We are back to talk about the neurodivergence of it all: the prevalence of ADHD, Autism Spectrum, synesthesia, and “hautism” in the goth community. People who are drawn to subculture seem to be having the human experience a little differently, but what exactly is that difference? We talk about the relationship of CPTSD to neurodivergence, the difference between capital T and lowercase t T/trauma, the intersection of hyper-vigilance and empathy, and generally having no chill. When everything is everything, meaning that we don’t have the ability to compartmentalize to the degree that is valued by a productivity obsessed society, overwhelm might be the unifying feeling that pushes some of us to the margins. But really, are neurotypicals even real?

Depression gets all the stereotyped attention when it comes to diagnosing the goth community, but it is not news that we have higher than average proportion of neuro-spicy members, specifically Autism Spectrum and ADHD (your hosts have a bit of both!) We discuss why people whose brains experience the world differently are drawn to subculture, and more specifically to this one. This can be a desire for routine and repetition, synesthesia, how the baggage of the “gifted child” plays a hand, and what happens to the psyche when your best self feels inaccessible. We also talk about what it means to be “Hautistic” (Vesta thought she coined this but Urban Dictionary says otherwise), meaning how attractive people, especially women, go undiagnosed given access to a different form of masking. Oh, and we end up diagnosing Wednesday and Gomez Addams as on the Autism Spectrum.

As we get deeper into the hospitality rider’s worth of wine, Matthew Setzer tells us more about getting into flesh hook suspension, playing a Skinny Puppy show right after getting his vasectomy, balls in general, and not over-identifying with the label of goth. We also discuss making music with biofeedback, creative frailty, a love of being on the road, productive hyperactivity vs. dissociative hyperactivity, changing your relationship to your art once it’s out in the world, and learning about racism only after moving to LA from Montana. Catch Matthew playing with  Front Line Assembly and Gary Numan, April 7th at the Fonda!

We are honored to be joined by Matthew Setzer, who you may recognize from such projects as Skinny Puppy, London After Midnight, and most recently Front Line Assembly, but also from around LA nightlife. He talks with us about growing up a small-town outcast, finding goth and industrial music through the guidance of his older brother, joining a band that they both loved since their youth, becoming a successful guitarist who shirks guitar culture, and we get a brief live acoustic rendition of Stagger Lee (but not that one). From tennis to flesh hook suspension to publicity through music being used as a literal torture device at Guantanamo Bay, there is a lot to unpack over a hospitality rider’s worth of wine. 

After a holiday hiatus, we’re back in the graves! This topic comes up in some capacity in almost every episode, so we decided to focus on it intentionally: mental health in the goth community. Depression, anxiety, substance use - our community is full of these, but are they actually more prevalent in our subculture or just more visible? The sad girls talk interventions, therapy, crying in public, and sparkling sadness. This episode is dedicated to the memory of Libby Parham. 

Trauma takes a front seat in part two of our conversation with Bob Gardner, and from there it’s a whole journey (content warning: the darkness circles back at 1:01:40 - 1:03:20 with discussion of childhood sexual abuse). Darkness as our copilot, we also hear empowering stories about the 7 hour train ride to Slimelight in London which he then wouldn’t leave until 7am, sex and drugs and bodily functions, differences of heteronormativity and gender nonconformity in the UK and US goth scenes, and the oasis that is Whitby Goth Weekend. Bob shares his experience with adult ADHD diagnosis and its relationship to past self-medication, some shared hot takes on how access to therapy and diagnosis in general has effected and potentially reduced rampant drug culture in our heavily neurodivergent scene, and the value of empathy over pity. It’s an articulated lorry of baggage and we’re here for it. 

Deep into the so-called spooky season, Heather and Vesta have a one-on-one that takes turns all over, from our Obelisk Halloween party (Night of the Mamushka!) to goth music being vetoed by a hipper than thou afterhours bartender, to a stalker coming out of the woodwork. We also discuss the dilemma of explaining goth to inquiring minds who don’t even know who David Bowie is, more notes on the ways in which we talk about trauma, and the myth of the chill girl. We hope you’ve had a fulfilling Halloween season, and shoutout to Christie and Kristy!

New to Los Angeles but not at all new to goth, Bob Gardner joins us to talk about being adopted into our community and all of the strange detours that led him here. As you may be able to tell, Bob is from northeastern England, has a gregarious ADHD charm, and a lot to say. We talk gothcest, transhumanism and quantum voodoo bullshit, varying degrees of Otherness, and hot takes on neurodivergence and capitalism. He tells us about clawing his way out of “the Detroit of the UK,” entering goth through Nine Inch Nails, the concept of subculture vs. counterculture, and the male gaze within goth. We end on a trauma cliffhanger, which we’ll get into in part two.

From tarot reading, to a 16 year career in dance, L Faunt is a wildly multifaceted goth, queer, Jew-witch comedian, and today they share their insights with us. They discuss being raised in a Romanian interfaith household and rejecting both religions in favor of “skeptical agnostic jewish inspired mysticism,” struggling with cultural appropriation, and the goth renaissance that is taking place in Los Angeles post-pandemic. We touch on the commodification of goth femme people, how LGBTQ+ folks are taking up the mantle in newer goth spaces, and how “woke” comedy is actually funnier. Oh, and Vesta is a terrible tarot client. Come see El perform a dance piece alongside your hosts reading poetry at Cortex Worship at North End on 9/30!

It starts with a chat about a goth pool party and ocean report, but ends with a full therapy session and a cliffhanger. This is a followup to our two-part recording with Marc Heuck, because he gave us a lot to dwell on. As goths, what is the consensus about the intersection between horror, sci-fi, and our music-based subculture? We agree that horror was once a very sexist genre, but how is that changing now, how does it affect us, and the androgynous male horror fans in our community? We discuss our relationship to processing trauma when you experience the world in a different way from others, and not knowing how to be a kid leading to acting like a kid as an adult. Heather also conducts a therapy sessions about Vesta’s parents’ temporary separation and how it influenced all of her future relationships. The word “sensitive” has too much judgmental baggage; we believe that goths are absorbent. But if you’re soaking up everyone else’s shit, is there space for your own? Fuck it, we’re going to a cat’s birthday party.