Don't listen to the creepy old man across the road. Invest in a fence. Don't go rock climbing to bury a loved one. We're streaming this on Amazon. Grab a shovel, cross your fingers, and hope it works this time.

If you hear a rumor about a shitty movie, don't watch it. Especially if they say it's a student film. We're streaming this on Netflix. So grab your VCRs, a blank VHS tape, and a glass of water from the well.

Be nice to the nerds because they're not always an Angel in disguise. Karma's a bitch. We're streaming this on Amazon. Grab your Valentine and a box of chocolates. Happy Valentine's day!

Don't walk through the woods at night if you don't want to come across something scary...you know, like a werewolf. We're streaming this on Amazon. Grab your drinks and silver bullets.

1. Don't buy birthday gifts from bums in an alley. 2. Always check the batteries. 3. If it's below the knee, kick with everything you've fucking got. We're streaming this on Netflix. So grab your drinks and aim for the heart. Wanna play?

Watch out for crazy old nosy couples. Behind the wrinkles are devil worshiping assholes who are after just one thing. We're streaming this on Netflix. Grab your condoms and tannis root shots.

If you have a school project that requires you to go into the woods, just take the F. We're streaming this on Amazon. Grab your drinks, GPS, and cell phone.

What do you do when a vampire moves into your neighborhood and onto your girl? You invite him over for a stake dinner! STAB! We're streaming this on Amazon. Grab your crosses and a shot of holy water.

New Year's special! Don't bully the nerds because revenge is sweet. We're streaming this on Amazon. Grab your frat buddies for a night of magical terror.

Do you believe in Santa? If you love your family, you better. We're streaming this on Amazon. Keep your fire burning, grab your eggnog and a sack of demonic toys, and get ready for Krampus to town. Merry Xmas from Pam and Teri.