On the Couch with Carly

In this episode, I’m joined by Kirsty Melmed, the woman behind Brave Mamas and a fierce advocate for real, grounded support for mothers. Kirsty brings the kind of honesty that makes you exhale. We talked about the messy middle of motherhood, the moments that break us open, and the kind of community that helps us rise again.

Kirsty didn’t step into this work from theory, she lived it. After postpartum depression, anxiety, and the quiet rage and overwhelm so many mothers know but rarely name, she found herself isolated and questioning whether she was meant for motherhood at all. A WhatsApp support group opened her eyes to the power and pitfalls of mom communities, and ultimately pushed her to create something new: a psychologically safe space for mothers to be seen, heard, and resourced.

We explored what mothers really need, not advice, not perfection, but belonging, shared wisdom, and someone to witness them in their becoming. Kirsty speaks candidly about resentment, the default parent load, the courage it takes to ask for help, and how brave it is simply to show up as a mother in a world that still expects us to do it all, quietly and alone.

This conversation is a reminder that mothers don’t need to earn support, they deserve it. And when women gather, reflect, and hold each other with care, they don’t just survive motherhood, they rise inside of it.

Follow Kirsty on:

Website: http://www.Kirstymelmedlifecoach.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Kirstymelmedlifecoach/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bravemamact/?hl=en

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/Kirstymelmedlifecoach/?hl=en

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

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Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

I want to talk about what feels like the most fundamental truth about being human, and that's love. To me, therapy is love. The work I do is about aligning with what I believe is the fundamental organizing principle of humanity, that we connect to each other through love. Love is a feeling, but it's also an energy, an experience of something beyond us. What some call God or faith or mystery, I call love.

Many religious and cultural systems claim to be about God but aren't actually loving in their nature. They're about control, telling people how to live, who to love, what's acceptable. They use fear as an organizing principle. We're just as capable of connecting to love as we are vulnerable to having fear dominate us. Love is about acceptance and allowing, not control. Therapy is often a space where people meet themselves in an environment that accepts and allows who they are without having to contort or conform. That's love. When we feel loved, we blossom.

I see love everywhere. In the Springboks, who I believe win not just because of strategy but because Rassie Erasmus leads with love, because the players love each other and South Africa. Not in a nationalistic way, but in a way where our hearts feel warm thinking about this country and each other, even with our differences. I see love in people who've been hurt but stay open, who become loving parents despite their own wounds, who believe another love story might be around the corner. We're naturally loving creatures. We have to be taught to fear. Turn away from anyone who teaches you to live in fear instead of leading with your heart.

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

I sat down with Zakeeya Patel, actress, dancer, and storyteller, for a conversation that turned into something much deeper than I expected.

Zakeeya is known for her vibrant energy on screen, but in this episode, she brings her full, unfiltered self to the couch. We spoke about how she learned to honor her intuition, navigate visibility as a woman of color in entertainment, and embrace the in-between spaces of identity, belonging, and purpose.

We traced her journey from performer to seeker, from shaping characters on stage to shaping her own inner world. Zakeeya opened up about what it means to truly listen to the body, to hold both ambition and surrender, and to let life’s transitions refine rather than define you.

What struck me most was her honesty about the cost of being “seen.” Behind the glamour lies the work of self-compassion, boundaries, and learning how to stay rooted when everything around you demands performance.

Our conversation became a meditation on wholeness, how creativity, spirituality, and mental health intersect when we allow ourselves to be real, not just remarkable.

Follow Zakeeya on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ZakeeyaP/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/zakeeyapatel/?hl=en

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

I've been thinking about how being a psychologist and a parent at the same time is really hard. After 14 years of practice, I've heard so many stories of messed up childhoods and adults who resent their parents. Now when I'm parenting my own kids, I can almost anticipate which moments will become their therapy stories one day. That weight sits heavy.

Then there's the comparison trap. My clients tell me about difficult parenting moments they feel ashamed of, and I'm sitting there thinking I would've handled that so much worse. They're describing what they consider their worst moments, and I'm realizing they're more patient and mindful than I am on a regular day. Beyond that, there's the emotional depletion. On days when I've seen lots of clients, I come home to my kids with so much less to offer them. They need emotional regulation, presence, patience, and some days I've already given all of that away.

What bothers me most is how psychology has given us just enough information about early development to use it against ourselves. We know attachment matters, we know security matters, but instead of building support systems for parents, we've just raised the stakes and made everyone more perfectionistic. Every day feels like walking a tightrope where you're either building your child's security or destroying it, and that's way too much pressure to carry alone.

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

I sat down with Claire van Dyk, an HPCSA-registered counselor working for the Western Cape Department of Health, and honestly, this conversation shook me. Claire reached out to be on the podcast because she's passionate about having uncomfortable conversations about mental health care inequality in South Africa—and we went there. We traced how colonialism and apartheid created the massive discrepancy between private and public mental health services that we're still living with today.

The numbers tell the story. One psychiatrist for every 3.3 million people in rural public areas, sometimes none at all. Eighty percent of our population depends on public healthcare, but only 5% of the health budget goes to mental health. Claire describes sessions in rooms without locks, folders going missing, months-long waiting lists, and cases far beyond what her scope technically covers. Not because she's overreaching, but because the need is that overwhelming.

