Palm Springs Drive Church of Christ

Series: N/A

Service: Praise and Preaching Service

Type: Sermon

Speaker: Dwayne Gandy

Overcoming the Fear of Change

Change is one of life's few guarantees.

Some people thrive on it. They enjoy trying something new, exploring new places, or starting fresh. But for most of us, change brings at least a little hesitation. Sometimes it brings genuine fear. We like what is familiar. Even if our current situation isn't perfect, we often prefer the known over the unknown.

The founders of the United States recognized this tendency long before modern psychologists gave it a name. In the Declaration of Independence they observed that people are "more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed." In other words, people often choose familiar problems over unfamiliar possibilities.

Modern research has reached much the same conclusion. We naturally prefer the status quo. We often fear losing what we already have more than we enjoy gaining something better. We avoid decisions because we're afraid of making the wrong one. Sometimes our identity becomes so wrapped up in a job, a role, or a stage of life that any change feels like losing part of ourselves.

But followers of God have a different foundation.

The Bible never promises a life without change. In fact, some of the greatest moments of faith in Scripture began with dramatic change. What God does promise is something far better than stable circumstances.

He promises His presence.

That changes everything.

The Greatest Security in Life

If there is one truth worth remembering whenever life changes, it is this:

The greatest security in life is not unchanging circumstances, but the unchanging presence of an unchanging God.

Our greatest confidence has never been found in keeping life exactly as it is.

Our confidence is found in walking with the God who never changes.

That truth runs throughout Scripture, and few stories illustrate it better than Israel standing on the edge of the Promised Land.

When Fear Chose Slavery

After generations of bitter bondage in Egypt, God miraculously delivered Israel through the ten plagues. He parted the Red Sea. He fed them with manna. He brought water from the rock. At Mount Sinai He entered into covenant with them.

Finally they arrived at the border of the land God had promised Abraham centuries earlier.

Everything had led to this moment.

Moses sent twelve spies into Canaan. Forty days later they returned carrying enormous clusters of grapes and confirming exactly what God had said.

"The land truly flows with milk and honey."

But then came the fear.

Ten spies focused on the giants.

The fortified cities.

The military strength.

"We were like grasshoppers in our own sight."

The entire nation panicked.

Numbers 14 records their astonishing response:

"If only we had died in Egypt!... Why has the Lord brought us to this land to fall by the sword?... Let us select a leader and return to Egypt."

Think about that for a moment.

They wanted to exchange freedom for slavery.

They wanted to return to bitter bondage because it felt familiar.

From our perspective, their decision seems irrational.

Why would anyone willingly choose slavery over freedom?

Yet fear often causes us to do the same thing.

We remain in unhealthy situations because they're familiar.

We refuse opportunities because they require faith.

We cling to the past because the future feels uncertain.

But was Israel's future actually uncertain?

Not at all.

God's Promise Had Never Changed

Long before Israel reached Canaan, God had already told them exactly what He intended to do.

"I send an Angel before you... I will be an enemy to your enemies... I will send My fear before you... I will drive out the inhabitants of the land."

Notice what God did not say.

He never promised Israel they would conquer Canaan by their own strength.

He promised His strength.

Their future wasn't uncertain.

Their faith was.

The problem wasn't a lack of promises.

The problem was a lack of trust in the God who made those promises.

How often is that true in our own lives?

Sometimes we become overwhelmed by what might happen tomorrow while forgetting everything God has already done yesterday.

Fear grows whenever we remember our problems more clearly than we remember God's faithfulness.

Moses Understood What Really Mattered

One of the most revealing moments in Israel's history comes after the incident with the golden calf.

God told Moses He would still give Israel the Promised Land. His angel would go before them and drive out their enemies.

But then God said something startling.

"I will not go up in your midst."

Think about that offer.

The people could still have the land.

They could still have victory.

They could still enjoy prosperity.

But they would not have God's presence.

Moses immediately recognized that something essential was missing.

"If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here." (Exodus 33:15)

Moses valued God's presence more than God's blessings.

He understood that the Promised Land was never the greatest promise.

God's presence was the promise.

The land was holy because God dwelled there.

Without Him, it was simply another piece of real estate.

That principle remains true today.

The greatest blessing in life is never a new job, a new house, better health, financial security, or even answered prayers.

The greatest blessing is that God Himself walks with His people.

If He goes with us, we have everything we need.

Joseph's Unexpected Journey

Few people experienced more unwanted change than Joseph.

At seventeen years old, life looked promising. He was his father's favorite son. God had given him dreams that hinted at an incredible future.

Then everything changed.

His brothers threw him into a pit.

They sold him into slavery.

He was carried away to Egypt.

None of that was Joseph's choice.

Looking back later, Joseph's brothers even admitted they remembered his desperate cries as he begged them not to send him away.

Yet Genesis repeatedly reminds us of one simple truth:

"The Lord was with Joseph."

God was with Joseph in his father's house.

He was with him in the pit.

He was with him in Potiphar's house.

He was with him in prison.

He was with him in Pharaoh's palace.

Eventually Joseph reached an even deeper understanding.

God had not simply accompanied him through the changes.

God had been working through the changes.

What his brothers intended for evil, God used for good.

That realization transforms the way we view change.

Sometimes God protects us through change.

Sometimes He prepares us through change.

Sometimes He positions us through change.

Sometimes He tests us through change.

But He is never absent from it.

Faith Almost Always Requires Change

One surprising pattern appears again and again throughout Scripture.

Nearly every great act of faith either required significant change or produced significant change.

Abraham left his homeland without knowing exactly where he was going.

Moses left Midian to return to Egypt.

David's life changed dramatically from shepherd to fugitive to king.

The apostles left their fishing nets to become fishers of men.

Saul of Tarsus abandoned everything to become Paul the apostle.

The prodigal son changed directions and returned home.

Jesus' first message was simple:

"Repent."

Repentance is change.

It is changing the way we think.

Changing the direction of our lives.

Changing whom we trust.

The gospel itself calls people to embrace the greatest change they will ever make.

Faith has never been about preserving the status quo.

Faith follows wherever God leads.

David's Response to Crisis

David also teaches us how to respond when change is forced upon us.

While David and his men were away, the Amalekites attacked Ziklag, burned the city, and carried away every woman and child.

When David returned, everything had changed in a single day.

His home was gone.

His family was gone.

His men's families were gone.

The soldiers wept until they had no strength left.

Then they turned their anger toward David and talked about stoning him.

It was one of the darkest moments of his life.

How did David respond?

"But David strengthened himself in the Lord his God."

Notice where David found stability.

Not in circumstances.

Not in his own abilities.

Not in public opinion.

He found strength in God's presence.

Later David wrote,

"I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved."

The circumstances around David were constantly changing.

The God beside David never changed.

Joshua and Caleb Remembered Differently

When the twelve spies returned from Canaan, all twelve saw exactly the same land.

All twelve saw the same giants.

All twelve saw the same cities.

So why did Joshua and Caleb respond differently?

It wasn't because they had better information.

It was because they had better memories.

They remembered the Red Sea.

They remembered the plagues.

They remembered the manna.

They remembered God's promises.

The other ten remembered only the obstacles.

Fear often comes from selective memory.

We remember our disappointments while forgetting God's faithfulness.

We remember yesterday's problems while overlooking yesterday's deliverances.

Before facing your next major change, spend some time remembering how faithfully God has carried you through every previous one.

The God who sustained you then has not changed.

When Change Comes

Some changes arrive without warning.

A company closes.

A diagnosis comes.

A relationship ends.

Children grow up and move away.

A loved one dies.

Those changes are beyond our control.

Other changes require decisions.

Should I change careers?

Should I move?

Should I begin this ministry?

Should I end this relationship?

Should I pursue this opportunity?

In both situations, the same principle applies.

Seek God's presence before seeking your own solution.

David strengthened himself in the Lord before asking what to do next.

Moses refused to move without God's presence.

Abraham obeyed because he trusted the One who called him.

God has never promised to reveal every detail of the road ahead.

He has promised to walk the road with us.

God's Promises Remove Our Fear

Throughout Scripture God repeatedly assures His people of His presence.

"I will be with you."

"I will never leave you nor forsake you."

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God."

Those promises matter because they replace uncertainty with confidence.

Not confidence in ourselves.

Confidence in Him.

When our identity is rooted in Christ rather than our career, our possessions, our relationships, or our accomplishments, change loses much of its power to frighten us.

A teacher may retire.

A business owner may sell the company.

Children may leave home.

Health may decline.

But none of those things change who we are in Christ.

Our identity remains secure because it rests in Someone who never changes.

Even the Greatest Change

There is one change every person eventually faces.

Death.

For the world, death often appears to be the ultimate uncertainty.

For the Christian, it is simply a different experience of God's presence.

The One who promised, "I will never leave you nor forsake you," does not withdraw that promise at the grave.

Death does not separate God's people from His presence.

It brings them into His presence in a fuller way.

That is why Christians can face even life's greatest transition with hope rather than fear.

Trust the Presence More Than the Circumstances

Change is inevitable.

Some of it will surprise us.

Some of it will hurt.

Some of it will become one of God's greatest blessings.

We rarely know which is which at the beginning.

But we do know this:

God has never asked His people to place their confidence in predictable circumstances.

He asks us to trust His faithful presence.

When change comes, remember His promises.

Remember His faithfulness.

Remember how He has carried His people throughout history.

Remember how He has carried you.

And above all, remember this truth:

The greatest security in life is not unchanging circumstances, but the unchanging presence of an unchanging God.

That is the kind of security no change can ever take away.

Series: N/A

Service: Wednesday Night

Type: Invitation

Speaker: Connor McClenny

Series: Power Passages

Service: Wed Bible Study

Type: Bible Class

Speaker: Rory Salimbene

Series: N/A

Service: Praise and Preaching Service

Type: Sermon

Speaker: Dwayne Gandy

Be Good Stewards of God's Grace

"As each one has received a gift, minister to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God." — 1 Peter 4:10

Grace is one of the most beautiful words in Scripture. We praise God for His grace because it is by grace that we have been saved. Every blessing we enjoy in Christ flows from His undeserved favor. But there is another truth about grace that we don't think about nearly as often.

God has made Christians stewards of His grace.

That is a remarkable responsibility. Peter does not say we are the source of God's grace. We do not dispense salvation or forgive sins. Only God can do that. But God has entrusted us with the privilege of showing His grace to others. We become the hands, feet, voice, and heart through which His grace is experienced every day.

That simple truth has the power to change the way we approach every relationship.

Understanding Peter's Message

First Peter is written to Christians who were suffering. Peter reminds them of the salvation they have received, teaches them how to submit to God in difficult circumstances, and encourages them to remain faithful through suffering. Throughout the letter, suffering is never far from the surface.

As Peter reaches chapter four, however, he shifts his attention from what Christians endure to how Christians should treat one another.

He writes:

"But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. And above all things have fervent love for one another, for 'love will cover a multitude of sins.' Be hospitable to one another without grumbling. As each one has received a gift, minister to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God..." (1 Peter 4:7-10).

Peter gives three practical ways Christians become good stewards of God's grace:

• Love one another fervently.
• Show hospitality without complaining.
• Use the gifts God has given to serve others.

