On the Couch with Carly

Disclaimer: This episode contains personal opinions and perspectives on complex geopolitical issues. These views are shared as part of an exploration of the psychological and emotional dimensions of identity, trauma, and human connection. This conversation is meant to provoke thought and empathy.

Joseph Dana returns for a profound conversation about his recent piece "When But Becomes Now: The Unraveling of American Jewish Denial." After receiving a three-word email from a family member - "It's genocide now" - Joseph explores what this shift means for Jewish identity and our relationship to Zionism.

We dive deep into the manufactured equation that has dominated Jewish life for 150 years: that questioning Israel equals betraying your people. Joseph traces how Zionist leaders like Jabotinsky literally described Jews as "ugly" and "disgusting," seeking to replace Jewish identity with European nationalism. We explore Rabbi Yaakov Shapiro's argument that Zionism is fundamentally antisemitic, designed to destroy traditional Jewish life centered on Torah and mitzvot.

This conversation examines the emotional blackmail that has silenced Jewish moral voices, the way Israel claims to represent all Jews while conducting genocide, and why supporting Palestinian liberation isn't despite our Jewish values - but as their fullest expression. We discuss the financial and geopolitical interests keeping this system in place and why distinguishing Judaism from Zionism isn't academic but urgently necessary for Jewish survival.

References:

When But Becomes Now: The Unraveling of American Jewish Denial: https://josephdana.substack.com/p/when-but-becomes-now-the-unraveling

The weight of history: How Holocaust trauma shapes Jewish responses to Israel: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3E1cyYzNFTn72PP39qfOoX?si=532c15c85b7e45a7

Follow Joseph Dana

Substack: https://substack.com/@ibnezra

Website: https://www.josephdana.org/about

Twitter: https://x.com/ibnezra?lang=en

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ibnezra/reels/

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

On behalf of women everywhere, this episode is dedicated to helping men understand why over 90% of women feel dissatisfied on special occasions like Mother's Day, birthdays, and anniversaries. Drawing from my clinical practice and conversations with clients and friends, I break down the five love languages framework as a practical tool for meaningful gift-giving.

This isn't about expensive presents - it's about intention, effort, and showing that you've been paying attention. I walk through each love language with specific examples: the art of thoughtful gifting (beyond just buying something), creating quality time experiences, meaningful acts of service, physical touch that meets her actual needs, and words of affirmation that show you truly see her contributions.

The episode includes practical tips like putting important dates in your calendar with advance alerts, understanding that preparation time is part of the gift, and why the entire day matters, not just one gesture. Essential listening for anyone who wants to show appreciation in ways that truly land.

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

I'm joined by Mayuri Govender-Jonck, lawyer, transformation specialist, and creator of Breaking Brown Silence, for a deeply honest conversation about the realities of early motherhood. Eight months into her journey as a mother, Mayuri shares how becoming a parent ignited an unstoppable fire within her to never abandon herself again.

We dive into her traumatic pregnancy and birth experience - from bed rest at 20 weeks, to gestational diabetes, to her daughter's 5-week NICU stay where she wasn't allowed to latch for 3 weeks. Mayuri courageously shares the rage, powerlessness, and institutional trauma she faced, and how she ultimately had to fight the medical system to get her healthy baby discharged.

This conversation explores the political nature of motherhood, the moral burden society places on women's bodies, and why motherhood can be the first visceral experience of oppression for many. We discuss the mammalian reality of pregnancy, the impossible standards women face, and how the fire that burns within mothers - despite systemic failures - reveals our untouchable strength.

Follow Mayuri Govender-Jonck

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/may_be.hungry/

Linkedin: https://za.linkedin.com/in/mayuri-govender-30462b1b

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

I'm going solo today to talk about a book that has absolutely changed my life - Lucy Jones' "Matrescence." This is the book I wish someone had told me to read before I had my first baby seven years ago. I read it on holiday like a page-turner novel, completely captivated by how it put words to experiences I'd never been able to articulate.

Matrescence is like adolescence - a profound metamorphosis involving massive neurological and hormonal changes. Lucy brilliantly compares it to a caterpillar in its cocoon, in that gooey phase where you're neither who you were nor who you're becoming. We understand and support teenagers through their transformation, but leave mothers to navigate an equally dramatic change alone.

I explore why this concept should be part of every birth conversation, how we've misinterpreted attachment theory to pressure mothers even more, and why keeping another human alive is actually a massive psychological task. This gets political - it's about changing how society treats the most important work we do.

Resources:

Check Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood by Lucy Jones: https://www.amazon.com/Matrescence-Childbirth-Motherhood-Lucy-Jones/dp/0593317319

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

I need to tell you something that might surprise you - I'm pro-anger. When clients come to therapy saying they felt angry, I get excited because anger is information, and I want to understand what it's trying to tell us. Too many people walk into my office ashamed of their anger, wanting to "fix" it rather than understand it.

In this episode, I break down my theory of the three types of anger. First, anger is a protective coating over vulnerable emotions, like a bodyguard when we're actually feeling small and scared. Second, boundary violation anger when our clearly expressed needs aren't met (hello, maternal rage). And third, righteous anger - that visceral response to injustice that moves us toward what's right.

This isn't about encouraging aggression. It's about reclaiming anger as valid information that deserves our attention. Your anger has meaning - let's figure out what it's trying to say.

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

Artist, filmmaker, and producer Kunyalala Ndlovu joins me for a rich conversation about his journey into fatherhood and how it transformed his understanding of masculinity. Born in Zimbabwe and now based in London, Kunyalala shares his experience of being a full-time father for 18 months - something "completely unheard of" where he's from and "the least masculine thing you could do" according to traditional standards.

