Parenting Breakdown

Welcome to Parenting Breakdown! 

 In this final episode of Season 1, Matt and Rachel discuss: 

- A listener question about how to stop yelling at her child and navigate feelings of regret about parenting 

- Choosing how to relate to - and even turn towards - uncomforable thoughts and feelings so we can move through our shame 

- The patriarchy (our 3rd co-host) comes back for a final visit, contextualizing all those harmful ideas about the "perfect" mom 

- How our modern society makes it so hard to be present with ourselves and our kids 

References: 

- Dr. Ross Greene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvzQQDfAL-Q 

- NPR: Alloparenting: https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2023/12/01/1216043849/bringing-up-a-baby-can-be-a-tough-and-lonely-job-heres-a-solution-alloparents  

Reach out to us with your questions and stories at [email protected]. 

Want to learn more about who we are? 

www.rachelhenes.com 

www.mattbordencoaching.com

Welcome to Parenting Breakdown!

 

In this episode, Matt and Rachel discuss how messages about difference and worth show up in high-achieving school communities - and what schools and parents can do to counter them. 

 

Topics explored:

 

- A listener question about how to help her kid with ADHD who is feeling inadequate under the weight of achievement culture

- Matt's experience growing up within high achieving schools and feeling like an outsider

- The medical vs social model of disabliity and how it can help parents use a broader lens to support their kids

 

Parenting Highlight of the Week:

- Rachel shares a story from a parent who let her child quit a sport, despite the parent's complex feelings about it.

 

Parenting Pivot of the Week

- Matt talks about his penchant for hiding sweets in the house (away from the kids) and wonders what the impact of this action has on the whole family.

 

References:

- Dr. Ross Greene, Lives in the Balance: https://livesinthebalance.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/ALSUPGuide2020-1.pdf

- APA: Models of Disability: https://www.apa.org/ed/precollege/psychology-teacher-network/introductory-psychology/disability-models

 

Reach out to us with your questions and stories at [email protected]

 

Want to learn more about who we are?

www.rachelhenes.com

www.mattbordencoaching.com

Welcome to Parenting Breakdown! 

In this episode, Matt and Rachel discuss the relentless pressure on kids (and parents!) within high-achieving school communities. 

Topics explored: 

- A listener question about how to stay grounded as a parent within high-pressure school cultures 

- The impact of grind culture on parents and kids - and what parents can do to slow down and reclaim their energy 

- What are you parenting in service of? Exploring the discrepancy between what kids and parents say matters most to parents 

Parenting Highlight of the Week: 

- Rachel talks about how the WNBA has helped their family talk about gender equity. 

Parenting Pivot of the Week: 

- Rachel disrupts the evening routine to try and create a special moment and Matt is not happy. 

References: 

- Adrienne Marie Brown: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/239-why-are-we-never-satisfied-with-adrienne-maree-brown/id1564530722?i=1000627034489 

- Suniya Luthar: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201311/the-problem-rich-kids 

 

- Beth Benjamin Cooper: https://www.nais.org/magazine/independent-school/winter-2022/trend-lines-challenging-achievement-culture-in-schools/  

Reach out to us with your questions and stories at [email protected]. 

Want to learn more about who we are? 

www.rachelhenes.com

www.mattbordencoaching.com

Welcome to Parenting Breakdown! 

In this episode, Matt and Rachel explore a question from a mom who wants to help her kids with their emotions. 

- Rachel breaks down how learning how to manage stress is a muscle that we have to build, and the importance of giving space for kids big feelings. Matt reflects on how playfulness can show up in his parenting. 

- Rachel goes over the 3Cs, practices for parents to use when kids are having big feelings and then goes through a real world example in her own home and how she helped deescalate a situation. 

Parenting Highlights: 

- Rachel talks about the importance of self-care. 

Parenting Pivot: - Matt draws a metaphorical line in the sand and then gets the beach dumped on top of his head. 

References: 

- Developmental Iceberg, Dr. Mona Delahooke: 

https://monadelahooke.com/the-developmental-iceberg-looking-below-the-surface-of-challenging-behaviors/  

https://monadelahooke.com/beyond-behaviors/ 

- Kids Do Well If They Can, Dr. Ross Greene: 

https://livesinthebalance.org/walking-tour-old/

Welcome to Parenting Breakdown! In this episode, Matt and Rachel discuss their different responses to hearing about hard moments that their kids are having in the world. 

Topics explored: 

- A listener question about how all-encompassing her own emotions can feel after her daughter tells her about her hard day. 

· Rachel discusses how our own triggers can impact our response to our kids and how she works to slow down her reactions. 

· Matt talks about how it's hard to sit with uncomfortable feelings, but how it's the key to parenting. Plus patriarchy drops in for a quick cameo. It seems he's becoming a series regular! 

Parenting Highlight of the Week: 

· Rachel talks about leaning into being present in the morning even when she was feeling really anxious. 