Before looking at those applications, it helps to understand what Peter means by a steward.

What Is a Steward?

A steward was a servant entrusted with managing his master's household. He did not own the master's possessions, but he was responsible for distributing them wisely.

Joseph provides a wonderful example. Although Pharaoh owned Egypt's resources, Joseph was entrusted with administering them. The provisions belonged to Pharaoh, but Joseph distributed them for the benefit of others.

That picture helps us understand our role.

Everything we have belongs to God. Every ability, every opportunity, every blessing comes from Him. Our responsibility is to faithfully distribute what He has entrusted to us for the good of others.

Peter calls God's grace "manifold" grace.

The word carries the idea of something many-colored or multi-faceted. Just as a beautiful jewel reflects light in countless directions, God's grace meets countless needs. Human suffering is varied. Temptations are varied. Personalities are varied. Therefore, God's grace is wonderfully varied as well.

No one Christian can meet every need. God never intended that.

Instead, He has gifted His people differently so that together the body of Christ can reflect every facet of His grace. Some encourage. Some teach. Some organize. Some lead. Some quietly serve behind the scenes. Some comfort. Some give generously. Others have remarkable wisdom or unusual compassion.

The needs are many, so God's grace is many-sided.

Stewarding Grace Through Love

Peter begins with love because everything else grows out of it.

"Above all things have fervent love for one another."

That word fervent paints the picture of something stretched to its limit. This is not casual affection. It is love that keeps reaching, keeps forgiving, keeps serving, and keeps sacrificing.

It is impossible to read Peter's words without hearing the echoes of Jesus.

Peter heard Jesus repeatedly teach that loving others stands at the center of God's will. He heard Jesus identify the second great commandment: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

He heard Jesus challenge the thinking of His generation by saying,

"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies."

Then, on the night before His crucifixion, Jesus raised the standard even higher.

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you... By this all will know that you are My disciples."

That is an astonishing standard.

Jesus did not simply command us to love others. He commanded us to love the way He loved us.

Think about what Peter witnessed during those three years.

Jesus loved people everyone else ignored.

He loved people whose lives were a mess.

He loved people who misunderstood Him.

He loved people who would eventually abandon Him.

He loved people who would nail Him to a cross.

Years later, Peter understood exactly what Jesus meant. If we are going to be stewards of God's grace, our love must resemble Christ's love.

Peter adds another important statement:

"Love covers a multitude of sins."

This does not mean love ignores sin or pretends sin doesn't matter. Sin always matters.

Instead, love refuses to hold forgiven sins over someone's head forever.

God does not continually remind us of the sins He has forgiven. His grace removes them completely. When we imitate that attitude toward others, we become living demonstrations of God's grace.

Peter had learned this lesson personally.

Early in Jesus' ministry, Peter wondered if forgiving someone seven times was enough. Jesus replied, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."

Peter eventually saw Jesus carry that principle all the way to Calvary.

The cross is God's declaration that grace is bigger than our failures.

When we forgive generously, we become faithful stewards of that same grace.

Stewarding Grace Through Hospitality

Peter's second instruction is just as practical:

"Be hospitable to one another without grumbling."

The word translated "hospitality" literally means love of strangers.

Once again, Peter's words sound remarkably like Jesus.

Jesus constantly challenged His followers to care for people they did not know.

In Matthew 10 He spoke of receiving God's servants and even giving a cup of cold water in His name.

In Matthew 25 He described the final judgment by pointing to ordinary acts of compassion:

"I was hungry and you gave Me food."

"I was thirsty and you gave Me drink."

"I was a stranger and you took Me in."

"I was sick and you visited Me."

Hospitality certainly includes opening our homes, but it is much broader than that.

Hospitality notices needs.

It welcomes people.

It feeds the hungry.

It comforts the lonely.

It visits the hurting.

It sees the forgotten.

It treats strangers with dignity.

Jesus also emphasized something else that is easy to overlook.

He taught His followers not to do good simply because someone might repay them.

When you invite people who cannot repay you...

When you serve people who cannot advance your career...

When you help someone who has nothing to offer in return...

You begin reflecting the grace of God.

After all, isn't that exactly what God did for us?

He loved us when we had nothing to give Him.

Peter adds one small phrase that may be the hardest part of the entire command:

"Without grumbling."

That may be more challenging than hospitality itself.

Anyone can help while complaining.

Anyone can serve reluctantly.

Anyone can grumble about the inconvenience.

Grace doesn't do that.

God does not reluctantly pour out His blessings upon us. He delights in giving good gifts.

When we serve joyfully instead of resentfully, we become faithful stewards of His grace.

Stewarding Grace Through Our Gifts

Peter's third application may be the most personal.

"As each one has received a gift, minister to one another..."

Notice Peter's assumption.

Every Christian has received something from God that can bless someone else.

Those gifts vary tremendously.

Some people possess remarkable wisdom.

Others have extraordinary compassion.

Some have tremendous energy.

Others are gifted organizers.

Some teach.

Some encourage.

Some quietly solve problems no one else even notices.

Some have resources.

Others have time.

Still others simply know how to make hurting people feel loved.

Whatever the gift, Peter says it came from God and should be used for others.

That requires honest self-evaluation.

We often spend more time thinking about what we cannot do than identifying what God has enabled us to do.

But stewardship begins by recognizing God's gifts.

Athletes understand this principle.

Successful players know their strengths and weaknesses because they have studied themselves honestly.

Christians should do the same.

Ask yourself:

What has God uniquely equipped me to do?

How has He wired me?

What opportunities has He placed before me?

How can those abilities become channels of His grace?

