasn’t wearing his lucky Number Two Podcast shirt).

* Lourdes would like to use the money to help cover the costs of remodeling their house, and maybe build a small studio space for her podcasting.

* Tello thinks she should build the studio in the bathroom since so much work has gone into it.

* Lourdes and Tello improv what it would be like podcasting from the bathroom.

* Lourdes wants people to buy a shirt because they might have a chance of winning at scratch offs, but Tello points out that the chances are probably the same as if they don’t buy a shirt.

* Lourdes might want to study law in addition to psychology, and Tello wants to know how many lifetimes she’s going to live to accomplish all these goals.

* Tello thinks Number Two Cuz should pay down some debt with their winnings.

* Lourdes bought some shoes with her winnings, and Tello wanted to know what she bought her kids.

* Tello is trying to get out of debt, and he’s happy that he’s finally been able to be a little more charitable with his earnings.

* Lourdes wants to know if Tello has ever done anything charitable for a complete stranger. Tello isn’t sure, but it’s definitely something that has crossed his mind.

* Lourdes struggles with doing good things for strangers because of the awkward situation it could create.

* Tello thinks it’s ok that Lourdes is a bad person who doesn’t help others.

* Tello can’t believe that Coming to America has turned 30 years old. 

* Lourdes and Tello saw the Coming to America as children, and they still love the movie today.

* Number Two Cuz borrowed a movie from a friend, but she still hasn’t watched The Fantastic Mr. Fox that Tello bought for her back in October.

* Tello is sad that Toys R Us has closed their doors for good, and he reads their farewell message to their Toys R Us kids.

* Lourdes recalls buying a some toys when she needed something quickly.

* Tello recalls working as an overnight stocker at Toys R Us, and he hated it.

* Tello quit that job because he was afraid of the people he ran into on the bus going to and from work, and he had problems stacking boxes on the top shelf.

* Tello remembers waiting on a bus and going into a Starbucks for the first time.

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* Number Two Cuz is concerned about hair growing in all the wrong places.

* Lourdes has problems pronouncing “ethnicity.”

* Tello has his own problems, and he’s afraid he’ll become Mr. Mumbles at some point in the show.

* Tello hung some burlap in his window, but it’s still too bright on him. Lourdes thinks he looks like an angel with all the light on him.

* Number Two Cuz was late to recording the show because she got the call of doody. 

* Lourdes’ bathroom is about 98% complete, and it has a door now.

* Lourdes still has to worry about her Mother-in-Law not closing the bathroom door when she poops.

* Number Two Cuz wanted her Mother-in-Law to feel comfortable enough to shower in Lourdes’ personal shower while she was home because she’s afraid her Mother-in-Law wasn’t showering at all.

* Lourdes’ Mother-in-Law used Number Two Cuz’s towel to dry off when she was done.

* Number Two Cuz found out that Mother-in-Law was using her scrunchie to scrub with in the shower too.

* Lourdes finds it very difficult dealing with her Mother-in-Law living in her house.

* Number Two Cuz isn’t good at taking selfies.

* Lourdes was wearing her Number Two Podcast shirt in public when someone asked her about the podcast. (Shout out to Caleb!)

* Lourdes may not be able to handle any amount of Internet fame.

* Caleb thought Number Two Podcast was number two in the nation, but Tello doesn’t think it’s even number two on his list of favorite podcasts.

* Tello thinks A Little Mas and From the Bronx with Love are way better podcasts than Number Two Podcast.

* Number Two Podcast got a shoutout from @podcastsincolor on twitter.

* Lourdes was excited when her husband Luis wore his Number Two Podcast shirt for the first time.

* Tello got a call from his mom because he didn’t call and wish her a happy father’s day.

* Lourdes doesn’t think their grandfather and uncle or Tello’s brother should count as father figures to Tello.

* Lourdes tells us that her husband had an emotional experience because he felt that he needed a father when he was growing up.

* Tello thinks he’s afraid of deep committed relationships because it might lead to him being a father, and he doesn’t know how to be a father.

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Support the show by visiting http://campfyrepod.com/merch Lourdes ruins the show at the start by texting right during the campfyrepod.com/merch promo. Then she talks over the intro, and Tello talks over and comments on the intro as well. Tello isn’t sure […]

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* Lourdes ruins the show at the start by texting right during the campfyrepod.com/merch promo. Then she talks over the intro, and Tello talks over and comments on the intro as well.

* Tello isn’t sure if he got a compliment or not when a friend told him he had a “chest register” voice.

