On Being Animals

An On Being Animals first! We got rustic and recorded this in the deep woods. That’s right, we were off the grid. My sister Geneva and I recorded this near an abandoned silver mine deep in the interior of BC. We were hours from a Tim Horton’s, but luckily we had a couple of cold Kootenay Ales to quench our thirst and fuel our quest to learn about the Bloody Aqua Dumper. Get you minds out of the gutter listeners, it’s not a dirty thing, this creature is just a Bloody Aqua Dumper. We also talk about hatch n grow dinos, taking family for granted, and eggs that can feed themselves.

Most Egregious Error: At one point I want to refer to a venus fly trap and I call it a praying mantis. And Geneva goes with it, so we never corrected that mistake. I was also a little waffly on some answers, I maybe a little fast and lose with language describing histamines, and missed some other answers, but come on folks, we were off the grid, in the dirt, under an open sky. So I hope you forgive me.

Science level: crazy high. We saw lizards, talked about DNA, endoparasites, and tried to tackle the aforementioned histamines.

We heard from Sara last episode, so now it’s time to hear from her hubby, my brother in arms, he who flees from the sun, Andrew. We set up the On Being Animals studio at his place, cracked open some groomsmen whisky, and learned about the Speedy Lobster Claw Diva. In addition to whiskey, we get into the Bat Man, dick pics, and growing trees on Mars.

Most Egregious Error: Andrew set up a perfect conversation about Jordan Peterson’s lobster and I was too slow to notice. I totally left him hanging and missed out. Jordan Peterson is bit of a divisive figure. From what I can tell, he has produced solid peer reviewed research, and he has also produced some stuff that ain’t peer reviewed, and uh, that stuff is different. In his 12 Steps book, he says that lobsters are biologically hierarchical so humans must also be biologically hierarchical. Lobsters. We should take notes on how to behave from lobsters. There are over 5,000 species of mammals in the world, and he picked the lobster. You know who has spines? Seven thousand species of amphibian, 10,000 birds, and 10,000 reptiles. You know who doesn’t? Lobsters. This is the point Andrew was trying to make and I missed it. Lobsters are interesting and great in their own ways, but don’t be a human jerk to other humans just because lobsters exist.

Science level: very high, we don’t get into differential equations, but we do get into probably the most important and challenging aspect of science, communication of results. How do we get dummy politicians to understand? Clearly we don’t solve it, we just get into it.

For this episode, I climbed a mountain to get to my brother’s wife’s brother’s wife. How about we just call her Sara. She’s an Island girl that grew up on an aviary, so of course, we had to talk about the Cooing Bob Wink. You know that animal that we see all the time, right? The Cooing Bob Wink. We also talk about weaponizing animals, rats, allergies, and Dirty Rick. Yeah Rick, we’re talking about you again.

Most Egregious Error: My mom called while we were recording. I did not answer. I’m a bad son.

Science Level: We talk about oil spoilage, so that’s, you know, a regular level of science.

A couple of Russell Book islanders came to the On Being Animals studio for an extra special tri-pod episode! A three person podcast that is as stable as a physical tri-pod. Sara laughed, Ross cried, and we all learned about the Shimmer Two Four Staying-a-Dive. Yes this animal is called the Shimmer Two Four Staying-a-Dive. Ross and Sara are great guests and we talked about everything from Darude Sandstorm, to leaving home, and the ever so terrible, unwanted acoustic guitars. You know when they show up to a good party and ruin it? 

Most Egregious Errors: I used some pretty bad analogies, but Ross and Sara were there to improve on them each time. Birds and mammals cannot see infrared. It seems that vampire bats can detect infrared waves, but not with their eyes. They don’t see it, but maybe they feel it with their noses. Some birds can see in the ultraviolet range. That’s how they see urine marks. Use a UV light at a cheap motel to see all the urine marks, urine from rodents and otherwise. We get into tongue stuff. This animal wraps its tongue around its skull to store it. Much like a woodpecker.

Science Level: Talk about wind tunnels, fluid dynamics, aeroelastic flutter, and G forces. You’re welcome aerospace nerds.

Kate came to the studio fresh out of Russell Books where she was shelving books in the animal section! Out of the frying pan and into the fire. Kate has fantastic, specific question and she even name dropped ungulates! So yes, this podcast episode is about a certain ungulate that we lovingly refer to as the Slutty Lewd Mineral Craver. We nerd out on books, talk Bitoin, give out hot chocolate tips, and sensationalize disappointing sex.

Most egregious Error: Camels are ungulates. I claim they aren’t, but they are and I should know better because we did an entire episode on camels last year. Also, the Costco cheese doesn’t have salt in it, it’s calcium lactate crystals. And I forgot to give Kate some of that cheese after we stopped recording. Another error is that I should have debunked the tin can myth. Slutty Lewd Mineral Cravers do not crave tin cans. 

Science level: So high! Kate has so much animal knowledge and we really get into it.