Peter then divides these gifts into two broad categories.

"If anyone speaks, let him speak as the oracles of God."

"If anyone ministers, let him do it with the ability which God supplies."

Whether we speak or serve, everything points back to God.

Those who teach must teach God's words rather than their own opinions.

Those who serve must recognize that their strength ultimately comes from God.

In both cases, the goal is exactly the same:

"That in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ."

That is why Jesus repeatedly taught His disciples that greatness is measured by service.

When James and John wanted positions of honor, Jesus reminded them that true greatness belongs to servants.

"Whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant... For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

Jesus Himself became the greatest steward of God's grace.

He gave His time.

He gave His strength.

He gave His compassion.

Finally, He gave His life.

Living as Stewards Every Day

Peter's teaching becomes remarkably practical.

Imagine beginning every morning with one simple thought:

Today I am a steward of God's grace.

How would that affect our conversations?

How would it change our reactions?

How would it shape our priorities?

Instead of asking, "What do I deserve today?" we would ask, "How can I show God's grace today?"

Instead of asking, "How can others serve me?" we would ask, "How has God equipped me to serve someone else?"

There is an important distinction here.

Christians are not primarily called to be the daily distributors of God's justice.

There are times when justice must be exercised. Scripture teaches that. Church discipline has its place. Civil government has its God-given role.

But our daily calling is different.

Our daily calling is to be stewards of God's grace.

That means speaking graciously.

Forgiving generously.

Serving willingly.

Helping joyfully.

Meeting needs faithfully.

Using every gift God has entrusted to us for His glory and the good of His people.

None of us can meet every need.

God never intended for us to.

But together, as the body of Christ, each member contributes something unique. One person's encouragement combines with another person's wisdom, another's generosity, another's leadership, another's compassion, and together the manifold grace of God becomes visible.

That is Peter's vision for the church.

A family of believers, each faithfully managing the grace God has entrusted to them.

A community where love is fervent.

Hospitality is joyful.

Gifts are used selflessly.

And in everything, God receives the glory.

That is what faithful stewardship looks like.

It is not simply managing money or possessions.

It is faithfully managing the grace of God that has first been poured into our own lives—and then allowing that grace to overflow into the lives of everyone around us.

Series: N/A

Service: Sun Bible Study

Type: Bible Class

Speaker: Brian Messerli

Series: N/A

Service: Lord’s Supper Service

Type: Lord's Supper Talk

Speaker: Brian Messerli

Series: N/A

Service: Praise and Preaching Service

Type: Sermon

Speaker: Brian Messerli

Joshua 1:6-9 - Our theme for the year is based on this passage in Joshua:  Be Strong and Courageous: Moving from Fear to Faith, and every month Dwayne and I have been addressing a different fear and how to overcome it.  So far this year, we’ve talked about overcoming the fear of God’s calling, the fear of failure, fear of criticism and rejection, fear of the unknown future, fear of trusting others, and this morning we’ll be talking about the Fear of Conflict, and actually this month’s theme matches up the best with our theme passage here in Joshua 1, because the Israelites were on the brink of entering the Promised Land of Canaan, but in order to receive that Promised Land, they had to go in and fight the Canaanites in hand to hand combat, which was a serious conflict!  The Israelites wanted the land and the Canaanites wanted the land, and they couldn’t both have it, and because the Canaanites were so evil God promised to rip it from their hands and give it to Israel.

So just put yourself in the sandals of the Israelites for a second:  they were not soldiers, they had been slaves for the last 100 years, yet God is sending them into a bloody, violent conflict where they’re going to have to take up armor and swords and go to battle for this land!  I don’t know about you, but I’d be shaking in my sandals because that’s a terrifying conflict!  And I think most of them WERE terrified which is why God tells them “Be strong and courageous!  For the Lord God is with you wherever you go!”

Now, gratefully God is not calling us to go to fight anyone today, but we’re still going to face conflict in our lives when what we want doesn’t match up with what someone else wants and we clash because of it!  And even though it’s not physical warfare, relational conflicts can be scary too!

Why Conflict Seems so Scary!

