By Irina Gonzalez from Parenting in Hard Mode
5
2020 ratings
The podcast currently has 36 episodes available.
Welcome! Parenting in Hard Mode is a community and safe space for BIPOC, LGBTQIA+, neurodivergent, and differently-abled parents who are raising Gen Alpha kids (born 2010-2024) and nurturing social justice-minded families—all while taking care of our mental health. Allies welcome, too. Please subscribe to connect with fellow parents through empathy and compassion. Let’s build our virtual village together.
Growing up, I always felt like I was “different” than other kids.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m an immigrant (my family came to the U.S. just after my 8th birthday), have a unique background (half Russian, half Cuban), or if even back then I had a subconscious understanding that I’m queer and neurodivergent.
Or perhaps it’s just a little bit of childhood trauma due to being parented by a narcissist who early on called me “weird,” the “black sheep of the family,” and often wondered why I couldn’t be “normal.”
As a teen, I rebelled against those labels thrown on me by the people who supposedly love me unconditionally (hint: not a possibility for narcissists) by instead embracing my weirdness, the things that made me unique, and constantly saying that normal doesn’t exist.
I even came out as bisexual to my family and friends when I was 16 years old in 2002, something that my friends embraced and my parents got angry about and then pretty much ignored. (I wouldn’t know I’m neurodivergent until age 35.)
Basically, all the positive things I said about the things that made me “different” fell on deaf ears at home, but I embraced them nonetheless. As soon as I could, I escaped my hometown of southwest Florida to go to college in New York City—and I found my people and myself there.
Being different was a strength there, and finding community with other Latinx people, with other queer people, with other different people was easy. It’s where I felt most at home and still do. But life circumstances took me out of the city that I’ll always call home after 12 happy years, and it’s now been eight years since I truly felt like I belonged where I lived.
Leaving New York was the right decision but one that still pains me—especially because living in another big city isn’t an option either. For a while, I lived in my suburb-without-an-urban-area-nearby hometown in Florida—where I met and fell in love with my husband and had our child—and now live outside of Denver. Close enough that it’s not difficult to visit but far enough that going to the city needs to be planned out and, well, I kinda need a good reason to do.
“I’m stuck in the burbs” is something I’ve often said to my closest friends, most of whom still live in NYC. Or “I’m in suburban hell” when I’m having a particularly frustrating day feeling not quite like myself.
My feelings about leaving New York are still complicated and there are still many things I grieve about my life there—many of which involve the diverse communities I was a part of while living there. Whether it was singing karaoke at Marie’s Crisis while spotting Danny Strong joining in nearby or attempting to try every single burger at Burger Bash during NYC Wine & Food Festival back when it was hosted by Bobby Flay or taking the N train through three boroughs to visit Flushing Chinatown and my favorite panaderia in Sunset Park all in one day, there is just something about the city that I haven’t found anywhere else.
And as I recently realized in therapy, NYC was probably a spectacular place to live in as someone with undiagnosed Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
There are a million things I can think of off the top of my head that made my life in my 20s pretty perfect for my ADHD brain—and almost all of those things are not possible in my life today. I don’t regret where my life has taken me or the way my chosen family changed over the years, but I still miss the things that made me feel the most “me” back then.
Even more so, I miss living in a place where I felt safe, loved, and understood for all of the things that made me “different.” It’s places like this where belonging feels like a part of the city’s DNA, and it seeps deep into your soul. Even for all of the hardships that come with living in one of the most expensive places in the world (and trust me, there are many), I left my heart in New York City.
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As I'm sure you can imagine, living in the suburbs in my 30s has been a completely different experience.
It’s not like it has been a nightmare or anything. But the older I get, the more I realize that the reason life has been just fine for me in the ‘burbs is because I can easily pass. I can pass as straight since I am in a heterosexual relationship. I can pass as white because I am a very light-skinned Latina. I can pass as neurotypical since I spent my entire life masking without knowing it.
But after living so much of my life embracing all of my weirdness, passing as just another stereotypical white working mom living in the suburbs is just plainly killing my soul a little bit.
I know that not everyone needs to live their truth, their identities, their life out loud, but I do.
I didn't go to school for journalism, work my ass off for the last 18+ years as a storyteller, and leave the city of my heart in order to get (and stay) sober just to end up the black sheep of the family again.
Which brings me to this shirt…
I found this shirt a couple of weeks ago when I was browsing through funny Mother’s Day gifts (yes, really). Lately, I’ve been discussing in therapy some of these issues related to me being triple marginalized and invisible on all sides, and today I mentioned this shirt to my therapist.
“Well, you’ll need to figure out if you want to work on adjusting to your current reality and where you live or if you want to work on integrating more of your unicorn self into your life in the suburbs,” they said.
“Oh, I definitely want to be a unicorn in the suburbs,” I replied.
I don’t yet know what this’ll mean or how I’ll accomplish it, but one of the reasons that I started Parenting in Hard Mode is to connect with fellow parents who live “outside the norm,” those of us who are “different” (aka those of us who come from historically underrepresented communities) as we parent our kids—and especially as we help our kids grow into wonderful little human beings.
Personally, I want to raise a little feminist who’s anti-racist, queer-friendly, embraces neurodiversity, and generally is loving, kind, and accepting of the wonderful differences in all of us. To do that, I need to remember to show myself that love, kindness, and acceptance.
And to do that, I need to also remember who I am and be proud of these facets of my identity—and for me, I feel the most proud when I can visibly and loudly express who I am.
So… I guess I’m ready to be a unicorn in suburbia. That shirt’s already on the way.
Everyone’s experience of living their identities out loud is different. How do you express yourself and your individuality/uniqueness at home, at work, in your community? I’d love to hear from all of you!
Abrazos,
Your friendly neighborhood bisexual Latina mom with ADHD raising a Gen Alpha kid
Ready for some real talk about navigating mental health as a parent? In episode 2 of the new Mommy Needs Therapy podcast, journalist Irina Gonzalez tackles the difficulties that parents face in trying to follow the "put your oxygen mask on first" advice. Let's face it: It's not easy to steal a moment of alone time when your toddler is clinging to your leg and demanding attention. But as parents who need a little time away to be our best selves, what can we do to show our kids we love them... while also finding time to breathe.
Follow host Irina Gonzalez @msirinagonzalez on Instagram for more.
Ready for some real talk about navigating mental health as a parent? In episode 1 of the new Mommy Needs Therapy podcast, journalist Irina Gonzalez takes you on the journey of how she received her mental health diagnosis at age 29 — in the worst way possible. Tackling taboo issues like alcohol use disorder, dealing with societal stigma, and what it means to have a co-occurring disorder. Plus, we introduce two new segments: "Mom Guilt" Moment of the Week and Realistic Self-Care Tip for Parents.
Follow host Irina Gonzalez @msirinagonzalez on Instagram for more.
Irina Gonzalez, journalist, toddler mom, and the host talks with three-time return guest Kelly Fitzgerald Junco. She is a writer and sobriety advocate. In her previous two episodes, she talked with us about pregnancy anxiety and postpartum grief. This time, she comes on to give us an update about what the past year of the pandemic has been like while living in Florida, the difficulty of finding a daycare that fits her family's safety requirements, and what it's like to work on accepting your postpartum body during a pandemic.
Please take the Pandemic Parenting in 2022 survey to share what's been going on in your life and don't forget to sign up for the Pandemic Mama newsletter for more.
Plus, make sure you follow us on Instagram at @pandemicmamapod for updates, join the Pandemic Mama Podcast Facebook group to connect with other parents who have had a baby in the past couple of years, and email your questions to [email protected].
March 11, 2022, officially marks the two-year anniversary of the World Health Organization declaring COVID-19 a pandemic. In this special retrospective episode, host Irina Gonzalez, a journalist and toddler mom, catches up with some of our favorite podcast guests to see what they have been up to in 2021. Check out how parents who had babies in 2020 are feeling today, whether we've all been able to avoid getting COVID, how our pandemic toddlers are doing, the exhaustion and isolation that still exists for many of us, and who had a second baby in 2021! Plus, check out previous episodes with these guests:
Please take the Pandemic Parenting in 2022 survey to share what's been going on in your life and don't forget to sign up for the Pandemic Mama newsletter for more.
Plus, make sure you follow us on Instagram at @pandemicmamapod for updates, join the Pandemic Mama Podcast Facebook group to connect with other parents who have had a baby in the past couple of years, and email your questions to [email protected].
Season 2 of Pandemic Mama is here! Irina Gonzalez, journalist, toddler mom, and the host gives us an update on why the podcast disappeared for almost an entire year and what she's been up to since. In this episode, Irina discusses moving cross-country during the pandemic, feeling hopeful about the vaccine and then hopeless as COVID variants struck, and the mental health struggles of a parent with a child under five years old. Plus, a look at what Season 2 is all about.
Please take the Pandemic Parenting in 2022 survey to share what's been going on in your life and don't forget to sign up for the Pandemic Mama newsletter for more.
Plus, make sure you follow us on Instagram at @pandemicmamapod for updates, join the Pandemic Mama Podcast Facebook group to connect with other parents who have had a baby in the past couple of years, and email your questions to [email protected].
Our first return guest! Irina talks with Kelly Fitzgerald Junco, a writer and blogger behind The Sober Señorita, and a new mom who first appeared in Episode 4 of Pandemic Mama. They talked about her birth story, figuring out breastfeeding, and the many forms of grief she is dealing with today. Plus, how she is getting used to her postpartum body after being an athlete for the past several years.
Join the Pandemic Mama Podcast Facebook group to connect with other parents having babies in 2020 and 2021, follow us on Instagram at @pandemicmamapod for updates, and email your questions to [email protected].
Irina talks with Adam, an engineer, amateur podcast editor, new dad, and her husband! They talked about the stress he felt in the last weeks of pregnancy, what happened during the birth from his perspective, and how this last year has been with their baby Rio. Plus, all of the decision fatigue and how they have conquered baby sleep issues. Sort of.
Join the Pandemic Mama Podcast Facebook group to connect with other parents having babies in 2020 and 2021, follow us on Instagram at @pandemicmamapod for updates, and email your questions to [email protected].
In this very special episode of the Pandemic Mama podcast, Irina asked some of the past guests to share what they have been up to since their episodes aired and reflect on the last year of parenting as we recognize and mourn a full year of living in the COVID-19 pandemic. But not all the stories are sad! There are stories full of grief, longing, some happiness, renewed hope, and even a silver lining or two.
Join the Pandemic Mama Podcast Facebook group to connect with other parents having babies in 2020 and 2021, follow us on Instagram at @pandemicmamapod for updates, and email your questions to [email protected].
The podcast currently has 36 episodes available.