Angus Watt was at death’s door and yet he braved the elements to come to the On Being Animals studio in James Bay to record this episode on the Diurnal Dichotomies. The animal featured in this episode is definitely  diurnal and definitely a dichotomy. In this episode, we don’t discuss dry spells or the importance of foreplay, but we do discuss Kangaroo nipples, DJ Khaled, and we figure out who really caused the Exxon Valdez oil spill.

Most Egregious Error: I had trouble saying skeletuture. Skeleture. It may not even be a word. I meant skeleton stuff. The whole skeleton together.  I also came up a bit short on my river knowledge in this ep.

Science Level: Right in the middle. Right in that sweet spot where I we don’t talk about differential equations, but we do talk about Bonobo sex.

Thanks for listening. I’m currently driving back to Montreal from Victoria and I’ll be bumming around in the Kootneys for a bit, so I’m going to try to honour my 1st and 15th release dates, but as you may have noticed, I’m already blowing it. You know what else is blowing it right now? My air conditioning unit in my car. It’s blowing exclusively hot air as we driving in 37 degrees celsius Okanagan weather. Not great. But you know what is great? Angus Watt. Great guest. He’s also a musician. You can check out the bands “Pastel Blank” and “Wept” to hear his lovely singing voice. For now, listen to his sniffly podcast voice as we discuss the Diurnal Dichotomies.

This podcast episode had been on the books for a while and finally made it happen! Mel Jupp and I were finally in the same city at the same time and we were able to discuss the Looky Bubbly Pouchy Brownie. Yes, that is the new name of this animal. We also cover active starfishing, how to get ants into your pants, and floppy milkshake corrections.

Most Egregious Error: I had herring hubris and was, I’ma say 79% wrong. Also, I don’t know how to pronounce heraldic. Heraldic.

Science level: get ready you aerospace nerds, we talk about ground effect!

This is a great episode, it hits all the notes that On Being Animals should: philosophy, genitals. Every single note. The guest for this episode is an open minded sweetheart named Andrew. He’s not much to look at, but he’s a great guest. Together, we learned about the good, the bad, and the ugly of an animal we like to call the Bazooka Dabbler. Along the way we get into the taste of poop, the righteous sword of compassion, and the sexiness of back hair.

Most Egregious Error: I made a lot of errors. I took a note to remind Andrew about some sort of individualized teaching thing and forgot to bring it back up. Bergman’s rule is named after a German Naturalist named Carl Bergman. The woman scientist who’s name I couldn’t remember is Patricia Brennan. A chimp did have sex with a frog’s mouth. The passing of male traits in birds is best explained a youtube video titled “Why Are Bird Penises So Weird”.

Science level: We finished our bottle of white wine around the 30 minute mark, so no scientific homeruns in this one folks. But we do get silly. We had a lot of fun.

Thanks for downloading and listening. It truly warms my heart. Feel free to rate and leave comments in iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts. If you are the head of a big tobacco company, you can definitely slide into my DMs.

You asked for it so you’re going to get it. The lovely Jenny Pye came back for another episode and this time we discovered the Gazing Handsy Bandit Washer. Along the way we figure out a great paté prank, we explore bureaucracy, we give a shout out to Buster the pug, and we weigh in on eating poop.

Most egregious error: Jenny has a great question about domestication versus taming, but I have a pretty sloppy answer. Taming is what you do to an individual animal and is a matter of learning. Domestication applies to groups of animals and it genetic modification. So we control the breeding of a wild animal to establish a new breed. This new breed lives symbiotically with us humans and is usually unable to survive or reproduce without human intervention.

Science level: Poop is science, right? We talk about poop.

You used to call her on her cellphone, but you don’t anymore because she doesn’t have one. That’s right, the Russell Books series of the On Being Animals podcast continues with Savannah and she chose to learn about her spirit animal: the Onion Fast Love Horn. If your favourite part of this podcast is when we go on tangents and don’t talk about the animal, then this is the episode for you! You’ve been waiting 40+ episodes and we’ve finally delivered tangents on tangents. It may even be more icing than cake. This means we left a couple of Onion Fast Love Horn facts on the table, but luckily we figured out why you need to put a banana in your first aid kit. We also discover how much Savannah can eat in one sitting, what we should spend our tax return money on, and how to almost make it to the NHL. We also debate the merits of head banging. You name it, we covered it.

Most Egregious errors: Savannah claims that cheetahs have 3000 spots, but they have 2000, I say gene when I should be saying chromosome, and we both fail miserably to solve the simplest of math problems. Oh, and to clarify, “Wild America” is comedy film starring Jonathan Taylor Thomas. It is based on the real life person Martin Luther Stouffer Jr. who has been fined hundreds of thousands of dollars for setting up illegal hunting camps. So, fuck that guy, right?

Science level: surprisingly high, we talk about the how colour blindness is inherited and there is a sizzling fluid dynamics joke at some point.