Optophobia

When Erica Knudsen inherited a massive thrift store off Highway 11 near Henderson, Nev., she had no idea she’d be immersed in a culture of cryptids, tulpas and creepypastas. But then The Thin Guy, one of her own online creations, came to life and with the help of Deep State legal representation, pursued her for copyright and trademark infringement.

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Credits:

Jasmine Jiang played Erica Knudsen. Jasmine performs with Madeline, a Washington Improv Theatre house ensemble. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @shut_up_jasmine.

Liz Sanders played Muriel Wolland. Liz also performs with Madeline.

Produced by Tim Townsend.

Theme music by Bart Warshaw.

Cover art by Claire Smalley. 

Website by Chance Griffin. 

When you grow up on a farm in the Blue Ridge mountains, two things are assured. 1) You’ll become a great swimmer, and 2) You’ll be best friends with a chicken you’ve named after yourself. Charlie (Donna Steele) was no exception, and when she grew up, she took her athletic expertise to the Deep State to train elite American athletes using medieval torture methods.

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Credits:

Donna Steele played Charlie. Donna performs with Hellcat and Colossus. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter.

Jamal Newman played Clifford Hanger. Jamal performs with Lena Dunham and NIXON. Follow him on Instagram and Twitter, and find him at jamalnewman.com.

Produced by Tim Townsend.

Theme music by Bart Warshaw.

Cover art by Claire Smalley. 

Website by Chance Griffin. 

Mike Hightower knows a thing or two about being the best at something. The king of mattress sales in the Wisconsin Dells knows more than just antimicrobial treatments, memory foam gel and edge guards. Hightower knows all about the Deep State's anti-aging technology, developed to train — and keep — experts in various functions within the Constitutional State government. Think prodigies are actually children?

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Credits:

Neil Baron played Mike Hightower. Neil performs with The Broken Bones, Goodison, and Doggington S. Wanderson. Follow him on Instagram @neirl.

Liz Sanders played Muriel Wolland. Liz performs with Madeline, a Washington Improv Theater house ensemble.

Produced by Tim Townsend.

Theme music by Bart Warshaw.

Cover art by Claire Smalley. 

Website by Chance Griffin. 

Misa Rose, hand model and owner of West Virginia photography studio Brighter Days, made a startling discovery as she began delivering negatives of her old-timey shoots to the Deep State. Its citizens are psychologically mired in the 19th century, and — seized by nostalgia — long for the days of petticoats, ruffles, flounces, top hats, waistcoats and Piccadilly Weepers.

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Credits:

Simone Webster played Misa Rose. Simone performs in Washington DC with I Don't Know Her (@idontknowherimprov), Hellcat, and Founding Fathers. Follow her on Instagram at @callmemissimoney. 

Jamal Newman played Clifford Hanger. Jamal performs with Lena Dunham and NIXON. You can follow him on Instagram and Twitter at @hell0newman, and find him at jamalnewman.com.

Produced by Tim Townsend.

Theme music by Bart Warshaw.

Cover art by Claire Smalley. 

Website by Chance Griffin. 

In 1943, Colonel Leslie R. Groves recruited 2-year-old math whiz kid Henry "Count 'Em Up" Kelly to be part of the Manhattan Project. After going on to help with the reconstruction of Europe at age 5, Kelly found himself in the Deep State (District Mary Todd), where he would eventually become CFO. But a whistleblowing episode got him banished in the 1990s, and now all Kelly wants is to find his find the secret passage back home.

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Credits:

Bam Alston played Henry Kelly. Bam performs with Washington Improv Theater house ensemble Lena Dunham. Follow him on Instagram at @bam.gram.

Liz Sanders played Muriel Wolland. Liz performs with Madeline, a Washington Improv Theater house ensemble.

Produced by Tim Townsend.

Theme music by Bart Warshaw.

Cover art by Claire Smalley. 

Website by Chance Griffin. 

One of America's pre-eminent asexual philosopher-OB/GYNs, Dr. Bert Flapp fled the life of a Manhattan One Percenter to join Doctors Without Borders. A logistics mixup sent him instead to the Deep State where he spent six years delivering the babies of those who control the U.S. federal government. His agreement to leave included a clause in which he promised to smuggle out one baby and send it over Niagara Falls in a barrel to wipe its Deep State memories.