• They may blow up on me! Proverbs 9:7-8 - If someone wrongs us, we may fear if we approach them about it, they’ll lash out at us and insult us, cutting us with an emotional sword!  Instead of taking ownership of what they did wrong, they may turn it around and blame us for it!
• I don’t know how to approach it!  Proverbs 15:1 - Sometimes we’re afraid of conflict because we don’t know what to say and we’re worried we’ll just make it worse!  This won’t be the focus of this morning’s sermon, but if you want practical tools for what to say and how to approach conflict, I addressed this in a sermon last year called “The Right Response to Conflict.”
• They may reject me completely!  Galatians 4:16 - Even worse than insults, we may be afraid they’ll reject us and someone who used to be our friend may treat us like we’re their enemy now.
• I fear people more than I fear God!  John 9:22 - We may be terrified to offend someone because even though God tells us we need to confront people sometimes, we just want to make sure no one in our lives is ever upset with us, we don’t ever want to rock the boat, we don’t want to make anyone feel awkward or embarrassed, and so we just placate and pretend like everything’s fine.
• Now in fairness, our fear of conflict isn’t always just cowardice.  Sometimes it comes from our childhood where we may have learned at an early age conflict isn’t safe.  If you ever voiced a different opinion or expressed your feelings or tried to set boundaries and your parents told you to “shut your mouth,” or they belittled or ignored you, that taught you at an early age not to make waves, but to just keep the peace.  Or if you observed your parents not handling conflict well, fighting with angry outbursts, giving each other the cold shoulder, slamming doors, verbally or physically abusing each other or maybe one of them filed for divorce and left because of conflict, it may have taught you in your most formative years to believe conflict is terrifying and it leads to violence and abandonment.
  • And some people are so scared of conflict, they’ll become a chameleon, adapting themselves to whatever social situation they’re in so no one will ever notice they’re different because differences lead to conflict.  So if their girlfriend said they liked a movie, even if they didn’t like the movie they’ll say they liked it too to avoid conflict.  If a cashier at the grocery store doesn’t give them the right change, even if it’s off by a lot, they’ll stay quiet and move on.  If a co-worker isn’t doing what they’re supposed to, even though it’s costing the company money and making work harder for everyone else, they’ll just let it go.  I knew a girl in college who had a roommate that moved out of their apartment early and for some reason she took all this girl’s pots and pans with her when she left.  And this girl was kind of distraught about it, and I said to her, “Did you ask her why she took your pans?”  And she said, “No, and I don’t really want to mention it.”  Now, I could see if the girl who took the pans was a psycho or something, but I knew that other girl too and she was a very sweet and level headed girl, so I knew it was just an accident.  But this girl refused to even mention it to her for fear of conflict and meanwhile she has no pans to cook with and she was struggling with resentment.  And while these are relatively minor examples, if we’re afraid of minor conflicts, how much more afraid will we be of the major ones involving sin?
    • Matthew 18:15 - For some, this verse feels like the Israelites standing on the edge of Canaan called to take up arms!  It’s terrifying!  How in the world am I supposed to confront someone who sinned against me Jesus?  Do I really have to?  Can’t I just send someone else?  Can’t I just tell the elders and let them deal with it?  Can’t I just ignore it?   
      • If you’re struggling with the fear of conflict this morning, you are not alone.  I don’t like conflict either and I tend to do whatever I can to avoid it.  Sadly, I spent many years of my life as a chameleon so this sermon is for me too.  And what I’ve realized is that it’s not conflict itself that’s scary; it’s the stories we tell ourselves about conflict that make it scary.  Stories like, “Conflict should never happen.  It leads people to hate each other and abandon each other, and it’s best to be avoided at all costs.”  Those are lies from Satan, and this morning I want us to consider 4 truths about conflict that will help us overcome our fear of it.

1. Avoiding Conflict Makes Everything Worse

• Proverbs 27:5-6 - If you were to get a cancer diagnosis, I highly doubt you’d say, “You know what, I’ll just do nothing and maybe it’ll go away on its own.”  No way!  You’d want to do whatever you could, no matter how painful, to eradicate it from your body!  Likewise, unresolved conflict is like a cancer to our hearts and relationships; it doesn’t just go away on its own, it metastasizes and gets worse over time and has to be dealt with!  And even though chemo therapy and radiation and other cancer treatments are scary, we should be FAR more afraid of avoiding treatment than we are of facing it because avoiding treatment makes everything worse.  The same is true with conflict.  It can be scary, but we should be FAR more afraid of avoiding conflict than addressing conflict because avoiding it makes everything worse.
  • For instance, in the time of the Judges, there was a high priest named Eli whose two sons Hophni and Phineas, served as priests under him, and they were committing horrible atrocities by stealing the fat portions from the sacrifices that belonged to God, and they were sleeping with the women who served at the tabernacle.  And while Eli didn’t avoid conflict completely and did say SOMETHING to them about it, it was extremely passive and basically like, “Guys, what are you doing?  Don’t you know this isn’t right?” And then when they ignored him, he just let it go.  This would be like a parent whose kids are destroying the furniture, spitting in the faces of their guests when they come over, and getting in fights in school, and the parents say, “Now boys, you know this isn’t proper behavior,” and when the boys laugh at their parents and keep doing it anyway, the parents say, “Well, we tried.”  No, this is avoiding conflict, and because of it God curses Eli and his household!
    • 1 Samuel 3:13 - By avoiding conflict, it just made everything worse for Eli and his sons, AND for all of Israel because in the next chapter, Eli’s sons were largely responsible for the fact that they lost the Ark of the Covenant to the Philistines.  And then Eli’s sons were killed, the priesthood was ripped from Eli’s family completely and given to someone else, and then Eli died.
      • Instead of just verbally slapping them on the wrist, Eli should have, at the very least, had his sons removed from the priesthood to stop them from profaning God!
    • Well, later something similar happens with David because after his son Amnon violated his sister Tamar, David got angry, but he didn’t really do anything about it, and his brother Absalom was furious about it.
      • 2 Samuel 13:22-23a - Instead of dealing with this conflict immediately, Absalom avoided it for 2 full years, which only gave him time to seethe with hatred and resentment until eventually he murdered his brother.
        • When we come to the New Testament, the Corinthians had a church member actively living in sin, but instead of removing this evil man from their midst, they just let it continue.
          • 1 Corinthians 6:6-7a - They’re avoiding conflict and Paul knows the longer they let this man live in sin, the more his sinful behavior is going to spread to the rest of the congregation.
• When we avoid conflict thinking it’ll all work itself and get better on it’s own, the opposite happens and it gets worse for all parties involved, so we should far more afraid to avoid it than to address it!
  • If a husband makes wise cracks about his wife when they’re out socializing, the wife may ignore it hoping it’ll get better, but then when he keeps doing it, it’s just going to build resentment in her and she may start being passive aggressive, hitting him with the silent treatment or refusing intimacy, and then he starts to be resentful towards her and the conflict gets worse!  Instead of avoiding it, the wife should tell her husband how much it hurts her when he jokes about her with their friends.  It’s painful, it’s an uncomfortable conversation, but discomfort is the only way forward in conflict, and the only way to avoid FAR worse discomfort later, for everyone involved.  Cancer treatments are extremely uncomfortable, but they save you from far worse discomfort later, so embrace the discomfort now and eradicate conflict as soon as you can.
    • Same with husbands who avoid confronting their wives because they just don’t want to fight; it only leads to worse fights later.  Same with parents who avoid conflict with their kids and don’t discipline them, it makes things worse for the child because it sets them up for a lifetime of misbehavior, and worse for the parents because raising an unruly child only gets harder over time.  The same is true for bosses who have an employee who’s not living up to the proper work standards.  If the boss is too afraid to address it, the employee is just going to continue losing the company money, making work harder for their co-workers, and instead of advancing and getting promotions, it’ll keep the employee stuck in the same spot their whole lives.  If shepherds in a church or even the regular members are afraid to confront a brother or sister living in sin because it’s awkward and maybe makes us feel too judgy, it only makes things worse for the member living in sin because they’re putting themselves deeper under the judgment of God and they might be negatively influencing other members of the church too.
      • There’s a common thread in all these examples:  avoiding conflict is selfish.  It’s all about me and my own self-preservation because I just don’t want to be uncomfortable.  It’s not about the well-being of the other person at all.  One writer said, “Fear protects self.  Love protects souls.  Fear asks, ‘What will happen to me if I speak?’  Love asks, ‘What will happen to them if I don’t?”
        • That’s why Proverbs 27:6 says when we give people kisses instead of rebuking them, it’s not an act of love; it’s an act of betrayal by an enemy.  Because it makes everything worse for them.