We explore how becoming a father created an "incredible softening" that felt like walls breaking down inside him, leading to what his co-parent described as "fathering in the way you'd have liked to have been fathered." Kunyalala explores the distinction between humility and humiliation in parenting, the importance of empathy as the foundation of co-parenting relationships, and how art can transform narratives surrounding modern fatherhood.

This conversation explores maternal gatekeeping, the significance of "time on the pitch" for fathers, and why he practices true 50/50 co-parenting—a rarity he has encountered. Essential listening for anyone interested in expanded definitions of masculinity and the creative potential of modern fatherhood.

Follow Kunyalala Ndlovu:

Website: https://www.kunyalala.co.uk/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fort_rixon_gram?igsh=Y21ybGFiaW85bzZ0

Linkedin: https://uk.linkedin.com/in/kunyalala-ndlovu-66b77126

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

One of the most common struggles in my therapy practice: women who've been conditioned to believe they're responsible for managing everyone's emotions. Using real examples from relationships with new parents, I examine how societal conditioning creates automatic "yes" responses that ultimately harm both ourselves and our relationships.

I share practical steps for recognizing burnout symptoms as boundary violations, the revolutionary power of pausing before saying yes, and why taking care of your own needs actually benefits everyone. I also demonstrate how over-functioning prevents others from developing their own capabilities and authentic relationships.

This episode explains why boundaries aren't selfish - they're the foundation of safety in all relationships, including the therapeutic relationship. Essential listening for anyone who struggles with guilt around self-care or feels exhausted from constantly prioritizing others' comfort over their own wellbeing.

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

Disclaimer: This episode contains personal opinions and perspectives on complex geopolitical issues. The views expressed by the host and guest do not represent an official position on the Israel-Palestine conflict and are shared as part of an exploration of psychological and emotional dimensions of identity, trauma, and human connection. This conversation is meant to provoke thought and empathy rather than promote any particular political stance.

In this thought-provoking episode, I speak with journalist and writer Joseph Dana about the nuanced relationship between Jewish identity, trauma, and Israel-Palestine. Joseph shares his personal journey from American Reform Judaism to Israeli immigration and eventual residence in Ramallah, offering unique insights as someone who has lived on both sides of the conflict.

We explore how Holocaust trauma continues to shape modern Jewish identity, creating what Joseph describes as a "continuation of the Holocaust period" rather than a post-Holocaust era. This trauma response helps explain the powerful emotional connections many diaspora Jews feel toward Israel, even as the state pursues policies that may not serve Jewish safety worldwide. Joseph challenges the Zionist notion that Israel represents "the end of Jewish history," suggesting instead that we need to reconnect with the broader Jewish historical experience.

This conversation examines identity, intergenerational trauma, and the possibility of finding common humanity across divides that often seem unbridgeable.

Resources:

Support humanitarian aid in Palestine: https://giftofthegivers.org/where-we-work/palestine/

Recommended Reading:

A eulogy for Israeli activist Ezra Nawi: https://www.tabletmag.com/sections/israel-middle-east/articles/in-memory-ezra-nawi

South African Jews and Palestine: https://newlinesmag.com/argument/south-africas-stance-on-palestine-opens-questions-about-apartheid-and-history/

The Crisis of Zionism: https://www.thenationalnews.com/arts-culture/books/the-crisis-of-zionism-undeterred-by-unavoidable-realities-1.439490

Follow Joseph Dana

Website: https://www.josephdana.org/about

Twitter: https://x.com/ibnezra?lang=en

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ibnezra/reels/

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

In this heartfelt solo episode, I explore what we've lost in modern motherhood - the village, the tribe, the collective female support that once surrounded new mothers. Patriarchal systems have stripped value from traditionally feminine roles, leaving mothers isolated in their achievements and struggles.

From my therapy practice, I witness mothers performing daily acts of heroism that go unseen: handling potty training disasters with grace, soothing babies while maintaining professional conversations. These "invisible" achievements deserve celebration. The problem isn't that we're worse at mothering than previous generations - it's that we lack the chorus of voices telling us we're doing well.

This episode honors all mothers - those who struggled with infertility, NICU moms, those questioning their abilities, and everyone showing up daily for their children. Join the #MomTribe movement by acknowledging and celebrating the mothers in your lives.

Join the Movement:

Share your appreciation for a mother in your life with #MomTribe #OnTheCouchWithCarlyMomTribe

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw

In this powerful episode, I sit down with artist, filmmaker and photographer Justice Mukheli, who I've followed for over 12 years. Known for his groundbreaking project "I See A Different You" which beautifully reshapes African narratives, Justice shares his transformative journey into fatherhood with his seven-month-old daughter. We explore how this experience has fundamentally changed him as a man and artist, challenging traditional ideas of masculinity and caregiving.

Justice opens up about the reality behind the fantasy of parenthood - from the humbling experience of watching his wife's pregnancy to the intense mental load of caring for a newborn. He offers candid insights about the privilege of being a man in parenting, the challenges of balancing work with being present, and how his relationship with his daughter has influenced his creative work. His powerful perspective: "Do what feels right for you. Nothing is wrong."

Follow Justice Mukheli:

Website: https://www.justicemukheli.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/justicemukheli/?hl=en

Enquiries: [email protected] / [email protected]

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/10155915628663643

Follow Carly on:

Website: https://onthecouchwithcarly.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfBi56xQookfRGL3zvWVzCg

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/onthecouchwithcarly/?hl=en

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onthecouchwithcarly/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@onthecouchwithcarly

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/za/podcast/on-the-couch-with-carly/id1497585376

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3t7A2FMnISQ2fz9D5p0Xuw