Parent Driven Development

It's more difficult if you don't have a partner to hand things off to

Being efficient and aware of the time you have

Pros and cons to these feelings

Tools, tips, and tricks

Knowing how you learn is really important

Convincing your employer to give you time to learn

Support groups are super important

Chris - Conference swag as gifts for kids when you get home #Genius

Tell us what you're learning!

Please follow us @parentdrivendev on Twitter or email us at [email protected]. Our website is at ParentDrivenDevelopment.com

Josh Puetz

How do we set limits for our children and their devices

Negotiating our screen time policies versus other parents opinions

Does it matter what types of activities our children are engaging in on their screens? How do we teach our children the different between good content and bad content?

We carry digital devices around all the time: how do we explain that to our children? How can we model good behavior?

The discussion turns to setting screen time limits per activity, and helping kids budget their time

Circle by Disney

Each of the hosts states for the record what our current screen time policies are

Josh - Preordering gifts from business trips from Amazon. #Genius

Use your screen time to contact us!

Please follow us @parentdrivendev on Twitter or email us at [email protected]. Our website is at ParentDrivenDevelopment.com

Support us via Patreon and get access to our our Slack Community.

Josh Puetz

He is a mentor, speaker, organizer, developer and open source contributor. Married with three kids and a dog. He's also been a Georgia state legislator since January.

We start off talking about net neutrality and how it affects our children. How the repeal affects who regulates the infrastructure companies. How does it affect the internet content builders, how might it affect free speech, and how the internet is becoming the civic square. Are rules being put in place ahead of time or coming up and cleaning up after?

What effect does having states stepping up to manage net neutrality have on the internet? Is zero rating an unfair practice? How about throttling? QoS is also a useful tool but at what level is it fair? Playing favorites can benefit consumers in some instances, but it could be detrimental to competition and innovation. Monopolistic practices can come into consideration. We don't see the choice of ISPs we would like to see throughout the country. Rural areas in particular are underserved. We've had instances where zero rating has come into play. Everything is online. Government services are online and people need to have adequate access to the internet to function in society.

What are some of the nuances we miss regarding the net neutrality discussion when we view it from a distance? Jonathan talks about some of the insights he has about this. Telecom providers were required to lease space to other providers. Multiple ISPs provided DSL but used the same telecom in the background. New technologies can leapfrog existing technologies that have regulatory constraints. Providers may not be able to prioritize service in areas where it is not profitable due to too much regulation.

Jonathan speaks about how his experience in technology has helped his approach as a legislator. There are so many aspects of law to cover that he points out how he brings his expertise in tech but also ignorance in other areas. Legislators are either rich, retired or broke. There are a lot of retired people in legislation, but there are few that have a tech background. He's been learning what the process and tradition are as a legislator. There are many layers of abstraction and nuance in the legislative process.

The discussion shifts to speaking about net neutrality and how it relates to basic human rights. Free speech is important to be preserved in this new public square. The concentration of power can be abused by the few. It's important to have rules in place to ensure freedom of communication in these private networks. We can't control the passage of time, but we can control where we are paying attention.

Jonathan is involved in technology and now in the public sphere, so how is he managing all this along with his family? There is a zero sum game when it comes to time available. His son was ready to start advocating for his opponents so he might be home more. With the blessing and support of his family, Jonathan's been able to make significant changes and sacrifices to be able to serve. It's a part-time job wth full-time obligations.

How has Jonathan introduced technology into his children's lives? Jonathan considers it his moment of shame. He's been able to introduce some education games and shown them some programming with Scratch. He sees himself more of a facilitator and a support for his children.

Johnny Rae - Still no cable. Their streaming device crashed and it did not get replaced and the kids were fine. #Genius

You can find Jonathan on Twitter at @jonathanwallace for personal and @wallacefor119 for his political work.

We're here ready to answer all your questions with terrible advice!

Please follow us @parentdrivendev on Twitter or email us at [email protected].

Support us via Patreon and get access to our our Slack Community.

Josh Puetz

Special Guest: Jonathan Wallace.

Dave has been a software engineer since 1991, with several forays into management, and even ran a small consulting firm with a couple of friends for 8 years. He’s currently the DevOps Service Area Lead at Excella Consulting, a father of 10 year old triplet boys, is the director of the nonprofit LoudounCodes, helps organize the RubyNation and DevOps DC Days conferences, and co-organizes a handful of meet ups in the Northern Virginia area.