2.  Conflict is Required for Closeness

• Do you know who we have the least conflict with?  Strangers.  People we don’t know and aren’t close to at all.  Why?  Because conflict happens when our goals, desires, expectations, thoughts, feelings, and personality differences clash with someone else’s.  God created us to be social and to live together in families and communities and churches, and in order to do that, we have to find a way to get along despite these differences, and the closer we get to people relationally, the more these clashes are not just inevitable, but required in order live together in peace and get along with each other in community.   With strangers, we don’t have to worry about getting along despite our differences because we have no relationship with them.  Which is why you may have said this yourself or heard others say it: “You know what?  I’m tired of conflict and drama, so I’m going to go live off grid by myself in the woods.”  Well it’s true, if you go live by yourself, you won’t have any relational conflicts anymore, but now you have a new problem:  loneliness.  At first it may feel like blissful solitude, but because God made us to be social and to live in community, it’ll eventually become miserable and you’ll find yourself having conversations with a volleyball named Wilson.
  • I think this is great news and incredibly helpful for overcoming the fear of conflict!  Because many times we think the opposite is true; we’re afraid of conflict because we think it’ll make people leave us.  But conflict is what makes it possible for people to stay!  It’s avoiding conflict that pushes people away and leaves us all alone.
    • Proverbs 28:23 - It may seem counterintuitive, but when we address a conflict with someone, we’re communicating to them that we value them and want to be in close relationship with them!  We’re saying, “Look, I want us to get along, but we’re clashing right now.  How can we work through this together?”  Or if the person is living in sin, we’re saying, “Look, I care about you and this path you’re on is not good for your soul and for your relationship with God and others.”  While it’s true they may get upset about that initially, if they’re wise, they’ll realize in time you were just looking out for them because you want close relationship with them, so conflict resolution is an amazing tool given to us by God for social cohesion.
      • God doesn’t tell us to address conflict in the Bible because He just wants us to be super judgy.  No, He did it because He wants us to live in peace with one another in community, and conflict isn’t just inevitable in close relationships, it’s 100% necessary and vital to our relationships because the only way to have close relationships is to take all of our conflicting desires, thoughts, feelings, expectations, and personality differences and find a way to fit them together with those of others!  And there’s going to be some clashes.  Illustration:  I don’t know how many of you know how to drive a manual transmission, but you may remember your parents driving one, and if you want things to go smoothly, the gears have to be aligned just right and sometimes you’d hear this awful grinding sound when the gears weren’t aligned and you had to be patient and readjust and make sure the shifter was in the right spot to make it smooth again.  That’s how it is with us as we try to align ourselves with each other in relationship.  There may be some unpleasant grinding along the way, but that’s just part of the process of aligning ourselves in community.
        • Think about it this way:  Do you realize almost all of the 66 books of the Bible were written by God to resolve conflict with us?  Why?  Because He wants closer relationship with us.  If He was content to live by Himself without us and for us to be strangers to Him, He could have avoided all this conflict and drama.  But because He wants to get along and live in community with us forever, conflict is not only inevitable, it’s required because in our sinfulness we have different goals, desires, thoughts, and feelings than God does, and the only way for us to stop grinding and clashing is for us to align ourselves with Him!  That’s why God sent prophets to write the books of the Bible to say, “Look I am your Creator and I want a relationship with you, and because I love you I can’t let you go on living this way because your sin is obstructing the closeness of your relationship with Me and Your neighbors!”
          • Hosea 12:1, 4 - While being in conflict with God is not good at all, the fact there is conflict is a sign that He cares and wants to love us freely in relationship without any grinding obstructions.  Likewise, while it’s painful and uncomfortable to be in conflict with people we love, instead of fearing it as some terrible awful thing to be avoided at all costs, let’s realize it’s simply what’s required for closeness, and the more we address our conflicts, the closer we’ll draw to God and each other.

