If you’ve been feeling empty or lonely and are looking for immediate solutions, I hope today’s episode helps—and if you want to go deeper, you can order my new book, The Meaning of Your Life, out March 31.

Today’s topic: the loneliness epidemic. We know more people than ever before, but do we actually know them? In a world of constant connection, many people still feel unseen, unknown, and disconnected from those around them.

In this episode of Office Hours, I explore why loneliness has become so widespread and how it shows up in our relationships. I talk about the difference between being known and being understood, why feeling understood matters so much for happiness, and how modern habits and technologies can make it easier to stay in touch while avoiding real connection.

Change means pushing back against our instincts and doing things that feel like the opposite of what we want. That can sound daunting, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. In this episode, I share four simple habits that, with practice, become easier and help lay the groundwork for more meaningful relationships.

If you’ve been feeling lonely, this episode explores what happens when we stop waiting for that feeling to fix itself.

—

Brought to you by:

• ⁠David Protein⁠—The most effective portable protein on the planet ⁠http://www.davidprotein.com/arthur⁠ ⁠⁠⁠

—

Where to find Arthur Brooks: 

• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

—

Timestamps:

(00:00) Introduction

(04:31) What Edgar Allan Poe’s life reveals about loneliness

(07:39) The difference between being known and being understood

(09:43) Why feeling known is essential for happiness

(12:38) What fMRI studies reveal about being understood

(15:33) Give what you want to get in relationships

(17:01) Why being known by your spouse matters for happiness

(18:30) Why loneliness is rising among young people and the role of technology

(19:27) How loneliness becomes self-reinforcing

(21:08) Strategy #1: The opposite signal strategy

(24:15) Strategy #2: Proactively knowing others

(27:28) Strategy #3: Asking more questions

(30:33) Strategy #4: Putting your phone away

(32:15) Why loneliness requires proactive effort

(33:16) Q&A: Which times of day matter most for limiting screens?

(34:47) Q&A: How can you let go of shame around anxiety?

—

Referenced:

• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Your-Life-Finding-Emptiness/dp/0593545427

• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 

• Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World: https://www.amazon.com/Together-Connection-Performance-Greater-Happiness/dp/0062913298

• “Alone” by Edgar Allan Poe: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/46477/alone-56d2265f2667d 

• New Cigna Study Reveals Loneliness at Epidemic Levels in America: https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/new-cigna-study-reveals-loneliness-at-epidemic-levels-in-america-300639747.html 

• The Good Life: Lessons From the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11575524 

• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours

—

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I’ve hinted at this before, but in my new book, The Meaning of Your Life, I explore where meaning actually comes from—one place, for example, is by serving others with our time and treasure. However, you certainly won’t find it in the worldly idols we so often chase. This all brings us to today’s topic—money.

Most people assume that having more money will make them happier. The research suggests something more subtle. What matters is not how much money you have, but how you use it.

In this episode of Office Hours, I am joined by Dave Ramsey, one of the most influential voices in personal finance, whose work has helped millions of people change their relationship with money. Dave shares his own journey from early financial success to bankruptcy and back, and how his faith shapes his thinking about debt, discipline, and financial peace.

—

Where to find Dave Ramsey:

• X: https://x.com/daveramsey

• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramsey-dave

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daveramsey

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/daveramsey 

• Website: https://www.ramseysolutions.com

Where to find Arthur Brooks: 

• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

—

Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(05:14) Dave’s early experiences with entrepreneurship and money 

(07:30) How Dave’s early career success gave way to financial collapse

(10:54) Why borrowing money tends to undermine happiness

(13:34) Dave’s path back to prosperity 

(16:43) What financial peace means 

(18:07) How serving others contributes to long-term happiness

(19:45) How hope supports lasting change

(21:20) Why intentionality matters most

(23:37) Why things won’t bring you happiness 

(27:12) How the credit system’s lack of guardrails sets people up to fail

(29:02) Why credit card debt is especially damaging to well-being

(30:00) Why people make poor financial decisions 

(32:25) Why car debt is usually a poor investment

(35:16) How to get an education without taking on excessive debt

(38:40) Why mortgage debt doesn’t lower happiness when kept in check

(41:25) A framework for thinking about debt and savings 

(42:21) Why generosity is linked to greater prosperity 

(48:14) Q&A: How to stop being so stressed about money

(50:14) Q&A: How to make a savings plan for college 

(52:58) Dave’s six big principles for money and happiness

—

Referenced:

• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Your-Life-Finding-Emptiness/dp/0593545427

• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 

• Good credit, bad credit: The differential role of the sources of debt in life satisfaction: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/joca.12388 

• Financial Peace: https://www.amazon.com/Financial-Peace-Dave-Ramsey/dp/0963571206

• What Is the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility?: https://www.investopedia.com/terms/l/lawofdiminishingutility.asp 

• Why You’re Better Off Not Borrowing: https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/02/debt-borrowing-happiness/677303

• How your bank balance buys happiness: The importance of “cash on hand” to life satisfaction: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2016-17475-001

• ...References continued at: ⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours

—

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Most advice about anxiety is wrong.

