Parenting in the Trenches with Karen Peters

Letter from the Trenches

Dear Parents,

Because you are parents, I know 100% that you've gone through some huge transitions and changes in your life. Some of them you may have surprised yourself in how you breezed through, and others not to much. The bumps felt more like mountains and the pond felt more like the deep ocean. You can get lost along the way, feel derailed from your goals, purpose or how you imagined things would go. Massive turning points can come unexpectedly and have real impacts on your relationships - the question becomes how do you best manage those, stay on the same page and walk through time together.

This is no small topic. Transitions can look like so many things - having a child, experiencing a tragedy, getting married, getting divorced, losing a parent, friend, sibling or child. The way we move through those intense and often abrupt changes, changes us. There's no two ways about it. Today I want to explore the impacts on our relationships and some of the ways we can get through those storms while still being connected with one another. Hope you'll have a listen to my conversation with Raina Dutchyn, a couples therapist, and see what new insights you might have on hard transitions you're working through.

If you're in the process of adding to your family, biologically or through adoption, and you want to insulate your couple relationship from this massive, wonderful and stressful transition in your lives, check out the courses I created to support you through that...
Adoption: What to do while you wait
When You & Me Become Three

Staring at the fork in the road with you,
Karen

Letter from the Trenches

Dear parents,
Today's episode is all about reflecting on kids' relationships with their dads. Kids of all ages share their thoughts about what makes their dad special in their eyes - something they likely haven't volunteered without having been asked. So, I did the asking for you and it was such an honour to hear what they had to say. Props to you, Pops!

I hope the dads out there can take some time this week to soak in the love, to accept the warmth offered up by these awesome kids, and to recognize the vital role they play in their lives. 

Happy Father's Day

Letter from the Trenches

Dearest parents who struggle trying to find balance between work and the rest of life, who know that when demands ramp up self care is the first to fall off our priority list, and for those of you who desperately want to find a way to avoid burnout, have a listen to what my brilliant and practical friend and colleague has to say about the topic.

Before I joined the ThriveLife Counselling & Wellness team, I was so depleted. Work eroded me and the demands at home were overwhelming. The combo left me so stressed out, irritable, judgey and just "done". After years of hanging on by my fingernails, I called it. I named the state I was in and why I found myself there, and acknowledged that something had to change. I called my husband on the way home from a conference, sobbing, needing to say the words out loud...."I need another role, another place to do my work. I need to feel purpose, to be able to use what I know helps people, and to escape the bureaucratic cage." I think I may have scared him a little, but that's okay. He was supportive and knew it was time. We'd figure it out.

Having integrity and aligned purpose in my work makes me come alive - it gives me energy. THAT was a pretty huge act of self care. Not all self care looks like career changes, but rather small methods of reflecting, recharging and restabilizing. And not all work types leave the same wear and tear. Lindsay and I talk about what some of those are, how to practice them in our day to day lives and reclaim what true self care is, both for ourselves and for our families.

Wanna bring your A-game to life? Start with self care.

P.S.
Lindsay's online course on self care and burnout prevention for first responders and frontline workers, is INCREDIBLE. If you want to get a grip on this whole "burnout prevention" thing, reach out to her: BEATING THE BREAKING POINT

Karen 

Letter from the Trenches

Dear parents, 
Let me start with this. Your mental load goes unseen everyday - the invisible factors you carry with concern associated with the most seemly mundane tasks like cooking a meal. In this episode we dive into seeing the unseen, understanding why the burden feels heavy, and what we can do to activate antidotes to shame - an all too common experience for parents. 

If you're the mom who sobs on your child's bedroom floor, spent at the end of the day, but your kid won't "turn off", I feel you. As always, we're getting real in our conversation and addressing some of the factors around your highly needed but ever-illusive self care. We'll talk about how perceived failure quickly can turn to shame tapes on a broken record player, how true self care doesn't aim to "fix" things, and what you can learn to do for yourselves in the thick of it. Let's learn to love ourselves together. 

PS. If you aren't yet following me on FB & IG, please do....I'm posting self care challenges throughout this podcast series and I'd love for you to join in!  {Karen Peters, RCC or @karenpeters_rcc}

With you,
Me

Letter from the Trenches

Parents,
This episode brings you and your kids some amazing wisdom on self care - straight from kids in grade 4 who know what they're talkin' about. As parents, I know how much you do for your kids to help predict what they need, intervene when they aren't safe, try to manage sibling conflict or peer arguments, feed them well, take them to appointments, on and on and on goes the list of things you do to take care of them.

Transferring that knowledge, awareness and sense of "I'm worthy of taking care of me" to your kids is going to be a huge part of growing them up to be adults who understand they are valuable, deserve wellness and care, and that they have options about how to effectively provide that for themselves. Learn together what kids have found to be helpful for them when they get upset, feel stuck, become overwhelmed or just want to stay on top of being their best selves.

And by the way, listening to kids' ideas never ceases to amaze me - blows my mind every time. Have a listen!

P.S.
Follow me on FB & IG to find a printable self care bingo chart for kids.