3.  Conflict is an Opportunity for Growth

• In 3 areas:
  • 1) To learn more about myself.
    • James 4:1 - Last year, Dwayne preached a great sermon called “The root of conflict,” and it’s sobering to realize sometimes when we’re in conflict, the problem is me.  Conflict is a great opportunity to examine our own hearts, to pray to God to help us see if there’s a log in our own eye, and in the process we might learn we’re just being stubborn and prideful, or maybe we’re being unfairly critical, or we’re over-reacting because we just want to make this person pay.  Even if the conflict is justified, we may learn, “Wow, I’m actually not very good at navigating conflict, I have a tendency to raise my voice and I sound really accusatory, I need to work on that.”  You may learn that instead of approaching people face to face, you tend to just send text messages, and it only makes things worse because texts can be misinterpreted.  Conflict can become a mirror showing us where we need to grow spiritually.
  • 2) To learn more about my neighbor.
    • Proverbs 20:5 - Have you ever addressed a conflict with someone, and their explanation for why they did what they did completely surprised you, and maybe you said, “Wow, I never knew you felt that way.”  People’s hearts and minds are so deep and human behavior is very complex.  But sometimes when we’re in conflict, we tell ourselves, “I know why they did it, it’s because they must hate me.”  We like to give simple explanations, but when we actually have a conversation with them to address the conflict, we usually find out we were WAY off base, and in the process we get to learn more about how our loved ones think, how they feel, what their goals and desires and expectations are, and as we learn more about them, it helps us draw closer to them in the end.
      • Isn’t it true in the case of almost every Sitcom ever made, that in each episode there’s some major conflict that puts the characters at odds, then by the end of the show when the conflict is resolved, it actually brings everyone closer together?  That’s what facing conflict does; it may feel like we’re pushing our loved ones away because it’s uncomfortable, but we’re actually pulling them closer as we draw out more knowledge and understanding from the deep well of their heart.  That’s why a great way to start a conversation addressing conflict is, “Can you help me understand something?”
  • 3) To learn more about God.
    • Ephesians 4:32-5:1a - Every conflict with my neighbor is a reminder of my conflict with God because of my sin, and it’s an opportunity for me to remind myself how God handles His conflicts with me.  It reminds me of His patience, His forgiveness, His grace, His understanding, His sacrifice of His right to scream and shout and destroy me, and His desire to be reconciled in relationship with me no matter the cost to Himself.  And every conflict gives me the opportunity to imitate Him, and in doing so, I glorify Him and I learn more about Him than I do from just reading the Bible.  It’s one thing to read about God’s patience; it’s another to imitate that patience in our own lives; that goes beyond intellectual knowledge into experiential knowledge, and we end up growing closer, not just to our neighbor with whom we are in conflict, but to God as well in the process.

4.  We Can Handle any Conflict with God on our Side

• Joshua 1:9 - Courage is not the absence of fear; it’s faith that God will be with us and deliver us despite our fear.  On some level, conflict will always be scary and unpleasant.  But I’ll tell you this:  it’s nowhere near as scary and unpleasant as having to take up arms and go to war like the Israelites did.  And if the Lord could get them through their fear of violent combat, He can absolutely get us through our fear of uncomfortable conversations.  For Israel, it was only by facing their fear and moving forward in faith that they got to reap the blessings of a land flowing with milk and honey; the same is true for us.  It’s only by moving forward and facing our fear of conflict by faith that we’ll reap the blessings of restored relationships and deeper love between our neighbor and God.  So before every conflict, pray to God that He’ll be with you through it, no matter what happens.
  • And far more terrifying than anything the Israelites faced, Jesus faced the greatest conflict of all; the one between God and Satan, and between God and us who aligned ourselves with Satan.
  • Romans 5:8 - If there’s anyone who could have allowed fear to keep Him from addressing conflict, it would be Jesus, because facing this conflict would require His death on a cross. Yet He showed us what it looked like to live every day by faith in God to bring Him through the fear of this conflict because He knew if He avoided it and pretended it would just go away, it would have made everything worse and the whole world would be lost.  He knew as terrible as this conflict between us and God was, it was required for our closeness, and it became an opportunity for Him to grow and to learn obedience by the things which He suffered, and most importantly an opportunity for us to learn things about God we never knew before, like the depths of His love for us.  And if Jesus could go to the cross to resolve His conflict with us, we can take up our cross like Him and face conflicts with each other — because as scary as it may be, Jesus showed us it’s worth it for love and with faith that God is on our side, we can face any conflict that comes our way.

Series: N/A

Service: Sun Bible Study

Type: Bible Class

Speaker: Phil Story

Series: N/A

Service: Lord’s Supper Service

Type: Lord's Supper Talk

Speaker: Dwayne Gandy

They Needed the Failure

Throughout Jesus' resurrection appearances, one truth becomes increasingly clear: He knew exactly what each person needed.

Mary Magdalene needed to hear her name. The two disciples on the road to Emmaus needed a long walk with Jesus while He patiently explained the Scriptures. Thomas needed to see the wounds in Jesus' hands and side. Every appearance met a specific need at a specific moment.

When Jesus appeared to His disciples by the Sea of Galilee, He met another need—one that may surprise us.

They needed to fail.

Before His arrest, Jesus told His disciples that they would all be scattered. Quoting the prophet Zechariah, He said, "I will strike the Shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered." But He also promised them something else. After He was raised from the dead, He would go before them into Galilee.

After the resurrection, both the angels at the empty tomb and Jesus Himself reminded the disciples to meet Him there. The appearances in Jerusalem had already accomplished one important purpose. Jesus had proven beyond doubt that He was alive. The disciples had seen Him, spoken with Him, and even examined the wounds in His hands and side. Now it was time for something different. It was time for the Shepherd to gather His sheep and prepare them for the work that lay ahead.

When John 21 opens, seven of the disciples are together by the Sea of Galilee. Peter announces, "I am going fishing," and the others decide to go with him.