“Don’t think about it.” “Let it go.” “Stop worrying.”

In this clip, I explain why that advice actually makes anxiety worse, and I teach a practical technique that does the opposite: the Anxiety Journal.

You’ll learn how to take vague, haunting anxiety and turn it into clear, structured fear by writing down your worst-case scenario, best-case scenario, and most-likely scenario, then assigning probabilities and planning responses for each. This simple act moves anxiety out of the emotional centers of your brain and into your executive, decision-making system, where it becomes manageable.

Instead of running from anxiety, you’ll learn how to focus it, quantify it, and prepare for it. The result isn’t avoidance—it’s courage, clarity, and control.

This is the same method I teach my students, use myself, and recommend to anyone who wants to stop being ruled by anxious thoughts and start directing them instead.

Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/

Pre-order My New Book: https://TheMeaningOfYourLife.com

Newsletter: https://arthurbrooks.com/newsletter

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Instagram: https://instagram.com/arthurcbrooks

Facebook: https://facebook.com/arthurbrooks

YouTube: @drarthurbrooks

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/

Email: [email protected]

If you wake up feeling uneasy or heavy before the day even starts, you’re not alone. Morning anxiety is incredibly common, and it has a biological explanation.

About 30 to 45 minutes after waking, your brain releases a natural spike of cortisol, the stress hormone designed to help you get moving. For those of us who feel emotions intensely, that surge can make mornings feel turbulent. I know this feeling well, and over the years, I’ve learned how to manage it.

On the topic of morning routines, I created a guide with six simple, science-backed practices that make your morning calmer and more focused. I created it in the hope that even if you're able to adopt one or two of the 6 protocols, your morning will get easier. You can get it here: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/6-protocols. In this clip, I explain why you wake up anxious and share the science-backed routine that changed my mornings completely.

You’ll learn:- How the brain’s limbic system produces both positive and negative emotions, and why you need both to stay balanced.- Why some people naturally have higher “negative emotionality,” and how to work with that temperament instead of fighting it.- What ancient wisdom calls Brahma Muhurta — “the Creator’s Hour," and why modern research supports waking before dawn.- How sleep timing, light exposure, and intentional structure can calm your nervous system before the day begins.

Watch the full episode here: https://youtu.be/Ckzw9Bb3GaM?si=JoSNR5vPDvCMX29KGet my new book, 'The Happiness Files' here: https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Files-Insights-Arthur-Brooks/dp/B0F4MFQ6VNConnect and Subscribe:Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/Newsletter: https://arthurbrooks.com/newsletterX (Twitter): https://x.com/arthurbrooksInstagram: https://instagram.com/arthurcbrooksFacebook: https://facebook.com/arthurbrooksYouTube: @drarthurbrooksLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/Email: [email protected]

Most of us know that we should set goals, but there is a lot of confusion about why they matter and how to choose them well.

In this episode of Office Hours, I reflect on the difference between meaning and purpose, and on how the goals we pursue quietly shape the direction of our lives. I talk about why some goals leave us feeling empty even when we achieve them, and what it means to aim our lives toward something that truly matters.

My hope is that this episode invites you to pause, think about your goals in life, and consider whether the path you are on is leading you where you want to go.

—

Brought to you by:

• ⁠David Protein⁠—The most effective portable protein on the planet ⁠http://www.davidprotein.com/arthur⁠

—

Where to find Arthur Brooks: 

• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

—

Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(05:00) The three components of meaning

(08:14) Big goals, and why most of us are not Mother Teresa

(09:55) Proxy goals, and how they can lead us to feel more purpose

(13:16) Jung’s philosophy on good goals 

(14:42) An extrinsic motivation 

(17:20) Intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation

(19:14) Goals based in avoidance 

(21:34) Positional goals 

(24:33) Focus on love, not things

(28:15) Listen to the small voice 

(31:40) Enjoy the happy journey

(34:08) Stay flexible

(37:09) Q&A: Fasting vs. a heavy protein breakfast 

(38:17) Q&A: How to teach your children to be happier 

(39:44) Q&A: Navigating a big transition

—

Referenced:

• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Your-Life-Finding-Emptiness/dp/0593545427

• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 

• The Three Macronutrients of Happiness, and How to Measure Yours: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/podcast/the-three-macronutrients-of-happiness-and-how-to-measure-yours 

• The why to bear any how: Goal self-concordance, meaning, and depressive and anxious symptomatology: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2024-69173-001 

• Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation from a self-determination theory perspective: Definitions, theory, practices, and future directions: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0361476X20300254

• Effects of externally mediated rewards on intrinsic motivation: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1971-22190-001   

• Evaluation of the Happiness Through Goal-Setting Training: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35084260 

• Compared to whom? Inequality, social comparison, and happiness in the United States: https://research.manchester.ac.uk/en/publications/compared-to-whom-inequality-social-comparison-and-happiness-in-th 

• The Confessions of St. Augustine: https://www.gutenberg.org/files/3296/3296-h/3296-h.htm 

• Monkey see, monkey do: Model behavior in early childhood: https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/monkey_see_monkey_do_model_behavior_in_early_childhood

• ...References continued at: ⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠

—

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Most people don’t get hurt in relationships because they’re weak. They get hurt because they’re kind, trusting, and fall too quickly for the wrong kind of person.In this clip, I explain the Dark Triad personality traits: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy, and why they’re so destructive in romantic relationships.If you’ve ever wondered why you ignored the red flags, or how to spot them next time, this is for you.If you're curious about your Dark Triad traits and tendencies, I've created a new, free Dark Triad test that asks 27 questions that test your levels of Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy. Take it here: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/quiz/darktriadYou’ll learn:• The 9 early warning signs of a dark triad personality.• Why some people seem incredibly charming at first — and how they weaponize empathy.• How the brain chemistry of “falling in love” makes you vulnerable to manipulation.• A psychological defense plan to recognize and protect yourself from emotional predators.Connect and Subscribe:Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/Newsletter: https://arthurbrooks.com/newsletterX (Twitter): https://x.com/arthurbrooksInstagram: https://instagram.com/arthurcbrooksFacebook: https://facebook.com/arthurbrooksYouTube: @drarthurbrooksLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/Email: [email protected]/Further Reading: • The Dark Triad of Personality: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathy: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886911003477 • Dark Triad Traits and Relationship Dissolution: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886917303720 • Scott Barry Kaufman – The Light Triad and Humanism: https://scottbarrykaufman.com/

Most people think emotions happen to them. In reality, emotions are signals—and you can learn to manage them.

In this clip, I break down how emotions move from the limbic system, where they’re generated, to the prefrontal cortex, where you can interpret, direct, and act on them wisely. This is the difference between being controlled by your emotions and learning to control them. You’ll learn why “counting to ten” actually works (and why 30 seconds is even better), how metacognition gives your thinking brain time to catch up with your feeling brain, and how simple practices like journaling, contemplation, and emotional documentation physically change how your brain processes stress, fear, and anger. We also explore how modern life keeps your amygdala constantly activated, turning natural episodic fear into chronic anxiety, and how to reverse that by turning vague anxiety back into clear, manageable fear using structured writing techniques.

Website: https://arthurbrooks.com/

Pre-order My New Book: https://TheMeaningOfYourLife.com

Newsletter: https://arthurbrooks.com/newsletter

X (Twitter): https://x.com/arthurbrooks

Instagram: https://instagram.com/arthurcbrooks

Facebook: https://facebook.com/arthurbrooks

YouTube: @drarthurbrooks

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/

Email: [email protected]

Why do we care so much about what other people think of us?

In this episode of Office Hours, I explain the science behind why concern about others’ opinions is so powerful in the first place. I talk about the two reasons we are wired to care what people think, how our brains treat social judgment as a real threat, and why this fear can quietly shape our choices, our behavior, and even our sense of self.

Once we understand what is happening in our minds and bodies, we can start to loosen its grip. I share three ways to break out of this pattern and begin caring less about other people’s opinions, not by ignoring them entirely, but by relating to them more wisely. My hope is that these ideas help you move with more freedom, show up more authentically, and live with less unnecessary fear of being judged.

—

Where to find Arthur Brooks: 

• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

—

Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(03:20) The two reasons you care what others think about you

(13:53) BIS and BAS: why fear of judgment can keep you stuck

(19:00) The role of shame and when it turns destructive 

(23:46) Way #1: No one cares

(27:05) Way #2: Rebel against your shame

(30:42) Way #3: Don’t judge, and you will not be judged

(34:01) Recap of the 3 ways to stop caring so much about what others think of you

(35:06) Q&A: Helping someone regulate emotions during conflict

(38:53) Q&A: Adapting the morning protocol for late or irregular schedules

(40:06) Q&A: What we know about cold therapy and depression

—

Referenced:

• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Your-Life-Finding-Emptiness/dp/0593545427

• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 

• The sociopaths among us: How to spot (and avoid) a Dark Triad: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/podcast/the-sociopaths-among-us-how-to-spot-and-avoid-a-dark-triad 

• Meditations by Marcus Aurelius: https://vreeman.com/meditations 

• Intellectual Trust in Oneself and Others: https://www.amazon.com/Intellectual-Oneself-Cambridge-Studies-Philosophy/dp/0521793

• ...References continued at: https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours

—

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In this episode of Office Hours, I sit down with my friend Hoda Kotb and talk about how we meet change when it shows up uninvited. Hoda has lived through transitions that resist simple narratives. Early rejection in her career. Public reinvention. Serious illness. Grief. Becoming a parent later in life. Each chapter forced a decision about how to move forward when there were no clear answers.

