o, the Lawrences buy a 2013 Grand Cherokee shitbox - used - from a shitbag Jeep Dealer - and they buy is a couple of years old, in 2015. Henceforth, they get it serviced on time - every time - from the shitbag dealer, who bends them over in the time-honoured tradition of inflated pricing for that. Because they can.

So, this is all sounding like a really nice story - hardly worthy of my time - until one day recently when the Lawrence’s seven-slot shitheap takes its first big, steaming dump in traffic, and coasts to a halt, inelegantly, at the roadside. Yesssssss!

Non devil-worshipping Danny Lawrence takes his zombiefied Jeep back to the arsehole dealership. Things aren’t looking too bad even at this point - they’re making noises about replacing the battery.

That’s ‘only’ about $600. See what I mean about the pricing? That’s $478.41 - for a friggin battery. And almost $100 to fit it. And lubrication is extra.

Then, and this is the bit I really like, they inform Mr Lawrence the fuel pump is cactus, and - added bonus - the debris from its trouser-pooping proclivity has migrated downstream and destroyed the fuel injectors. Oops-a-daisy.

There are of course sundry additional costs associated with resolving these newfound issues:

That’ll be $47,500. Yessssssss! Let’s just call it $50k. If you’ve ever wondered why the friggin’ defibrillator in a dealership is located in the service department, that’s pretty much it.

I just checked, and the value of a 2013 Grand Cherokee Laredo is about $22,000 Shitsvillian micro-buckeroonies today. It was about $50k new. The repair cost is roughly double the current valuation.

Now, as if things couldn’t get any worse for the non devil-worshipping Lawrences. But they did. The shitbag Jeep dealership failed nicely to honour its obligations under the legislated ‘Acceptable Quality’ Consumer Guarantee, and they passed the buck smoothly back to the Death Star itself - the importer of Jeeps in here Shitsville. FCA - Fiat Chrysler Arseholes.

So, basically, the dipshit dealer advised the Lawrences to apply to Fiat Chrysler Arseholes for a quote-unquote “goodwill concession” - even though that hasn’t been part of consumer law since 2011. And, I note, Darth Vader never handed out too many of those.

It’s easier to get a refund on a fucking toaster in this country - even though the same legislation pertains to toasters and cars. Some car brands still think they’re above the law. Probably because the ACCC has no balls.

As I understand it, it is entirely illegal for dealerships (or any other retailer) to fob you off onto the importer in this way - but I’m no lawyer.

Fiat Chrysler tells the Lawrences to eff off, on the goodwill front, predictably enough.

And it gets worse, because every independent mechanic Mr Lawrence approaches runs screaming from the proposition of placing their hands upon this disaster - because Jeeps are notoriously such dodgy shitheaps to work on.

So, the once mighty Lawrence Grand Cherokee is currently zombiefied, and unlikely to return from the Twilight Zone any time soon. And none of this helps the Lawrences get from A to B on a daily basis, of course. This is a big hit for an ordinary family.

The law says products must be reasonably durable. That’s regardless of warranty status. This means (as I see it) that a well maintained car should simply not shit itself within six years if it’s been serviced properly. And if it does, this must be the manufacturer’s problem, not yours.