Parenting in the Trenches with Karen Peters

If you are a parent, please take a second to forward this to all the educators in your world who have the important responsibility of providing education to kids and youth about their sexual health, their body health and their physical and sexual development.

Wherever you're at in your knowledge about how to educate kids about sex, this is not a static topic - it is hugely dynamic and changing. Similar to keeping up with fast changes in the digital world, knowing how to keep current with appropriate and inclusive languaging around reproductive health, gender and how kids are communicating with one another about sex, is a topic that in the last decade has many of us educators and parents scrambling to know how to keep current. 

Please listen carefully to this conversation and notice what happens for you as you soak it in. Does it empower you, make you uncomfortable, challenge your assumptions, prepare you better for what kids are bringing to you? Whatever reactions you have, my hope is it moves you in a direction that offers kids and youth more safety, more inclusion and more understanding. 

This episode is the last one in our 4-part series on Our Kids & Sexual Health. In the previous episode show notes we share some resources for further learning that you might want to take a moment to check out. We've included books and websites appropriate for your kids of all ages, for specific topics like sex education with people with disabilities, and information for you to explore that might help you shift your own understanding how you were taught about sexual health by parents, educators, media, and peers.

Thank you for learning with us!

Karen

Parents and educators (and if you are one of these, please share with the other in your life - we're all contributors to our kids' learning),

This is an episode near and dear to me. It's also really special to Ashten because of her work with and friendships with people with disabilities. If you are raising or supporting a child or youth with a disability (either physical or mental), you'll know how much more complicated it feels to talk with them about their sexual health and development. It causes us to consider HOW they learn information, what's going to be relevant for them, and when to bring the information up. We discuss the vulnerabilities that come with interacting with systems of health care and/or education that make assumptions, aren't sure what questions to ask or how to provide answers that meet their needs, and inadvertently leave gaps for those who need more from care providers.

This conversation with Ashten made me think through so many important factors - things I'll know to bring up with families I'm supporting and also safe guards I can put in place for my own kids. Here are a couple of specific resources we thought you might want to know about after you listen to our conversation:

respectability.org/resources/sexual-education-resources for young adults with developmental and intellectual disabilities
www.shift-education.com (Jessy Wollen) is a local sex educator in BC's lower mainland who has great resources for diverse learners.

Learning alongside you,
Karen

Ok parents,
Let's take a moment to reflect. What messaging did you receive about your body and about sex growing up? Where did those messages come from? Were they all super obvious and explicit or were they sort of slippery and normalized? Do any of those messages now seem harmful or shame-filled to you? 

Now let's consider the messaging around consent. How would you define that concept and how would you go about explaining that to your kids? Of course the depth in which we talk to our kids about this looks different as they grow, but our approach or beliefs about consent matter all along the way. 

Today we're unpacking some of the old metaphors we use that might be setting up unhealthy messaging about what our kids should and shouldn't be okay with in terms of physical and sexual interactions, how to go about asking for someone's consent, and some of the gendered factors that need some overhaul.

This topic is one of Ashten and my favorites, so I hope you'll join us and share this with your parenting friends. It's just too important for us to keep to ourselves.

If you haven't yet listened to the previous 2 episodes in this series, I'd really encourage you to do that and to take a look at those show notes for further reading/learning suggestions Ashten has provided us with. I've already ordered a few new books to read with my kids...just waiting for the delivery to arrive!

Glad you've joined us,
Karen & Ashten

Dear parents,
Does this topic make you a little nervous? Unsure where to begin? Let's tackle this together and maybe it'll feel a little less scary on the other side of it. Ashten Black is a sexual health educator who removes shame from the equation, recognizes the stickiness of this topic and aims to reassure parents of both the invaluable role they play in educating their kids/teens about sexual development, health and relationships, and that what parents bring to the table is intimate knowledge about who their kids are and what they hope to foster with them through open communication when equipped to do so. She's here to help us out with that.