Dave and his wife did IVF. They were hoping for one child and were delighted/shocked to have three! The odds for three embryos implanting was 2%. They always wanted three, just didn't expect them all at once. 3x of everything! It was 3x the work with only two of them. Now that they are older, they do help each other a lot.

Leveling up the difficulty by quitting his job and starting a consultancy 3 months into the pregnancy. Dave talks about the tension with billing hourly and feeling like you're losing money if you're not working while trying to manage three newborns. They realized with triplets all milestones (walking, talking) happened within days of each other too, so you need to be paying attention. It took a while to get the consultancy to the point where there was a good work/life balance.

The stages are spread out across longer years vs doing all the work for each stage at once.

We continue talking about how the triplets have their individual personalities and how they've nurtured that individuality. They've kept the kids in separate classrooms with their own friends and such. They go on one-on-one outings with each kid. Invidual personalities come out when they are on their own but blend when the kids are together.

The kids develop a sense of fairness early on.

Spread out kids have different technology available when they get to a certain age. Triplets hit the same tech at the same time.

Dave talks about how he's volunteered for years in different capacities and at different places. That's allowed him to influence the curriculum the kids are exposed to regarding technology. He suggested Hour of Code and they've been using it since his kids were in first grade. He also teaches highschool kids and runs the LoudounCodes program. He buys started kits that teach his kids how to solder and build electronics. Also local events in the community, playgrounds, museums, etc. Programming with Scratch. Letting the kids find something they like to do and giving them free time to do it.

After a long and varied career, Dave's wife decided to stay home and work at home with the children. She's the one that keeps everything running. Dave also credits his mom with helping keep things going. She has an in-law suite at their home and helps with the children and dinner. Andy talks about how he and his wife have been able to work from home while having their children. JC talks about being able to work from home for a large part of his children's early years and how that helped the balancing act with his wife who eventually went back into the workforce. Allison talks about mental load and how difficult it can be to mentally unload the home management part of life while working full time. Dave talksa about being equal partners and sharing the load. It's called parenting, not babysitting your kids

Dave talks about a few ways they've pranked the children. Zombies, the Walking Dead and RubyDCamp. Gummy bear addiction.

JC - Decided to take his kids to see Black Panther as a surprise and forgot about his daughter's end of season pizza party which she missed. #FAIL

You can usually find dave under bokman on various sites. He's bokmann on Twitter, Github, Skype, and just about anywhere.

We'd love to hear from our listeners.

Please follow us @parentdrivendev on Twitter or email us at [email protected].

Support us via Patreon and get access to our our Slack Community.

Allison McMillan

Special Guest: Dave Bock.

First Guest!

How should kids protect themselves online, have manners, and use their time wisely. Online behavior is permanent these days, so kids should also consider using obfuscated names online. Pseudonyms are personas you can discard if necessary while keeping you safe. Online predation is possible, but you are more likely to be get gendered grief online.

You can have a real name account, but you have to behave as if in an office all day. Kids have a harder time controlling impulses. Due to COPPA regulation, parents wanting their non teenage children to have an online account have to lie about the child’s age when signing them up. COPPA, well intentioned, but disenfranchises kids under 13 and forces parents to jump through hoops when getting their children online.

Sometimes you want accolades and other positive achievements tied to your persona. Each kid is different and some will want the attention while others won’t. Some things you do in public and online forums will be public, regardless of your preference. As parents, we make decisions for our children. Everything decision we make for our children will be things they’ll have to live with. Some parents choose to not make choices for their children regarding online personas.

A book from Danah Boyd discusses how we’ve deprived teenagers from any space they can meet and hang out so the only space they have left is cyber space. Overscheduling, curfews, no hanging out at malls. Technology is making physical gatherings less common.

Schools have Google accounts for kids to use the Google suite for education. Cyber security education is the equivalent of abstinence only sex ed. 70% of parents have a password to their kids’ phones and monitor their devices.

Online platforms where kids can interact safely. Discord. Teach children what is appropriate, and give them the ability to identify what is right and wrong. “It’s only online, it doesn’t matter” is how you build an online troll. Everyone is a human on the other side of the screen.

Each kid is different and timing depends on each kid. Learnign what should be downloadable to your computer so it doesn’t break. What about your kid wanting a YouTube career? (Yes YouTube, no comments) Keeping their online circles to friend they know in person helps, while having open discussion about their online lives. Let them know they can be monitored, and privileges can be narrowed.