Some have suggested that Peter was giving up on following Jesus and returning to his old occupation. The text doesn't really point in that direction. Peter had already seen the risen Lord several times. He knew Jesus was alive. More likely, the disciples simply needed food or money while they waited in Galilee. Fishing was what they knew, and Peter naturally returned to the work he had done most of his life.

So they pushed the boat away from shore and fished through the night.

They caught nothing.

For most of us, that may not seem like a big deal. We think of fishing as recreation. We cast a line into the water, wait for a bite, and enjoy the day whether we catch anything or not.

That wasn't the kind of fishing these men were doing.

Commercial fishing required hard physical labor. Heavy nets had to be cast into the water, pulled back into the boat, and cast again. These disciples had spent the last three years traveling with Jesus rather than working those nets every day. Imagine spending an entire night repeating that exhausting process over and over without catching a single fish.

Every time they pulled in the nets, they were empty.

Every effort failed.

Whatever reason they had gone fishing—to find food, earn money, or simply occupy the time while waiting for Jesus—none of it worked.

By morning they had accomplished nothing.

Then everything changed.

A man stood on the shore and called out, asking if they had caught anything.

"No," they answered.

He told them to cast the net on the right side of the boat.

When they obeyed, the nets immediately filled with so many fish they could hardly bring them into the boat.

John recognized what had happened first.

"It is the Lord."

The moment Peter heard those words, he jumped into the water and swam toward shore while the others slowly brought the boat and the overflowing nets behind them.

When they reached land, they found Jesus waiting beside a charcoal fire with fish already cooking and bread prepared for them. He invited them to bring some of the fish they had just caught and then welcomed them to sit down and eat with Him.

Everything about this appearance was intentional.

Jesus could have filled their nets at any point during the night.

He could have met them before they ever launched the boat.

Instead, He allowed them to spend an entire night failing.

Why?

Because they needed the failure.

Failure has a way of teaching lessons that success often cannot.

Peter had spent much of his life on that lake. If anyone knew how to catch fish, it was Peter. Yet all of his experience, knowledge, and effort produced absolutely nothing.

Sometimes failure reminds us that we are no longer relying on ourselves.

Perhaps Peter needed to be reminded that fishing was no longer his primary calling. Years earlier, on this same sea, Jesus had called him to leave his nets behind and become a fisher of men. Now, after the resurrection, another miraculous catch of fish reminded him once again that his future was not ultimately found in fishing boats and nets.

His future was found in following Jesus.

The empty nets also reminded the disciples how helpless they really were without the Lord.

They had worked all night without success.

The moment they obeyed Jesus, they had more fish than they could handle.

What a powerful contrast.

Without Jesus, the boat remained empty.

With Jesus, it overflowed.

It is difficult not to think about Jesus' earlier teaching that apart from Him they could do nothing. That lesson became very real on the Sea of Galilee. Their own efforts had accomplished nothing, but the Lord accomplished in a moment what they could not accomplish through an entire night's work.

The disciples also needed time to reflect.

An entire night on the Sea of Galilee must have brought back countless memories.

Perhaps they remembered the first miraculous catch of fish when Jesus called them to follow Him.

Perhaps they remembered the terrifying storm when Jesus spoke and the wind and waves became perfectly calm.

Perhaps they remembered the night Jesus came walking across the water toward their boat.

Every cast of the net may have reminded them of another moment spent with Jesus on that same lake.

Now they were waiting once again.

Waiting for the risen Lord.

Waiting to learn what He meant when He told them that just as the Father had sent Him, He was sending them.

Waiting to understand what life would look like from this point forward.

Sometimes quiet moments of waiting become opportunities for reflection. Jesus allowed His disciples to spend an entire night remembering who He was and everything they had experienced together before He revealed Himself once again.

There is another detail in this account that is easy to overlook.

John tells us they caught 153 large fish.

Why include that number?

Because details matter.

Those disciples would never forget that morning.

If anyone ever questioned whether they had truly seen the risen Christ, they could remember the overflowing nets, the charcoal fire, the bread, the fish, and even the exact number of fish they had dragged to shore.

These were not vague memories.

They were unforgettable moments anchored by specific details.

Finally, they needed the meal.

After everything that had happened over the previous days—the crucifixion, the fear, the uncertainty, the resurrection, and the waiting—Jesus simply invited them to eat breakfast with Him.

What a beautiful picture.

The Shepherd had gathered His sheep again.

The One who had died was alive.

The relationship had not ended.

The mission was about to continue.

That meal must have remained in their hearts for the rest of their lives.

Every first day of the week, Christians gather around another meal.

Like those disciples, we come because we need Jesus.

Sometimes we need to remember the day we first came to Him, when His blood washed away every sin and we became part of God's family.

Sometimes we need to remember the ways He has carried us through difficult seasons of life.

Sometimes we need to be reminded that our own strength, wisdom, and effort are never enough.

And sometimes we simply need to spend time with the One who gave His life for us.

The disciples came to shore with empty nets and empty hands.

Jesus filled both.

We come to the Lord's table remembering that our souls were once empty because of sin. We could never fill that emptiness ourselves. No amount of effort, goodness, or determination could remove our guilt.

But Jesus could.

Through His death, burial, and resurrection, He accomplished what we never could. His sacrifice filled what our sin had emptied.

Just as those disciples needed breakfast with the risen Lord beside the Sea of Galilee, we need this weekly reminder of His love, His grace, and His victory.

Sometimes we need success.

Sometimes we need encouragement.

And sometimes, before we can truly appreciate either one, we need the failure that reminds us just how completely we depend on Jesus.

Series: N/A

Service: Praise and Preaching Service

Type: Sermon

Speaker: Brian Messerli