As a parent of two girls at very different stages of development and also kids with hugely differing personalities, like and dislikes, I get how trying to figure out what to bring up, when to bring it up and more importantly the "how" of bringing it up throughout their years, feels complicated. It also comes with my own worries, background of understanding (both what I do and don't know), and what values I was taught surrounding my body, my sexuality, my boundaries and my interactions in relationships. If we want to really create a platform for having open, honest, supportive and shame-free conversations about sex with our kids, we need to wade through all these things and find within ourselves the "readiness" to both set that up well and keep it going.

Like in any episode, we can only cover so much and we know this topic is oh so loaded, so Ashten was kind enough to leave us with these amazing resource suggestions for further learning:

"Sex Positive Talks to Have with Kids" by Melissa Pintor Carnagey. This book also includes a very comprehensive resource list.

Websites to explore:

www.amaze.org

www.kidshealth.org

Joining you in this trench,
Karen

As we near the end of our special series on neurodiverse families, we're talking about a role caregivers often need to assume when raising kids who aren't neurotypical - the role of "external brainers". While it's a phase for most parents, this role can be more intensive and longer lasting when your child has ADHD, Autism, FASD, or other diagnoses that have executive functioning struggles attached to them.

Have a listen to Lori and Sheila, both parents who have and continue to walk this journey personally, and also come alongside parents in the thick of supporting their child with mental health challenges in their work with FamilySmart. If you are a parent who feels overwhelmed, confused, misunderstood, or under supported and you live in BC, Canada or access supports through CASA in Alberta, please consider reaching out to FamilySmart and see what lifelines they have to offer you. The parents who work for FamilySmart bring their lived experience, their compassion and their resources to the table so you are less alone as you navigate parenting kids with complex mental health and developmental needs. They have no waitlist, are available in every community across BC and their services are free.

If you want discounted access to my 10 Strategies for CoRegulation course, just enter the code COREG2021 before the end of 2021 and you'll receive 20% off. It'll provide you with a toolkit to help you and your child regulate intense emotions and meltdowns in ways that serve them well.

Standing in the mud with you,
Karen, Lori & Sheila

Dear parents, caregivers and support people of kids who have lived through traumatic experiences,

We know how hard parenting in healing ways really is. We also know more now about how best to go about it than we did just 10 years ago. Dr. Chuck Geddes shares his own findings after serving over 300 families through his Complex Care Intervention program, and brings his authentic and compassionate lens to the conversation. He's absolutely passionate about and dedicated to helping kids in BC's foster care system and in adoptive families thrive past their trauma.

Kids who have come from hard places need such unique care. Their output can be harsh, confusing and seem counter intuitive to building healthy attachments with adults, making it such a true labour of love for parents who go about regulating their child's nervous system over and over....and over....yes, and over again. It's slow healing, but thanks to wise people in the field of trauma-informed care, we have a much better sense about what's possible and what direction we need to head in to get there.

After you listen to today's episode, you might feel like you want more support. Chuck and I agreed to honour that ongoing learning with discounted access to our online courses. We've got your back.

If you want tried and true strategies for coregulating, my 45 min webinar is available to you at 20% off during this ND Families series - just enter coupon code COREG2021 on the purchase page and watch it whenever you're ready, or re-watch it as often as you like!

Use promo code CTRPARENTING for 20% off any of the online courses offered by my guest until the end of 2021. For all course details and for registration, go to Complextrauma.ca. 

To all you brilliant and brave caregivers out there, we see the love you pour in and thank you for how dedicated you are to this healing parenting gig,

Karen

Dear parents, standing in the confusing, slippery mud of neurodivergence....we're here for ya.

Does your child cover their ears for sounds that others aren't seemingly bothered by? Do they rock or bite their hands to soothe themselves? Do they struggle with the textures of certain clothing or strongly resist wearing things like socks or coats? The range of our sensory experiences and how we're able to synthesize those in the brain result in very different levels of distress.

If it feels impossible to figure out what is going on or how to help your child cope with that felt distress (or if it's sending you as a parent to grab the white flag of helpless defeat), please join today's conversation exploring the ins and outs of sensory processing.

Kim Barthel is world-renowned for her intuitive approach to climbing inside the worlds of those who are neurodiverse. She speaks extensively on topics such as emotional regulation, trauma, neurobiological shaping and more, looking to provide opportunities for healing, which she describes as being understood and accepted, not "fixed".

Let's find out how to both accept our individual capacities while striving for ways to support and improve functioning so our connections with our kids can grow and their unique gifts to the world can shine.

If you haven't heard Kim speak before, spoiler alert....you're in for a real treat!

Oh, and WAIT! Almost forgot. We wanted to leave you with a gift - both Kim and I have online courses supporting those in the trenches which you can access at 20% off with these coupon codes:

10 Strategies for CoRegulation, with Karen Peters {code COREG2021} - offer expires end of 2021
CBT for the Family: Tools for Life, with Karen Peters {code CBT2021} - offer expires end of 2021
Autism Matters, Relationship Matters, with Kim Barthel {code TRENCHES20AM} - offer available until Nov. 8, 2021
Trauma-Sensitive Practice, with Kim Barthel {code TRENCHES20} - offer available until Dec. 6, 2021

Just click on the course link and use the code when you purchase it! 

In the trenches with you,
Karen & Kim

Dear parents,

Do you regularly find yourselves puzzled when you step back and watch your child struggle with things like packing their bags, initiating tasks, managing time, transitioning well from one thing to the next, seem to lose focus super easily, or can't get a project done and handed in? Do you fill in the gaps by making charts and lists for them, giving them warnings about when something will end, or set timers or alarms to cue them to brush their teeth, set the table or leave for school?

You aren't alone. There are many functions tethered to the part of the brain that incidentally, develops last. We all know that our kids aren't born with executive functioning and that they learn it through being taught and by practicing it. However, many kids who are considered "neurodivergent" instead of "neurotypical", experience a different track of development and the learning pace of those skills, often making parents confused about why they can't seem to tackle the same tasks as their peers in the same ways.

We're talking today about how to take a pulse on what our kids are currently capable of, how to nurture the development of their executive functioning effectively, and when we need to manage our own expectations and shape our parenting strategies to fit their way of processing or learning.

Let's dive in together. As the parent of a child who is neurodivergent and as someone who loves supporting parents in the thickness of this particular trench, I'm truly with you.

Have a listen!

And if you haven't heard yet, my 10 Strategies for Coregulation webinar is up for grabs until the end of 2021 at a discount in case you want to get super practical about helping your strong-feeling child through those overload meltdowns. Just use this Coupon Code: COREG2021.

Wishing you true regulation,
Karen

Dear parents,

You've probably heard me talk about coregulation before - that's because it was a game changer for me as a mom of a regularly dysregulated kiddo and there was no way I was going to keep that gold a secret! In today's episode, I surprise my guest Lisa Dion, with a story about the time I showed up at one of her conferences on the heels of taking my daughter to the hospital. Tune in to hear the details and to dive deep with us into those pits us parents tend to panic in - the ones that feel so dark and so deep, that we're scared - scared of what these overload episodes mean for our kids and for us. If you've been there, you get it, and this episode is for you.

This will be a safe space to learn about how to use the emotional data from our kids and from within us, to mirror and model a shift back to connection and to safety. The goal isn't to be calm or not to feel, it's to be safe while the feelings all happen. That goes for you too, parents!

If you feel overwhelmed and lost, I've been there. And when Lisa held a light at the top of the pit for me, I was led down a much better path - one I could actually translate into real life and would take my authentic emotional experience into account. I took 10 of those coregulation strategies and put them in an online webinar so that other parents could grab the Coles notes and start feeling a sense of hope right away. Throughout this series and until the end of 2021, you can purchase this at a discount here with this code: COREG2021. I sincerely hope it brings you some of the tools you've been hungry for.

To read more about Lisa's resources for parents, check her stuff out HERE. And if you're someone in a professional position supporting kids, check out her Synergetic Play Therapy site and related resources!

Bringing our full connected, authentic selves to this conversation,
Karen