Letter from the Trenches

Dear Parents,

You burnt out by any chance? Sick and tired of hearing people throw the "self care" term around as though you have time to kick off for 3 days at the spa? I feel you. In the thick of parenting kids with big challenges and a work role that set me up for vicarious trauma on a daily basis, I felt suffocated, depleted and burnt out. It was in the pit that I was forced to redefine my understanding of true self care. If you live feeling a sense of overwhelm on a regular basis, shifting your beliefs around the value and methods of self care that will truly offer you sanity, relief and a way of life that honours your needs, could be life-changing.

Have a listen to friend and colleague, Elizabeth Chan, who supports clients through overwhelming traumas, addictions and complex relational dynamics, as she shares her ideas about TRUE and meaningful self care. Perhaps you'll walk away with a little more agency, and a little more self compassion and inner understanding.

Here's a book I'd strongly recommend if you're wanting to explore the topic further and find it's application in your life. Burnout does some real damage - let's address it before it takes you down. Burnout: Unlocking the Stress Cycle

Liz references Running on Empty, and recommends for us an article which you can find HERE for further reading.

If you don't already, follow me on FB & IG (karen peters, rcc & @karenpeters_rcc) to join our weekly self care challenge and to stay in touch with new resources. 

With you in the pit,
Karen

Letter from the Trenches

Dear Parents,

Not sure if you already know this, but every May we surge our efforts to create awareness about mental health, help eliminate the stigma attached, and increase our knowledge about support and resources available to families.

If you or your kids are struggling, you might assume there must be help out there, but have no clue where to find it. Or maybe the thought of the search for trusted resources feels too overwhelming in the midst of managing the day to day stuff that struggles are made of. I'm talking with Bryn from BC Children's Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre about their fantastic hub of knowledge, info and help for parents just like you. Getting the support you need shouldn't be filled with barriers, so we're aiming to remove some of those for you today. In addition to what she's sharing in today's episode, check out the links she's provided below.

• BC Children’s Kelty Mental Health Resource Centre - https://keltymentalhealth.ca/
• Ask Kelty Mental Health Tool - https://keltymentalhealth.ca/ask-kelty
• Kelty Podcast - Where You Are – https://keltymentalhealth.ca/podcast
• Foundry - https://foundrybc.ca/
• FamilySmart - https://familysmart.ca/
• Rolling With ADHD - https://healthymindslearning.ca/rollingwith-adhd/
• ADHD Webinar Series For Parents and Caregivers - https://keltymentalhealth.ca/ADHDWebinarSeries

With you on your family mental health journey,
Karen

Dear Moms, this one's for you. 

Momming is one of the most invisible jobs on the planet, and often you struggle to see the positive outcome of all your investment until years and sometimes decades later. Well, today I invited kids of all ages to speak to what they see in you but may not have mentioned in passing. May it bring warmth to your Mother's day as we honor your mud-wading, your determined hope-holding and your grace. 

If your child participated in this special episode, listen for their voice to show up and gush about you, then share it with all your friends ;) If you are hearing the voices of kids you don't know, may their messages affirm your importance as a mom. And if you need to listen to this weekly to remind yourself you are seen, loved and appreciated, please do.

From one momma to another, wishing you connection and love this Mother's day,
Karen

Dear Parents,
Yes, I'm a little nervous. I've agreed to pass the hosting mic to a colleague, friend and fellow momma who plans to chuck a bunch of personal questions my way. I've committed to answering from the heart in honour of the guests I've interviewed who have done just that for me. Seems only fair, I guess!

If you're wondering about who the heck I am, why I do the work I do and whatever else Lindsay thinks you should know about me, tune in for this mystery conversation! (Lindsay, go easy on me, please!)

Truly in this with you,
Karen

It can feel so much better, or easier when you're in the phase of expecting a baby, to just assume things will all "work out" between you and your partner as you transition from a couple to a family. The reality is that 2 out of 3 couples experiences a sharp increase in conflict and a sharp decrease in relationship satisfaction. It also has a huge impact on the relationships you have with your extended families and with your close friends. Boundary setting is inevitable as you grow and craft your new family unit to align with your values and your needs, because how YOU want to see that cultivated, likely won't be how others think it should happen. And even if they wanted to support your different ways, unless you articulate them clearly, they won't be able to read your mind and honour them.

The road from two to three is bumpy, my friend. I will not fool you. That might seem cruel, but actually I've got your back. When you deal with boundary setting and express potential concerns before things hit the fan, you'll dodge the relationship-erosion that happens when resentment show up. No one expects you to have zero tension or conflict, but if you catch the differences of expectations early and deal with them proactively and respectfully, you'll get through those conflicts without the significant damage that can otherwise happen.

Today's episode will give you the run down, and if you listen and go, "THIS IS US!", then dive deeper with me in my course for couples, When You & Me Become Three.  If you're adopting, I'm not leaving you out of this important equation - I've made a specifically adoption-tailored version of this course, just for you - Adoption, What to do while you wait.

Happy boundary-setting folks!!!

Karen