I told Claire I felt the same during my community service. We both trained as caring professionals wanting to help, then found ourselves trying to offer something meaningful in chaotic, under-resourced environments while clients dealt with ongoing trauma. We landed somewhere unexpected, though. Maybe the work isn't about having every clinical tool to fix everything. Maybe it's about being present with someone for 30 minutes who finally gets to be heard without judgment. We explored what's actually in our power versus what we have to accept as unresolvable, and why that's not the same as giving up.

Follow Claire on:

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/claire-van-dyk-507aa9101/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/capetowncounsellor/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CapeTownCounsellor/

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

This micro episode explores the psychological realities of having a baby through metaphors that make sense of experiences that often feel impossible to articulate. I compare having a baby to that nightmare where you're suddenly in an exam you haven't studied for, or realize you're naked in public - that sense of being woefully unprepared despite knowing this moment would come.

I dive into why two particular emotions dominate the postpartum period but rarely get discussed: grief and shame. The grief comes from losing who you were and the life you had, which is natural and right, but completely unexpected. The shame emerges when we think struggling means we're failing as people, rather than simply learning something with an incredibly steep curve.

Drawing on the reality that babies' cries literally hijack our nervous systems by design, I explore why having supportive people around makes such a difference, and how our modern isolated parenting differs dramatically from the community-based child-rearing humans evolved for. Sometimes understanding why something feels so hard can help us be gentler with ourselves through the process.

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

I'm joined by my friend Sindiso Nyoni, a renowned Zimbabwean graphic artist, illustrator, and activist whose work has been showcased from New York to Berlin. But today we're not talking about his international acclaim - we're diving deep into his experience as a hands-on father navigating an unexpected journey into primary caregiving.

Sindiso shares the reality of becoming a father during COVID while his partner experienced severe postpartum depression. For two years, he took on what many would consider the "traditional maternal role" - night feeds, constant care, being the primary attachment figure. This experience challenged everything he thought he knew about fatherhood and masculinity in an African context.

We explore how his brain literally changed through this intensive caregiving, softening his art from "edgy and rigid" to more considered and gentle. Sindiso reflects on the strange looks he gets changing his son's diaper in public, the politics of vulnerable masculinity, and how becoming a father shifted his artistic focus toward children's rights and global justice issues.

This conversation touches on mental health stigma, the isolation of immigration, finding support systems, and how art became his lifeline through the chaos of early fatherhood. An honest look at modern masculinity, attachment, and the transformative power of showing up fully as a parent.

Follow Sindiso on:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sindiso/?hl=en

Website: https://studioriot.com/

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

This micro episode is a fun experiment where I channel Bella Freud's "Fashion Neurosis" podcast to explore my own relationship with clothing and style. I dive into why fashion fascinates me as both a psychologist and a human being.

I explore clothing as a form of creative expression - like collaging with objects, colors, textures, and forms. It's a sensory and sensual experience that connects us to our material existence in this world. Fashion becomes a way to communicate identity, show which groups we belong to, and sometimes shield vulnerable parts of ourselves that don't feel safe.

I also confess to completely conforming to the psychologist stereotype of wearing lots of knitwear and cardigans. There's something about the maternal texture of knits - that cozy, warm embrace quality - that I hope translates into my therapeutic work. Sometimes embracing the superficial alongside the deep makes us more fully human.

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

In this episode, my guest is Amy Rogerson, a spiritual midwife, postpartum care provider, and creator of Mother Nurture - a woman who brings a uniquely powerful perspective to motherhood and maternal transformation. Amy describes herself as feeling "particularly feisty," and that energy radiates throughout our conversation about power, descent, and the revolutionary potential of mothers who refuse to martyr themselves.

We dive deep into Amy's philosophy that motherhood should "ruin your life" - not as tragedy, but as necessary destruction that creates space for rebirth. She challenges the martyr mother narrative, explaining how this pattern serves wounds rather than children, and why the descent into darkness is as crucial as the ascent that follows. Drawing from Ayurvedic wisdom and natural cycles, Amy explains why honoring the first 40 days postpartum affects the next 40 years of a mother's life.

Amy shares her own journey through addiction, depression, and alopecia alongside becoming a mother, and how this led her to create communities centered on seeing mothers, holding space, and accessing creative life force. We explore the paradox of motherhood, the ruthlessness required for authentic selfhood, and why a world of mothers claiming their full power would be a revolution the world isn't ready for.

Follow Amy on:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/somaticsofspirit/

Substack: https://somaticsofspirit.substack.com/

Website: https://www.somaticsofspirit.com/

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

This micro-episode came from two therapy conversations I had that hit on the same frustrating theme: the absolutely ridiculous and contradictory standards women are expected to live by. I had to share because if you're feeling exhausted trying to meet impossible expectations, you're not alone.

First, the body bind: We're told that if we're "too sexy," we're asking for danger and assault, but if we don't have bodies that appeal to the male gaze, we're worthless. Second, the motherhood trap: Work too much and you're abandoning your children, but staying home makes you "privileged" and taking the easy way out. Either choice leaves us feeling not enough.

I call bullshit on all of it. These are traps designed to keep us measuring ourselves against external standards instead of trusting our own sense of what's good for us. My challenge: Can you find your enoughness within yourself and give yourself permission to choose a direction without apologizing for it?

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw