If you don’t wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. If you don’t rise and shine. If you would rather burrow deep into your bed until the sheets attach to your skin, this episode is for you. Learn the proud history of the American breakfast from notorious breakfast lover Diane, followed by reviews of products to make your morning more delightful. Then our podcasters help a distressed morning diva find peace in coffee. This is Paper News Out Loud.

A big ole thank you to all who submitted product ads:

Sammy (@SammyMadafiglio) from Queer Dungeoneers (@QueerDungeons)

Kyle (@KyleTheTurner) from The M Word (@mwordpod)

Crispysteve (@Crispysteve42)

Headline: https://priceonomics.com/how-breakfast-became-a-thing/

Products: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E5LEQVE/ref=as_li_ss_tl?&ascsub&linkCode=sl1&tag=bfmaitland-20&linkId=450de12312ef5cb3cc720591289ecdf8

Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Make-Perfect-Coffee

Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats

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If four horsemen herald the apocalypse, who heralds the winter solstice? That’s right, it’s Florence and Diane. Armed with t-shirt cannons filled to the brim with confetti, hearts full of love, and eyes devoid of pupils, they’ve come knocking on your podcatcher to spread the joy of the solstice. Florence gives you a glimpse of what to expect during the solstice, they cuddle you by the yule log to lull you to sleep with a solstice tale, and Diane helps a listener get the best legal photos of the moon the world has ever seen. This is Paper News Out Loud.

Headline: https://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/everything-you-need-to-know-december-solstice

Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Photograph-the-Moon

Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats

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What has two heads and gobbles? Florence and Diane in this week’s post-Thanksgiving episode. Florence answers the big question, “Where did leftovers come from?” while Diane helps a helpless listener fix their cleaning conundrum. A little late for Black Friday, a fresh new stack of classifieds is coming our way. This is Paper News Out Loud.

Headline: https://www.history.com/news/the-curious-history-of-leftovers

Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Clean-Your-House-After-a-Wild-Party

Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats

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Bubble, bubble Diane’s in trouble. It’s Florence’s turn to Maggie cuddle. Happy Halloween from Paper News Out Loud! Only treats from our podcasters today. From the history of jack o’ lanterns to a spooky story to a very thorough walkthrough of proper carving techniques, you’re going to be in a sugar coma before you know it. This is Paper News Out Loud.

Headline: https://www.history.com/topics/halloween/jack-olantern-history

Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Trick-or-Treat-Safely

Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats

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At night when no one else can hear, Diane sings. She sings for gooey, delicious, warm chocolate chip cookies to appear in front of her. When they don’t, she weeps. In this week’s episode, back and better than ever, Diane teaches us about the proud history of chocolate chip cookies. Then Florence reveals to a listener what the secret sauce is to making your own recipes after our podcasters check the classifieds. This is Paper News Out Loud.

Headline: https://www.businessinsider.com/the-chocolate-chip-cookie-was-invented-by-accident-2013-3

Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Make-Your-Own-Recipe

Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats

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Once upon a time, Mars loved Earth so much that they just couldn’t stay away any longer. They moved closer and closer until they gently crashed into the blue planet and destroyed all the life on it. Diane takes us on an intergalactic journey through the mind of Mars and why it is just so darn close. Then our podcasters help us pack and prepare for our trip to the Red Planet. And finally, Florence helps a listener who needs a little help packing lunch. This is Paper News Out Loud.

Headline: https://mars.nasa.gov/allaboutmars/nightsky/mars-close-approach/

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In an alternate reality, M&Ms are called A&As. That reality is terrible and people who live there are sad. Florence teaches us about where our favorite candy brands (probably) got their names. Then Diane helps out a lonely listener who just wants a little puppy to love, but before that, our favorite podcasters teach us a delicious and tasty recipe. This is Paper News Out Loud.

Headline: Http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2010/05/what-the-ms-stand-for-in-mms/

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Guess which podcast just broke the world record for being the most informative podcast?!? Yeah, it wasn’t ours. Probably something put out there by NPR. Anyways, this week Florence teaches us all what we need to know about the Guinness Book of World Records and then some of the whackiest records out there. Then our podcasters bring storytime back again with the tale of a desert and a Tahoe. Finally, Diane gives us tips and tricks about how to break a world record of our own. This is Paper News Out Loud.

Headline: http://www.businessinsider.com/weirdest-world-records-2015-5

Wikihow: https://www.wikihow.com/Get-Into-the-Guinness-Book-of-World-Records

Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats

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It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Florence and Diane! Our favorite podcasters return after temporarily being lost in time and space with a whole new fount of knowledge to share with their best friends (you all). Diane explains the complicated mechanics of how plane work, and then reveals to us the long awaited results of The Galactic Naming Committee’s movement to rename the moon. We hear all the latest classifieds that were posted in the alley and Florence helps out a listener who is born to rule. This is Paper News Out Loud.

Headline: https://www.explainthatstuff.com/howplaneswork.html

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The actual spooky thing about mountains is how they can read your thoughts, anticipate your every move, and remove you from existence at the snap of their rocky fingers. Maybe ghosts are the things to be scared of in this place. Our podcasters haunt our nightmares with some scary stories from the mountains and beyond. Diane teaches us that the sun is more than just a friendly fireball in the sky. And lastly, Florence helps a ghost who just doesn’t want to encounter other ghosts. This is Paper News Out Loud.

Headline: http://mentalfloss.com/article/75567/ghost-stories-worlds-tallest-peaks

Music by Jake Harrison: https://soundcloud.com/atthisbeats

Look at our website with them eyeballs: https://alternaterealityproductions.wordpress.com/

And check our the home of our new network: https://almostbetter.net/ If you’re lucky, you’ll develop all the psychic powers!

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