* Number Two Cuz tries to read the definition of “chest register,” but has some difficulty pronouncing some of the words. 

* Tello tries out his “Talk Show Host” voice.

* Tello noticed throughout the day that his voice does seem to come from his chest. When he was singing in the car, he noticed that he did fill strain in his chest when he was done.

* Tello tries singing from his stomach, but his stomach register was full.

* Tello joined a weight loss competition, and he’s been cheating on his diet ever since.

* Number Two Cuz gets scolded for not paying attention during the show.

* Tello’s phone is too old to run a pedometer app.

* There was suspicious activity on Tello’s debit card, and he had to verify some embarrassing purchases. 

* Lourdes had to replace a debit card, and she had problems updating Netflix payments.

* Tello recommended the new season of “Queer Eye” to Number Two Cuz because he was surprised by how much he enjoyed the show.

* Tello’s credit card gets declined at a gas station because the bank didn’t update his address correctly, and Tello has to shamefully ask his friend for gas money.

* The credit card company has trouble validating Tello’s identity, and he has to jump through hoops to verify his identity.

* Tello remembers that his voice comes from his chest because everything he says is from the heart.

* Lourdes ruins a joke Tello is trying to set up, so he sets it up again.

* Tello has a rule about not giving gifts anymore to extended family. Plus Tello doesn’t like to receive gifts because he’ll feel bad when he has to throw it away.

* Lourdes and Tello re-enact Tello’s experience ordering a keto friendly meal from Whataburger. 

* Number Two Cuz talks about reading the first two pages of the Whole 30 diet.

* Lourdes explains that eating can be very emotional.

* Tello talks about sitting in his car eating a Triple Whataburger and fries while listening to a podcast of Kevin Smith and Penn Jillette talking about how losing weight is helping save their lives.

* A friend of Tello’s took him to see The Goonies at a local theater as a belated birthday present. Tello was impressed with the free gifts the theater offered for Goonies lovers.

* Tello loved seeing the movie again, but pointed out that there were a couple of cheesy kid moments. He forgives that because it was a kids’ movie, and it still fun and still makes Tello feel like a kid.

* Lourdes doesn’t have as strong a sense of nostalgia like Tello does.

* Tello and Lourdes start making fun of the way their family pronounces certain words.

* Tello fantasizes what it would be like to be Steven Spielberg’s son, and Tello draws some parallels between their personal lives.

* Tello is amazed at the friendships Spielberg had with other talented filmmakers in their youth, and how they were drawn to one another.

* Tello wants new friends who will inspire him like Steven Spielberg’s group of friends inspired each other.

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* Tello apologizes for not having a show last week, but with his and Lourdes’ schedules, Number Two Podcast will probably be released inconsistently.

* Tello gets upset when Lourdes drinks her coffee during the show.

* Lourdes talks about a class where she learned to “Listen with Empathy.”

* Tello hates that he doesn’t read more, but he doesn’t try because he has the Internet.

* Tello used to read more when he didn’t have cable or streaming video. 

* Lourdes was a big fan of the 50 Shades of Gray series.

* Number Two Cuz wasn’t really a bad kid because she didn’t have many strict rules.

* Tello stole his mom’s car a couple of times to drive two blocks down the street to his friend’s house.

* Lourdes was less fearful as a younger person, or maybe she was just a dumb kid.

* Number Two Cuz has a bathroom that is about 90% done, but has no door. Guess which family member is using it?

* Lourdes’ mother-in-law mocks her when Lourdes chops food really loudly.

* Number Two Cuz slams the door when she gets really mad.

* Lourdes’ mother-in-law has full conversations in her sleep.

* Lourdes can’t remember ever spending a Father’s day with her dad.

* Lourdes doesn’t think her father knows how to discipline his children.

* Tello remembers when the show used to make them laugh, and now it’s become a place for them to talk about painful childhood memories. Lourdes doesn’t think the memories are painful.

* Number Two Cuz was emotional at her daughters somewhat disastrous graduation.

* Big Luis’ phone told him that it wasn’t going to rain, but big drops of rain started falling. Lourdes and Tello’s niece got soaked.

* By the end of the night, most everything calmed down and the graduates had a good time.

* Lourdes’ son could graduate a year early, but Tello thinks he should graduate on time so he can mentally and emotionally mature.

* The graduation prevented Tello and Lourdes from recording a podcast last week. Tello thought of doing one alone, but he was too scared and lazy to do it.