Hoda is known to millions as the longtime co-anchor of NBC’s Today Show and as the host of Making Space. In our conversation, those titles matter less than the life behind them. What connects us to Hoda’s story is not her achievements, but the ordinary human moments that shaped her values and continue to guide her choices. I hope this conversation leaves you not only inspired by Hoda’s life but also more willing to meet your own with honesty, courage, and care.

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Brought to you by:

• David Protein—The most effective portable protein on the planet http://www.davidprotein.com/arthur ⁠

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Where to find Hoda Kotb:

• X: https://x.com/hodakotb 

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hodakotb 

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/HodaKotb

• Website: https://www.hodakotb.com  

• Podcast: https://www.today.com/podcasts/making-space

Where to find Arthur Brooks: 

• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(03:22) Introducing Hoda Kotb

(06:03) Hoda’s origin story as a first-generation American

(07:27) The inspiration Hoda gets from her mother 

(08:48) Hoda’s mother’s journey with grief and what it teaches her

(11:23) Lesson #1: Reframe tragedy as opportunity

(16:25) Lesson #2: Turn constraints into decisions

(27:25) Lesson #3: Persistence creates destiny

(31:44) Lesson #4: Keep learning

(32:40) Hoda’s breast cancer journey

(37:55) Lesson #5: Your suffering is your strength

(40:39) How Hoda became a parent at 52

(46:42) Lesson #6: Choose love

(52:20) Lesson #7: Choose a new tree

(58:50) Lesson #8: You’re in charge

(59:05) A quick recap of the eight lessons

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Referenced:

• Jump and Find Joy: Embracing Change in Every Season of Life: https://www.amazon.com/Jump-Find-Joy-Embracing-Change/dp/B0DZ5BVKH8 

• Joy 101: https://www.joy101.com 

• Joy 101 2026 retreat: https://www.joy101.com/spring-retreat-2026⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Every New Year, we set ambitious goals. Unfortunately, most of our resolutions fade faster than we would like to admit.

In this episode of Office Hours, I explain why New Year’s resolutions so often fail. This isn’t a question of discipline per se. Instead, our failure occurs because of the way we frame our goals (and how we sometimes set the wrong goals in the first place). I explain how these forces leave us feeling discouraged and stuck.

The good news: there’s a better way to set and achieve your New Year’s resolutions. I walk through how to design your goals in the right way, so that progress depends less on force of will and more on positive incentives. I break this into simple steps grounded in what we know about how people actually change.

If you are thinking about resolutions this year, this episode will help you choose goals that truly support your well-being.

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Where to find Arthur Brooks: 

• Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://arthurbrooks.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Newsletter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• X: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://x.com/arthurbrooks⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Instagram: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/arthurcbrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ArthurBrooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• YouTube: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGuyFRjJQFGCKzfHTBvWM6A⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• LinkedIn: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.linkedin.com/in/arthur-c-brooks/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Timestamps:

(00:00) Introduction

(02:36) Where New Year’s resolutions come from

(04:38) Why New Year’s resolutions often fail

(06:50) What the data says about resolution success

(08:35) Why positive goals work better than negative goals

(11:44) The forces outside you that sabotage your goals

(14:50) Step#1: Make your goals positive 

(19:12) Step #2: Tiny goals

(21:34) Step #3: The right way to have negative goals

(29:11) Why forgiveness is a powerful happiness goal

(31:51) Q&A: Keeping peace without ignoring others’ pain

(33:09) Q&A: Letting go of grievances

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Referenced:

• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 

• How to Build a Life: https://www.theatlantic.com/projects/how-build-life/

• The Happiness Files: Insights on Work and Life: https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Files-Insights-Arthur-Brooks/dp/B0F4MFQ6VN

• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: https://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Your-Life-Finding-Emptiness/dp/0593545427

• The History of New Year’s Resolutions: https://www.history.com/articles/the-history-of-new-years-resolutions 

• New Year, new you: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2013/12/31/new-year-new-you 

• Auld lang syne: success predictors, change processes, and self-reported outcomes of New Year's resolvers and nonresolvers: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11920693 

• One in five Americans has stuck to their 2018 New Year’s Resolution: https://today.yougov.com/society/articles/21098-2018-new-years-resolutions-update

• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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