Andy - Picked up his kids from school but left his dog there. #FAIL

Allison - Continuation of last episode’s fail. Still reading fire safety book at bedtime. #FAIL

Heidi - 15YO assembled IKEA storage system by himself. #GENIUS

Chris - Kids decided to spend time roughhousing instead of online. Though he overheard from downstairs: SON: Stop! You’re going to break my arm! DAUGHTER: I don’t want to break your arm, I want to break your spirit! #GENIUS

Mandy - Going to Disney World! After a long long time of saving, it’s happening. #GENIUS

Please follow us @parentdrivendev on Twitter or email us at [email protected].

Support us via Patreon and get access to our our Slack Community.

Allison McMillan

Special Guest: Heidi Waterhouse.

Mandy was on “vacation” and has to make an appearance at another conference. Her daughter doesn’t want her to go and Mandy feels really bad about it. She’s been on the road a lot the past six months and is feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. JC says it’s important to learn to say no and recharge by doing hobbies. Chris says it comes down to priorities.

Mandy also feels bad because she knowingly skipped her daughter’s gymnastics practice because after returning from her trip, she didn’t feel like going, her daughter didn’t bring it up, so they didn’t go! Revelation: Other people have been known to do it too!

The panelists talk about how most of them grew up with their parent’s beliefs being drilled into them that if you sign up for a commitment, you do the commitment. Allison had the opposite upbringing when it came to that though.

As well as feeling bad about all of the above, Mandy has people in her life that judge her parenting style -- namely nosy neighbors. The panel talks about the differences between mothers and fathers getting judged and possibly having different licenses in the gender department when it comes to being parents.

They also discuss kids playing outside these days and that it is scary to let your child run free sometimes but come to the consensus that it’s generally necessary and healthy.

The panelists talk about how it’s important for kids to learn conflict resolution instead of solving all of their problems for them. Eventually, they WILL work it out! They also agree they like to let their kids be themselves and have some independence when it comes to dressing themselves.

Allison: Her son is afraid of smoke detectors! #FAIL

Josh: Unknowingly let his daughter stay home from school for a snow day -- from the wrong school! #FAIL

Chris: Played Survive: Escape From Atlantis all day to keep his kids busy during a snow day! #GENIUS

Mandy: Signed up for the food delivery service, Plated. #GENIUS

Please follow us @parentdrivendev on Twitter or email us at [email protected].

Support us via Patreon and get access to our our Slack Community.

Allison McMillan

Allison talks a bit about kids being curious, asking questions, and how they somehow sneakily get past some safety measures we try to put in place. The older ones blatantly just write us notes and leave the house.

Andy introduces us to parenting multiples and how he’s been “leading a small team!” We also comment on how our children always seem to plot against us.

Sarah goes into how she’s navigating being the parent of a gymnast and how kids activities easily can consume your life. She also talks about how her little one is an empath and the panelists talk about how sad movies (i.e. Bambi) have ruined everyone forever as parents.

Josh says that his family has moved around a lot and that it can be hard on kids. He talks about his daughter’s hobbies which include cosplay and that they are entering the adolescent years terrified as two dads facing the puberty of their little girl. We are all confused as to why wearing bras is now the cool thing to do. (Before it’s necessary!) We also briefly touch on the difference between having boys and girls and gender neutrality.

Mandy tells the story of how her daughter got the nickname “Chicken” and being a single mom. We then talk a little bit about a topic that we are going to delve into more in two weeks with our guest, Heidi Waterhouse: Internet Safety & Privacy.

Johnny talks about some solutions he’s found to combat the Internet monitoring conundrum such as the Nvidia Shield and Mobicip.

We also talk about kids do have a conscience and are capable of understanding the difference between right and wrong. Andy mentions he is reading the book, The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt. We also weigh the pros and cons of “making” our kids watch educational content.

KWu says she is nervous about going back to work after having a baby. Allison suggests learning to enjoy little moments like finishing a cup of coffee when it was still hot. And then there’s the topic of pumping and how your brain chemistry changes after having children. The panel also touches on how having a partner can make parenting easier and Mandy talks briefly about being a single mom and using the Spoon Theory to get through the days. Except she calls them her “Fs to Give”.

JC has kids of all ages (between 8 and 17) and talks about how it goes so fast. He also has a pet name for his daughter: “Monkey”. His family also loves their lives since having cut the cable cord.

Chris’ son wants to be a developer so he encourages him to play Minecraft.

Please follow us @parentdrivendev on Twitter or email us at [email protected].

Support us via Patreon and get access to our our Slack Community.  

Allison McMillan