Parenting Pivot of the Week 

- Matt curses in front of the big dude and gets called out - again 

References: 

- Dana Balicki: https://danabalicki.com/cryinginmyjacuzzi/ 

- https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/parenting-translator/202201/why-do-parents-get-upset-when-they-see-their-children-upset 

Reach out to us with your questions and stories at [email protected]. 

Want to learn more about who we are? 

www.rachelhenes.com

www.mattbordencoaching.com

Welcome to Parenting Breakdown! In this episode, Matt and Rachel discuss what consent is really about when it comes to kids, why it matters, and how to build the muscle of asking for and giving consent.

Topics explored: 

· A question from a mom about whether to make her children hug extended family members against their wishes. 

· Matt seeing the impact that utilizing consent could have when he failed to put on his son's winter coat. 

· Consent as preventative and an opportunity for shifting a culture of violence.

Parenting Highlight of the Week: 

· Matt talks about the challenges of parenting solo when Rachel came down with Covid and how he got through it.

Parenting Lesson Learned:  

· Rachel recognizes her desire to "fix" after her child is upset and reflects on the need to give space. Matt finds a way to pat himself on the back.

References: 

- A Call to Men: https://www.acalltomen.org/ 

- bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/all-about-love-bell-hooks 

“When we love children, we acknowledge by our every action that they are not property, that they have rights - that we respect and uphold their rights.”

Reach out to us with your questions and stories at [email protected]

Want to learn more about who we are?

www.rachelehenes.com

www.mattbordencoaching.com

Welcome to Parenting Breakdown! In the third episode, Matt and Rachel discuss:

· What it looks like to parent mindfully during times of acute stress, especially within a society with little to no safety net for most families

· The difference between feeling seen and operating from a tit for tat vibe

· Telling their youngest child that he is autistic 

References:

Neurowild: https://www.instagram.com/neurowild_?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==

Together We Bloom: 

https://www.togetherwebloom.org

Reach out to us with your questions and stories at [email protected].

Want to learn more about who we are?

www.rachelhenes.com

www.mattbordencoaching.com

Welcome to Parenting Breakdown!

In this second episode, 

• Rachel gets a question from a mom who had a disappointing vacation, and feels even worse after seeing all of her friends post pictures on social media where everyone appears to be having a great time. She wonders what she is doing wrong, and what is wrong with her / her family.

• Rachel and Matt discuss expectations vs. reality and how the images on social media can make parents feel like they are doing parenting ""wrong"". 

Matt discusses the anger executives feel when they are able to control everything in their lives but their children. And highlights that this podcast is about bringing ugly truths to light and having a safe space for all the feels.

• Matt and Rachel explore their own recent trip that was disastrous and reflect on the work they did to not lose their s##$ completely.

Other topics explored:

• The fantasy of the perfect vacation - and how it impacts our reality

• Why it's okay to reward your kids with gummy bears 

• The impact of Daylight Savings Time on our Autistic kid

• The difference between fleeing a scene and being a lookout

Show Notes / References:

• The invitation of the crack: https://www.bayoakomolafe.net/

• Resilience Building: https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/guide-parents-teachers

We want to hear from you! Email: [email protected]

IG: @parentbreakdown

Welcome to Parenting Breakdown! In this first episode,

• Rachel gets a question from a mom who's plagued by harsh voices in her head that are critical of her parenting. Rachel unpacks where those voices come from, shares some of her own journey with perfectionism, and offers practices to start changing the narrative. 

• Matt discusses the different standards that exist for dads and what he's choosing not to pass on from his childhood.

• Matt and Rachel explore highlights and lessons learned of the week, which include a pumpkin stem breaking off in Matt's foot (suprisingly, the highlight!) and him getting roasted by the entire family, as per usual.

Other topics explored:

• Why parenting is so hard in our current culture

• Rates of stress for kids in high-achieving schools

• Dealing with feelings of rage during marathon bedtimes

• Naming the hard things so we can process them instead of repeating them

Show Notes / References:

• Suniya Luthar: The Problem With Rich Kids | Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201311/the-problem-rich-kids

• Mindful Parenting - Kathleen Restifo & Susan Bögels: https://wwnorton.com/books/9780393709926

• Angela Garbes: http://www.angelagarbes.com/essential-labor

Welcome to Parenting Breakdown with hosts Rachel Henes, a noted parenting educator and consultant on achievement culture at some of America’s most competitive schools, and her husband Matt Borden, a coach for high performing executives, discuss the ins and outs of parenting mindfully in a non-stop world. Parenting Breakdown is like having weekly coffee with your BFF’s (one who happens to be a kid whisperer) and dives into the research about what helps kids thrive and the triggers that can set parents off. With humor and candor, Rachel and Matt break down their own and listeners’ real-world parenting moments and explore the expectations, pressures, and joys of raising kids today. It’s an ongoing journey to get to the heart of what parents care about most: doing right by our kids and supporting them to become their best selves. Turns out, the journey can help us become our best selves too.