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Credits:

Greg Tindale played Dr. Bert Flapp. Greg Tindale has performed at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theaters in New York and Los Angeles, The Second City in Chicago, The Sydney Comedy Fest in Sydney, Australia, and The Bentzen Ball Comedy Fest. His improv duo White Privilege Black Power was a finalist in the Comedy Central, Yes And Laughter Lab competition. Greg's comedic memoir, "I Guarantee You Love, Fame and Legacy" is available for purchase on Amazon. Follow him on Twitter, Instagram or visit his website GregTindale.com.

Jamal Newman played Clifford Hanger. Jamal performs with Lena Dunham and NIXON. You can follow him on Instagram and Twitter at @hell0newman, and find him at jamalnewman.com.

Produced by Tim Townsend.

Theme music by Bart Warshaw.

Cover art by Claire Smalley. 

Website by Chance Griffin. 

Even Deep State bureaucrats need the occasional morale boost. But after an hour-long, Propofol-nourished elevator ride, employee engagement consultant Vikki Ganders was as surprised as anyone to find herself leading trust fall, rope course and rap circle exercises in the 51st state. 

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Credits:

Clare Mulligan played Vikki Ganders. Clare performs with Hellcat at Washington Improv Theater. Follow her on Twitter at @kuhlayer.

Liz Sanders played Muriel Wolland. Liz performs with Madeline, a Washington Improv Theater house ensemble.

Produced by Tim Townsend.

Theme music by Bart Warshaw.

Cover art by Claire Smalley. 

Website by Chance Griffin.

Bodies are washing ashore along the banks of the Potomac, each with a mysterious "SUFTDS" painted in red across their chests. Washington News Paper reporter Sacha Miller has a theory: some Deep State residents are sending their children to the surface to save them. But there are others in the Deep State who would do anything to keep those children silent.

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Credits:

Adam Levine played Sacha Miller. Adam performs improv whenever he can, wherever he can. Find him posting things probably only he finds funny on Facebook. Reach out to him at [email protected] if you want to be notified about his shows.

Jamal Newman played Clifford Hanger. Jamal performs with Lena Dunham and NIXON. You can follow him on Instagram and Twitter at @hell0newman, and find him at jamalnewman.com.

Produced by Tim Townsend.

Theme music by Bart Warshaw.

Cover art by Claire Smalley. 

Website by Chance Griffin. 

What WOULDN'T you do for family? Like, for instance, your beloved aunt who moved "out west" to live on the land and participate in ayahuasca ceremonies until she ran out of money so had to take a job as a cleaning lady in a vast underground bunker somewhere in maybe southern Wyoming, and some vapors or fumes or just plain soot got in her lungs and ... Amber Hudgins makes the class action case against the Deep State on behalf of her beloved Aunt Krystal.
 
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Credits:

Georgina Gustin played Amber Hudgins. Follow her on Twitter at @georgina_gustin.

Liz Sanders played Muriel Wolland. Liz performs with Madeline, a Washington Improv Theater house ensemble. 

Produced by Tim Townsend.

Theme music by Bart Warshaw. 

Cover art by Claire Smalley. 

Website by Chance Griffin.

Martina Kratchlekov has worked in the New York City subway system since she was 16, and along the way she picked up information about its permanent residents: the Mole People. In the 20th century, the elite class of this underground society used parliamentary procedure and ranked-choice voting, according to Kratchlekov. Its leaders have since tunneled west to run the Deep State.

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Credits:

Molly Graham played Martina Kratchlekov. Molly performs around DC in iMusical (@imusical_improv) and The Quitters (@thequittersdc). You can also catch her onstage with Story District (@storydistrict)

Jamal Newman played Clifford Hanger. Jamal performs with Lena Dunham and NIXON. You can follow him on Instagram and Twitter at @hell0newman, and find him at jamalnewman.com.

Produced by Tim Townsend.

Theme music by Bart Warshaw.

Cover art by Claire Smalley. 

Website by Chance Griffin.