* There was a “La Marta” sighting at the graduation party despite her invitation being sent to a completely different city.

* Lourdes derails the show by asking what the pointy fang like teeth are called.

* Tello and Lourdes talk about how country they sometimes sound, and then they talk about how their parents butcher the language.

* Lourdes and Tello talk about the regional words that confused them when they were growing up. Words like pop, ice box, and light bill.

* Tello remembers how giant eighth graders looked when he was in kindergarten.

* Lourdes is short, and she doesn’t like men who are shorter than she is.

* Lourdes thinks Tello should only date women who are shorter than he is.

* Tello wants to date 6 foot women just to spite Number Two Cuz.

* Number Two Cuz gets distracted by her broken finger nail.

* Tello wants people to support the show by buying a shirt, but he admits that the design is really ugly.

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* Number Two cuz makes Tello self-conscious about his thinning hair.

* Lourdes and her family took a trip to Mexico, but had some difficulty on the way there.

* Luis bought a newer family vehicle, and Lourdes had trouble starting it.

* Tello reminisces about his previous vehicles.

* Tello received an invitation to Pila’s graduation, and he remembers when she was just a baby with a lot of curly hair.

* Lourdes was too lazy to deliver an invitation to “La Marta”, so instead she sent it to Tello’s niece (La Marta’s daughter) who lives in a different city.

* Lourdes plays the alphabet game with her family on their road trip, and she finds her letter on something that’s not so family friendly.

* Tello saw Solo: A Star Wars Story. Tello loved Chewbacca and Lando the best.

* Tello also got to see a theatrical exhibition of the Martin Scorsese classic Taxi Driver.

* Tello gives a recap of the film and talks about how he felt after seeing it for the first time on a big screen.

* Lourdes and Tello wonder if a film like Taxi Driver could be made today.

* Tello invites Robert DeNiro to be on Number Two Podcast.

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* Tello spots a Little Foot that Number Two Cuz renames to PiaPoot (for potential legal reasons.

* Number Two Cuz tells Tello about some work friends who hunt for Bigfoot.

* Tello explains what Squatching is.

* Number Two Cuz and Tello take a moment to recognize another school shooting that hit them a little closer to home.

* Tello resumes the squatching conversation.

* Tello talks about some advice he found from Saint Padre Pio.

* Lourdes gets a prank played on her by her mom.

* Director Tello comes out a couple of times to improve a couple of jokes on the show.

 

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* The Campfyrepod affiliate promo was interrupted by a Littlefoot sighting.

* Number Two Cuz starts the show off with technical difficulties.

* Tello has a disclaimer that there might be noise from his side of the podcast today.

* Number Two Cuz still can’t say no to babysitting.

* Tello is concerned about his thinning hair.

* Lourdes laments having random hair growing on her face.

* Tello busts out in an impromptu rendition of the Cheers theme song. 

* Number Two Cuz has more technical difficulties, and Tello plays a little prank.

* Lourdes talks about the podcast that Tello recorded with his Mom on Mother’s Day.

* Tello interrupts Lourdes several times while she tries to explain what Tello recorded.

* Tello didn’t appreciate Marva forcing her way onto the podcast – especially with such short notice.

* Lourdes overslept on Mother’s Day and missed church.

* Number Two Cuz’s plans didn’t quite work out on Mother’s Day.

* Lourdes’ children gave her a memory book for Mother’s day.

* Tello admires the artistic talent of Number Two Cuz.

* Tello got to spend time with his mother over Mother’s Day weekend.

* Tello’s taste buds seem to have changed since he’s started his Keto Diet.

* Lourdes and Tello play the audio from the podcast Tello recorded with his mom.

* The show is interrupted a few times by some loud drain pipes.

* Mama Tello once worked at a hotel, and she found herself in a precarious situation.

* Tello wonders how his mother got the reputation for being a world-class weed smoker.

* Mama Tello thinks that Lourdes and her sisters should be more understanding with their “Deer Mother.”

* Martha can’t have an adult conversation with her mother because her mom is too close-minded.

* Tello saved the family from a potential sausage fire.

* Mama Tello spent months without a bed when she was raising Tello and his brother.

* Tello recalls the time he had to re-arrange his mother’s bedroom three times before settling on the look she liked.

* Tello grew up in a creeky old house.

* Mama Tello thought someone was in her house, but it turned out to be something much different.

* Tello’s old house was hit by a truck once.

* Martha grew up as a wild child, and thanks Mama Tello for being a mother to her and giving her the discipline she really needed.

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